It's like a whole new world

I didn't realize how quickly time changes here in Reno, well, actually everywhere basically. I mean, I've only been gone from the real world for three weeks and it felt so different when I ventured back out. The first and biggest surprise was Thursday when I pulled up to Starbucks and I saw THEY HAD A WHOLE NEW DRINK!!!!!!!!!! But wait theres more! They even had new snacks! New packaging even! Can you imagine my surprise when I pulled up to see a brand new Raspberry mocha frapaccino. RASPBERRY PEOPLE! MIXED WITH CHOCOLATE, ONLY MY TWO MOST FAVORITE THINGS EVER!!!!!!! So I pull forward and I notice OMG they now have a raspberry swirl loaf. I nearly peed my pants out of joy. Sitting next to me on my car seat for breakfast was a healthy orange juice, yogurt, carrot sticks and trail mix. This was quickly replaced by a Venti Raspberry Mocha Frapaccino and a thick slice of raspberry loaf. Huh, what was that about yogurt and carrot sticks?

Then I came home for a bit before lunch and I turned on Itunes, and thought I would visit the Itunes store. There was all new music. Apparently new songs come out even when I'm not there to hear them. I frantically composed a list of new summer favorites and updated my Ipod (this is not entirely true, I may have actually emailed said list to husband and told him to do all this for me since he has limewire on his computer and I won't allow limewire (we don't download music illegally, huh what who said limewire, huh) to taint my preshus white Mac Book, but his black Mac book can totally be tainted) I put my Ipod in my car and start bepobbing along to my new fantastic beats when I go to Rite Aid to pick up my prescription.

ONLY Rite Aid is now Longs, and the fuckers got rid of that tasty fresh ice cream Rite Aid used to serve. Dammit, I was really looking forward to a nice scoop of ice cream as my mid day snack before I picked up Julia for lunch. So as I wandered Longs I noticed that although they got rid of the ice cream they updated the candy isle. They didn't have my prescription ready because I was a Rite Aid person and my order didn't go through over the phone, blah blah so I left the store. However I didn't leave before purchasing the following very healthy snack:
1 Diet cherry Pepsi
1 Jumbo box Whitmans chocolate sampler (it was 45% off like you would have said no either!)
1 Jumbo box of Hersheys truffles (holy heaven on earth people)
1 Large bag gummy savers (which my son found and ate for breakfast this morning while I was being a good parent and snoozing on the couch)
1 Smores candy bar (because I'm to lazy to make a real Smore)

I did pretty good huh? I guess this is what happens when I've been cooped up in the house for too long. Oh yeah, just for the record I ate two truffles, no Whitmans, nearly the whole bag of gummy savers and two sips of the drink. I'm a rebel huh. The rest is in my garage fridge for next time I'm feeling like I need to binge. I'm such an enabler.

Then I picked up Julia for lunch and I swear I didn't remember Reno being this bright. We went to Jakes Place. This is a local place. We both ate way to many fries (but serious, they are the best fries, they are crunchy and kinda battered or something...lets just say they are like TFO's (tiny food orgasms). After lunch we figured we needed desert, because really now, I hadn't had enough desert yet right? So we went to Marble Slab and I'll be damned if they didn't have a whole new selection of flavors. Suddenly I was left to come up with whole new flavor combinations, and really there was no way I could try it all in one day so just to be safe I should probably go back there every day this weekend to try all the rest.

After that I stopped at the store and can you believe they now sell Raspberry soft lips. I mean I knew about cherry, and strawberry, and mint and vanilla but RASPBERRY. I crammed two of them in my cart so fast you woulda thought I had just found free chocolate.

I can't believe all the changes that have taken place this month while I've been gone.

