It's gorgeous isn't it
One of my most favorite blogs to read would be Val. She is um, everything I think I would have turned out to be had I not, gotten married and had kids. Oh yeah, and if I was BRAVE! As a little aside to Val, I just recently (read with in the month) realized Val was short for Valley Girl and not just some old lady pseudo name you chose for your self. I'm a quick one, I am!
Anywho she recently wrote this post about people stealing her ideas and what not. I did immediately did what I think every other blogger did and said, "oh no is it me she is mad at?"
But then I stepped back in reality and realized even if I wanted I couldn't pretend to steal even a shred of her glamorous life. However, I could totally rip her off in a less funny, kind of sad way, which is just what I intend to do (I'm gonna tell her ya'll gosh).
My current favorite post of Val's is this one. I giggle like a school girl every time I read it, err, look at it. This explains it a little better. (Val, I'm trying to back link like you do just for this one post and it's driving me fucking bonkers, I now have a new found respect for every goddamn link you post in your blogs)!
So, in honor of Val, I present to you all, my version of THE MECHANICS. Here is how the current three some in my house goes!
Also, I'm not near as fancy as ya'll with your photoshop doohicky, so I drew this in Microsoft Word, then made a screen shot (that Lee reminds me how to do daily), put it in my iphoto and cropped it. Look at me go.I can't count how many times lately that I've said or written or thought, "I'm exhausted". People keep looking for a reason. Even I looked too. It isn't lack of sleep, because I've never slept so my body is used to that. It isn't how I'm eating. It isn't the amount of exercise I'm getting. I couldn't pin point it until this morning. For a while I thought I was stuck in a 5 month black hole. But now I'm beginning to realize it's been a series of holes. In and out in and out in and out.
I realized there have been a few days where I would say, "I feel like I am coming out of it," only what was really happing is I had come out of it, for about two days and then I would fall back in. I now understand this constant up and down is what is exhausting me.
My mind is in a mental cage match, I feel like I'm being mentally body slammed every ten minutes. I go in and out so fast I know longer know the difference between the two. Just when I feel my self coming out BAMN. I feel like I've been tossed into a well. When I look down at my fingers I expect to see them bloodied because I feel like I'm constantly trying to climb out, and just when I reach the edge I fall back in, and right now I feel like I'm drowning.
It is that right there that is exhausting my mind and body. Talking abut it is exhausting. Knowing people think nothing is wrong is exhausting. Trying to hold it together and not sit crying for hours is exhausting. Attempting to complete every day mundane tasks is exhausting. Trying to draw the line between having control of this, and become a bad mom, wife, friend is exhausting. Trying to keep it to myself so that I don't bring anyone else down is the most exhausting part of all.
Fighting with myself to write this was hard. I don't want to write this and then hear the questions, and see the looks, or hear the voices in other peoples heads when they feel like there is nothing really wrong. But I can't not write it because wrestling with this all alone is impossible. These thoughts are engulfing me and swallowing me like a tidal wave.
I hate being the blog that depresses people, but at times I feel it isn't fair for me to carry this alone. Then I think when I'm not being funny I'm letting down those like me who read blogs searching for comic relief in their lives.
I'm loaded with things I should be doing and then when I don't do them I feel like I'm failing. I've been trying to choose things simply for me and I'm left feeling selfish, and as if I have let the world down because I can't do it all, or remember it all.
My kids are my saving grace. Their innocence and carefree attitude gives me hope. I would love to some day feel a glimmer of the happiness they feel. That is why I feel as if I'm letting down the universe when I lose my temper with Brandon. Because in essence my children are my universe. My husband is a simple man, so it takes a lot to let him down, but these kids, they don't know any thing besides 100%. Kids don't understand, "hang on mommy just needs to relax." Kids don't understand that saying mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom every fucking second of the day is actually enough to drive a person insane. It is because of this I feel like I can't even get mad at him.
This weekend there was a point (when he flushed his jammies down the toilet to be exact) where I just had to walk in my room and scream. The sad part though is I wasn't screaming because I was mad. Because in reality I thought it was pretty funny and I wanted to take a picture. I was screaming because knowing that I had to clean it, and stop him, and handle one more fucking situation suddenly became so overwhelming I felt it was either I scream in my room or I flush him down the toilet too.
