A very very bad idea for moms

You know back in my younger days I used to love my low slung jeans. I had a pretty cute butt then so I didn't mind when I bent over and you saw a little of it. Then I grew up got a real ass and bought better pants and a super belt. No more bending over and seeing my butt, or as I call it my jiggly fat. No more spare skin tire rolling out over the top of my jeans. I was now stuffed safely inside my big girl pants and strapped in extra tight with my jumbo wumbo belt. I've done pretty good lately about buying normal pants but sometimes when I'm in a hurry at the store I just grab my size and go. Sometimes low pants are still cute with the right shirt for a night out or something. However they are NOT GOOD FOR MOMS. This morning I was in a hurry so I ran in my closet and grabbed the first jeans I saw. I noticed they were a little low but didn't have the patience to bother with belt loops. So I got the bight idea of putting on a longer shirt. I was out the door in no time. I arrive at work to discover my long shirt is only considered long with normal jeans. Okay fine. I'll just keep my butt in my chair all day and no one will notice, right. WRONG! When my son finally took a nap I figured now was a good time to pick up all the color crayons off the floor. OOOPS. thats right I'm down on my hands and knees with my granny panties sprawling out of my pants for everyone to see and my butt crack (am I allowed to say butt crack on here?) peaking out of those. It was mortifying. I ran over and closed my office door and scurried around trying to find all the rest of the Crayola's and then planted my butt back in my chair. THIS IS WHY IT IS A BAD IDEA FOR MOMS TO BUY LOW JEANS AND AN EVEN WORSE IDEA FOR MOMS TO FORGET THEIR BELT.



Never forget your belt moms. In fact just go buy enough belts for all your jeans so they are pre-looped and you don't even have to make an effort in the morning.

FUNNY FARTING KIDS

SO MY THREE YEAR OLD NIECE MAZZIE IS AT MY WORK TODAY PLAYING WITH MY SON. ALL THE SUDDEN MY OFFICE STARTED TO SMELL LIKE POOP REALLY BAD. SO I PICKED UP THE BOY AND SNIFFED HIS BUTT AND IT WASN'T HIM. SO I ASK HER IF SHE HAS TO GO POTTY AND SHE SAYS NO. I WALK AWAY AND THE SMELL IS STILL THERE. THIS IS HOW THE CONVERSATION WENT

SHANNON: MAZZIE DID YOU POOP

MAZZIE: NO

SHANNON: ARE YOU SURE, CAN I CHECK

MAZZIE: OKAY

SHANNON: CHECKS, SURE ENOUGH NO POOP

SHANNON: DID YOU FART

MAZZIE: YES GOSH

SHANNON: YOU SHOULD SAY EXCUSE ME WHEN YOU DO THAT

MAZZIE: NO AH YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL

SHANNON: HA HA HA HA HA

THIS WAS SOOOO FUNNY. BECAUSE I GUESS SHE IS RIGHT HUH.

I NEED HELP MOMS

Okay it is time for me to tell you all my dirty little secret. My son is 15.5 months old and I'm still nursing. Shhhhhh gosh I can hear your screams of horror all the way from here. Hang on let me put some cotton in my ears....Okay I'm back. Okay so up until 24 hours ago I was a full time nursing mom. This isn't all my fault. Okay its mostly my fault. While I was pregnant I listened to people rant and rave about the wonders of breastfeeding. How much money I would save on formula, how wonderful it is for my child and so on. So since I'm super insane mom who takes everything to extremes I decided that not only was breast feeding best feeding it was only feeding. Don't get me wrong, occasionally I would pump and let my husband use a bottle but then I heard those little voices of the leche nurses in my head screaming "nipple confusion, dry up and so on." Aside from all this my son was very ummm how do I say this, he was an independent thinker. When he was two weeks old the doctor advised me that if this kid was going to ever take a bottle or a pacifier I would have to introduce it then because he was going to be very picky, determined and in control. Well I never gave him a pacifier because I've heard so much bad about it and I barely gave him the bottle and guess what? My son became a boob man. He pulls my shirt down in public he squeezes my moms boobs to tell her to take him to me and so on. There is another side to this though. I LOVED NURSING. It was the most intimate special bonding time with my son. He really had no where else to look but right up into my eyes and I never got sick of looking right back at him. It was like at those moments I knew that I was nourishing my son and I was helping him in a way only a mother could. I was protecting him fro allergies, and making him a better reader and keeping him 100% organic (minus that one Krispy Kreme my dad gave him at two months).

Anyway now on to the real problem at hand. I haven't nursed in 24 hours. Yes I finally decided I was done nursing. But now my boobs feel like two giant cantaloupes stuffed in a bra.



I don't know what to do. I woke up this morning leaking milk and feeling like my boob was going to blow up. Don't even get me started on how I felt when I tried to put on a bra. I'm pretty sure I have a giant boulder lodged in my boob.



So here is what I need. I need some advice on what I can really do to make this stop. I returned my pump already but I'm pretty sure pumping wouldn't help because I would just keep producing milk. I have heard the old wives tale about cabbage leaves but come on people I work full time around a bunch of guys I can't go to work with cabbage in my boobs.



So please send your advice before this happens to me.