STATEMENT OF CHARGES.

I've decided it is time to send out a billing statement for my friends.

Lets see. First up is Ginger:
She has come to see me approximately 6 times with out bringing chocolate. Since I'm to lazy to look up the original rules and regulations I will just make new ones. I am charging a rate of one chocolate bar for each time you didn't bring one, on top of the original one owed. This means Ginger owes me 12 chocolate bars! However Ginger is in more trouble then this because she forgot the peach cobbler. So now instead of owing me a slice she owes me a whole cobbler.
So lets see, one plus one times three equals
Ginger:
12 chocolate bars
1 peach cobbler

Stephanie.
She showed up with chocolate once. However she never showed up again. So since we don't know how much chocolate she actually owes me I will go ahead and say she owes me 15 chocolate bars plus a penalty of one pint of Ben and Jerrys for standing me up that one time. Phish food will be fine thanks.
So that means
Stephanie:
15 chocolate bars
1 pint Ben and Jerry's Phish Food

Katie
Katie brought me Starbucks once when she came so she is sort of redeemed. However the last two times she came I saw no chocolate. That means Katie owes me 4 chocolate bars.
that brings us to
Katie: 4 chocolate bars.

Since I'm a lady I expect all of my chocolate in bulk so I can pig out and eat it all in one day and then pretend as though it never happened.

All finance charges are final.

Arguing will add a penalty of one Pint of Ben and Jerry's.

Refusal to pay means you agree to buy me desert the next 73 times we go out to eat!

Not paying in full will result in additional finance charges of my choice!

Not payng on time will result in owing me one Venti Caramel Macchiato.

Comments on spelling will result in one of the above coffees plus three petite vanilla scones

Enjoy your day!

Yeah yeah whatever

Soooo as Stephanie so graciously pointed out, I have slacked off on posting from this site for a whole 24 hours and 8 long minutes. Sooorry. Truth is I haven't had much to talk about. I've been fighting with my parents over the house Rob and I are building and it is making me crazy. We started fighting Monday and I've been in a funk about it all week.

My house is a disaster because turning my office into a babies room has created quite the project. Since I'm not allowed to lift much this means now that there are little piles of stuff allllll over my house that my nanny left me with that I can't lift and move. That means there are tons of new little piles for my son to destroy. That means he has strewn about 48 CD's around my house. He found a box with old unopened bill. Do you know what he did. He opened them all and threw about 20 bills in small pieces allllll over my house! He got a hold of a red marker and painted his hands red and then went into the bathroom and dunked his hand in the toilet and smeared red ALL OVER my toilet seat. He found the Playstation games and took them all out of their cases and hid them from Rob. He found a bag of hangers from the dry cleaner and he pealed the paper in one inch pieces off every single hanger threw paper everywhere and then proceeded to throw hangers EVERY WHERE!

At work he has peeled off all the labels on the file cabinets. He fed the dog his breakfast. He fed the dog his vitamins. He fed the dog his lunch. He fed the dog some poop.

Let's see what else. I work for a heating and air conditioning company and it is so hot in my office right now you could melt chocolate on my desk...go figure. Ooh, but I do have ice cream in the freezer. Be right back.

I'm back, seems marble slab doesn't freeze so well. Darn! This shit is frozen rock solid which doesn't sit to well for someone who really has zero patience so is gonna fucking throw this shit at the wall waiting for it to melt.

My husband and I had a little fight the other night. When he got home he came bearing a M&M McFlurry. He is a smart man. He was forgiven instantly.

Fucking bitch ice cream still isn't soft.

I drove to work today and my car says I have 10 miles to go till I run out of gas. I wonder how far I'll push it before I go get gas. Oh yeah, I have a company supplied gas card, so paying for the gas isn't a problem, my laziness is the problem.

Last time I ran out of gas one of those neat high way helper vans pulled up right at the same time as my husband. Didja know if you run out of gas they will give you five gallons free to get you to a gas station..how nifty..to bad husband brought gas so that meant no free gas for me. Rob still laughs at me for having the highway helper guys stop and help me.

Oo ooh I got a bite. Mmmmm mocha caramel goodness.

What a boring job. Could you imagine if your job was to drive up and down the same patch of freeway alllll day long hoping someone breaks down. Sad sad lonely job if you ask me.

That reminds me of a funny memory. One time my cousin and I were driving to California. We were in my moms car. The whole way there these two dorky older guys were flirting with us. So I sped up and left em in the dust. A little ways up the road everyone starts swerving and instead of swerving too I just go ahead and run right over the giant chair in the road. In my moms car. Only problem is, chair gets stuck under the car. Brilliant. So my cousin and I pull over and hop out like two dipshits thinking sure, we'll just pry the chair out. NOPE this shit wasn't moving. So now we are standing on the side of the road with a look on our face like UH DUH. Right at this moment a cop drives by and as he's driving he passes right by us and says on his speaker phone thingy... A TOW TRUCK IS ON THE WAY!

WTF her and I just watch as this cop drives by leaving two girls stranded and tells us he is sending a tow truck. Umm. What if we didn't need a tow truck? What if we were just stopping to stretch, or stopping because, oh I don't know we ran over a chair?

So guess who comes to our rescue? No not mr. tow truck man, instead its the two dorky guys we had made fun of earlier. They end up lifting the front of my car while my cousin beds down and grabs a hold of the chair and I put the car in reverse all at the same time. Walah we were free. We said thanks and hopped in the car and took off leaving them standing their scratching their heads. It was pretty funny. I dunno, maybe you had to be there.