I've been trying so hard to be better to Brandon. Trying to talk to him rather then yell. Trying to rationalize with him. Trying to understand, he's only two, he's going to get in trouble a lot. He doesn't understand anger. He doesn't understand long explanations. He doesn't understand people need to work, or cook, or do things. All he knows is that he wants something and he wants it now. He isn't old enough to know anything different, and I really try and understand that.
The mental and physical exhaustion is killing me. It's making it so hard to function, and yet the insomnia keeps me up at night making sleep impossible. My mind never sleeps, and I never sleep.
I don't know where to go from here. I want to sit in a closet and cry and cry and cry. Huge convulsing ugly tears. But I can't. I have to be a mom, and a wife, and a friend, and a daughter, and doing that sort of thing just makes it harder on those around me. So I put on a happy face in order to protect them.
Only, now I'm wondering, when am I supposed to protect me?
NOW THAT HE IS CRAWLING, HE HAS DECIDED TO START CRAWLING OUT OF SQUISHY SOFT CODI BABY SIDE OF MY OFFICE AND CRAWL OVER TO YUCKY METAL DESK SIDE..AND THEN OF COURSE, LICK MY METAL DESK. UHH GUESS IT'S TIME TO START CHILD PROOFING THE OFFICE AGAIN EH?
Things my child did this weekend
One hour ago, weighing 156.6
So. Back in school I wasn't always the brainiest of the bunch. This meant that there were more then a few times in school I might have gotten some failure notices in the mail. And since I'm 26 now, and have kids, and out of the house I think it's safe to tell this story with out my mom grounding me.
Back around 8th grade I knew I was going to get an academic warning notice. I knew it was going to have a lot of the grade that is the same as the first letter in my favorite 4 letter cuss word (for those of you who are dense thats an F for FUCK). I went to Gingers the weekend I knew it was coming. We some how got to my house and got it out of the mail. We then went to her house to throw it away. Only I was still worried. What if her mom dropped something in the trash, went to retrieve it and saw the failure notice. So we got a better idea. We were going to burn the fucker.
We put it in a coffee tin, lit it on fire and said good bye. Only, I freaked out again. What if her mom saw the ashes in the trash and wondered why we were burning shit. Soooo I came up with the final brilliant plan. We were going to send that bitch down the river behind her house. Down the river it went never to be seen again. But can I tell you how long I worried that somehow my mom would go near that river and see the can and open it up and find the burned paper and magically know it was mine because of some kind of wizard powers? A LONG FUCKING TIME!
So, now it's your turn, tell me your best get out of trouble lie. Or even just one of the best lies you ever told your parents that they still don't know about.
First lets talk about my gripes with the show. I'm really really sick of these group or partner challenges. How in the fuck are these people supposed to shine if they are just arguing and fighting with other people. No matter what in a group not everyone is going to get their way, and it feels like the person who has the great idea, but doesn't get their way always gets shit on. I really think they should have more individual challenges so the judges can really see who is cooking and who is just a whiney bossy annoying fucking bitch.
Enter my next gripe. Can someone tell me why in the fuck Lisa is still on this show. She is a mean, rude, dirty bitch. She needs to wash her fucking hair, get an attitude check and step up. I think she should have gone home numerous times, and I also don't understand why she hasn't been punched yet.
On that note how is Nikki still there? What has she done so far? Seriously standing around, and looking overly done up and anorexic doesn't count as cooking. I haven't seen her do anything worthy of still being there yet. I can't believe she got to stay after the week with the nasty mushrooms and cheese incident. I can't believe she got to stay this week. I don't like her.
I'm livid they kicked Jennifer off. I actually really liked her a lot. I think she had some good ideas and made some decent food. I think if anything she should have lasted longer then Nikki or Lisa.
I really like Dale. I think he does some great stuff. I would love for him to win. I also think Richard is a good cook, but I just don't like him. I kind of think it might be him and Dale at the end and I hope he gets shut down. I think he is just pouty and cocky and he acts like a sore loser. He is just way to full of himself.
I really wish the show would do some more individual challenges. I much more prefer to see what each chef can do rather then seeing what they do in a group and having one person end up safe just because there was a better chef on their team. I think it is a lousy set up.
As for the remaining women on the show, I don't like any of them, I'm hoping a man wins...Just not Richard.
