Laughing way harder the my bladder can handle

Feeling good right now to know I'm not alone.

Try not to anger the beast

I'm not sure if you all know that I am 8 months pregnant. This means that I can be a bit moody less angelic. I also have acid reflux. So last night when I woke up coughing from the acid in my throat and promptly ran to the bathroom to start vomiting streams of stomach acid I was a little pissed. This started at 10pm last night and continued until 3am. It kept going and going and going. Each time the acid would bubble up it would make me cough. The coughing would make me pee and while peeing I would have to throw up acid in the trash. This meant instead of my usual 3-6 pees a night it increased to about 11-17 last night. This wasn't the problem. The problem was when I realized I was out of the toilet paper. Normally this is fine. Normally I reach into the little basket next to the toilet and grab out a fresh roll. BUT NO! My lazy asshole clueless husband forgot to refill the basket. THIS IS HIS JOB! That means I had to go out of my little toilet room and into the main bathroom, under his sink to get the damn toilet paper. Oooooh I was pissed off. Why why why WHY could he not fill up the fucking basket?

However, this was not as bad as what the fucker did this morning. Since I wake up a little later then him in the morning he always gets ready in the other bathroom. This means he takes his morning pooh there also. So that means that when I went in there later today to pee and there was two sheets of toilet paper left I was mad to say the least. However, what escalated my anger was when I realized the spare rolls were under the sink. Usually one of us pulls out a spare one when we are close to the end. But nooooo not this morning. So this means my fat, pregnant, wet ass is now sitting on the toilet trying to maneuver my huge ass belly over the cabinet door and into the cabinet to get toilet paper all with out dripping pee on the floor. To say that I wanted to fuck him up is an understatement.

So I have to ask. Wouldn't the proper etiquette in this situation be for my oldest child husband to think of his poor, fat, pregnant wife and put some fucking toilet paper out for her knowing she pees 4000 times a day.

FUCKER!

My super secret super power

I finally figured out how to participate in the writing challenges from the Super secret group.

This week they want to know if I had a super power what would it be?

I find this so difficult to answer. I mean a few things pop right into my head. I could change poop with out ever looking at it, or blink and my house would be dusted, or I could magically fold all of my clothes with the flick of my wrist. But to be honest, none of those sound like the things I really wish I could have in life. I think my super power would have something to do with my husband. I think that more than anything in the world I would love to know what he is really thinking. Not things like if he is thinking about other women or something, but more like is he really happy.

• I would love to make him a dinner and be able to look at him and have him flash green for that meal kicked ass, or yellow for, babe that was not enough pepper, or red for, woman what in the hell were you thinking feeding me this disaster.
  
• I would love to look at him and know if he's thinking, wow my wife is hot right now. Or if he is thinking for the love of God woman stop wearing capris you look like a pirate.
• I would love to know when he is hurting or happy or sad. I'm currently pregnant and more then anything I would love to be able to look at him and have him sparkle with glitter and announce I'm overjoyed to be having another baby. Or maybe just shine a dull gray telling me that he really has no feelings on this. Maybe he could turn red and tell me he is terrified of having a second kid because he is afraid of loving another person that much.
• I would love it if I knew how he really felt about our decisions. Like oooh see the new floors, I looove them, or yeah I know I said you could paint any color, but RED, really dear did you have to pick red?

I guess my super power would just be to really truly be able to read my husband so I could make him as happy as possible. But I'm guessing that he would wish for the same thing, and really, how could he read me if half the time even I can't read myself?