DEAR LISA- YOUR FIRED

DEAR LISA,
NEXT TIME I SEND YOU A MESSAGE THAT SAYS I'M FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF AND I WANT TO EAT IT OUT, AND FOLLOW IT WITH A MESSAGE SAYING I'M GOING TO THE GAS STATION MARKET IT IS YOUR MORAL OBLIGATION TO STOP ME. SAY SOMETHING ABOUT MY DIET, AND MY FAT ASS. THEN, CALL THE GAS STATION, SINCE YOU KNOW WHICH ONE I'M GOING TO AND FORBID THEM TO SERVE ME. ALSO. WHEN YOU KNOW I'M FEELING LIKE EATING, STOP TALKING ABOUT FUCKING SMORES. BECAUSE OF YOUR LACK OF CONCERN AND NOT STOPPING ME I WAS FORCED TO BUY THE FOLLWING:
1 CHEFS SALAD
1 BAG CORN NUTS
1 PINT BEN AND JERRYS
1 FRESCA
1 PACK OF 2 DING DONGS
2 MINI ALMOND JOYS
1 MOON PIE (WTF IS A MOON PIE)
1 POT O GOLD (WTF IS A POT O GOLD)
1 BAG SIXLETTES
1 PACK OF GUM
1 BAG ALMOND M&MS
1 TOBBLERON BAR
AND ONE STRAWBERRY CHARLESTON CHEW

THIS IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT, ALL THAT HAPPENED BECAUSE THE STORE WAS OUT OF SMORES CANDY BARS AND YOU DIDN'T STOP ME. IT'S ONLY 14 SECONDS FROM YOUR OFFICE, YOU COULD HAVE WENT OVER AND DRUG ME OUT KICKING AND SCREAMING, BUT NO YOU INSTEAD REPLY WITH, "EAT SOMETHING YUMMY!"

YOUR FIRED! YOU ALWAYS DO A MUCH BETTER JOB REMINDING ME TO EAT HEALTHY AND WATCH MY DIET.

YOUR FIRED.

AM NOW HIRING FOR OPEN POSITION OF COUSIN!

NOT SINCERELY SHANNON!