Oh shit

I can't think of anything else to say but OH SHIT!

Sigh! Boys!

PHATSO PHOTOS WEEK 3

LAST WEEK

THIS WEEK

HERE I AM THIS WEEK, I MOVED ROOMS, MAYBE THE DIFFERENT WALL COLOR WILL MAKE ME LOOK THINNER! PRETTY SURE THIS WEEK I WONT SEE MUCH CHANGE ON THE SCALE, SINCE I KEPT FINDING MY WAY TO TACO BELL, BURGER KING, FRENCH FRIES AND EVEN SPAGHETTI. IT WILL BE A MIRACLE IF I DON'T END UP BACK WHERE I STARTED.
*Yes I know, same jeans both weeks, but I'm not feelin like buying new clothes till I lose and keep a lot more weight off. Sooo, these are my smallest jeans right now, so they get worn the most often. So, unless your buying me new jeans, don't laugh at me for wearing the same ones all the time. Got It!

No real point, just a memory

I was giving Brandon a bath today and all the sudden he got this funny look on his face like he was about to take a dump in the tub. Up to now we have been very lucky not to encounter any floating logs or COWS as Jenny McCarthy's son put it. Luckily there was no poopoo but it reminded me of Brandon's first or second bath. We had just finished and pulled him out. We wrapped him up in his little towel that used to wrap around him 43 times and now, barely wraps around once and leaves his little feet dangling out. Anyway I got him all swaddled in his little hoodie towel when SPLOOOSH SPWIKWAT BOOOOOM. I look down and his little cream colored towel was MUSTARD YELLOW! Rob and I just looked at each other. We didn't know what to do. We were novices at this parenting thing. What do we do? Do we re-bathe him, or baby wipe him or...stand there and look like dumb asses? We chose to stand there looking like idiots and then we wiped him down with the towel and then baby wiped him. The whole situation was pretty funny. It was like he purposely held it all in just to mess with us. It was as if he was letting us know from that point on that he was running the show. Ahhh my little boy.

Right now, he is sitting her taking a bite out of a Cheeto and then giving me the other half. It is so cute.

A must read

I stumbled across this blog New Years Day. I found it on Amalahs website. You must read this. With about 34 boxes of tissue. There is an order in which to read and follow this story as not to ruin the surprise. Emery, if you haven't read this yet, you must, because I think you will fall in love with Karla like me.

Start here, http://babycadeau.blogspot.com/

Then, watch this

I will wait while you get the tissues.

Read that post. After you have read that and watched, Click here this will take you to the beginning of the archives in Karlas new blog. You have to read it from start to finish to appreciate the beauty of it all. It is, the most amazing thing I've ever read. I've never found a couple more strong and courageous as these two. They showed me more about who I am inside and who I hope to be, then I could ever imagine. Read it. I read the entire thing in one day and haven't been able to stop since. This is the most inspiring story ever. And it does have a happy ending, so keep that in mind while you are cursing me through blinding tears OKAY!

Now, go read it. Right away.

3:40AM

I don't like 3:40 AM. I hate seeing this time on the clock. I don't understand why my son has decided to start waking up this early but my eyes and my head aren't very impressed. How on earth do I get this kid to go back to sleeping until 430 or 5:00 AM?

Ouch

At what point will I learn that no matter how good it feels to shove a Qtip allllll the way down in my ear and swirl it around to itch in there, that the next day my ears are going to hurt really really bad? I mean really, I do this shit at least once a week. And then, when they hurt I keep sticking my fingers in them and wiggling them around and guess what?
THAT DOESN'T MAKE THEM FEEL ANY BETTER. Someone needs to confiscate my Qtip supply. Although, that wouldn't really help because I also love sticking paper clips in my ears. And, you can't hide all the paper clips in the world.

Brandon

My next letter to my son will go something like this.

Dear Brandon,
I realize that some day, with all the advances in education you will probably be smarter then me. But, really son, right now, while you are a little baby, can you at least let mom think she is smarter then you. You don't have to show me all the time that you can outsmart me. I know that you can reach the counter, you don't have to pull out the drawers and climb them to show me. You don't have to run to daddy when mom says no, to show me that you can have anything you want. You don't have to remove your DVD, put it back in, push power, push play and start your movie over just to show me that you can do it. You don't have to plug and unplug my computer 43 times a day, I know how to do it just fine. It really is okay for my keyboard at work to stay plugged in. I know you like to show me that you can unplug it but really, I remember that from the last 33 times you did it. Also I am very proud that you can open doors now, but you don't have to show me that while I'm butt naked in the dressing room, I don't think the people at Old Navy wanted to see my jigglies 4 times in one day. I get that you can maneuver out of anything, but JUST ONCE, can you please please, stay seated in the shopping cart? Although using the self check thingy at the grocery store has proved quite challenging for me, I don't need you to jump into the cart and start launching yogurt and soup at me and the scanner to show us you know how to do it. I am proud that you can push stuff around and use it as a stool but please please stop pushing your stool next to my desk so you can climb up and take my pens, they are very happy in their pen holder. I am very glad you know how to feed yourself, but mom is very capable of feeding herself and I really don't need help shoving macaronis and cheetos in my mouth. Also I know how to drink from a cup so please stop shoving your sippy straw cup in my mouth, it makes me feel like I'm messy. I realize I spill most stuff on me, but I don't need you to point that out by offering your straw to me. I am very proud that you know how to open drawers, even the child proof ones. You don't have to remind me you know how to do this by getting in the drawer and getting out the bag of very very expensive dog treats and feeding the whole bag to the dogs while no one is looking. I also know you can open cabinet doors very well so you can stop hiding your milk in my pots and pans to remind me that you know how to do that. I am very proud that you know to put the toilet paper in the toilet but you don't have to illustrate this point by putting the entire roll in there and then smooshing it down with the plunger. I know that you can get your own milk from the fridge, and get your own cheetos, and you can do everything on your own, but maybe sometimes you can let mom do some stuff for you so she still feels a little needed. In fact, I would be perfectly fine if you would please put on your footie pajamas, and come fall asleep on my chest so I can pretend just for a day that you are still my little baby and not my big boy.