** Heads up this is long**
Remember back when I was a good blogger. And I was all, "hey look at me I'm so witty and funny, and fabulous!" And now I'm all, "dude how can I blog when I'm trying to read, and my son is tooting his flute thingy in my fucking ear and farting on me, and my other son is all look I'm so cute you must munch on my fat thighs right now."
I remember back when I would say I was going to write a post and then, you know, like, actually write the fucking post.
Like that one post about the shoppin and the cookin and what not. Ya'll remember WAY BACK THEN? That blog stemmed from the time I went to the store and I bought a bunch of vegetables. The checker, who has been there for at least a year looked at me and said,"Wow this is the MOST vegetables I've ever see, EVER." And then he looked at me because obviously I had fucking beets growing out my ears and I was shaping up to look like a pear because no one on planet earth has ever bought that many vegetables before. I was totally shocked and inquired. He said that in his entire time working there he really had never seen someone buy that much fresh food. Suddenly I felt like I was running for president of the Most Awesome Healthiest Shopper Ever Club and I was giving my speech on why you should elect me and not Polly Processed foods behind me. After he finished looking at me like I was crazy and charging me for 9 pounds of grapes instead of a 9 pound watermelon ($19.87 difference, checker of the month my ass) I went on my way.
I thought about it for a long time. I thought about my love for cooking and started to wonder if maybe I only bought so many fresh things because I loved cooking so much. I started thinking I was so super awesome and cooked the best most healthy food, (she says as she microwaves some macaroni for her son, telling herself it's okay because it's organic..right..right, hello (crickets)). I thought I was pretty specific in my poll until I received this comment:
I've been a bad blogger, but I'm reading a book that I'm totally captivated by. I've become hooked on the Julie Andrews Memoir, "Home". It is a beautiful book and the sick part is I've read the whole damn thing thus far in an English accent.
I've been working hard lately on creating small routines. My day goes something like this.
5ish Am wake up and make husbands sandwich for his morning snack (he doesn't eat breakfast at work, he doesn't like cold eggs, so he prefers a sammich. (Just added, make husband and I smoothies)
Change Codi and play with him
Make Brandon go potty and lay his pant socks and undies on floor for him to put on when he is done
Prep anything I can for dinner, set my lunch on the counter and make Brandons breakfast
Make my cup of coffee for the day
Argue with Brandon making him eat his breakfast
Nurse Codi while Brandon eats and put him to sleep (I watch one TV show during this period, ONE which is why my Tivo is a little back logged
Put Brandons shirt and sweat shirt on and lay out his shoes for the day.
Dress Codi
Dress myself
Brush teeth, hair and apply deodorant
Finish watching the show I started and cuddle with Brandon
Bag my lunch and anything else I need for work
Attempt to do one chore, such as throw a load of laundry in the washer or do some dishes or unload dishwasher
Pack my car, help Brandon with his shoes and put Codi in his car seat
845 am head to work
Attempt to work, entertain my child, nurse Codi and some days exercise
work until 330-430 depending on how drained I am, or how obnoxious my child is (its that extra hour off work that I cherish working for my family who gives me that little bit of a break)
Come home get Codi unpacked and nursed
Start dinner
Get Brandon changed and on the potty and into some sweats
Change Codi
Make Brandons dinner and feed him and the husband
Transfer the laundry or unload the dishwasher, pack left overs for the next day in little containers (I always double dinner for my husband who thinks left overs make the best lunch)
Lay out husbands fruits, and snacks for his lunch the next day, along with my fruit and snacks
Get Brandon down from table, make my dinner and eat, end up with one or two kids in lap while trying to eat...wonder what hot meal tastes like
Nurse Codi and put him down to play
Refill coffee pot for next day, set aside my lunch stuff for next day in designated fridge spot
Lay out boys clothes for the next day
Give Brandon a bath or get him out of shower from husband and towel, lotion and jammy him
Finally sit down on couch with husband and kids, browse online, read a little and cuddle till Brandon falls asleep
Kiss Brandon good night, nurse Codi and put him in his bassinet.
Tidy kitchen, sweep kitchen floor, do small random things like clean up couch or something
Read some more and pass out
So, as you can see, I either get to blog or read, and right now, this book is totally putting blogging on the back burner. But I promise you guys a great blog soon, in reference to my polls, and whether picking up the phone calling Dominos is "making" dinner.
