When dad cooks dinner

Spam and rice.


And he ate every bite!

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth

So, you may remember me telling you I went snowboarding and tried to drink a Guinness but couldn't. Well, that isn't exactly the whole truth. My husband would like me to tell you the whole truth about that little incident.

We get to the lodge (if you could call the little shack a lodge) and head for the snack bar. Right away we notice a very large selection of beer and that was it. No liquor, no fruity fun girl drinks nothing. Not even a Mikes Hard Lemonade. I look at my husband and say, "which of these taste the least like beer?" He replies with, "I've heard Guinness taste like coffee." Okay fine, one Guinness and one snickers please. (I didn't have Brandon for two days dammit I was eating some peanuts. We walk outside, I take a drink and make a look like......hmmm, similar to a face I imagine some one would make if they licked a dogs asshole. A dogs asshole that had dingle berries!

My husband laughs at me and I mention that I wish they had Blue Moon because I heard it is orangey and then I could stick some orange slice in it. His reply was that he heard people put orange in Fat Tire too. I look up and spy some honey inside. I tell Rob I'm going to go stick honey in my Guinness. He looks at me like I'm bonkers and goes to sit. I walk in, pick up the honey bear and proceed to spend about two minutes trying to make the last 1/4 inch of honey drip into my Guinness. Thats when I hear, "Is that girl seriously trying to put honey in there?" "Yeah she is, what an idiot."

Grrrrr.

I look up and I see an orange. Okay, fine I'm buying that orange and the Fat Tire and starting over. Next thing Rob knows here comes his wife with a Guinness, an orange, a half eaten Snickers and a Fat Tire. At this point he really wants to get up on the mountain since we had waited for his cousin for ever so he just looks at me like I'm fucking nuts. I proceed to peel my orange and begin cramming pieces of it in both beers. Dammit one of these fuckers is going to taste good.

Only.

No one told me orange would make the fucking beer fizz out of the goddamn jar. So here I am beer fizzing and dripping everywhere when my husband is like HEY ASSHOLE THERE ARE PEOPLE WALKING BELOW YOU! I look down and sure as shit I'm dripping beer all over people. I take a taste of the Fat Tire and proceed to start gagging. I go to vomit only I realize that if I do I would be vomiting on the people below me. So I swallow it back down and shove both beers at my husband. He basically tells me to take it like a fucking man, grow some balls and drink that shit. My response?

I dumped those fuckers in the trash, finished my Snickers and went shredding on the hill! So, now you know I DON'T DRINK BEER, NOT EVER, NEVER NO!

What my kid was doing while I was busy taking pictures of Katie's kid

The weekend Shannon went all out

I'm supposed to be home doing dishes right now, but my mom wants me to write about my weekend so fine, here....I'll fuss with dishes later.

This weekend in an attempt to start weening Codi I asked my parents to watch the boys all of Saturday and Sunday so Codi could go a while with out mah boobies near him.

Saturday morning Rob and I woke up and had plans to go snowboarding. We headed up to this little hill that his cousin wanted to go too. Her and her husband were beginners so they wanted to go somewhere cheap and simple while they learned. I hadn't been in over 5 years so EASY sounded great to me. We arrived at the hill and went up to the bar to get a drink. I always love to have one hot cocoa and peppermint schnapps before I go...it makes landing on your head hurt less. Only this place was so small they didn't have liquor only beer. Rob informed me that Guinness taste like coffee so I grabbed one. 3 drinks into it I started gagging and had to throw it away because I CAN'T DRINK BEER IT TASTE LIKE SHIT. We headed up the hill and I warned everyone that there was a very very VERY good chance I would wreck getting off the lift. My heart started palpitating as we neared the end of the lift taking us to the top of the bunny hill, THUMP THUMP THUMP and then.....I made it off and didn't fall. My husbands cousin and her husband didn't do as well though. About an hour later we made it down the first hill. Okay really it took about 20 minutes because Robs cousin thought it was faster to fall down the hill then to actually snowboard down. We went back up, again they wrecked getting off and this time her husband actually totally kicked ass down the hill....she decided to unstrap and walk down so we headed off to the bigger hill.

The bigger hill was pretty fun. At one point I said, "look babe I'm totally shredding down the hill." Rob looked at me and said, "carving babe, you're carving, snowboarders don't shred." Whatever I WASN'T falling which was all that matters. Don't let me fool you. At one point we decided to try and find a rock for the guys to jump off of. Thinking I could get there faster I went into the taped off area. Yes, that is taped off for a damn reason. The snow was nothing but powder. 10 FEET DEEP POWDER. Before I knew it my board was sinking and I wrecked. Only when I put my arms down to push up I sunk into the snow up to my shoulders. I took me almost 5 minutes to dig out, shimmy over some, dig out again, shimmy, dig, shimmy dig and then finally I was out. The next ride up the lift you could actually see the 5 or 6 holes I left in the snow. In my opinion it is pretty bad if you can see your wreck site from up on the lift.

Rob found the rock and did a great landing followed by a 3 roll tumble down the hill...which is when we think he lost his Ipod. I did a few more of my sink into the snow and eat shit rolls and Rob's cousins husband ate snow once followed by crashing so bad he lost his hat.

We came down the hill and decided to drive clear across town to try out a pizza place. We got totally stuffed and then we headed home and changed to go to Gingers house warming party. This is where it all went down hill. I had a few drinks and then before we knew it we decided to go to a club. Rob, April, her boyfriend and I called a cab and off we went to the club. I told you about that already.