Love mom.

you wish you could sound sexy like me

First I would like to take a second to thank Emery for passing her stuffy, sneezy, coughy thing over to me. I know she secretly embedded the virus in her blog and thats how I got it! I'm at work today and this is how I am supposed to answer the phone:

Good morning Weakland's Heating & Air Condtioning Shannon Speaking.

Here is what I am saying:
Dood Borning WEkalkdaf Hetting & aaachoooo Conditioning Sharon smeekang

Sigh. If I never see another tissue I wouldn't mind...Cept actually I'm out of tissue which means I'm now wiping mine and Brandons boogers on my shirt.

You know your sick when

You are walking around your house with a tissue half stuffed up one side of your nose and half dangling out because its running so much. I toyed with the idea of giving ya'll a picture...but I would lost all credibility if I did that. So, for now you just get to make your own visual of how silly I look with my tissue dangling from my nose.

I knew this day would come

I knew when I had a boy there would be certain milestones that came with that.

Climbing things Check
Loud farts Check
Shooting diaper poops Check check

and today...

Tasting Dog bones Check

Also..throwing up dog bones..check check

Right on schedule

Meltiness

Sometimes, there are those pictures. The ones that just make your heart melt. The ones that at the same time make you see just how BIG your LITTLE boy is getting. He wants to be just like daddy. Sniff sniff.

AN OPEN LETTER TO MOMS WHO THINK THEY KNOW BETTER THEN THEIR CHILD

To all moms who think they know better then their child. When your child lets you know he is done eating and wants out of their high chair, LISTEN TO THEM! Don't think you know better, don't think it is okay to leave him there for just a few more seconds while you finish watching CSI! Go get that child out before this happens to you!

look how far he threw em...that is some arm huh?

Yes...I can still find things to whine about HA!

As I mentioned before, I've recently lost 14 lbs and 2 inches from my waist. That doesn't mean though that I don't wake up every morning and repeat the same prayer I have said every day for the last 24 years while putting on my jeans...
Please fit, please fit, please fit..please o please zip up!

It is funny that I still say this. Because, at this point every pair of jeans in my closet fit. I can't help but wonder if I keep losing weight, if 20 lbs from now I will still be praying that my jeans pull up past my thighs just this once. It is weird to pull my jeans fresh out of the dryer and not have to do the shimmy hip shake just to wiggle my jeans up past my thighs. Will I always be a fat girl at heart?

Pros to losing weight:

• My jeans fit.
  
• My belt fits...and not just on the last belt hole.
• I barely have a muffin top anymore (I had to explain to my husband last night what a muffin top was, complete with a demonstration and all, he laughed because "I can't believe you girls actually have a word for that" Pshaw, we have a word for everything!)
• My boobs look great, since they don't compete for space with my belly
• I don't have to plan my outfit around FAT pants anymore
• I can dry my clothes on Extra Hot now and not worry about my jeans "shrinking" (because thats what happened, my jeans keep shrinking, its not that I'm getting fatter or anything, its just because I dried on high heat and shrunk em, right?)
  

Cons to losing weight:

• After an hour, instead of your jeans relaxing to look perfect, they relax and get so saggy that you look like you grew a 10" dick and took a 30 pound shit in your pants and the hip section sags to bad it looks like you birthed 43 kids.
• None of your pants actually fit, not even when you are bloated on your period
• My shirts are all pretty much too big, so I look all weird and saggy now
• My boobs shrunk, so now my bra does this weird thing where it kind of folds in half in the front since there is nothing to fill it
• My glasses don't fit my face anymore since they are all stretched from Chubby Face Shannon

Ahhh. Isn't it just like me to find something to complain about even thought I'm losing weight? Things just wouldn't be right if I lost this much weight and had nothing at all to whine about right?

A post that never should have been

Yesterdays post. Sigh! I'm still not sure I was ready to write that. I'm not even sure I was ready to feel that. More then anything I feel bad that I got so serious. I mean I try and keep this site funny and witty and humorous and then I go get all deep on you. My goal is to be interesting enough to finally be noticed by Amalah and get a link on her page. Or even just a mention would make me happy since she is the goddess of all mommy blogs.

Another reason I'm not so sure about yesterdays post is, I'm not so sure I should be allowed to feel that way. I'm married. Doesn't that mean that I should never think of another man? Or is it okay that I still harbor feelings for "the one who once was?" Part of me is ashamed I've gone and admitted to you all that I secretly wonder what if. Part of me is afraid you will think I love my husband any less because I have these feelings for this other guy. That is not the case though. In fact it is the opposite. I love Rob even more knowing how things turned out. I love him more every day knowing he chooses to go to work every day to support Brandon and I rather then chasing empty dreams like the other guy would have. I love him more knowing he is there for his son rather then making him a burden. I love him more knowing that he comes home every night to me, and I never have to question if he will be there tomorrow. I think the other guy is just dreams of my past. Dreams of the girl I once was.

I used to be this other person. This girl who went out and did wild things. I had fun. I yelled and screamed and sang and danced and shouted at the moon. I dressed cool and did my hair and gave a shit. Guys looked at me and wanted me and chased me. I dated all the guys you wished you could date and then some. I was this amazing girl who actually did stuff. If I wanted to go, I went. If I wanted it, I found a way to get it. And now.