Dear Shannon,
Just because you lost a lot of weight, doesn't mean you should have tried wearing the thong underwear hiding in the back of your drawer again. That little string in the back still crams as far up your ass as it did when you were skinny. Suck it up, buy stock in granny panties and move on baby! Go ahead and retire your last remaining thong, it was feeling anorexic next to your granny panties anyway!
Love always,
Your ass!
Go to my Flickr here, and see my new set, Boy 1 vs Boy 2. Codi is first in the pictures and Brandon is second.
(My husband just called me a dirty bastard for posting this)It is a fair comment to say that in our house/work it is not safe to be a mouse or a fish (or a cookie but that is a whole other story). Heres the story.
A little background info. My parents own these 4 homes on some field kinda land. You know, if no one cared for it, it would end up with tall weeds and flowers and shit on it. There is a little stream behind it, and it is full of critters. Birds and squirrels and marmets and what not. They rent 3 of these houses out and one they turned into our office and then built a big shop next to it. This means that each of our offices is in a bedroom and we have a fully functional kitchen, one of the living rooms is our front entry office and the other one is a playroom for Brandon. This also means, WE ARE SURROUNDED BY CRITTERS! (Side note we are also surrounded by black widows that my mother refuses to let us kill, she just relocates them).
Last week the girl in our office Yo (short for Yolonda but we call her Yo) went to the bathroom and thought she saw something. She kinda forgot about it until my mom went into the bathroom and started screaming. "YOU GUYS YOU GUYS THERE IS A MOUSE IN HERE." Yo was like I knew it I swear I thought I was going crazy seeing things. So, of course, being my mom she does the most logical thing ever. "Brandon come in here with me lets catch the mouse"! Yes you read that right. So of course, my child the über boy goes running right in. They proceed to pull all the boxes and shit out till they find the mouse. I don't really know what happens but about 10 minutes later my child comes walking into my office with a mouse IN A BAG DEAD! I'm like uhhh what the fuck. Brandon says, "he dead mom, da mouse died, he died." So I ask my mom who informs me they scared the mouse to death.
Uhhh okay fine, but why is the DEAD mouse in a baggie? Well duh! My mom tells me that they are going to take the mouse up to my grandmas where my cat now lives, so that they can feed the mouse to my cat. Ummmm. Uhhhh. Sigh!
About an hour later I see something run bye me and I realize there is a second mouse. Well shit. I go to move some of Brandon's stuff and realize that the mice are living in his little recliner he eats in. Grrr. So out goes the recliner. I clean everything and change everything, sheets and what not. And we leave for the day. My mom sends my little cousin who works for us to go buy some mouse traps. The next morning Brandon and I arrive at work and do you know what we see????
FOUR FUCKING DEAD MICE LINED UP OUT FRONT! Brandons like "mom more mice, they dead, they not moving mom, they dead mice, look mom more mice." My mom informs me she put them outside for the neighborhood cats to eat. SERIOUSLY, SHE SERIOUSLY SAID THAT.
That night Brandon stayed at my parents. When they brought him home he had a ton of things to tell me. Such as, "mom the mouse, it's in the cats belly, he ate em mom, he's in his belly." Or, "The bird ate the worm he ate the worm." So for an entire week I heard all about how the mouse was in the cats belly. They really took that fucking mouse up to my fucking cat and fed it to him. You can see how well this must be sitting with me, the VEGETARIAN!
That brings us to last night. We only had one of our FIVE fish left. Fred, the one with the bug eyes and 5 inch poops. Until last night. He died. Brandon walks by, looks in the tank, sees Fred floating on the bottom and says, "he died mom, like the mouse, he died, he's not moving." Then he says, "mom, he no swim more, he no swim, he died." It was sad. But what was sadder was that later the fish floated up to the tank and he got really excited thinking the fish was swimming again and we had to tell him that no, the fish was still dead, and he watched rob flush him down the toilet.
So now I ask you all mighty mommy bloggers, how did you teach your kids about death? Did you just say the fish died and leave it at that, did you tell them what death meant, did you explain heaven? And on top of that, at what age did you choose to have the talk? Since he is only 2.5 do I just leave it that the fish died and move on, or do I elaborate now? Do I wait till he is closer to 4 to explain death? Do I replace the fish or just take the fish tank out for a while? NEED ADVICE ON THIS ONE...ASSVICE WELCOME!
(my mom would like me to add that feeding the mice to the cats was her way of recycling and being green.)