Sunday rolled around and I ate a lot of ramen and crackers to feel better. I was so proud of myself that I wasn't the least bit sore from snow boarding. Codi came home and was dying to nurse. My boobs were begging to feed him so we compromised. I let him nurse for about 5 minutes before bed and then he slept from 9 until 3:30 which is a huge difference from waking every 2 hours. He is doing well so far sleeping with Brandon (yes I realize I just jinxed it). I let him nurse at 3:30 just to relieve my boobs, but I didn't let him fall asleep nursing. I made him fall asleep on his own. We are really trying here. It is an adjustment for both of us. Last night he woke up around midnight and I was able to rock him back to sleep. At 3 when he woke up again he fell asleep on his own but kept waking up. It was clear he was hungry. I let him nurse and he slept again until 7. Nursing at night is keeping my boobs from exploding and it's also helping the dry up time seem so much easier.

Anyway I went all out this weekend. Snowboarding, dinner with Rob, a party, and a club...damn I go big huh?

Aren't they beautiful

Observations and other nonsense

Brandons teacher commented on how he always smells so nice in the morning and how his teeth are always brushed and his clothes are always clean. Umm. Aren't all kids? Do people really take their kids to school in dirty clothes and unclean? Eww.

Weening my first child was easy. He was down to eating every six hours. Codi was eating every two hours needless to say after almost 48 hours of not nursing (I cheated once and nursed for about 4 minutes) my boobs fucking hurt. Fuck man this shit is bad. I'm like Dolly Parton over here. Good lord have mercy on my boobs. They are so big they are rising up and about to touch my chin. I'm filling out an E cup bra and it is about to bust at the seams.

Mine are bigger then this right now.

Codi is slowly testing some things out. Still nothing of quality but he is at least snacking and attempting to drink some milk from a cup (so what if it is strawberry flavor).

I feel like such a mom now. In my Iphone I have the following labels in my Ical: Personal, Work, Bills, KIDS. That's right I now have a label just for my children's appointments and reminders. I am 5 steps away from having one of those giant color coordinated calenders on my refrigerator with sticky notes and what not.

I am not 21 anymore. I can not stay out drinking until 3 am and expect to function the next day. Also....it hurts more when you puke after a night out like that.

Also...when you get that drunk please make someone keep you out of the bathroom so you don't tell anyone and everyone that "THIS is what happens to your boobs when you have kids." Ouch.

It is a bad idea to ask the pit boss of the casino you are partying at if she happens to have a breast pump you can borrow, while you gamble.

It is a worse idea to take someones cigarette from them and put it out on a table cloth.

It is an even worse idea to give someone as drunk as me a flaming dr pepper!

Can you see how this could be bad in the hands of ME!

I've moved on to full mom bag status. I now have a bag big enough to fit all of my stuff, my kids stuff, and even a kid if I wanted. In fact. I'm pretty sure I could put Codi in my new bag. (Note to self try that tonight with camera handy)

Codi is getting too smart. He just found my stash of donuts, grabbed the last one, took the wrapper and ran over and put it in the trash. What a tidy little boy. Well, tidy if you don't count the 300 toys scattered around my office right now.

Cute button up flannel shirts are a great way to hide a muffin top if you had one. Not saying I have one, but if I did I would probably wear a cute button up flannel shirt to work.

(the only known picture of April and I out the other night...I refuse to show you the other pictures of me and strangers because I don't look so hot)

And finally I present to you the text messages I sent to my cousin and Ginger.

To Ginger:
Wwreeeeee
Tacos qi
Fucmex up

To Lisa:
Weeeeeeeeee
Woowoo
plop
ntaox
snow
ya oeq
tacos
ta is
tacos
bens
beans
ok uejd
Ggvdnc
R
Vgennrnrns

SO! That just about sums up my night ehh? To answer your questions, no I never got the tacos I was so craving...I got a sandwich at home instead, that the next morning I discovered I had thrown all over the floor seconds before I crawled upstairs to puke.

My favorite part of the night was my husband pulling my hair back in a hair tie, rubbing my back, bringing me a blankie and informing me my boobs were leaking...and never once did he gag as I puked up sammich and pizza!

Note to self

Pay better attention when your kid is being quiet!

IT'S BAAAAACK

I just turned on Noggin to hear the Boinga song. Noooooo please tell me this isn't back. If you want to hear the Boinga song and entertain your baby for hours go to you tube and type in BOINGA. You will thank me later when you are Boingaing in your sleep!

What would I eat

Breakfast: One perfect piece of toast. One toasted NYC everything bagel with extra lots of cream cheese. A Venti Raspberry vanilla latte from Peet's WITH ALL THE FAT! Biscuits and gravy (no sausage) and Five scones from Bread and Ink in Oregon. Clementine oranges. One more bagel. My breakfast potatoes.

Lunch: One perfect egg salad sandwich on brand new fresh Wonder Bread. Two Jimboys bean tacos. Dark chocolate caramel fredo from Peets. A whole can of Fritos jalapeno cheddar sauce and a bag of blue corn chips. Watermelon. Seven slices of NYC pizza. An avocado. A soy bacon BLT on Wonder bread with extra mayo.

Dinner: A Capresé salad from here. Basil Parmesan mashed potatoes from Dolcé. A very large bowl of Oriental flavored ramen. Cous Cous with butter and Parmesan. The chef salad from the Sandwich Board, sans meat. An artichoke as big as my head. A giant loaf of fresh baked bread. Pesto gnocchi. Spinach artichoke dip as an appetizer. My home made pico de gallo with avocado with chips.

