But I love him

A while ago Swistle started this hilarious recount of her old diary's. We have all left comments about how we wish we had our old diary's too. Well, I DO! I have all 10 of them. In fact I have diary's from about 4th grade all the way up until I married my husband. And then I basically started blogging. I thought it might be fun to post some of my old stuff like her. I liked this idea for a couple reasons, One of them is that then no one could assume anything I was writing was bashing them, about them, revolving around them, directed toward them or hinting at them because it was written like 13 years ago and man, if you think my diary posts from 7th grade are some how subliminaly directed toward you, well you've got problems. I also thought it would be funny because a lot of my friends read my blog so they will know the guys I talk about in these entries and since that also means they know what the guy looked like, well then for them it is extra funny.

I haven't written much lately simply because I was sick of hearing that everyone thought I was secretly talking about them. It got old over thinking every word wondering if someone could read into it. It is funny, I even posted something on the Tummy Tuck blog the other day where I said I would not jump on the bandwagon and do the 30 Day Shred because personally I don't like it. I was sitting on the couch last night chatting with my cousin when it occurred to both of us that at least one person out there was going to assume I was talking about/bashing/making fun of them. I know about ten people doing the Shred right now so clearly I must have been talking about all ten of them right? In fact I was simply mentioning that I personally did not want to do it. So I did something unlike me, I went back and wrote a new post making sure that everyone knew that I have nothing against the Shred and that if any of my dieting friends out there wanted to do it they should. Inevitably I'm sure someone out there is still so vein they will assume I'm bashing them now, in these very words, which is why I've decided to start posting up diary entries for a while. So maybe everyone can just go ahead and move on and stop wasting so much fucking time reading between lines that aren't there.

With out further ado I present my first diary entry which is MORTIFYING because it seems that I LOVE EVERYONE! This was all during the time where I didn't believe in dating my pages or starting new pages for each entry. So some entries blend into each other, and some I can only tell apart if I switched pens or writing styles. I also used to write five or six times in one day because I had my own phone line so my dating status was changing as often as my phone could ring.

"Jeff asked me out so I'm happy. Scott is mad at me but Tom isn't so I'm real happy isn't that cool. I want to kiss him so bad so tomorrow I'm going to hug him."

I should mention that at this point I was not kissing boys. In fact there is an entire 300 pages before this dedicated to the fact that one boy would not date me because I didn't kiss him the last time we hung out and if I had just kissed him we would totally be together. Up until now I had only kissed one boy, one time and I totally fucked it up*. You also need to know that Scott and Tom are mega reoccuring themes in my journal because I totally LOVED them for about 400 years!

"Wuz up? Not much here. Today wuz so awesome I can't help but brag ________ is so pissed off at me and Jeff and so its like awesome and were really in love."

"Hello wuz up? nnothing much here. So I'm going out with Jeff but I really like Seth and Scott and Tom. They are just friends now and Billy is finally gone forever. I hate this it is just not fair. I totally need Billy to live but he is gone. I will always remember him as my first kiss*. Billy I really love you and want you to love me so please come back because I need you very badly."

In case your confused, yes I'm still dating Jeff and no I still haven't kissed more then one boy. Billy wasn't gone gone like moved, we were fighting, and don't you love how I embarrasingly croon away to Billy as if he is going to magically pick up my diary and read it and come running back to me? Also, I don't rememer who Seth is in the above entry.

"Hello tomorrow I'm goign to give Jeff a kiss when I see him. Cool we are going to computers next and i want to sit with him and you know become real close with him and last a long time."

"Tomorrow I am for sure going to kiss him"

"Jeff really likes me I'm so happy. I love Jeff so much he says we will last for a year that would be so perfect."

"I'm in love with Jay and Tom they are so awesome. Oh I dumped Jeff cool I'm free. I need a real boyfriend that is awesome and nice and cool and not prude so I guess that eliminates all the rest."

Poor Jeff. We only went out one week. He was way to dorky for me though. I would post a picture of him, but he is so dorky I think it would be kind of mean for him. Did you like how one moment we were totally lasting a year and then I'm like oh yeah I dumped Jeff. I was such a sweet heart huh. Also after all that I still never kissed him.

And finally you get this.

"I love Jay but I like that oy Mike in eighth grade and Andy but mom would kill me for being with him cause he hangs with Tom H. so that sucks. I'll probably end up with Mike so I'll love that. "

"Okay he likes me but is going out with Katie T. so if they break up I'll be there for him if he needs it cause I really truly love him unlike Katie. She jsut want a guy unlike me, I want love and him.

It's for sure, he's fallen into my trap and he loves me for sure. Hes written me notes even from his house witch means he thinks about me. I'm so stoked.

Well me and Mike are going out with each other and we went to a movie and he hugged me through the whole thing. Details tonight.

Were going out and its so bad (bad in a good way) we went to the movies and he put his arm around me and held me and squeezed me. Bye the end of the movie he had both arms around me and was hugging me and holding both of my hands."

Stay tuned to next time for the coolest scanned diary entry image every known. We will also discover how long Mike and I date and find out what cool new presents I got that week. And also, what exactly was my boyfriend doing with his little sisters baby sitter?