my diet story

I decided to write and tell you how I came to start my diet/life change.

It was January 1st and I was sitting on the couch. Rob was off snowboarding so I grabbed a bag of chips and turned on the TV. Telling myself I would start a diet tomorrow so the chips were okay. I picked up my computer and started reading blogs. I stumbled across a blog called Untangling Knots. It was written by Karla. The first entry I read talked about how her and her husband Mark had lost their baby girl Ava only hours after she was born. Then I clicked the link taking me to You Tube and I was able to watch the video they had made for Ava. I was a wreck. I was bawling and crying and being all emotional. So I did the most logical thing. I read it again and again and watched it time and time and time again. I clicked the link to her new blog and went to the first entry in her archives and read her entire blog roll in a day. I was amazed. Here were these people who had this horribly devastating thing happen to them and they were so amazing through out. They didn’t fall into a pit of despair, or get a divorce or adopt new awful habits. No, these people rose above the hand that was dealt to them and decided they were going to persevere. I read all about how they continued trying to have kids and I read right up until the birth of baby Nate. As I was reading I was thinking to myself how amazing these people were. I was thinking that Karla was going to be a wonderful mother. I couldn’t believe that people like her existed. People who were, well, positive. I was amazed. I started to think to myself how the people in her life must look at her and think of how uplifting, and positive she is. I started to look at myself and I realized I was being so terribly negative in life. I was becoming exactly who I never wanted to be. When my own son grew up he would walk around telling people what a downer his mom was. I thought and thought and thought about this. I thought about these two people who had the worst of luck and still came out smiling and hopeful. I suddenly realized that was who I wanted to be. I wanted to teach my son to be positive. I wanted people to come around me and have a hard time resisting the urge to be happy. I wanted to exude uplifting and encouraging thoughts. I wanted to have ideas and goals and follow them through.

The next day I really did start that diet. Only, this time I started a life change as well. I began to adopt a positive outlook. I began letting go of things I realized I couldn’t change or control. I stopped picking all the little fights I used to with rob. I started looking at my husband in a new light and tried to make it an effort to always smile around him, not a forced smile either, a real one because I realized I had so much to smile about. I started looking at all that I had and taking such appreciation in it. Instead of looking at things I hated about my house, I started paying extra attention to what I loved. I have been so much happier and free. I started riding my bike and its true what they say, exercise does make you more positive. Not to mention its really nice having something that I truly enjoy that I can do all by myself or I can share it if I choose.

There are days when I admit it is so hard to keep dieting, or go work out, or have a smile on my face. But on those days, I pull up the link to the video for Ava. I reread some of Karlas entries and I tell myself to be grateful for what I have been given. Somehow just reading that she made it out okay helps me make it through the day.

I have often heard Oprah talk about her AHA moment. She always has people on her show who talk about theirs. I would always sit there wondering where in the hell my aha moment was. I have even seem episodes on her show were people had kids die or terrible things happen to them and I would think, “is this my aha moment?” but it wasn’t. I had to be ready to embrace my moment.

I started tracking my dieting, exercise and goals on a website and it helped me lose 18 pounds so far. Well, not so far since I’m now pregnant and can’t diet anymore. However I know that this time the reason the diet stuck could in whole be attributed to my attitude change. I finally wandered to the message boards on my diet website and talked a little about what worked for me. I was appalled at all the people who responded negatively and put down all the things I said. They all told me that attitude could not simply be enough. That it wasn’t possible to have just a small amount of a treat and have the will power to stop. They told me I didn’t understand their problems with food. I was shocked at the things I was hearing. Finally after people began emailing me telling me they loved what I had to hear I got upset and went back to the message boards. I told them, that too had been through what they were going through, but that I had my aha moment and realized I didn’t want to be that way anymore. They said that someone couldn’t just change. I was infuriated. I reminded them that I was married to a man who gave up smoking cold turkey. I had an uncle who stopped being an alcoholic in one day because he wanted to. I reminded them, that there are people in the world who are capable of wanting something and letting nothing stand in their way of succeeding. I suggested that maybe they were using their previous addictions and habits as a crutch. As an excuse to not move forward. Maybe for whatever reason they were afraid to succeed in weight loss. Maybe they just weren’t ready to embrace the change. I decided not to visit the message boards anymore. I couldn’t be surrounded by negative people. By people who just wanted to make excuses for who they were. So here I am now. This time around with pregnancy I feel like I’m in a place to make the most informed decisions about my health. I will continue to monitor my calories on my website, however now I will in crease them for the baby. I want to make sure that I don’t undo all I have worked so hard to accomplish.

I can’t wait until my kids are older and I can see myself in them. I used to be afraid that they would reflect me and now I can’t wait. I can’t wait for them to be the happy kids in class. The kids who aren’t mean or bossy and take everything in stride. The kids who get up and brush it off and know that tomorrow is another day. I am actually looking forward to seeing my reflection.