Desert: Chocolate cake with chocolate ganaché. Two scoops of Love Potion #39 from Baskin Robbins. Petite fours. Good amaretto on the rocks. One large bar of Scharffen Berger chocolate. Fresh brownie ends. Chocolate fondu. Six S'mores.

So. That is all I can come up with for now. I am now pretty fucking starving. I'm going to go eat...nothing, cuz I have none of the above at my house.

(The biscuits & gravy from Bread and Ink: Biscuits and Gravy - A fresh baked Biscuit smothered with vegetarian Herb Gravy, Italian Sausage and Tillamook Cheddar Cheese. Served with two Eggs any style. 8.50)

What would you do

Tomorrow morning when you wake up you will discover that the FDA has discovered a new way of eating. All of the world will survive on nothing but pills. We will gain all nutrition from that. You have. You have one day left of eating real normal food. What do you pick?

I will answer this all for you too. So far, as silly as it seems I know two things. One, I would have to have some sort of Everything bagel toasted with extra plain cream cheese from the bagel store down the street from me. Scratch that, I would fly to NYC for an everything bagel and extra plain cream cheese! Also...I would need some sort of potato...preferably a large one...with cheese and chives and sour cream.

I will work on my final list tonight and give you my final meal tomorrow. But how about you. Please tell me, if today was your last day to eat what would you eat for your final, Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and of course Dessert?

P.S. for this one day you have UNLIMITED stomach capacity!

P.S.

Last night was Brandon's turn to take home Curious the Crocodile, which is their pet mascot in class. He had rules, Curious could not take a bath, because if he got wet he would "grow bigger then your house and get mean," and he could not eat people food. We were given a binder that was Curious' journal and told to fill it out with what we did. We took tons of pictures of Curious, glued them on all cute wrote some funny stuff and then Brandon wrote his name and drew some pictures. Two of the photos were of Curious helping bake cookies. I figured, since he helped make them we should take them to school today. When Rob picked up Brandon the teacher told him that she was thrilled with our page in the book. That it was exactly what she hoped parents would do (other pages just had some scribbles and a short entry that wasn't very exciting but we had pictures and cookies.) She then proceeded to tell Rob that in her opinion we were parents of the year for how involved we were and for bringing the cookies as an interaction for Brandons share time with Curious.

HA!!! SOMETIMES IT PAYS TO BE A BROWN NOSER.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't immediately think "I TOTALLY WIN AT THIS DAYCARE SHIT!!!"

Wam Bam Thank you Ma'am

I went to my annual girl appointment today. I'm going to warn you in advance this post is going to get a little..."ooogy" if you're a boy.

The first thing we talked about was how my period started on the 2nd of January and continued heavily for about 8 days, followed by 11 days of spotting. This is normal for me lately. Heavy periods are normal for me due to my stage four endometriosis. When I say heavy I mean, the kinda heavy where I got overwhelmingly excited to learn that Always had come out with a new super duper ultra mega bad mamajama absorbent pad. Not just heavy, but heavy with a side of golf ball size blood clots and cramps that make you think it might be more fun to stab a knife in your boobs repeatedly then deal with that shit. I've actually had three surgeries for the endometriosis. Each time the scar tissue is worse, my uterus is worse and well, generally everything is worse. After the problems with my last pregnancy I obviously knew things were going to go from bad to worse. Along with the spotting and cramping, I've been having another type of cramping, a "something bads going on down there" cramping. I explained to my midwife about this and her response was, "Shannon you were bleeding for 19 days and you didn't think to call us?" I replied with, "well I just figured this was normal for all of my problems."

Next she did my exam and declared my uterus, "rock hard." Before I knew it I was being set up for a consult with my doctor to have my uterus removed. Not the whole shebang, I'm too young to deal with hormones, just the uterus. I'm actually fine with this. My tubes are tied, and there is only so many yearly abdominal surgeries a person can take, and hey no more periods forever SIGN ME RIGHT UP HUH?

Next up we chatted about Codi and his whole NOT EVER GOING TO WEEN THING. She told me that my best bet with him is going to be going cold turkey on the nursing. She also advised me that after a year breast milk alone with no food is not enough to sustain him so to hurry my ass up with the weening.

Finally we rolled around to discussing ME! She asked how I was, and I gave her honest answers. I'm a short fuse, a fire cracker, a ball of anger, or tears, or sadness, but mostly anger. We talked about how easily I snap and over react, or yell or....grab a couple of Tylenol PM's to get away from it all. She asked me if I would be willing to try Zoloft. She said it is the most researched as far as breastfeeding plus as a bonus it usually helps with vertigo. Oh and IT MIGHT DECREASE MY APPETITE. Shit, if this pill was covered in chocolate I might marry it. Long story short my husband is picking up my prescription right now.

I'm happy getting the prescription from her. I have appointments with three psychiatrists, but what makes me the most comfortable is that Mary (the midwife) has known me for over 12 years now and she knows me so well. She was the first person to suggest drugs to me, and through the years has always given me other remedies be it herbal or mental to help with my anxiety and general craziness. In the end I'd rather get medicine from someone I trust as much as her then from some person I just met.

So. Here is to hoping things get better. Hopefully I'm still funny on the drugs (I'm funny right?) But most of all I just hope I'm happy, and, less of a jerk. Because seriously you should ask my husband about the fight I started over fish sauce...The fact that he hasn't run away screaming yet speaks volumes because....I be a lunatic y'all!

