On my way...I hope

Good morning. Today is the first day of my new healthy eating go to the gym thingy. Its almost 1:00 and I'm doing pretty good as far as the eating thing goes. I'm not at all excited to go to the gym but I have to go or I have to do all the dishes tonight. I really hope that I can get back into going to the gym but I'm afraid that when Rob starts his new job next week our schedules won't allow me to go at the time I like to go. Things at work have been really difficult since Friday when I had it out with my boss. Feels like everyone here is walking on eggshells. I guess a lot of it is my fault because as you know I work for my mom and I guess that a big part of me really doesn't want to be here anymore. I really just want to go be home with Brandon. Don't get me wrong I don't think I could ever actually be a stay at home mom because I would be bored out of my mind but I really wouldn't mind working only 3 days a week. I guess between that and some other general work frustrations I haven't been the most fun person to work with. To be perfectly honest though I don't think any of us here in the office have been in the best spirits. There are so many difficult things going on here and so many things between my mom and I that it really just interferes with my work. Friday we got into a huge argument because she misunderstood a lot of things I said and made a lot of assumptions and it just exploded from there. I finally said a lot of things I had been trying to say for so long and that just added fuel to the fire. I don't know what I was supposed to do though. I go on being silent for so long because no matter what I say it somehow causes bigger problems that it is just easier for me to suffer in silence.

I've been really thinking strongly about having a second child and no matter what worries I have, the biggest worry I have is that I can't handle bringing a second child to work. It's already so hard to do with one I can't imagine bringing another one here. Yes! part of that is my fault because I refuse to put Brandon in day care but on the other hand thats my decision as a mom to make. I know its nice that they let me bring him here but they shouldn't remind me how nice it is every day. I feel like all day long all he hears is No, No , NO because he's always into something and it seems like everything here is stuff he can't touch. So now I'm left feeling like I can't have a second child because it wouldn't be fair to have two kids here. It is the worst feeling in the world to be 25 years old and have your parents control every single decision you make because you work for them. I can't leave because of insurance. I can't leave because I would have to put Brandon in day care. I can't leave because it would screw them because no one else here seems to do work like I do. I've left in the past and it turns into such a disaster at work and in the family. The biggest thing is that I don't want to deprive Brandon of his family because if I left that is what would happen, they would quit speaking to me. I just don't know what to do with myself. A lot of my diet troubles stem from my work issues and everything going on here. I just don't know what to do with myself here.