I think I figured it out

I was reading Oprahs magazine tonight and it was talking about how in order to change your eating habits and exercise habits you have to reprogram your brain to think it is getting a reward. And it has to be a good reward and one that is daily. So I figured it out. Every time I go work out I get to read my friends blogs. I have become pretty addicted to blogs so that is why it will give me a total dopamine rush to come home from working out and read my blogs. However I still get to post blogs because I need the release. So what I come up with for that is that every time I'm good with my eating for an hour I'm allowed to blog. So if I eat chocolate and then I want to post for the next hour even if I am dying to do it. This means if you don't hear anything from me for a few days its because I'm super sucking at being healthy like I wanted. I still think I will start the exercise part next Tuesday. So wish me luck. See ya.

The day of the random posts

Can my posts be any more random and boring? And, Really can I write any more posts in one day? I mean really whats my problem? I'm like some weird posty blog girl that can't stop. Maybe I need to vacuum out my brain and get rid of all the crap that is just jumbling up in there. Seriously what is this post number fiftyteen or something? I'm so lost anymore. O man my son is screaming again gotta go get him.

I wish I could SEES you

Wow! I am having a severe "I NEED SOME CHOCOLATE" moment and all I can find is 4, yes! FOUR! Hersheys kisses. Where is a Sees candy when you need one? I'm going to start a wish list on here and fill it up with chocolate.

O my fuck

Ha! So my friend Stephanie is also a friend of a few of my exes. Last night we were sitting around being all dipshitty and looking through our year book and I got all nostalgic about talking to one of my exes. Not because I like him or I miss him because I'm very married to an amazing man, more just because we had some really awesome times together and it sucks that we don't talk any more because they were sorta cool. So Steph and I got the bright idea that I should email them. This is how that email would probably go:
DEAR FUCKER,
I WAS TALKING TO STEPHANIE ABOUT LAST NIGHT AND TELLING HER WHAT A TOTAL FUCK YOU WERE. I SAW OUR YEARBOOK AND IT SAID FADE TO BLACK AND I GOT ALL NOSTALGIC. THEN I WAS SITTING AT WORK AND CAME ACROSS THAT SONG AND SWOONED A LITTLE. THEN I WAS TELLING STEPHANIE SHE SHOULD GET HIGH AND I REMEMBERED ALL THOSE TIMES SITTING IN YOUR CAMERO GETTING REALLY HIGH TOGETHER AND THE TOTALLY FUCKINESS OF ALL THIS MADE ME WISH I WAS REALLY REALLY HIGH OR SOMETHING SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL THESE FUCKITY EMOTIONS I'M HAVING AND DIDNT HAVE TO BE ALL SAPPY BECAUSE I MISS YOUR SMILE OR SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT. AND I DONT' KNOW WHY I CARE ABOUT EMAILING YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE A TOTAL ASSHOLE FOR THE MAJORITY OF THE TIME WE WERE TOGETHER EXCEPT THOSE LIKE TWO TIMES YOU DID SOME PRETTY SWEET THINGS. AND I'M TOTALLY MARRIED SO WHY DO I EVEN GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WRITING YOU? YEAH SO HERES YOUR EMAIL ASSHOLE

This whole situation has caused me to eat a whole lot of celery and cream cheese because I'm trying to be healthy but still need to shove something in my mouth before I freak the fuck out. Then we get it in our head that maybe I should email Kylen to my other ex (if you can really call a fuck buddy you had for 5 years an ex) and his email was going to look like this.