For those of you interested here is my new summer play list:
Justin Timberlake Summer Love (because BEST SONG EVER)
Paul McCartney Dance Tonight (husband still laughing at me for LOVVVVING THIS SONG)
Plain White T's Hey There Delilah (the damn song just grew on me and stuck and now I heart this song)
Fergie Big Girls Don't Cry (I realllly tried hard to hate this song)
Bone Thugs I tried (because I'm gangsta)
Elliot Yamin Wait for You (because could I get anymore hip after the Paul McCartney?)

Then I have a few classics that I have to Rock
Tiffany I think we're alone now
The Four Seasons O what a night
Skee Lo I wish I was a little bit taller (because I really do)
Debbie Gibson Lost in your eyes (because you always need one sobfest song right?)
Coolio Gangstas Paradise (because I told you I'm a gangsta)
Counting Crows Mr. Jones

Seriously people, could I be any more fantastic in my choices of music? I bet you all wish you could be cool like me huh? I have so many more jams but these are my current faves. Really though, if you went through my Itunes you would all think I was looney!

Apparantly I'm not suited for kids

Or for adults for that matter. Here is what determined my blogs rating...

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• shit (20x)
• ass (10x)
• fucking (9x)
• hell (7x)
• fuck (6x)
• sex (3x)
• fucks (2x)
• breast (1x)

I'm thinking this must have only been the first page because I KNOW I've said Fuck wayyyy more then that huh!

I'm such a classy gal eh.

MY TATTOOS

These are the tattoos that I've talked about. I have five but you only get to see four, since the fifth one would be A: Hard to take a pic of and B: bordering on pornographic. However I'll tell you a little about it, and some background. Number five: I got this after Eli and I broke up. He had some weird obsession with me shaving my girl parts, and to be an asshole I never would. The day we broke up you can guess what I started doing. Not only that he had this thing with telling me I was pretty naughty in bed (I AM). So to celebrate the fact that he was never gonna get anymore of my goodies (newly shaved and all) I went out and go this tattoo that was a halo with wings coming out and a devil tail that says NAUGHTY. Its sooo sexy and its about a millimeter away from my girl parts. In fact my doctor had to cut very carefully when he did my C section as to not mess up my lettering...he giggled through the whole surgery.

I got this one right after my grandma died. It was supposed to symbolize that I'm a scorpio and that I'm a survivor. I got this one because I was still getting over the asshole mentioned above (in fact when I called to tell him my grandma died his exact words were, "thats not my problem anymore get over it". What a fucking prize huh. So at this point in my life I was surviving a lot of shit. Anyway I say it was "supposed" to say those things because apparantly when you look up symbols online and there are two symbols, THAT DOESN'T MEAN PICK YOUR FAVORITE OF THE TWO, it means both those symbols equal one word. OOP'S. I've now been told it says something about loss and love. Oh well, it looks pretty right!

I got this one when I was 15 so its not the darkest anymore. I found something similar in a book and then I changed it and made it how I wanted it. Then my mom made a copy of it and crazy glued it to my leg and made me stare at it every day for like 4 days to make sure I didn't hate it. Then I got it and 10 years later I still love it. It reminds me I totally kicked ass in high school.

I got this one just for shits and giggles when I turned 18 because now I could get tattoos without my mom signing off. Plus tattoos are addicting and I swear I will stop after I get 5 more. Also, my ass doesn't look half bad here minus my obvious granny panties. But seriously, I'm pregnant granny panties are a necessity!

I got this one after Rob and I had been together for a while. It's a heart, duh. The word mahal, meaning love in Filipino and the Chinese character for love. Basically its just love three ways. It was supposed to be way different but the guy said to get what I wanted would have been huge. Since I was being all normal back then we downsized it. Now a few years later I'm like fuck it I shoulda got the huge ass one that I had drawn out.

The next ones I want are totally copying Tommy Lee and his kids. Both Rob and I want to have our kids write their names on us and then have them tattooed over. I still need something for my dad and grandma dying...I think something like the AC/DC symbol (my dad was obsessed) but instead of those letters doing RK/BK. Then I need both kids birth dates. And of course WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE, because I just love tattoos. I meant to already have Brandons birth date on me but since I nurse for LIKE EVER I couldn't and then I got pregnant sooooo I'll do both kids at once and then count that as one tattoo and say I still need four more!

