And then God himself blessed me with his magic stick

Last night I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I was having a sad day and all I wanted was some brownies. I was telling everyone and there mom about this and finally decided to make some. I marched in my kitchen grabbed what I needed and then promptly began pouting as I realized I had neither vegetable oil or applesauce. So I walked over to my computer and whined to everyone about it. That's when Ginger pops on yahoo with this little link:

ging @ 6:57 http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchens/smore-brownies-recipe/index.html 6:57 ummm, can there be anything better?

Shannon Mateo @ 7:08 uggg 7:08why do you do that shit to me 7:08 i have everything right now but graham crackers dammit ging @ 7:09 i have everything, included toasted coconut marshmallows, it is taking all the will power i have in the world not to make them right now

At that point her Internet crashed. So I frantically texted her YOU MUST MAKE THESE NOW! She replied that she would but I figured it would be like the time she said she would bring me peach cobbler and didn't, and don't even get me started on the whole "YOU MADE TIRAMISU AND DIDN'T BRING ME ANY FUCKING FUCKER" debacle.

Suddenly an IM pops up
ging @ 11:45 Dude these brownies are like the porn of brownies

My eyes lit up. SHE HAD MADE THE BROWNIES. Now, I just had to make sure they somehow ended up at my house. We chatted a little and she casually asked if I wanted the brownies now or later. While I obviously wanted the brownies 5 hours ago and was ready to come to her house and lick her floor in search of crumbs I very nonchalantly replied "ehh, whenever's clever."

I came home tonight and busied myself with dinner. At one point I decided Ginger forgot me and I would not be getting any delicious brownies. Suddenly my phone made a noise. I had a text. My heart dropped. I just knew it was Ginger texting to say she wasn't coming. I moped over to my phone and read it;

"I'm at your door."

I looked up and sure enough there she was. An angel of God on my door step with the most beautiful little tinfoil package I've ever seen. She came in, we made small talk, I scarfed down my dinner, set my oven to warm and busied myself pretending to look busy. Finally it was time. I pulled out my fork and opened it up.

Today at work I pulled up a picture of the brownies and sadly lamented about how I would probably never taste them.


The most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I had totally forgotten she had the coconut marshmallows. I put my fork in and the marshmallows turned into a beautiful taffy goodness. A long string of marshmallow followed the fork all the way to my mouth.

Oh shit.

Porn of brownies was an understatement. These fuckers are like the porn of life. They are like the best sex you ever had but with toasted coconut marshmallows. Then I poured a glass of milk which was like a tall glass of ohjesusfuckinglordy to go with my brownies. These aren't just porn, these brownies should come with a disclaimer.

WARNING: Eat these brownies with a clean pair of underwear handy because they are that good!

I finished the night thinking that although today was pretty shitty, things were looking up. The rest of the week looks pretty good too because I happen to know I have two more orgasm brownies left.

Snot

I brought Codi into bed with me around 5am this morning. He snuggled up on my arm and started snoring in my ear. Around 7 I looked over at him because I love to watch him sleep.

Only, thats when I felt it. Snot starting to drip out of my nose. I wanted to reach for a Kleenex but Codi was on my arm.

I had no choice, but to turn my head the other way and let the snot roll back into my brain.

As I lay there this morning I thought, "so that is how this day will be huh....no matter what I do there is going to be snot."