I may be a sucker but I'm a sucker who follows through

My kid suckered me into baking cookies tonight by challenging whether or not I even knew how to cook em!

NOTE TO SELF DO NOT LET CHILD TURN ON THE KITCHENAID!

OR ELSE!!!

(If you are wondering why he is wearing two different pairs of jammies it is because today was pajama day at school so he actually wore one pair to school, and then one pair after his bath. The cookies had to refrigerate while he took a bath)

This is Curious the Crocodile. It is their class mascot and tonight was Brandon's night to take him home. So far Curious has played games, played trains, watched Brandon take a bath, help bake cookies and taking a flying leap down the stairs.

They turned out so big and fluffy

You must dunk your cookies in some nilk

(Yes papa, we will bring you some cookies to work tomorrow!)

Too fucking smart

Brandon: mom you don't know how to make cookies do you

Me: sure I do

Brandon: then make me some cookies mom

DAMMIT. Walked right into that.

Sent from my iPhone

Hope

Today is a good day. I have hope!

I'm going to spend a good portion of my lunch break calling doctors until I find one who can see me quick, like yesterday! Time to nip this in the bud before it gets worse. Who am I kidding it is worse, so I guess um time to fix it before it gets impossible.

In other news the other day at work my dad has both boys and they are in the back of the office where the playroom is just screwing around. Suddenly I hear my dad coming down the hall saying:
"I didn't do it"
"I didn't do it"
"Remember I didn't do it"

And then.....

Sigh. So I ask Brandon who drew on his face. His reply was obviously CODI! Finally he admitted he himself had done it. So I ask who colored on Codi's face and papa says "Brandon." But Brandon says "Noooo papa color on Codi's face."

Who do you think I believe...yes, the three year old!

Update

Slow churn Thin Mint ice cream and wine don't taste good together!

Also, it makes me soo sad that Codi is getting to big to fit in his baby towels. Fucking kids, why do they grow up so fast?

Also, I'm tying to change my music weekly so give me feedback. Do you like the tunes I'm playing, do you have suggestions, anything special you would like to hear?

Trying something different

I had plans for today. Switch around the boys rooms, clean the house and go to the park. It all happened even if Codi and I didn't get to go to the park. As you can see, Codi is trying out his new sleeping digs. We will see how this works.

Codis room got moved around. We got rid of his crib (which is now for sale), put in Brandon's old twin bed and made it all cutesy. While I call it Codi's room it is really my guest room for single people.

I made some great Tilapia this weekend. If you want the recipe you can find it here.

I spent the weekend shopping. My cousin let me know about some great sales. I came home with 2 GIANT slabs of pork spare ribs and two tri tips for $40.00. I had to trim the tri tip myself which was good because I was able to leave a lot of fat on for flavor. I know a lot of people are afraid of fat on meat, I'm not because I happen to know it adds flavor during cooking and DUH!!!! You can always cut it off later.

I called my insurance company after my last post and found out there is some sort of glitch in their online system and there are in fact about 20 doctors here in Reno who I can see. I found one I was very interested in seeing. I called left a message and received a call back only to be told he is not accepting patients for therapy. Well what the fuck do you accept patients for? I have a list of doctors to call now. I do not want a woman and I don't want to drive far which greatly decreases my list.

I'm becoming worse. It is obvious now. I'm unhappy. I'm short. I don't give a shit what I'm eating. I'm just not happy. I really hope I can get in with someone soon and get this shit under control because living in my head is getting hard. Currently my house is clean, I have no laundry, no dishes, no clutter nothing (thanks to me and my awesomeness today) and yet I feel overwhelmed, crushed, under pressure and anxious. Sigh!

My husband pushed every fucking button today and currently the thought of being nice to him sounds as appealing as stabbing my toe with needles.

I'm watching a cake show now and I'm wondering why don't I have cake under my bowl of ice cream?

I'm currently in search of a bag. When I was in Vegas I found a bag that I thought I liked. I left it at the store. After a series of events the bag is being sent to me. The problem is, I have found a bag I love more, that is Lucky (I can't find a fucking photo online) that I know I would keep longer. I need a bag. A BIG bag. I need something that keeps everything in one place. I need this because this past month I've lost, shot records, insurance cards, grocery bags, and other important things, like CHECKS AND GIFT CARDS!

I find it amusing that I really don't blog on weekends anymore. When I started this whole thing I used to blog every day. I was worried that if I didn't I would lose readers. Now I'm smart enough to know that I'm good enough to miss a few days and y'all will come back. I also know that Google reader makes it hard for you to forget me. But hey, click my page from your google reader y'all and see new things I've done.

Oh, did I mention, my new page is almost done. Actually, it's done, it works but it is being tweaked. It is beautiful though and one day, you'll click on this page, expect to see this page but you will see my new page with my fancy new link.

Okay well, I've got ice cream to eat and wine to drink and TV to watch because I have done a lot of shit today and I deserve some indulgences!

Brown butter Gnocchi with spinach and pine nuts

Recipe is here

One of those days

I just spent a good 3 minutes in the kitchen at work freaking out because I couldn't remember if my lunch took a minute and a half to microwave or if it was 90 seconds. Yes. It is that kind of day.

Codi has only had two doses of iron but already he is presenting me with some AWESOME black tar diapers, I'm sure he will never do it for Rob though because that's just my luck.

I hate the new year at work. I am posting invoices and half are 2008 the other half 2009. That means that when I'm in 08 and then get an 09 invoice if I don't' think first I'll post it as 01.08.08. Which will then produce A YEARS WORTH OF FINANCE CHARGES FOR A CUSTOMER.

