CHAPTER 2 NOW WHAT?

Our first date was to Bulleys. I had a cold so after the date we stood outside doing that thing people do when they aren't sure if they are going to kiss goodbye after a date or not. Finally I said I am sick I don't want to kiss you. Rob said thank you. He said he knew I was sick and had been wondering if I would be nice enough not to get him sick. Right around this time we had been together for about a month and one of his really good friends named Kenny Cooper got in a work accident and died. Rob left and went to Atwater. When he got back he said him and some friends were going to Monteray and wanted to know if I would come with him. I didn't know this till much later but up until this point Rob had actually been seeing someone else on the side. I guess it was at this time he realized that he needed someone to help him get through his loss and I was the one he picked. Anyway we went to Monteray. We spent the night at a house on the beach and went down to the beach with his friend and his girlfriend and sat around a bonfire. We spent the time talking and laughing. His friend told us later that they were trying to talk to us but we were only concentrating on each other. We both knew at this time that this was more then something that was only lasting for a week or a month but neither of us admitted it. In fact I was still telling my friends not to get used to him being around because he was only going to last another week, two weeks, month okay only another month at the most. After our trip to Monterey we decided to be a couple. We would spend hours upon hours staying awake at night talking to each other about nothing at all. He would always play me love songs. One night he said he had a surprise for me and he gave me a rock from one of the jobs he had been working at. He stripes roads and that takes him all over Nevada. So he brought me this rock because he was stopped on the side of the road and started thinking of me so he picked it up to bring to me so I knew he was thinking of me. As sweet as this was I knew that he was holding something back. Some part of him. He had been hurt before and he was not the kind of guy who easily opened up. One night we were laying in bed together and we were both picking a fight with each other for no reason at all. Finally I did something I’ve never done before. I got pissed off and grabbed everything of mine from his house and said I’m done I’m leaving. I made it to the door and he was still laying in bed. I took another step and I heard stop. I turned around and he said don’t leave. I told him to give me one good reason why I shouldn’t.

CHAPTER 1 FINDING SOMEONE TO LOVE...OR NOT

When I turned 18 I bought a house and moved out on my own. A few weeks after I moved out I got a cat. I named him Meister. Yes that is short for JaigerMeister. He became what I considered to be my child. He slept with me every night and was the one constant in my life. When I moved out I had just graduated high school and had quite a few relationships. I was in one at the time and he moved in. We thought it was pretty serious and bought a dog together and all. Since I was young I have had endometriosis and the doctors had always told me having a child would be very difficult for me. Knowing this me and my live in boyfriend had even talked about trying for a kid before we were engaged. 3 months later I booted him out on Christmas Eve. I didn't date for a whole year after that. This was weird for me as the longest I had ever gone with out being in a relationship casual or serious was no more then a month or so (I'll tell all these stories in a future blog story.) One day while hanging out at my cousins pool I met this guy who lived in the apartment across the way from her. His name was Justin. He lived was from California and lived in an apartment with his friend also from Cali named Robert. We started casually dating as this was all I was ready for. At the same time I was also dating my elementary school friend Jeremy whom I had been best friends with since second grade. Jeremy and I had been trying to date since the day we me but the timing was never right for one or both of us. Finally we thought we would give it a shot and had our first kiss. Justin was just temporary he was someone to have fun with on Friday nights. One night while I was hanging out at Justins playing a drinking game his roommate Rob and I got into it and Rob threatened to throw me out. I responded like a lady with “Shut the F$@K Up”. About a week went by and Justin and I ended our little fling and I started to think seriously about Jeremy. About a week later Justin moved to California and was nothing but a memory. A month or so later my cousin and I decided to go to a UNR football game and we ran into Robert the jerky roommate. I was polite and said hi and walked away. Later that week I got a phone call in the middle of the night from Rob at a club telling me to come down. The next day he pretended he didn’t call me. I didn’t care. A couple weeks later I ran into Robert at a club. About 5 drinks and 10 jello shots later we were making out on the dance floor. I gave him a ride home and when I dropped him off I shook his hand instead of going into his house. I think he was pretty pissed I’m sure he was just wanting some ass. After that we started something up. During this time Jeremy decided he wanted to fall in love with me. This was in no way something I wanted to have happen. He called me one night while I was at Robs and said “I love you,” I hung up the phone and pretended it was a poor connection. He called again and repeated it and again I hung up. He stopped calling that night. I told Rob about this and how I was in no way ready for something like that. We had an understanding. This was nothing serious. As I told my friends this was only going to last about a week or so. Little did I know.

My trip to mommyhood Preface

I have been reading blogs on here where people tell stories and so on and although the stories of my younger years may be far more facinating I have decided to tell the story of my journey into motherhood and beyond. I hope you enjoy it, learn from it and respond to it.