HI FUCKER. DON'T KNOW WHY I'M WRITING YOU. I HEARD A SONG THAT REMINDED ME OF YOU THE OTHER DAY. ALL YOU WERE GOOD FOR WAS TO LOOK AT AND TO FUCK WHEN I WAS LONELY. BOY YOU MISSED OUT ON A GOOD THING. DON'T YOU WISH YOU HAD PICKED ME ALL THOSE YEARS AGO. I DONT BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE FAITHFUL FOR SHIT. HA HA HA AH AH BUT DAMN YOU SURE WERE FUN TO LOOK AT AND A GREAT PIECE OF MEAT. MY HUSBAND THANKS YOU FOR LEAVING ME FOR HIM TO FIND BECAUSE NOW I MAKE HIS LIFE SO GREAT AND YOUR SUCKS. HA HA HA

Hmm do I sound bitter. Fucking fucks. Gosh I dated some pieces of shit. Thank God I found my husband who is so amazing sometimes I wonder how in the hell he got stuck with me in the first place. It must be right though because somehow we made the worlds most perfect little boy.

I resolve to just say Fuck it this year this is me you love it or you hate it, (but, please, LOVE IT)

It's the 28th today. Holy shit! Where did this year go. I feel like ever since I had Brandon the days just fly by and I hate that. New years is around the corner and I don't know what to do with myself. I have this dumb shit rule that on holidays like New Years I prefer not to go out because someone got it in my head that since there is so much drunk driving about that its not a good idea to have both parents out in the same car in case someone wrecks into us. That means that for the last two years (the first year I was pregnant so I counted as a parent) my husband and I have done nothing. After all I don't want to let my New Year celebration be the cause of my son losing both his parents because some teeny bopper got drunk and smashed into us. (Oh gosh do I sound old! OLD, capital OLD not just a little OLD but OLD and moldy OLD) We sit at home and pass out before 9:00 and feel like asses in the morning that we didn't even have a first kiss. Every year I ask Rob if he wants to go out with his friends and he says no because he feels dorky not having anyone to kiss at midnight (a better answer would be "no baby I want to stay home because I love you and the night wouldn't be the same with out you" HA, never happen!) So this new years we you will again be able to find me at home in my bed or perhaps rebelling a little and playing an action packed game of yahoo Gin. Go GIN Buddies!

New Years has also brought upon the whole resolution crap talk. Like anyone ever follows their resolutions. One year I resolved to learn to knit or crochet (thats right I don't know the difference, I wanted to do the one with the little hooky thing and not the chopsticks). I got as far as making a big long rope that pretty much fell apart and I gave up. I'm sure probably 20 out of the 25 years I've been around I resolved to lose 20 pounds. HA, no, really, HA! The only people who will have luck with that gay ass resolution are those smart enough to go get a tummy tuck or their stomachs stapled on December 31st. Ooo yeah I also resolved to be a better friend (or some bullshit like that) only I realized in order to be a better friend I needed to have better friends to be a good friend to so maybe I should have resolved to kick my shit ass friends to the curb (I totally succeeded with that last year GO ME). My husband resolved to quit saying Goddammit but then he realized that I make him say Goddammit to much to ever quite saying Goddammit because apparently something about me makes him so angry sometimes HE JUST HAS TO TAKE THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN. (Dear God please forgive me for just writing Goddammit three no now four times, but hey have you noticed what an effort I've been making to write gosh instead of God and that I totally learned to capitalize the "G" out of respect now? Go me!)

Maybe this year I should resolve to be a total bad ass or to be super awesome or something. WAIT! I already am SUPER AWESOME! I guess maybe a more realistic resolution would just be to be healthier for my son and to set a better example. Not to lose weight or diet but just be healthier. I was doing good for quite a while but I think I fell of the healthy wagon and landed in the lake of chocolate and junk food. I could make a resolution to blog daily. But then what if I didn't, would I be a total fuck up because I was having an off day. Then should I feel guilty all year because I let down the 5 readers I have. I should resolve to cut back on diet soda's but really, REALLY! now why would I do that? I should resolve to stop writing such crappy ass boring blogs and start putting some oomph into them. YA uh hu cuz my life is so full of oomphy things. I'm just full of excitement here. I won't even go out on New Years and I am complaining I have nothing interesting to write about.

I'm going to go now. Off to work to sit and think about what a boring humdrum New Years I'll be having while all my friends are out being drunk assholes. Oh how I miss being a drunk asshole. Except, NOT REALLY!