To top it all off, I just pulled up the provider list for my insurance. There is not ONE SINGLE psychiatrist covered on my insurance with in 50 miles of me.

Great day.

Today

Monday we had Codi's evaluation for the whole REFUSING TO EAT INCEDENT. I had prepared myself for the worst. Surely there would be something wrong with my kid. Which, I suppose would be good because then he would be approved for treatment. When we arrived I realized that I did not have my insurance card, which means some doctors office somewhere does. I find that highly irritating because they clearly know they have it and haven't mailed it back. Jerks. I called Rob and had him give me all of the info off his card and filled out the other 100 papers.

Finally two ladies came back and got Codi and me. We went into a room with the cutest wee little table and chairs and sat down on the floor. One lady told me she would concentrate on asking me stuff, while the other lady worked with Codi. Codi walked over to a chair, pulled it out, climbed up and sat down at the table. The lady followed his cue and pulled out her arsenal of things. I answered my questions as best as I could with out being to obvious that I was watching Codi's every move. Suddenly the lady working with Codi stopped and gave the lady talking to me a look and the evaluation was over. The two ladies informed me that Codi was actually advanced for his age, and because of this they couldn’t continue the evaluation and he was not eligible to work with their food people or nutritionists. Their answer to everything was to wean. They said he eats too often to ever actually feel hunger. To start doing longer stretches between feedings and then to eventually drop feeding him for lunch. They also suggested putting him and Brandon in bed together so that Codi would still feel like he was with someone with out smelling breast milk. That was the end of that.

This weekend Rob and I plan to take the queen size guest bed out of Codi’s room and move it into Brandons room. Then put Brandons cute twin bed in Codi’s room. We are also going to move the train set and toy box into Codi’s room, in essence creating a sleeping room and a toy room. I do plan to purchase Brandon’s bedding in queen size so his room stays with it’s theme and he doesn’t feel like he is losing his special bed. The upside is, the bed they are getting is stupidly comfortable.

I took Codi to the doctor today to follow up on his blood work and talk about his cold that won’t go away. Turns out little dude is anemic. Great. I talked to the doctor about weaning and he said he absolutely agrees but to wait to fully skip a meal until he is no longer sick. He did love my idea about extending the amount of time between feedings giving him a chance to be hungry. At the end of our talk I asked him personally about medication I could take for my “crazy.” He said that there is actually a lot I can take and he was realllllly sorry his nurse had told me no so many times. His advice was for me to start seeing someone and find out what medicine they are interested in giving me, then call him personally and he will say yes or no, and make suggestions from there. He also said that it was a great idea to start now because some of the medications will decrease my breast milk, which will help with the weaning.

So. That is where I stand now. I need to find a doctor and start the road to a new life. I’m exciting at the possibility of this all finally happening. I spent over an hour crying to my husband on the couch the other day about EVERYTHING. Seriously I probably talked to him about 20 different things. Between him, and my friends I know that we have all come to a consensus that SHANNON NEEDS HELPS.

Also between talking to Rob and talking to Ginger it is very very clear that I never came out of the last funk. I thought I did but I realize now that I just kind of shoved it down and hoped it would go away. Bottling things up seems to have made them MUCH WORSE.

My hopes are, that talking to someone and getting medicine will finally help this all go away.

Here’s to hoping right?

Come out come out wherever you are

It is delurking day! Yay. So stop by, leave me a comment let me know you are here and I'll come by and repay the favor!

Idiot proof

The other night I went to Babies R Us with Katie. While shopping I noticed the Nuby Sippy cups I had been wanting to try out for Codi. Tossed some in the cart, grabbed some apple juice and other "necessary" items and off we went. 20 minutes later I finally left the parking lot. Why? Because that is how long it took me to open the goddamn fucking packing on the new slut cups. Seriously. I tried everything. I tried chewing through it. Sawing the plastic with my keys. Prying it with my fingers (hello paper cut thanks for that). NOTHING. Finally I bent one of the little handles and that bitch popped out. I was so fucking mad. The whole time I was fussing with it I was on the phone with my mom who clearly thought I was in some sort of bad mood. Which, I WAS BECAUSE HELLO THEY ADULT PROOFED MY FUCKING SIPPY CUP. You know, I get child proofing things, but seriously what is the fucking point of adult proofing shit? I mean, really how much can an adult woman injure herself with a goddamn cup?

In other news I'm baby sitting Katies baby Dylan until April. he is a good baby. Like a really good baby. The only time he ever cries is when he is hungry. And then, whoah, he's a good cryer, tears and all but we barely even see him cry since we have this whole breast milk thawing thing down to a science. We keep water boiling on low and then pour it over the milk baggie in a bowl and about 14 seconds later we have a bottle. Since Dylan wakes up all smiley we usually have plenty of time to make a bottle before he even gets mildly annoyed. Anyway the point is, today I'm home with both of them instead of at work. Why? Because Codi is still being a fucking demon spawn and cries if he can't see me, or if the wind blows wrong. Well today they are in a farting competition. Every ten seconds one of them farts. Codi is adding some flair by doing a squat fart or a kick fart. Either way it stinks and someone bring me a gas mask k! Did I mention that Katies child is a tank? He can go through 20 oz of milk from 11am until 4pm AND STILL BE HUNGRY. We call him tank, or moose. Y'all his thighs are almost as big as mine. I have been watching him for 3 weeks now and I am still not exactly sure how many thigh rolls he has. Either way he is really good and I love watching him...minus the farting part.