Now, I'm just someones mom and wife. Guys don't look at me anymore. No one chases me or yearns for my kiss. There are no more love notes from admirers on my car when I leave work. No more wild trips to California to make memories with some guy who was cute somewhere near exit 43. If I want something now, I rationalize the cost of it. I wonder if I really need it or if I can live with out it. If I want to go somewhere now, I usually don't because, really, I have a son and what kind of mom takes off and enjoys her life, while her husband is stuck at home watching their son. That is no way to be. Now, I'm just some girl dreaming over a love she once had, holding onto the little bit of youth left in her. I'm just some girl yearning to be on a bike ride with her best friend. Riding no where, with no purpose, no plan, no reason, just riding.

All of my friends read that post and thought it was so deep. But really, it was just me whining about what I no longer have. I talk shit about those moms who run around leaving their kids at home. Those moms who go to clubs at night while someone else sits at home with their child. Those moms who think of their kid as an accessory. All the while I'm sitting here dreaming that just for one day, I could be that girl again. That girl who went to a show, to see a boy, and have a drink, and make out behind the club. Just to be that free one more time.

Is that what happens to all of us? Do we all grow up and secretly dream of the person we once were? Or am I the only one who changed so much? Are other moms not dreaming this because they are still that person? I keep hoping some day that I can have a daughter. So I can watch her enjoy life like me. I can't wait to encourage her to date and play and go on road trips. Let her know it doesn't always have to be serious. Relationships don't always have to be meaningful. You don't always have to conform. It's okay to have a tattoo at 15 and dye your hair and try different clothes and try different guys. But I would let her know that she needs to cherish every second of her childhood and her teens. Because someday, shes going to grow up, and be a mom and she will sit there wishing she had all those times back.

And I guess, really, I would rather wish to have those times back, then to have never had them at all. I would rather know what its like to hurt over a lost love or 20 lost loves, then to never know at all, because I was so serious in school. Or because all I had were serious long term relationships. Maybe I didn't lose myself at all. Maybe all these memories are helping me find that girl. Maybe I got on my bike that day for a reason. Because that girl was back in my subconscious screaming out to me to go, ride, let my hair blow in the breeze. Go, for just a minute and be alone. Leave your son and your husband and ride away from it all. Just not to far. Just down the street. Just long enough to remember, that girl was there. She really existed.

My mom wrote this poem once, it started out,
"growing wild and running free, thats what they say about you and me.."

Only my version would be, "growing wild and running free, thats what they USED to say about you and me!"

But thats okay right? It's okay that I USED to be that girl? Its okay that I want to remember that boy and those feelings. Its okay to dream that had I chosen him I would be living this wild haphazard life. Its okay, because at the end of the day, I always come back to reality right? And, no matter what, I never forget that I made the right choice. I chose to settle down, and be the best wife I can be, and the best mom I can be. So in another 20 years I can look back and remember, all these times. And I can yearn for the days when my little boy was still little, and I can know, that in the end I made all the best choices for my son and my husband, and of course, I made all the best choices for me. And, I can go for a bike ride and remember that girl I was 40 years ago. I can laugh about her. I can be happy knowing at one point, I was her. At one point, I was growing wild and running free. Because in the end isn't that all that matters? Doesn't it only matter that you were once that person, that no matter what you were a person you loved?

All of this from a stupid little bike ride

Do you have one of those friends, the friends that no matter what you just can't let go? I do. AND, that friend is a boy. Ugggg. This is one of those blogs I don't think I was ready to write. I'm not sure I'll really ever be ready to write about him. His name is Jeremy. Writing his name right now is causing my heart to twist up in funny ways. Its like that song by Wynona Judd, that says, "I still catch my breath when someone mentions you", ITS JUST LIKE THAT! It's like, the kind of thing, you could never describe in a blog. It could never do justice to the profound bond I had with him. Its like trying to describe your love for you child. How do you describe 17 years of history?

Jerm and I met in 2nd grade. He was so dorky and so cute at the same time. We started dating, you know, elementary love. He had a hard life. No way around it, Jerm got the shit end of the stick. So he spent a lot of time at my house. I didn't live far, just a bike ride away. Thats what we did. We rode bikes together. We rode to school, to each others house, to the 7-11 for 7-up and Snickers ice creams, we rode up and down the street, we rode circles around each other, we rode just for the sake of nothing better to do. Jeremy and Shannon. We were best friends. Even though we quit dating we were still friends. We always joked that we were each others longest relationship since we technically never broke up. We never kissed or anything like that, well, at least not for about 10 years. Jerm always stuck up for me no matter what, and hung with me even when we became two completely different people. When high school rolled around at different times we both liked each other but we never seemed to get it right. He was dating someone, I was dating someone, or the strength of our friendship would get in the way and make it weird. I found this quote once:

"A boy and a girl can be friends, at some point he will like her and at some point she will like him, but at what point do they both like each other, maybe just maybe, it never happens?"

This is how it was with he and I. Where we ever going to get it right? Jeremy is a mosh rocker lead singer of a band. I'm a preppy, love song laid back kinda gal. We both have tattoos and love to stir up shit, we both love a good party, Vans and camo stuff and for the longest time we both loved each other. Just seemed like it was never enough. He was always so goofy and had this silly grin that I never seemed to take him serious.

