It never happened

Whatever we do, we will never ever talk about the cookies I just tried to make. We will never discuss how I dumped in a cup or more (I sooo wasn't measuring) of vegetable oil in place of shortening. We absolutely will not discuss how I was out of chocolate chips so I lovingly unwrapped over 40 Hersheys kisses and mashed them in my food processor. We will forget about how I didn't read the directions and just threw it all in one giant bowl and attempted to mix it all. And honestly we won't talk about how after I baked them they smelled sort of funny and came out with burned bottoms and tasted like rotten shit! Nope, I'm going to go clean everything out right now and light a smelly candle so that in the morning when I come in the kitchen there will be no evidence of the cookies that never were!

Random tidbits for today

I call this queer eye for the straight home invader

Clearly the gallons of coffee I'm drinking are not affecting this one.

I have to drink that much coffee not because I have a newborn, noooo but because I have a 2 year old.

Seriously if I could bottle his energy and add some tasty fruit flavors I'd be a bazillionair by now. At night he starts going bonkers and it makes my brain tired just to watch him, never mind what it does to my body trying to keep up.

After I took the first picture up there Brandon looked at me and said "try again mama".

And Codi just wants to sleep man.

I have a bunch of Hersheys kisses in my house right now. I can't stop eating them and I'm supposed to be dieting right now. So last night I got this idea that I would cut em up and bake cookies with them for the hubs to take to work. That led to me dreaming of effing cookies ALL NIGHT LONG! This led to even stranger dreams about grocery shopping, and baking with Ginger, and boy my head was going all night long.

There is something only people with kids and pets can understand. That is the paralyzing fear that goes through your body when you hear a noise in another room. Not because you are worried your kid/pet got hurt, but because you are terrified of WHAT IN THE FUCK THEY HAVE DONE NOW. For example yesterday I heard a little bit of noise and went in Brandons room to see he had climbed on his dresser and pulled down all his dvds. He then pulled all the jacket photos out of them, and all the dvds out of the cases. Then he dumped out ALL OF HIS CRAYONS (he has like 60 that he has access to right now), pulled out all of his coloring books, took all the sheets off his bed, got down all his stuffies, rearranged all his chairs, thrown all the books off his table, pulled out the pieces to his play mat and was sitting at his table like an angel when I walked in there, and all I heard was a little teeny noise.

No wonder I'm so thirsty...I'm sucking the life out of me.

I have this irrational need to hurry up and replace any milk right after it is used.

My son has an irrational need to be in every picture I take.

I swear I've brought about 5 burp rags out into the living room in the last 24 hours, so tell me why I just had to go sprinting into Codi's room to grab a rag when he spit?

Eeee haw

There is a reason I told people to stop buying my child toys. The kid would rather play with my 20 something year old toys then new ones. Seriously his most favorite toy is my old wooden shoe cobbler toy. Its got little wooden nails that you hammer through it with a tiny wooden hammer...That is his all time favorite toy and now he has the horse. So see stop buying this kid junk.

Wearing a tiny bathrobe makes two year olds cuter. (I believe this is what Em refers to as a dressing robe?)

Telling a 2 year old to stop touching his baby brother because he is sick is like telling me to stop touching Hershey's because I'm fat. IT DOESN'T WORK! That would explain why Codi has been woken up about 895869845niner times this morning.

Clearly his cheeks are taking over the world...I can't stop kissing him and saying numm numm numm, he probably thinks I'm really weird. It is so much different this time around now worrying that my child is getting enough to eat.

I'm a mission to see just how many Hersheys kisses one person can eat in ten minutes! Thats a good way to get em all out of the house right?

Bed time now involves all four of his current favorite stuffed animals. Not pictured but included in the bed are his tumbling tigger doll (Seriously full of parts so don't know how he is cuddling it because it is hard but whatever), and Elmo. Every night he gets in bed and says Mama I need Alex (this means turn on Madagascar), then he says I need Elmo, so I give him his Elmo, then he says, I need Tigger, so I run around the house and find that, then he says I need elephant, so I give him that, and then he says he needs Memo, so I give him that. Then he makes me lay down and use elephant as a pillow and then makes Memo start talking adnausium while Tigger starts doing tumbles on my head...makes for a real comfortable cuddling experience.