(Dylan looks this happy ALL THE TIME PEOPLE)

Oh and then there is this. This is portraits of a SUCKER!

Normally Brandon eats hot lunch at school. This is because his first teacher suggested doing what other kids did so he didn't feel left out. Only, now at his new school all the kids pack lunch. So, this week we have been packing lunch. My mom said she was running to Walmart and asked if I needed anything. I asked for some Strawberries for Brandons lunch. She came home with this.

Yes. Those are tiny bags of tiny marshmallows. They come in regular, strawberry or chocolate. And yes those are tiny bags of Dora cookies and I swear don't even get me started on the fruit roll ups and scooby snacks. This is a dieters nightmare, which I assume is why she came home with 100 calorie packs for me too. She said that Papa and Brandon got a little crazy in the snack isle. A LITTLE CRAZY, MY GOD THEY BOUGHT THE WHOLE DAMN STORE! Can't take those two anywhere, and my mom totally lets them get away with it too!

I for see a lot of fighting going on at lunch time now. I mean seriously, imagine being the kid whose mom packed some shitty sandwich and chips and then looking over into Brandon's lunch box. Today he had organic Bernie O's in his little crayola thermos. Organic milk in his favorite cup. Organic string cheese. Gogurt in cotton candy blue flavor (can't all be organic right). Mini chocolate marshmallows and fresh cut strawberries. This week he has had spaghetti, mini pancakes with syrup for dipping, sliced cheeses, etc. I am dreading the first time some kid sees Dora cookies in Brandon's lunch box and tries to trade him for shitty carrot sticks or something.

And finally. This weeks theme at school was dental hygiene. So for show and tell Brandon brough each of his friends two of his favorite flossers. Pink and orange for girls and blue and green for boys, all bagged up pretty. My mom and him bought and bagged these last night while I stayed home dealing with the SCREAM MONSTER!

I'm very tired because Codi didn't go to bed until 3:20 this morning. Then at 3:27 my goddamn cell phone rang. They left a message that consisted of dead air. I made Rob go get my phone because Codi had just passed out on me. He got it and I was so fucking mad to find out I didn't know who it was and their message was fake. Dude, if you are going to call me at 3:30 in the fucking morning you better be dying or well, DYING! Codi woke up every half hour after that so I'm tired and this post is probably full of grammatical errors.

P.S. while I was typing this Dylan blew out his diaper and pooped all the way up to his armpits (serious) and all over his clothes! That's what I get for saying how good he was.

We're having chicken for dinner

I just posted a couple great chicken recipes over on the food blog. Hop on over and see!

Looking for a few good Girl Scouts

So I'm still here. I'm done dying. I'm just, ummm, kinda flopping around like a fish out of water but definitely not dying. I went to the doctor finally for some drugs and it went like this.

Doctor: Okay so you are wheezing, have a terrible cough and for sure need some antibiotics. So here have some Augmentin.
Me: Okay
Doctor: How about some cough syrup with Codine? Nope never mind your nursing. How about something for your vertigo, let me check.
(Checks THREE different drugs and finds that no I can't take fucking any of them)
Doctor: Wow that is pretty sad, life sucks for you right now. Hmmm, I can't even give you an inhaler for the wheezing. This is terrible. First you have to be pregnant and now your nursing which makes you stuck being able to take nothing.
Me: Yeah tell me about it huh.
Doctor: Okay aha this pill says it is safe, but it has a very low rate of working for vertigo, but it's only $4.00 so why the hell not try it.
Me: Sounds promising thanks!

I came back to work only to find out Codi has what I had. Since he is a boy that obviously means he is the most whining, sad, angry, MAN about this whole thing. Seriously, I can see the Rob coming out in him with this one, because y'all my husband realllly goes all out when he is sick with the whining. If Codi keeps it up I will need to call the whambulance soon.

In other news I'm doing great with my fitness and diet goals already this year. However, I'm smart enough to ask in advance WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL THE GIRLSCOUTS! Seriously. What happened to the days when girls would come knock on your door and sell cookies. None of my employees have kids either. Okay not true, one has like 17 kids but his wife is too lazy to do something like put her kids in Girl Scouts, which means I HAVE TO SUFFER PEOPLE AND I GET NO COOKIES!

So. My dear readers do any of you have girls selling cookies? If so I will totally paypal you some money for them. I need about 6 boxes of Thin Mints (seriously I freeze them) and then some of the other new fangled kinds. I swear if you guys tell me that none of you are selling cookies, well I'm going to kick some ass. I sooo don't have the patience to wait for them to be on sale outside the store this year. Plus last year they totally put two different troops outside. One when you walked in and one when you walked out. Which meant you either had to buy from each of them or disappoint two groups of girls. I got suckered a lot last year.

Also totally unrelated. The other night at about 3am Codi woke up and projectile vomited in my bed. Rob changed the sheets while I changed Codi and took his temperature. Later, we got back in bed. Rob had put my 600 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets on. He leans over and says, "I kind of liked the flannel ones, they were warm." SO, I know my kid was sick and all but at that moment I swear all I was thinking was "I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO I WIN I WIN YOU LIKE MY SHEETS SUCK IT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WAS RIGHT NEENER NEENER YOU LOVE MY SHEETS." What I replied was, "I know they are nice huh." But I swear my head was screaming the whole time that I HAD WON! The next day he went so far as to text me to ask if I had washed the sheets because he "missed" the flannel ones! There might have been an I win dance when I received that text!

So to sum up. I'm still sick, my child has morphed into a whiney sick monster demon spawn, I would like to order Girl Scout cookies from anyone ordering them, and I WIN!