Then suddenly when I was about 19 I think we both just opened our eyes and saw two totally different people staring back. We worked together and saw each other every day. I realized I was dressing to impress him, and I always had a reason to run into the back when he was there. I felt like a little kid with a silly crush, only this was a crush I knew could hurt me. One day, in the back by the refrigerator we kissed. Our very first kiss. WOW! It was so crazy. This guy, who had been my goofy friend was suddenly screaming with sex appeal. His touch made me shiver and his kiss sent me through the moon. I was shocked. I think we both were. He said he always knew it would be right, I asked him why he never let me know. I guess he was just waiting for me to figure it out on my own. At this same time I met Rob. I was fragile I hadn't really dated since Eli and the last thing I wanted was love or anything serious. Jeremy and I got so close so fast. The question of sex started popping up and I freaked out. I mean one second we would be making out and I was dumbfounded by his body and the next second I would be running away thinking, this is goofy Jeremy. I think more then anything I was terrified of the feelings I knew would come with going all the way with him.

Late one night I was at Rob's on his patio and Jerm called, we were talking and all the sudden he said "Shannon I love you!" I hung up. Just like that, I closed my phone and hung up. He called back and repeated it thinking my phone died. I said, Jeremy, I just can't right now and hung up. SNAP I shut the phone and SNAP my heart stopped. I stood there, trying to ask myself if I really knew what I was doing. Did I realize this was my last chance. I understood it. I understood I had just thrown away ten plus years of the greatest friendship in my life. I walked into Robs room, got in his bed and waited for him to come home. Jeremy and I didn't talk for nearly a year. When I saw him, my heart would stop. Instantly the questions would pop into my head. Did I make the right choice, what was I thinking, there is my life right there. I would look at him and see the anger and the hurt and at the same time I could see he moved on from me.

Then I got married. He was invited and he swore he would be there. He wasn't there for the ceremony but seconds later after guests threw bird seed I came running down the stairs with my new husband, I looked up and saw him, standing there about twenty feet away. My heart stopped. More like it died. Why was he so far away? Could he not bear to actually see me get married? Or was he just late and I was being totally narcissistic? I told myself, he just couldn't bear to watch me get married to another guy. He looked amazing. In his gray trouser shorts and black socks and black shoes and a black button up long sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up so you could see the star tattoos just below his elbows. His hair was kinda black and long and I was furious that he showed up looking so amazing. We danced and for a brief moment I wondered if I should grab him and run away. Just run off into the other life I was so afraid to lead.

But. I didn't I let him go about his life and I went about mine. Rob and I got pregnant and then Jerm came back to work for us. Every day I would see him and every single day I would wonder. What if, what if, what if. What if I had chosen him that night. What if I never hung up? But I knew what if. I knew, we would be living in a broke down apartment. He wouldn't have a car, I would be broke, we would never be able to just drive and listen to music together because I hated his music. Every day he came to work and every day I pushed the thoughts of us behind. I had my son. My perfect little boy and I knew that everything was as it was meant to be. I knew I needed to let go. But I couldn't. Finally one day Jerm quit working here. He came in on his last day and when he left I chased him out front bawling. I cried and cried because I knew this time when he left he would have no reason to call me and let me know he was okay. He was gone. I understood we wouldn't be talking anymore. My birthday came and he didn't call. Jeremy always called. I understood. I pushed it aside and pushed him out of my thoughts. He went on to play with his bands and I would hear about him from time to time over the last year and each time my heart would stop, my breath would stop, the world would stop, and just for a second I would dream of him and me together. Then I would snap back to reality and realize, that he was off playing in bands and someday I would just be that girl, he used to love but didn't even remember anymore. I was nothing to him.

And then! I went for a bike ride. Suddenly I found myself zipping down the street having so much fun and feeling care free. I found myself waiting for Jeremy to ride up behind me make some joke and start doing his silly laugh. Only, this time, no Jeremy. It was just me, riding alone with my thoughts. Thoughts I thought I put away. Suddenly all I wanted to do was ride. It's like I wanted to ride the thought of Jeremy right out of me. I wanted to ride until it didn't hurt that my friend was gone. Suddenly I felt like my friend had died and I just missed the funeral. A year had passed. A whole year and not a word from Jeremy. Nothing. He was over me. He moved on. I was a a thing of the past. Just some girl who hurt him way back when. I came to work today and looked up his band on Myspace. I was shocked when they popped up. There he was. In his camo shorts, dancing around on stage. I started to cry instantly. There he was, my friend, my love, my Jeremy. He was just going along, leading this whole life without me. I opened up the picture section and he was all over it. He looked good and healthy and stunning. His song started to play and instantly Jeremy was here. His voice was filling my office. This music I hated was suddenly so comforting to me. My Jeremy was okay.

I found out he is playing some shows, and part of me wants to go and see him. Say hi, hug him, touch him or something. But then what. I leave and nothing comes of it. I go home, to my amazing husband and my beautiful son and my wonderful life. I can't help wondering if I should just leave it alone. Let him go. Forget I ever saw his page, forget I know where he will be, forget I ever loved him with my whole heart and just never knew until it was too late.

Only. I will never be able to forget. Ever time I ride my bike, or I wear my Vans or I see a guy in camo shorts, Jeremy will be there. In my mind. My little what if. My what could have been. My never would have worked out. My best friend.

Maybe, I just want my friend back. Maybe, I just wish that he could know, that I did love him. I did love him back, I was just to afraid to tell him. Maybe just knowing that he knows that would be enough. Knowing that he is still on my mind all the time and I didn't just toss him aside and I still care about him and worry and think about him every day. Maybe if I just knew he knew that, then I could ride away from him. Until then, I'll be riding my bike, waiting, for my FRIEND to pop up behind me. Waiting for the laughter. Waiting for the fun. Waiting for my memories to once again be a reality. To just see the goofy grin. I'll just be riding.

Peddle, peddle, peddle, forget forget forget.

PHATSO PHOTOS WEEK 2

February 02 2006
And.....15 days later

I guess not much difference though....O well, soon there might be a bigger difference...If I can stop eating that is. Hopefully my bike riding will help some.