When you are trapped in a small confined space like a tanning bed, with a fan blowing in your face DON'T FART!
As promised you guys get the good the bad and the ugly about my relationship. However I need to post this disclaimer, JUST BECAUSE ROB AND I HAVE A FIGHT IT DOESN'T MEAN OUR MARRIAGE IS IN TROUBLE, THAT WE ARE EVEN STILL MAD BY THE TIME I POST THIS, OR THAT WE HAVE PROBLEMS. IT MEANS WE ARE A REAL NORMAL HEALTHY COUPLE WHO FIGHTS. PLEASE DO NOT APPROACH ME ASKING IF I'M OKAY OR IF WE ARE BREAKING UP, OR OFFER MY SUPPORT AS IF I'M CRUSHED, IT IS JUST A FIGHT.
This weekend Rob and I went to California. And as always we got into a few spats here and there. I think the fights were both our faults. Mine for not paying attention to how I approached him, and him for responding meanly. When we got back to Reno softball started for him. I enjoy cooking for him, and on nights he has softball I like to have dinner ready to go so he can eat in time to make it to the game. I had a shit ton to do on Monday so I asked if he could run to the store and I would do the rest of the stuff. I made him a list:
Gala Apples
tomatoes
lunch meat
Pancakes
Real maple syrup
and a few other things
He returned with everything on this list, however neither the apples or tomatoes were organic. I was mad. Here is his defense, I did not write the word organic next to the apples, as I had in other weeks. Here are my defenses:
I know some of you are thinking, BUT IT IS JUST AN APPLE. I've been trying to lose weight since having Codi. If you are following along you would know I'm just 1 pound shy of losing 40 pounds and just 4 pounds shy of being able to buy new clothes. I have done this by being on a very strict diet. VERY STRICT. I mostly eat the same thing every day. One of the biggest parts of my day is my sliced apple with soy nut butter. It is my sweet treat of the day, and also gives me one serving of fruit and some protein. It is also the ONLY food I look forward to eating every day because I know just how good the apples I buy are. So, even though it's just an apple it makes a large impact on my day.* Trying on a bathing suit, with no tan AND THEN LOOKING IN THE MIRROR (This also falls under the horror category)
* Getting all the way to California nd then realizing your husband packed everything in the pile but your purse, which was on the very top of the pile.
* Figuring out you forgot your Moby and stroller so you had no way to walk to the park
* Having to drive to 3 parks before finding one that wasn't: buried under water, scalding hot metal slides or full of splinters.
* Going to the freezer in the garage for a normal sensible portion of girl scout cookies and then going back in the garage because you realized you just CAN NOT leave one cookie in the package, making your sensible portion, less then sensible.
* Going back to the freezer hours later and opening a new bag of cookies, eating 4 and THEN thinking, oh shit, this might be why the bathing suit thing earlier was horrific.
*Going all the way to California to see family you haven't seen in 4 months only to have your camera die and realizing the only picture you have of the entire trip is before you even left Reno
* The fact that I wore a dress on Monday because it was so nice out and that this morning it was fucking snowing.
* That I'm still thinking of cookies, while looking at bathing suits on line. It seems I never learn.
* The fact that I'm actually pretty angry at my husband for not buying me organic apples.
* Having to eat non organic apples for lunch and realizing they are so shitty they actually taste like celery, and spending the whole meal angry at your shitty shitty apples
* The fact that it is possible that one person in this world could not know I ONLY EAT ORGANIC FRUITS AND VEGGIES
* That I'm now watching Alton Brown cook pie, and I'm thinking to myself, how much worse can chocolate cream pie from Marie Calanders be any worse then those fifteen five cookies I ate.