*I realize it is not yet Girl Scout season, I'm just putting in my request in advance.

Budget friendly cooking

I posted some great tips for budget friendly cooking along with a recipe over on the tasty blog. Check it out. Last nights stuffed shells recipe was part of this weeks meals that make more then one! Here is the link.

To clarify for Angie

Angie and I were chatting tonight and I feel the need to clarify. I don't swallow the shit I cough up simply because I'm to much of a lady to hock a loogie I REALLY REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW. I physically can not do it. Instead I make a weird gagging choking noise and then swallow the junk in defeat. I assume, it is because I was too much of a lady back in the day to figure it out. Either way it drives me goddamn bonkers!

Hungry?

Sausage stuffed shells

Vegetarian spinach stuffed shells

Still here...still dying

I just arrived back from an over night trip to San Francisco. It was supposed to be a two night trip however we left a day late due to the DYING THING! Our plan was to leave yesterday at 8am. So, at 8am I rolled out of bed. At 8:01 am I rolled back into bed and pretended I was not awake. I finally dragged my ass downstairs. I came down and laid down next to Rob on the couch whining. He informed me it was time to get ready. So I marched right upstairs and got back in bed. Rob = not impressed. I laid there while he packed and then after her gave me a look that said, "get your shit together now woman" I got up, snuck into the guest bedroom and got in that bed!

After 10am we finally left.

I spent most of the time in San Francisco laying on the futon pouting about my terrible vertigo, and gagging. Every time I cough it makes me want to puke. The vertigo feels similar to being drunk off vodka. Because being drunk off vodka is much different then, say, wine. It feels kind of like I'm a ticking crash bomb waiting to happen. Meaning at any second I'm going to crash into a wall, or a chair, or....a Christmas tree.

I also spent a good amount of time fixated on one a half hairs I forgot to shave. Not just this once either, I've obviously forgotten to shave these bad boys for a good month or so. One of them I must have half shaved about 3 weeks ago because it is just a weeeee bit shorter. SEE! FIXATED.

This morning I woke up and remembered that I can't hock a loogie. Which is all fine because I am a lady y'all. However, when I'm sick, and I wake up and cough up some shit because I'm such a lady I have no choice but to swallow it because home girl don't know how to hack that shit up! Instead, I cough and cough some more, till I choke on it. Then, of course I swallow it and then get a look on my face like....well, like someone who just swallowed a fucking loogie!

We drove home and in an effort to keep Rob awake we played taboo from my cellphone. It was a lot of me saying, "okay babe it's like that thing, that's, you know (insert hand gesture here)." Which led him to say, "I'm driving I can't see you." So obviously I would just shove my hands closer into his face and say "LIKE THIS!"

Describing Dennis Rodman (can't say basketball, his team name, nose ring or...something else)
Me: He's that gay bouncyball player who was married to Carmen Electra
Rob: Bouncy ball?
Me: Yes
Rob: Who was married to her, he's gay?
Me: Well he's something, but he ain't straight...he's ummm, got one of these (points to nose ring)
Rob: Oh oh oh um uh ooo ooo ooo
Me: Umm, it is like your name with a "D"
Rob: Dod, dod, dob, bod,
Me: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW
Rob: oooooo Rod
Me: Yeah and your another word for a guy
Rob: Rodman Rodman yeah RODMAN shit whats his name
Me: It's like your Uncle
Rob: (names every uncle but the one named Dennis)
Me: Are you really fucking serious?
Rob: OOooo Dennis Rodman...oh yeah he is sooo not straight.
Me: That took to long.

Or, describing "Special Olympics"

Me: OO OO IT'S SOMETHING YOU COULD DO
Rob: Be amazing
Rob: Be awesome
Rob: Be the best
Me: NO Umm, there's these five little ring things
Rob: I soooo could not be in the Olympics
Me: You could be in this kind
Me: You know, think, like important
Rob: THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS...THAT'S NOT NICE!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Anyway we are home now. I'm still dying. To make things better I'm also on my period. So I'm dying and hemorrhaging all at once. I feel like I have a mixture of the flu with a side of DEATH ON TOAST. I said that this morning while eating Robs aunts pancakes and she asked me if that meant I wanted toast?

Did I tell y'all that I puked on myself the other night? Yeah. I was peeing and realized I had to pee. I reached over and grabbed the trash but I vomited so much and so fast I puked more on myself then in the trash. All over my clean new pants, my socks, the toilet mat, the floor, the toilet, the cabinets and the trash. Can you believe I missed that bad? It was so embarrassing. I went into the bathroom fully clothed and came walking out in nothing but my underwear and shirt. Rob probably thought I shit myself or something. I told him later how I puked on myself and he said he's never done that, he usually turns around and just pukes in the toilet. I almost died. Could you imagine, you just went potty, then you turn around and puke and the potty water splashes out on you? OH HELL NO! Especially because I know men only sit when they poop. Oh yeah I'm going to make myself sick in a minute.

Needless to say this week has not been good. Also I don't know how many more times I can go potty without Rob figuring out that I might be (pooping). He asked me the other day if I was and I replied " I WILL SO NEVER EVER EVER TALK TO YOU ABOUT POOPING!

So, if my husband asks I'm just going pee a lot okay!

The stroller that is no more

Forgive me for my lack of posting. I'm stuck at home sick, with a whining sick husband, a sick toddler and a destructive one year old. With out further ado I present the story of the stroller that is no more.