More about the bike riding

Ever since I went on my diet I've been looking for something that I can feel good doing but actually enjoy and look forward to. I've tried running, walking, elliptical and so on. None of it made me jump for joy and say YAY FITNESS! Then I started riding my bike. Like I said in the previous blog, I felt child like again. I remembered all those fun times riding to Gingers house, or riding to the market for slurpies, or riding to school, or just riding around to cause trouble with Jeremy. All the sudden it was like Jeremy was right there with me and we were riding around looking for shit to start. It felt amazing. I could feel my heart really working out, and my legs and ass getting greater as the moments passed. I could feel myself relaxing and easing into it. I feel amazing. This rain better stop, well who cares, I can ride in the rain anyway right?

its just like riding a bike

Thursday while I was driving home I noticed the weather was extremely nice. I got this grand idea that I wanted to ride my bike. I tried to think of the last time I had ridden, and all I could come up with was sometime before Rob so at least 5 years ago. Then that famous quote popped into my head. "It's just like riding a bike"! Well, lets hope actually riding a bike, is, well, like..riding a bike. So he gets it down, and I get on and I go wobbling down the road. Then all the sudden it was all coming back to me. I went home got on some better clothes and took of flying down the road. I couldn't believe how young I felt. I felt like a little girl riding over to her friends house. WAIT! I could ride over to see my friend. I rode to Allis and said hi and then rode back home since it was almost dark. I couldn't believe how much fun it was. My old seat was slightly skinnier then I remember, or maybe my ass is just much bigger then when I was 10 but either way, my ass now feels bruised from my rock hard seat that felt similar to riding on a frozen chicken breast. I will pause here while you all picture me merrily cycling around on poultry.

So all day Friday all I can do is dream about bike riding again, but its Robs work out day. So when Saturday rolls around I jump out of bed and I am all pumped up and ready to ride. My parents are down at my work dicking around in the yard and I think, hey why not ride there. It is about 1.8 miles away. I think to myself. Shit, I can make it in about an hour. (I guess I forgot how quickly a bicycle goes). So about 15 minutes later, after stopping at the park to talk to a friend walking her dog, I make it to my shop. Rob shows up to pick me up, since I didn't think I could make it home. Hell No man. I treck back home. Wooo I feel amazing. I just rode 3.6 miles and I was sad the fun had to stop. So while Rob and I are out running errands I get this great idea. Get a new seat and a basket for Brandon.

So we get it, Rob follows me to my work since I knew I could ride there again, we put on my new seat. Its a big, fat mamma, gellin super awesome seat. We attach Brandons little basket seat thingy on the back and strap on his new shiny red helmet. They tell me to ride around and make sure I feel like I can do it. I take a lap and zooooom I'm off. Before I know it Brandon and I are riding home. He loved it, I loved it and we both felt great. I can't wait to start riding to work in the morning. I got out my little DaKine back pack so I can pack my lunch in it and I'm going to get a little leash for Brandons sippy cup so he can't throw it overboard.

If your keeping track that is 7.2 miles total I rode yesterday and I am pumped and ready to go again now. So, why am I blogging instead of riding....FUCKING RAIN!

another odd ball thing about me

I left this off the six weird things about me. I may have mentioned this before. I eat things in twos. Well, not all things. Generally just small candies like, M&M's & Skittles. I have this thing where I like both sides of my mouth to taste things at the same time. Also, if I eat something like a Starburst say, on the left side, I have to follow up with a Starburst on the right side, so both sides are equally flavored. Also I organize things by color in pairs of two and eat them in order of least amount of color first.

Is this odd?

Dun dun dun

I lost four more pounds. That is 14 total. Which means I am 6 pounds away from being able to say I lost 20 pounds. Whoah dude. How cool to be one of those people who struts around saying in their head, yeah 20 pounds, woo, I lost that did you? I took pictures that I will post tonight so ya'll can track my progress. Ha ha this is like the reverse of tracking a pregnant belly.

My Valentines Day AKA in which I talk about food

So yesterday was Valentines Day. I know this because my husband got me stuff and I forgot. I was sick all week so I totally forgot that Valentines day existed. I woke up in a daze and sat on the couch all crabby like. Rob kissed us bye and went to work. After a good 10 minutes I decided to venture into the kitchen to get a drink. On the counter next to my purse was:

• A card from my son
• A framed picture of my son doing naked somersault (my most favorite picture)
• A card from my husband, including an explanation as to why the photo of Brandon was purple and kind of funny looking (he has never used our printer so he printed on the back of the photo paper and it made it come out purple and sort of abstract looking but I love that he tried so I didn't even reprint it)
• A calender, since I have been moping around that I can't find one with the right amount of yellow to hang in my kitchen.

I was so shocked because I had completely forgotten. Then I went to sign onto Yahoo to send a thank you note to him and I saw an E-mail from him. He had given me the one thing I wanted most. He finally wrote me a big ole sappy love letter. I know I should keep it to myself but, EVERYONE ELSE IS ALWAYS POSTING CUTE SHIT THEIR HUSBANDS DO SO WHY CAN'T I? HUH? WHY?

Hey sweetheart. Today is Valentines Day and I just
wanted to let you know how much you really mean to me.

It's been 5 years now and I am still in love with you
as much as the first time I've told you. We've been
through so much and we still have a lot to look
forward to. I can't even begin to think about who else
I would want to do everything with. Every night, you
and Brandon are the last things on my mind and the
first thing I think about when I wake up. I think
about you more then you think, everyday. Shannon, just
the thought of my life without you in my life in any
way, just makes me sad. You as my partner, my soul
mate. Not as a mother to my child. Like I said, you
mean more to me then you think. I know that I don't
show it as much as you like, but that just me, I'm
sorry. Without you in my life, I would be
literally....lost. I love waking up next to you
everyday. I love kissing you goodbye when I go to
work. I love your eyes. I love giving you hugs. I love
the way you look at me when I walk into the room. You
make me just.....happy. There's really no other word
to explain it.

