Ummmmm

If you search this, you get my blog...



my cousin fucked me when i was little


Well then!

Ode to my big ass REVISED

My boobs are leaking some sort of goo
the veins in them are suddenly big and blue

I think my scale must be broken
I haven't gained that much you've got to be joken

When I walk I waddle like a duck
Ask me if I care I don't give a fuck

All I do is fart fart fart
Greasy foods are the way to my heart

Brownies fill me up with joy
This is one hungry little boy

One bite of food makes me stuffed
My ass looks like its been puffed and fluffed

I've got cottage cheese all over the place
And enough grease to make fries on my face

Every time I leak I think I'm bleeding
At least my two year old is done teething

I'm cleaning poopy diapers up to my ears
The smell makes my eyes fill with tears

My pants don't quite fit
My new boobs are a real hit

He's squeezing my colon and my bladder
While typing this I just got fatter

I haven't seen my feet in a while
My dirty clothes just sit there in a pile

I have a stretch mark, there, there and there,
And down below I could probably braid the hair

My bra can't contain my breasts
I laugh in the face of bed rest

Nesting is in full swing
I am lucky I still fit my wedding ring

I pee all night and all day
Its been so long since I've had a lay

Somehow chocolate will always win
Eating healthy is now a mortal sin

My shoes no longer have laces
With my two chins you would expect two faces

Every time I sneeze I pee
I'm big and grumpy don't mess with me

My back aches and my knees are shot
I like to strut my stuff and pretend I'm hot

My ass has it's own zip code
Seems my sons diaper always has a load

Not sure how I'm going to handle two
This will all be so new

Heartburn gets me to no end
Tums and Mylanta are my new best friend

My hair looks like an oil pit
It takes me five minutes just to sit

I can't lay on my right side
My ass and belly are quite wide

I've turned into quite a bitch
My belly stretching is making it itch

I'm leaking out from down there
My husbands still skinny its not really fair

It seems I fart all day long
My ass right now would eat a thong

I can't wait until the end
And my scars are all on the mend

And I have a beautiful little boy
That my other son will think is a toy

Having two will finally put me in my place
And if I'm thirsty I'll open my mouth while this one pees in my face!