* The fact that I just went to pee, and I actually stopped to make sure no one was around because I am still embarrassed for my husband to hear me potty
* The fact that mid pee he came walking by and I sat there trying to hold in the pee and make it stop so he wouldn't hear
Dial phone
Ring ring
Here is your payment history, you can not push buttons you must listen to the whole thing
Now that you have wasted 45 seconds listening you may choose options
If you want to hear your payment history push 1
If you want to make a payment push 2
(Pushes 2)
To make a payment push 1
(pushes 1)
Enter social security number
(Enters number)
More wasteful talking
To make a payment push 1
(thinks this sounds an awful lot like the last time she pushes 1, but alas pushes 1 again)
You are now being transfered to speed pay
(Thinks speed pay sounds fast and efficient, yay for Shannon)
Ringing
Still Ringing
Dead air
(Wonders if I've been hung up on)
More talking
To continue in English push 1
(Smashes 1 button)
Talking
Talking
(Starts mentioning something about how if she ever meets this pre-recorded voice in person she would really teach it a lesson)
To make a payment push 1
(Pushes 1 even though shes not even sure she is here to make a payment anymore)
Enter your loan number
(Enters loan number)
You entered ..... is this correct, if so push 1 if not push 2
(Pushes that motherfucking 1 button)
Please hold
(Bangs head on desk)
Enter your zip code
(enters code)
You entered ... is this correct, if so push 1 if not push 2
(Pushes 1)
Talking
Would you like to use the routing number you used before push 1 for yes and 2 for no
(Wonders if pushing 2 would be rebellious)
Would you like to use the same account number you used before push 1 for yes and 2 for no
(Which button do I push to wake me up when this is over
To pay today push 1
(Finger is now to numb from pushing buttons, must push one with tongue)
The amount due is ....to pay this amount push 1
(Wonders if you can be put in a mental institution for killing a pre-recorded voice)
Are you sure you want to pay, if so push 1
(I'VE GONE THROUGH ALL THIS AND YOUR ASKING IF I'M SURE ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS KARATE CHOPS THE 1 BUTTONS)
You have chosen to pay this amount to pay it push one, if not push 2
(How in the fuck is this different from the last fucking question)
Do you really want to process this payment
(Goes Hacksaw Jim Duggen on the phone hoping to push the 1 button at some point)
Here are your fees push 1 if you accept them
(Is now delirious and laughing at the fact that she has just pushed 1 938kajillion times, might possibly be crazy, hopes coworkers don't see her losing her mind)
To accept this payment speak your name
(My name is totally fucking batshit crazy)
You said this, to accept it push 1
(Finally realizes this is a joke right, no one can really push 1 this many times)
Your confirmation number is bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
(What the fuck am to fucking delirious to hear that)
If you want to repeat this number push 1
(PLEASE KILL ME NOW)
Thank you have a nice day
That was for the first of 4 payments I had to make on the phone that day. You can imagine how the rest of my Friday went
By Lisa
So Shannon is out of town having SOO much fun in A-Town and I get a text this morning asking me to guest post on her blog since she has no internet. So immediately my mind goes hmm what embarrassing story can I tell about her this time! Oh I know I will whip out some old photo albums. Well as fun as this sounds, this turns into a double ended sword. All of the good pictures with Shannon in a tie dyed shirt and spandex have me wearing the same damn thing standing right next to her! Gosh were we dorks! Oh well here you go......
High school, I know we are hot!
College party, I already told you, ya we know!
Hey I put up some polls on the right over there ------>
Please participate them, as they will be part of an upcoming blog!
Also, please keep in mind the responses are totally anonymous so you can answer 100% honestly and no one will know, if you are secretly in love with hamburger helper, or take out food.
THANKS!
Hi. I'm reaching out to the blogosphere for some product advice. I am on a new mission to try and go green and organic. I have so far found a dish soap, dish washer soap, laundry soap & fabric softener, body wash, lotion, window cleaner and bathroom counter cleaner I like. I am currently looking for a face wash and shampoo. I tried a shampoo and I hate it, and I am hooked on my Philosophy so if you can find an organic face wash that is as good as that, well then you are a champ.
I am interested in all kinds of products or foods you find useful. The majority of the foods I buy are organic so I'm pretty set there. So, all my fellow granola cruncher hippy friends out there, throw me your best suggestions. What things have you tried? Paper towels, toilet paper, clothing, cleaning products, beauty products? Let me have it? What are your favorites, and least favorites, and where can I get them?
Please keep in mind there is a vast difference between all natural and organic.
Organic Vs Natural
Organic foods are produced according to a certain production standards, it means they were grown without the use of conventional pesticides, artificial fertilizers, human waste, or sewage sludge, and that they were processed without ionizing radiation or food additives.[1] For animals, it means they were reared without the routine use of antibiotics and without the use of growth hormones. In most countries, organic produce must not be genetically modified
Natural foods are foods that do not contain artificial ingredients and are minimally processed. Natural foods do not include ingredients such as refined sugars, refined flours, milled grains, hydrogenated oils, artificial sweeteners, artificial food colors, or artificial flavorings.