I hope you have a wonderful day today Shannon.

Oh...and the pic of Brandon, you'll probly haf to make
a good copy of it. I suck at printing things. The
paper is actually backwards.

I Love You....Happy Valentines Day...Robert

So I practically float to work. Then when I get here I had to reread my love letter. I packed my picture along so it could be the first one on my fancy new bookshelf at work. Then he messaged to ask if we were still on for our date. SHIT! I was wearing sweats. I forgot about that too since I forgot Valentines day was this week. So I rushed home and got all gussied up and he took me to BJ's Brewhouse. I was so excited since I had been dying to try it and we made a pact to only try it together (we do that with all new restaurants). I open the menu and right away about 43 things pop out at me and that was just on the appetizer meal. I decided on the Avocado egg rolls for my starter. They were fantastic. OMG people so good. They were a bit spicy for me, which means that for anyone else they would just have good flavor. Rob got potato skins that were insane good. They were all crispy with yummy cheese melted on them and bacon and ranch and O LORDY I could have made them into a meal. For my dinner I got a southwestern salad and baked potato. The salad was awesome. It had tortilla strips, corn, avocado, tomato, onion and some kind of super southwestern dressing, that could very well be the God of all salad dressings. The baked potato however really was the God of all potatoes. This sucker was 22 ounces. HOLY SHIT RIGHT! The manager came by to check out how we were and our jaws were on the floor staring at our potatoes. He said that at Outback, their potatoes come 90 to a box, but at BJ's theirs come 35 and they had a rule not to accept anything under 22 ounces. I wanted to marry that potato, but I settled for eating it. Rob got his with bacon on top and they actually sauted big fat pieces of bacon to put on top instead of just some wussy Bacos looking things. His meal was ribs and chicken and he also got clam chowder. He said the chowder was great and devoured all the ribs. He was so stuffed he saved the rest to pack in his lunch today. Then came desert. We ordered Pizookies. They are cookies baked into a little pie tin topped with vanilla ice cream. He got the Oreo Pie kind and I got chocolate chip. The cookie was crunchy and moist at the same time and really at this point I wanted to have sex with the man who invented BJ's. We left with super full bellies and a huge smile on our face. It was such a lovely day. Rob and I don't really do much for Valentines because really, its just another day. Our thought is that you should never have to set aside a day to say I love you. Basically we use the day as an excuse to go to a super good dinner.

The night almost ended perfect. We went and picked up Brandon and he was all tuckered out from playing with Papa and he passed out on the drive home. We got him in bed, got ourselves in bed and where seconds from blissful sleep when he woke up screaming bloody murder. He was having a tooth issue. I had to give him two doses of orajel and some Motrin and it still took nearly 20 minutes for him to calm down. When this happens he starts twitching around like he is having seizures and wont let you touch him. Finally I grabbed him and went to the rocker and he passed right out from all the insanity. It was so scary because he was crying so hard he was causing his face to swell. This led me to run around freaking out that I had somehow touched peanut butter or something at dinner and that I was going to be my sons kiss of death. He ended up fine but was pretty wiggly all night.

Overall the day was really great.

This day just gets better and better

Grandma only turned her back for a second and she found this...The last one is when he ran and hid under her desk with the dog pretending he did nothing wrong. (That is powder laundry detergent for washing our shop rags)

My first meme (I learned what a meme was from Amalah)

6 weird things about me

1. I am addicted to my Tivo. I Tivo everything from Food Network, to Reality TV to all those weird MTV shows, and of course CSI, Cold Case and so on. I was so into Big Brother, that I had a habit of walking around shouting out CHILL TOWN!

2. As much as I love to cook, I am somewhat of a food snob/picky eater. I won't touch, blue cheese, meat, fish, goat cheese, well, any cheese that isn't from a cow and that doesn't look funny, brains, escargot, liver, pate, fish, fishy smelly things like seaweed wraps on sushi.

3. I think Mild taco bell sauce is spicy but I can't seem to stay away from wusabi and Tapatio, no matter how bad it hurts my mouth and makes my nose run.

4. I love sugar in candy and ice cream. However if you hand me a drink with sugar I will be very offended. I need sugar free stuff. This happened while I was on Atkins. I discovered I hate all drinks with sugar. This includes soda, Gatorade, juice, and coffee. This week while I was sick I let myself get dehydrated before begrudgingly drinking some Gatorade. This rule does not apply to my beloved amaretto.

5. When I'm sick, all I want to do is eat junk. Like Taco Bell, Wendy's, KFC, and bread.

6. I can not eat wheat or gluten but I can't seem to stop eating it. No matter how bad it hurts, or what the side effects are, the shit keeps finding its way into my mouth.

Some good new TV

I am so ashamed to admit I love Bams Unholy Union. I found it at the gym one day and I can't stop watching it. Those two are so cute together. Oooo now Road Rules is on when means I get to see Abe beat the crap out of some guy AGAIN!

You know your mom is a dork when

She abuses the camera on her MacBook taking pictures of her son, herself and cheetos (these were taken before either of us was sick)

What happens when you let grandma and papa babysit your monkey while you are home sick?

