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This is a continuation of this post where I wondered if I should track down my brother and sister.

So after much hemming and hawing I went ahead and tracked my sister down on Myspace. I sent her a short note. I explained who I was, and very nicely let her know I was here if she wanted to make a connection. Here is her reply (SIC):

I know who you are. I'm not sure why you think you need to tell me I'm your "sister". I do not remember who you are. I have gone 18 years without you being in my life and you contacting me doesn't change a thing for me. I really have no interest in this situation. I have 3 brothers and i have a really good life and I dont need the drama of something that doesnt even affect my life. I have an amazing dad and a family that means the world to me, along with a great group of friends and I'm not looking for anybody to reach out and stir things up in my life. Im sorry if you were looking for something else in me, but Im going to please ask you and your family to just let it go and leave me and my brothers alone. If for some reason you and your family dont want to respect my request, you can call my mom. I hope you dont decide to take that path and just let things go. I know what i need to know about my birth father and i dont need to know anything else. I have moved on and i live my own life without the past and want to move on. Im sure this is not what you want to hear, but please respect what i am saying and let it go.

Well. Theres that. I must say, I always expected her to not want a relationship, or feel like we were sisters, however I never expected her to be so hateful. I guess since I will never know what awful things her mom said her, I will never understand why she is was so awful about it all. The saddest part is since she was only 3 she may not remember me but I was old enough to remember her well. I have tons of memories of her. How she used to call Nylons Newlons, or the time she stomped on a Christmas album because we couldn't hear, "Grandma Got Ran Over By A Raindeer," one more time. I remember seeing the video of her moms ultrasound when she was pregnant with Nick, and how our dad was so ridiculously happy because Nick twiddled his food in utero the same way my grandma, dad and myself all did. It is sad she won't ever know how much her dad actually loved her. Or that she had a whole entire family out there who loved her.

More then anything it is sad she wants nothing to do with any of the family. My motto has always been, "You can never have to much family." I guess most people in this world disagree, as proved by the problems going on in my own family now. However, someday when she has kids maybe then she will understand the damage her mom did lying to her so much. She will probably grow up wishing she had more family. At some point I'm sure she will want to know more about who she is. About music she loves, or why she is maybe better at math then English. Why she probably loves animals, and maybe soft batch cookies.

While I am relieved that I don't have to forge some giant relationship with this person, because as I see it I have enough shit going on, I would have loved the opportunity to at least tell her some truth about her family so she could have grown up, knowing she was loved by all of us, that her family wasn't all bad, and that there was actually a lot of positive in her life.

Like I said, mostly I'm sad she was so rude in her letter. Had that been me, I probably wouldn't have tried to make us sisters, but I wouldn't have minded being friends. I guess truth is over rated, and sometimes it seems it is easier living lies.

I did write her back a short note, telling her I was sorry, and that I will respect her wishes, but I'm here if she ever changes her mind. From what I can tell she seems like the person who will simply delete the letter with out reading it. I think I agree with my mom, knowing what I know about her family, I think she is missing out on a great friend, and a chance to meet two really great kids.

Onto bigger and better things now right!

A perfect post

Petra, at Petroville started this thing called the perfect post award. Every month her friends award certain people an award based on one post they wrote for the month.

Last month I wrote this post. I wrote differently when I did this post. I was angry, and upset, and mostly defeated. I didn't edit it, I didn't prethink it, I just wrote. I just opened my blog let out of a flood of emotions and went with it. I was astonished when I got 13 comments (a lot for my little blog I'm longing for the day of 100) because to me, this was just a quick note, a girl jotting down what was on her mind. No humor just raw emotion. I was triple shocked when I signed on this morning to see that Jodifur a long time reader had given me this.
You can follow the button to here, where the award is posted. Thank you Jodi (I call you that even if it isn't right, sorry) . I appreciate it. Your comments and emails that day, and also Devras were a giant huge relief. Sometimes, you just need to know your not alone. So again, thank you.