I have a lot of strollers. My favorite stroller is my Jeep jogging stroller. However, it is a little bulky for my trunk so I purchased one of those junky umbrella strollers because it was the smallest thing I could put in my car. That broke so I went looking for something else. I bought this Baby Trend. It folded small, had trays and a nice compartment under it. I used it for a long time. After Codi was born I decided to look for something small that would fit in Robs Honda trunk. I purchased this Graco (in brown). That stroller was the worst ever. The seat didn't sit up all the way and the wheels kept locking up. I received a free cheap umbrella stroller and we used that instead. I had always wanted a double stroller but for one reason or another I didn't buy one. I would tell myself, "I made it this far with out one I don't need it." Of course then I would encounter another moment where I found myself cursing my idiot self for not buying the fucking stroller. Once I went to the store and had it in the cart and everything but couldn't do it because I thought it was too much money to spend on a stroller that I probably would never use anyway. That very night I found myself at Hot August Nights with two kids and only one stroller. Like always my three year old was crying that he was tired and he wanted in the stroller. How about the time I found myself on a walk around the mountain with Codi in the stroller and Brandon tired and whining to get in. He wanted in so bad in fact that the poor little guy ended up trying to climb in the little basket underneath and ride down the hill. In the end Ginger had to tempt him with a race to get him down the hill with out screaming. Again, I stood there kicking myself for not buying a double stroller, alas, I stuck with my cheap ones and told myself I would definitely not need one after this.

A few weeks ago my mom, a friend and I went to Scheels to do some shopping. We took Robs car which meant we were stuck with the shitty umbrella stroller. Halfway through the shopping trip the stroller stopped working. The wheels wouldn't spin we were having to shove it across the floor etc. It was a pain. My mom and I decided I was going to throw it away as soon as I got home. It was a good stroller, it lasted a while but it was done. I threw it away and went out and bought a new $19.99 umbrella stroller. I came home and promptly got in trouble by my husband because we are supposed to discuss purchases with each other. The next day I returned it. Because I had written a check I was given a gift card, that Codi actually dumped out of my purse later that month along with a $100.00 check. I found it funny that after all that with Rob, we were still out the $20.00 anyway. This left us with my beloved Jeep stroller, the nice one that folded small but worked wonky, and the shitty Graco that both kids hated.

Last week when we decided to fly to Vegas I decided we needed two strollers since we would be walking the strip and what not. The Jeep one would be too big in the car so we took the two shitty ones. The second we arrived at the airport I knew this would be a problem as one of the strollers wouldn't move. We pushed on and continued anyway. The whole trip was a constant struggle. We found ourselves arguing over who had to push the shitty stroller, and the kids fought over who got to sit in the one that at least sat all the way up with out having to lay down.

Our second to last day there we went to the outlet malls. My dad got stuck pushing the shitty stroller with faulty wheels. He grumbled about it the entire time a lot of threatening to smash it into walls or just leave it. My mom had located an Old Navy cart with a kid seat and started pushing Brandon around in that. He loved it. I ran to one last store and everyone else waited for me at the top of the escalators. That was when Rob called me asking me why our stroller was left 30 feet away in a corner. I said, "well, my dad kept saying he was going to throw it away, he must have." I was thinking they were just joking around. Sure enough I came up the escalator and found the stroller discarded in a corner. Off they went, my son in the Old Navy cart and all of our bags piled up in the cart portion of it. The next thing I know they had loaded the damn cart up in our rental car and decided they were going to take it home. They also decided they wanted to take it down on the strip with us later that night.

.....

No. I am not kidding, my mom wanted to push around an Old Navy cart on the Las Vegas strip. I explained firmly that I was not pushing my child around in that. They came up with various other ideas, painting it for my aunt to push her dogs in, flying it home to use in Reno, etc. Finally my dad said he wanted to buy a new stroller. I said okay and off we went to Babies R Us. I showed them the $19.99 umbrella stroller I had returned and they dismissed it. Before I knew it my dad was looking at double strollers. They had them all pulled out, they were pushing them and maneuvering them and so on. I showed them all the features of each one (I've done a lot of research on them) and before I knew it they decided we needed this stroller. They also decided they were going to build it right there in the store. The next thing I know they pried open the box dumped it out and wheels and parts went rolling everywhere. My dad and uncle McGyvered it together with a set of keys and a borrowed screw driver (not the right kind). We paid, rolled our new stroller out into the parking lot and were ready to go. Just one problem though.

There was a giant fucking OLD NAVY CART in our trunk. My mom did not want to get rid of it at all. She really wanted to keep it because "Brandon" liked riding in it. Sadly we drove away leaving her beloved cart in the Babies R Us parking lot. Both boys were thrilled with their new stroller. They loved sitting next to each other. I liked that I could recline only one side if only one kid slept. It maneuvers like a dream. I shit you not it steers amazingly. We got home and the very next day loaded it up to go to the mall. Brandon was thrilled to be able to go in the stroller too and not just watch Codi get wheeled around.

So that folks is the story of how my stroller got left in Vegas and I came home with this!

** Please note, the Old Navy shopping cart is not a cart like you would find at a grocery store. I've looked all over the internet for a picture of this thing. It has a cute child seat up front, similar to a stroller with a long basket in the back meant for tossing clothes in it. I'm going to keep searching for a picture of this damn thing though.

**UPDATE!!** Mandy (whose blog link won't work) sent me a picture of the cart my mom was trying to bring home with us, it is the one on the right. Can you imagine if the blog ended with me saying TADA THIS! IS MY NEW STROLLER!