You receive emails like this, and pictures like these
So I got Brandon lunch then the phone rang so he took his bowl of spaghetti and poured it out then threw the bowl at the dogs and took the rest and kept pushing it off his tray on the ground, yes that's noodles all over my dogs. Then he thought he should take his milk and spit it at them my hands were tied on the phone and when I got off all I could do is grab a camera and laugh about the whole thing. Ya I took them with our new shop cameras. Don't you like how rusty helps him clean up his mess. -grandma

I'm not so smart

Yeah so this morning I awoke starving. Not just starving but famished. I enjoyed a bowl of oatmeal. Still starving. I began seeing visions of sandwiches in my head. They were dancing around like crazy in there. Bread, bread, bread my mind was saying. So I gave in and I snarfed down a sandwich and some chips. YES I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW I! KNOW! I am not supposed to eat wheat. But, people, listen to me, I NEEDED THIS SANDWICH. I had to have it. I am aware that its going to kick my ass soon, but at least I'm not sitting here starving to the point of dizziness anymore.

I am also sitting here watching last nights CSI Miami trying to find out if they are really going to kill Erik or not. The info on the show says A member of the team dies after being shot in the head. However they revived him in the start of the show, so now I'm waiting to see if he will die in the last seconds or if that was just a heist to get us to watch. Okay, he lived phew. Now I'm watching Friends, the one where Rachael is pregnant, and it so reminds me of me at the end of my pregnancy.

I finally get to go back to work tomorrow and I am so excited, because I hate being behind and I was already behind from having Brandon sick all week last week. It will be nice to be all caught up and back on a normal diet and out with the real people again. I'm so sick of lounging around, but I don't have the energy to do anything else.

In other news, my son jammed two cds into the drive on my new MacBook, meaning now every time I open it my computer makes a noise like eghchhherg grwiew, grind grind as it tries to shove them out. At some point I need to make it up to the Mac store but I'm so lazy that I don't know when I'll make it there.

so very very sick

So, Saturday morning, as you read, I began puking before my trip to Olive Garden. It hasn't stopped. I threw up so much this week, and had other things happen, that I became so very very dehydrated. This morning, my mom came and brought me some gatoraid, since I hadn't drank anything in 3 days. I was shivering and decided to crank the heater up to 73 and turn on the fire place. I guzzled down two gatoraids and suddenly I was on fire. I had a fever of 100.8 but didn't even know because I was so dehydrated that made me shiver. Rob got home just in time to laugh at me melting in my ultra warm house. Finally I had to turn the fan on. Also since I can't eat gluten I haven't been able to eat any good sick food. No Saltines for me, boo. I sank so low I finally made some Ramen and just left out the noodles. It was heavenly but didn't do so much for the whole me being starving thing. It is 4:32 and I'm still starving. I can't have any cream of wheat, still no crackers, nothing at all good. So now I'm thinking maybe I will make some mashed potatos. If I can stand up long enough, since standing tends to make me dizzy. Uggg. The worst part is knowing Rob has to be next. I feel horrible knowing he will be sick soon. I will maybe write some better posts tomorrow, but maybe not.

LOOK JEN MINE DOES IT TOO

DONCHA WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME?

This mom will never learn

I will never, never, NEVER, learn.

YOU DON'T LET A SMALL CHILD FEED HIMSELF A WHOLE CUP OF CHOCOLATE PUDDING!

Saddness

So. This morning Rob gets up with Brandon. Allowing me to sleep in until 10AM. I could have slept longer but they woke me up because, quote "I was scared you were dead since you have never slept that late in your life." Anyway we were getting ready to go to Olive Garden and I had just finished puking, because apparently my body decided it wanted to vomit a lot today, and Rob says, BABE HAVE YOU SEEN THE CLOSET? I'm like no, why? He's like no reason just wondering. So I ask, "BABE, IS THE CLOSET GOING TO MAKE ME SAD?" Nooooo he says. I'm like are you sure, he says sure. I walk in and I see this.


No, that doesn't make me sad at all. Notice how its only my side. Which means it is all my clothes I'm going to have to hang and rehang and so on. On a side note while we were at Olive Garden I had to run down the stairs, and shove aside an old man in a walker so I could go puke in their bathroom, only to have it splatter all over my pants and my shoes. So then I had to walk out of the bathroom looking like the sink had exploded on me, while everyone there shot me dirty looks because I was the girl who shoved that old man and little girl. Sigh!

letters to Brandon

Since I was pregnant I've been writing to my son. I've decided to post my letters on here and add new ones, making it easier to write them no matter where I am. Since most of the time I know exactly what I want to write while am at work and not on my own computer.

here is my new link
http://letterstomybrandon.blogspot.com/

PHATSO PHOTOS WEEK 1

So this was me in October during my birthday. I looked this way on January first when I started my diet

This was me on last week. I still have a muffin top but I feel like I can see a difference. I'll keep ya'll posted on if I have lost any weight on the 15th. The way I've been gorging though, who knows.

My new hair

I went a little darker and got bangs. I think it brings out the blue in my eyes. I haven't had bangs since 8th grade. Emery, time for an operation hair growth photo update!

I went a little darker and got bangs. I think it brings out the blue in my eyes. I haven't had bangs since 8th grade. Emery, time for an operation hair growth photo update!

Sick = Where the fuck did that come from

As I mentioned earlier, my son is sick. Being a mom with a sick child is one of the worst things ever. You know, people don't tell you why though. Yeah yeah seeing a baby be sick sucks. However being puked on 4-5 times a day super sucks. Especially when a little tiny 22 pound baby suddenly pukes up 2 quarts full of cottage cheese looking stuff and you look at him thinking where in the fuck have you been keeping all that shit? And really, being a mom, tests your gag reflex in ways you can't imagine. Because, when you have a sick child puking on you, you really can't do anything more then stand there and take it. The last thing you want to do is puke back on your child or freak out and make them feel bad for what they did.