Sucanat, stevia, raw honey, agave syrup and maple syrup are sweeteners often used in place of white sugar in a natural foods diet. Sea salt is also preferred over table salt.
Proponents of natural foods diets argue that refined ingredients promote obesity, diabetes, cancer, and heart disease.
The biggest difference is that certified organic things are regulated and checked to be sure they are organic. I don't mind stuff that is all natural, but I am specifically looking for stuff that is certified organic!
About two years ago Rob and I were chatting about something and it led to a conversation about some foods he used to love. He was telling me about how much he loved a ham and cheddar melt and a Scrambled egg pocket, both from Jack in the box. The next day I emailed Jack in the box begging them to bring those things back. I never heard back.
Saturday I was watching TV and I saw a commercial for Jack In The Box. I believe the croissant guy was yelling at Jack. I'm not sure all I know is that there was a guy with muffiny things on his head and giant over easy egg boobs dangling off him. The point of it was that he was mad that Jack was replacing him. Then I glanced up and saw that he was being replaced with a SCRAMBLED EGG POCKET. I was soooo fucking excited. I made a mental note to tell Rob.
So I tell him and he was like, "yeah right prove it." Only I couldn't find the commercial again. So I go online to Jack in the Box and guess what? No egg pocket. I pulled every Google trick I know and still nothing.
I have issues with just giving up, you know this if your ever around me when I try and remember a name or a song or a place. I will go completely insane and not stop and try Googling on my phone and inevitably I would call Katie or Ginger and they would answer to hear me shout, "OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHO WAS THAT GUY WITH THE THING IN THE PLACE WITH THE STUFF??????????????????" And if they can't figure it out, oh man. I rip out year books, and photo albums and Myspace and it's awful.
So now picture me the next morning sitting in front of my computer furious I can find no proof that this egg pocket exists. I've even checked Youtube for a video of the commercial. I am hitting refresh feverishly on the Jack in the Box page hoping that suddenly the stupid NEW Angus Burger will disappear and the NEW NEW egg pocket will appear. Now I'm just mad. All I want to do is find one of these things for Rob because I know how happy it will make him. And now, since I can't find it I am consumed with it and I just want to see his face when he bites into it.
Fuck it! I'm calling. I dial the closest Jack in the Box and the lady who answers acts like I'm a complete moron and basically shuts me down. The second guy I called was really nice, and said they would be willing to take the pita from their Chicken Fajita pocket and make me an egg pocket. I thought about it, but what if it wasn't the same. The next place I called told me that sometimes only certain states get the limited time food.
THATS IT!!!! I'll call California. California has everything right? I first call Atwater because we will be there this weekend. NO! Then I call Auburn because we will be driving through there NO! I call Sacramento NO!
At this point I'm feeling pretty dejected so I sit back angrily thinking I've imagined the fucking commercial. I am now screaming at my cousin via Yahoo Messanger when I get a brilliant idea.
I AM CALLING CORPORATE!!!!! Yes you read right. I want to find this stupid breakfast pita for my husband soooo bad I am going to call Jack in the Box headquarters. I call. I get put on hold and then it hangs up on me. I'm not deterred though I call back. And a lady answers.
(I should mention at this point I had been on hold for so long I now had to pee so I ran in to pee thinking no one would answer and right as I started to tinkle she answers so I'm now sitting on the toilet holding in my pee trying not to let it echo, asking this lady about breakfast foods)
Lady: Thank you for calling Jack in the Box, what can I do for you?
Shannon: Hi, Ummm I have kind of a stupid question
Lady: Okay
Shannon: I think I saw a commercial for a scrambled egg pocket, the one where the guy with the over easy egg boobies was yelling at Jack, umm but I have called a bunch of Jack in the boxes and no one seems to have it
Lady: Well umm sometimes it is only in certain places
Shannon: So I'm right, right, you really do have it
Lady: Hang on, do you mean the southwestern scrambled egg pocket
Shannon: YES YES THATS IT
Lady: Yeah it looks like it is only certain places
Shannon: Well um, can you maybe tell me where, because my husband REALLLLLY wants one and I can't find it in my town so can you please just tell me where to go to get one?
Lady: Uhhh hang on...ma'am it looks like it is only in San Francisco.
Shannon: So it is in California
Lady: Yes but only in San Francisco. It is going through what is called a testing phase. We release it in a big city and see what happens.
