Little girls are made of sugar, spice and rotting sewage

So I'm baby sitting a little girl. I believe she is about five. She just announced she had to go to the bathroom. A little while later Brandon has to go too. He goes in my bathroom and since he had to pooh I knew I needed to grab some baby wipes. I walk into Codis room right next to the bathroom and puked in my mouth. Thats right. The little girl had pooped so bad I threw up in my mouth IN MY MOUTH!!!! Then I walked out in the hall and it had traveled all the way to my kitchen. I ran in to spray the bathroom and puked again. IT WAS THAT BAD!

So I tell Rob. OMG girl just pooped worse then any of yours. He was like "for reals?" I was like "worse then yours and my dads combined. In fact it smells like rotting sewage mixed with rotting fish mixed with puke mixed with the dump combined with asshole". He was like, "wow, I'm impressed actually." I was like "yeah babe, if she was a guy, she would be sooooo much cooler then you!"

Because, you know, men judge how cool they are by how awful their shit smells, and how long their turds are.

Back to the sleepless nights

I was chatting with my cousin the other day about how my insomnia is coming back strong. I had insomnia for a good 10 years and I had started to finally get control of it (meaning I got a good 4-5 hours of undisturbed sleep as oppose to 2-3 of tossing and turning. I have tried Ambien and what not, and that just makes me feel stoned and philosophical, which is how most prescription drugs make me feel. She told me I need ed to stop stressing out so much at night. I busted out laughing, and realized that while I'm constantly stressed all day and my mind reals non stop at night, it goes at a different kind of non stop. You see at night, while I am up all night, I'm not thinking about bills, and work, and my kids. Noooo here are the things that run through an insomniacs mind.

Why is it Stephanie from Lazy Town is human but her uncle is plastic and really, why doesn't Little Bear wear clothes that is weird. And in the episode of Little Bear where they made duck soup by throwing a bunch of stuff in a bowl of water and letting the duck swim in it, how could they really want to eat it AFTER A DUCK SWAM IN IT! I didn't do crunchies tonight, I should for sure do them in the morning. But, the morning is my only time to relax for a while and crunchies really aren't relaxing. I'm very thirsty, but if I drink water I'll have to pee, wait, I already have to pee. Hmm do I get up and pee or just lay here and think about peeing. Okay I'll pee. Oh look, theres the closet, I really need to come up with a shoe organizing system. Why is the bathroom so scary at night? It isn't scary during the day, its a toilet, I mean IT'S A TOILET. Yeah but at night its a spooky toilet. He he it's cute when Brandon says spooky. Ugg I wish I could find comfortable pillows. I wish Rob didn't get so hot so I could have a feather duvet on our bed. You know this really isn't fair. We've gone like 5 years with his kind of blanket, shouldn't we go like 5 years with my kind of blanket. THATS IT tomorrow I'm buying a duvet. Ohhh probably not because that would involve money, and I don't spend money on me, especially because a new duvet would need a cover and then I would need matching sheets and pillow cases, and thats thousands of dollars. But I do need a new sheet. I wonder if Rob remembers the time he ripped my sheet. I remember. He was standing right there helping me make the bed when RIIIIIP he tugged to hard. I remember feeling like my heart ripped in half because that was a $250.00 Hotel Collection 600 thread count Egyptian cotton sheet. Why do I always have to say the whole brand and thread count when I talk about my sheets? What was I supposed to do Saturday. Ahhh nothing. Oh wait, no there was something. What was it? SHIT I FORGET. I should carry a planner around. Wait, I tried that. It was a fancy one too and it just sat in my purse. Okay well I'm going to start using my computer calender, if only I could figure out how to synch work and home computers. I wonder if I should paint my toenails this year. Do I even have toe nail polish? I used to have gallons and gallons of the stuff. I wish I knew how to put on make up. No, I look ridiculous in make up. I wonder if Rob would be mad if I put make up on Brandon and put his hair in pig tails. No I don't even have to wonder, he would probably throw me out and change the keys. I couldn't even sneak and do it either because I would have to take a picture of it, and then I would have to put it on my blog, and he reads my blog so that won't work. Speaking of my blog, I should really write a blog about something great. Now I just need something great and funny to happen to me. What was that really funny blog I was writing in my head this morning? Think Shannon, Think! You can do this. Dammit, it was a good one too! Boinga, boinga, boinga, everything is boinga, BOINGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This writers strike is lame. I want my shows back. I wish Top Chef was on like three times a week like Big Brother. It's lame that it isn't on that often. Man, I can't believe I used to weigh as much as the people on biggest loser. How did I not see it. It must be because I was so blinded by my fabulous smile. I don't understand why people can't just smile good for pictures. I have a great picture smile. I shouldn't tell people I think this because that sounds vein or whatever. And I'm not vein, because I hate most of myself, but my smile, every time I see it I want to say KACHINGA like that guy on Cars. Kachinga Kachinga pow pow look at my smile. OH man Shannon shut up your so annoying.


Annnnnnd that takes up about 20 minutes of my night. My cousin was laughing so hard when I told her this. She thought my insomnia was caused about worrying about important stuff. Clearly some of you don't understand insomnia!

I swear we are a very nutritional family