However, no one tells moms about the poop that kids have when they are sick. Holy shit, (punn totally intended). Sunday night, he literally squirted out something that looked and smelled like that brown gravy you buy in the packet at the store. Only it smelled like I had mixed in some two month old rotten eggs.

If you are still reading at this point I am slightly amused by you and really questioning your sanity.

But, today, today, o today. Nothing could have prepared me for this kid. I walked down the hallway where he was and bout threw up from the smell that hit my nose. Normally he runs away when he poops but today, he stood there all proud like, "yeah mom, I made that, it came out of me!" I rushed him to the changing table in the bathroom and opened his diaper and immediately I regretted being trapped in such a small room with such a huge fucking mess. SERIOUS!!!! I'm so serious, I used caps, exclamation points and bold!!!! Inside his diaper I found some kind of mustard liquid jelly concoction. Totally not on purpose I made my worst EWWW face and he burst out laughing, so impressed with the junk in his trunk.

This happened two more times today. Both times I was shocked, baffled and forcing myself not to vomit on him. One of the times, he did it in my coworkers office, and we actually had to go get spray because an hour later the smell was still there. The only way I could get through it was telling myself it was cuz all the sickies were finally coming out of him, and this was a good thing. I thought that, until he let out two, two quart pukes all over my work and my dad and my work and did I mention my dad. I came around the corner to see my dad holding him out about two feet in front of him, his shirt, pants and shoes covered in cottage cheese and the funniest look on his face. As soon as I got around the corner Brandon took on look at me and puked up another KoolAid pitcher worth of curdles.

If you are still reading, I know the name of a great mental hospital you can check into. It is so funny because they always say, don't stress when your baby spits up, although it looks like a lot its only a few teaspoons. HA HA HA teaspoons would be nice. My kid is puking up cups, and saucers and bowls full. Really, though. How is it that the moment you become a parent suddenly you can withstand being puked on and covered in mustard stinky poo with out even flinching? However, this only works for your child. If some other kid puked on me, they should run fast, because I'm about 8300% sure I'm going to be puking up a whole gallon on them. Really I can't handle changing other kids diapers but I can handle rotten egg gravy poop from my own son. Awww the mysteries of parenthood.

Okay I have to go now, I need to throw all the mustard, gravy and eggs out of my house at once!

First comes first

I LOVE RACHAEL RAY. No, really. I would marry her if I could. Then we could have glorious arguments about who got to cook what in the kitchen. Okay we would probably also fight over who had better knives. I vote wusthof, I'm sure she would vote her Rachael Ray knives. We all know who would win that. ME, DUH! Was there even a question there? I tivo her knew talk show and I just love it. However I'm also a huge fan of her 30 minute meals shows. A few reasons why I like her. She often does vegetarian meals, or things that can easily be vegetarian. She also does a lot of different kind of things or different takes on common stuff. Watching her really helps my creative side come flying out. It makes me think, "self, why don't you try making that, minus this plus that, with a side of this." And then I make it and its awesome and I think wow, had I never watched Rachael Ray I never would have discovered Cumin.

On another topic. I miss gluten. Rachael Ray made these things tonight called Frankenstuffers and I was infuriated that I couldn't have em.

Frankenstuffers
One can pilsbury pizza dough (cut into 8 pieces)
Hot dogs
Mustard
Bacon
Other Dog fixins

Put one dog in piece, add mustard, ketchup, cheese, bacon, mayo, sourcraut, the kitchen sink, roll up, seal like a bagel dog and bake as it says on can. Eat and enjoy!

Do you see now why I'm stomping around the house like a 13 year old who just got told she couldn't have a cell phone. Not to mention the fact that my husband insists on keeping COOKIES AND CREAM FULL FAT ICE CREAM IN THE FREEZER. No he doesn't hate me, it's just the only kind I like. Don't worry, I make sure to give the ice cream a dirty look every time I open the freezer. Thank gosh I found the slow churn low cal CHOCOLATE FUDGE CHUNK ice cream, or I would probably defile his ice cream somehow. (Angie says I should pee in it anyway, I'll wait till the carton starts giving me dirty looks back)

I am pretty sure the TV hates me. All I see is Arby's and Wendy's and Burger King commercials and I swear I never wanted a Burger so bad as I do the very second those commercials start.

Rachael Ray just started cooking some kinda super meat chilli with some fucking ultra cheesy spicy corn bread that I can't eat and I want to go back and edit my blog to the I hate Rachael Ray blog. I won't though. And then a goshdarn Receese commercial comes on and I'm reminded that aside from the calories I can't even eat those because my son is allergic to peanut butter and there is no way in hell I'm going to be my own sons kiss of death. I'll just go eat my low cal, gluten free fake fucking ice cream. Watch out Cookies and Cream, I've had a lot of water today.

Wedding photos

Jen asked for wedding photos. These are some of my favorites in no order at all the description is below the picturethe end of the night

ouchased on sale at macys

our rings

our rings with our silly little napkins

my bouquet was made myself

heading to the reception

rob thought he was soo cool with his sun glasses

first dance

aww the wedding cake, and my cake...i mean the grooms cake yeah thats what that was..cake purchased at Albertsons hell yeah

saying I Do...this is the time he started to cry..YES YOU DID ROB!

awww first kiss

bird seed gets everywhere but it was way fun..notice my hubbies flip flops

random photo i just really like

waiting for the elevator to take me to my destiny

walking through the hotel like big pimps

the dorks. I mean groomsmen

my girls with our homemade bouquets, we got the flowers from Costco and made em that morning, the girls dresses were $14.00 on sale from Macys

Holy shit I'm getting married

We did our own hair, all normal like

I had them turn my dress into a corset and loooooved it, got cheap ribbon at the fabric store

I dunno, just liked this pic

Ya ya I'm cute I know

Cheese cheese