Running on auto pilot

Do you ever have days where it seems you've lost control of your body? Where it feels as though you are just running on auto and have no clue how or what is happening? I'm having one of those days now.

I just left work to get lunch. I guess my body was telling me I needed to eat. I decided I would go to Starbucks for a mango tea and a veggie platter. The veggie platter comes with sugar snap peas, cucumbers, tomatoes, carrots and celery. It comes with a very small portion of pesto dipping sauce and is tasty lunch. I got to Starbucks and no such luck. They were out. Next thing I knew I was in my car driving to another Starbucks. Again no luck, the next thing I knew my auto pilot kicked in. I found myself next door at Port of Subs ordering a MEDIUM (I haven't been able to eat a medium since high school) extra mayo double cheese sandwich with all the regulars (dear sweet oil and vinegar where have you been all my life). Somehow I even grabbed a bag of chips. But auto pilot wasn't done. Nooooo it carried me next door to Ben n Jerrys where a giant Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz milk shake appeared in my hands. The strangest part was how that pint of Peach Cobbler ice cream made it into my car. I swear some days it feels like I really have no control over my life. Thank God I got that bottle of water for good measure!

Can some one please tell me how my auto pilot got changed from rational to chunk n dunk?

A conversation with my husband yesterday on messenger

Shannon: Babe guess what I found 8 bucks in my pockets this morning when I pulled my jeans out of the dryer

Rob: Oh was it a five and three ones

Shannon: Yeah

Rob: Yeah its mine

Shannon: Yours huh

Rob: Yeah I forgot I left it in there

Shannon: You left them in my maternity jeans

Rob: uh huh when I wore them the other day

Shannon: Righhhht yeah I forgot because I made such a big dinner you needed to borrow my maternity jeans right

Rob: Yup so you can just leave my 8 bucks on the night stand

Shannon: Oh okay sure thing honey

Talk dirty to me

My husband uses cheap shampoo. He's like whatever is on sale babe. So of course I spend minutes in the shampoo isle smelling them all because he may want me to go by price but I figure hey why not find something that will make him smell scrumptious also. So this time I settled on some fancy new Herbal Essence Orange something or other. Anyway like I said I use fancier shampoo. Currently I use the Philosophy something something and I love it. (I'm on a roll with names today huh?) Well once in a while I'll use a little of Robs for a day just to switch it up and shock my hair or whatever. (Shut up it totally makes sense to me!) Today I grabbed his Herbal Essence and since I have to read every damn thing while I'm in the shower (seriously I could probably still recite the label to my old Aveeno body wash) I read it.

He he it says

I'm so good I'll make your head think clean thoughts.

Now what I'm really wondering...How on earth did my shampoo know I was thinking dirty thoughts to begin with?

OLD MACDONALD

BRANDON WHAT DOES THE KITTY SAY? NOW

BRANDON WHAT DOES THE DOG SAY? WOO WOO

BRANDON WHAT DOES THE DUCK SAY? CACK

BRANDON WHAT DOES THE COW SAY? MOOOOOOO

BRANDON WHAT DOES THE SHEEP SAY? PAAAAAAA

BRANDON WHAT DOES THE MONSTER SAY? RAAAAAARRRRRRRWWWWWW

MAMA YOU FUNNY

MAMA YOU SILLY GIRL

MAMA YOU HELP ME BANDON

I MART (SMART)

MONTER YUTTY (MONSTER YUCKY)

BYE BYE MONTER

BYE BYE PUNTIN (PUMPKIN)

BYE BYE OUTSIDE

BYE BYE LIGHT

BYE BYE TWEE (TREE)

BYE BYE ROAD

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A TODDLER IN THE CAR