Shannon: So at what point will we know if it does good on testing
Lady: ???????????? (Now making post it note signs to show her friends that reads THIS LADY IS FUCKING NUTSO)
Shannon: So then if it passes how long until it is here in Reno
Lady: ?????????????
Shannon: I mean it will go nation wide right? How will I know?
Lady: Um it is in testing phase we really don't know until then, but if it passes it has a chance to be on our menu permanently
Shannon: Okay fine bye
(Can I just point out what a long conversation this was considering I was still holding in my tinkle and still sitting on the toilet)
So now I'm sitting here totally aggravated because I can in no way afford a trip to San Francisco. And what if it doesn't do good and my husband never gets to eat it again? I text his brother immediately who lives in SF and tell him he must go buy egg pockets right now. BUY LIKE 10 A DAY! Something anything, just make this thing pass testing.
I guess the point of this blog is to reach out to any readers I may have in San Francisco and beg you to please go buy this stupid egg pocket so it can pass the test and make it here to Reno.
I think my husband feels about this thing the same way a lot of people feel about that McRib thingy. How they get super excited when it comes back for a limited time. It is how I felt when Burger King got rid of the mushroom swiss burger and I could no longer get a mushroom swiss veggie burger and had to settle for a regular veggie burger. (side note for my veggie lovers, Burger King is genius and has Morning star veggie burgers on their menu).
How about you, do you have anything you miss? Any favorite foods that have gone away that you wish would come back?
Yesterday I wrote a quick email to Ginger.
"Hey have you checked out this website http://www.epicurious.com/?
And then I sat there for a moment, and I changed the email to;
"Hey have you checked out this website http://www.epicurious.com/? It's got neat recipes.
Because suddenly I realized one might glance at the link to that page and wonder, why is my good female friend sending me a website about being epicurious, and just what is epicurious. And then I promise I didn't google the word epicurious just to see if maybe it was something funny and naughty and find out it wasn't, and then feel like more of a loser for being embarrassed to type a word that meant nothing.
(And before he says that it wasn't him who left that 2 inches of toilet paper scraps, it was, because when I walked in the fucking bathroom fan was on, and if you know me you know I hate the sound of the bathroom fan so I would have never turned it on, clearly proving that HE was in fact THE LAST ONE in the bathroom)
I've written about this before, but it is my blog and I want to again. About 1.5 years ago, I sat down in front of my computer and logged on to an old blog called Mom's Daily Dose. It is gone now but it was awesome. One day there was an entry about a woman who was about to deliver a little baby boy ANY MINUTE. I was excited and strolled over to check it out and was met with a picture of ROCKSTAR BABY NATE. I was excited for this woman and then I walked away. Then on January 1st I sat down and something made me click back on her. I was directed here. There used to be so much more on the website and I read all of it. Then I started from day one of her new blog and read every single entry. Then I went and bought Kleenex because I had just used every box in my house. And after that I watched this, and it became apparent that there wasn't a tissue factory big enough to help me. Anyway for reasons I've mentioned a bajillion times reading Karlas story in some way, has saved me from myself. I will forever be grateful and in reality she will never know how much her and Ava (and Mark, and Samson, and Naterbug too) have helped me.
Back to the point. As you can see here every year Mark and Karla and now Naterbug release balloons for Ava. So. I really can't remember (forgive me) if Karla invited all of us to release a balloon for Ava on her birthday or if I just decided I was doing it but last April 14th I decided to buy a birthday balloon and release it. There was just one problem. I had a little baby with me, who thought that the balloon was BANDONS BAWOON!! So it spent the night in his room and the next morning on the 14th I cleverly snuck in his room got the balloon and snuck outside and released the balloon. I looked up just in time to see Brandon lose his shit entirely because I just let his balloon go. Well shit. So I went and got him, brought him back outside and explained that, that particular balloon was for another little girl and we had to let that one go.
(In fact I just went back to that post and looked at it and here is my comment on it,
Misguided Mommy said...Okay it is 6:16AM I have just released a mylar care bears happy birthday ballooon. My son is currently having a melt down pointing at the sky saying uh oh baooon uh oh baooon..Now I have to go to the store and buy him a new balloon because he is so devistated. It's okay though it was for a good purpose. Ava is going to be overwhelmed with joy with all of her balloons.