Also don't forget to read down to my anniversary blog and follow the directions!

PHATSO PHOTOS WEEK 18.5

SO BASICALLY ANY TIME I GET DRESSED HALF WAY DECENT I'LL TREAT YA'LL TO A BELLY SHOT! HERE YA GO

Happy anniversary to me

Okay so since its my anniversary (a month ago) I have decided what I want you all to get me. Yeah I know look at me all "oh I'm so rad please give me presents!" But really what I would like is for everyone (all ten of you) who read me, to delurk and let me know your there. That way I'll know I'm not just talking to myself and my 5 friends who I basically force to read this. So yeah, thanks if you could just do me that little favor and let me know your there that would be great mmmmkay. Plus it will give me new shit to read for the next 5 months while I'm sittin on my couch!

Thanks ya'll (yeah cuz I turned southern there for a second)

Dammit I forgot.

I meant to try to remember not to forget that June 1st was my first blog anniversary. Darn. I forgot. I'm trying to go back through my archives and see what I've written. So far not so much. No eloquent this or publish worthy that. Not a lot of stuff that makes you say hmmm and really think, but a lot of stuff that makes you say c and want to barf. My very first comment was from some wedding people advertising wedding albums. It took me nearly a year to get more readers then the three friends I had and now I struggle to keep it interesting. But I mean how interesting can, bed rest, baby poop, and whiny diet complaints really be huh? When I started this blog, my son wasn't even one yet. He was still considered a baby. Now, NOW he is nearly two and he looks like he's already 20 and sometimes the fact that he is growing up tests my sanity so much I don't know what to do. When this blog started I never wanted more then one kid. NOW I'm pregnant. Hmmmm. There has been some funny stuff and some what the hell was she thinking stuff. I stopped nursing during this time. There was the time I admitted I wore granny panties. There was that time I talked about baby poop. That other time I talked about poop. I've written about my husband being awesome. About my husband being strange. There was that time I complained a lot. The time I told you what a knuckle head I am. That time I was pregnant and didn't even know. There was the time I got sick of reading my archives and realized I was going to be late for work, so this post will continue tonight.

Breath a sigh of relief....if only

One of the biggest differences in this pregnancy is the fact that I'm finding it impossible to breath. I get a few measly breaths here and there, but to take a real deep breath, now that is a chore. Then, if I eat, I can basically forget about breathing for a good 6 hours or so. Which means if I eat three meals a day I can't breath until long after I'm in bed. So I spend a lot of the day wondering if I'd rather starve, or breath, and dammit, the food always wins. This leaves me waddling around sounding like a choking duck or something. I try soooo hard to breath in, and that makes me cough, so then I try taking a series of quick breaths until maybe I get a full one. Nope nothin. On the rare occasion I do get a full one I let out a little victory sigh, which leaves me struggling to breath again.

As I was typing this I ran to the kitchen to put my lunch in the oven (which reminds me damn lasagna sounds good, wish I had some of that laying around huh) and I remembered to check the steak I was marinating for my husbands fajitas. I figured I would pour a little salsa in with that and I'll be damned if I didn't nearly dump a whole damn bottle of pepperoccinis on his steak. This would have been devistating as my husband is the king of marinades. There is a science involved and it took 2 years before I was even allowed to know the secret steak marinade and I wasn't allowed to write it down, in case someone saw it, which means, 90% of the time I fuck it up, meaning 99% of the time Rob marinates his steak and I deal with the sides because you know GRRR MAN MEAT, ME GRILL THE MEAT BECAUSE I AM MAN GRRRR! And did I mention that meat is only accepted in grilled or fried form.

So I finish marinating my meat and go back into my bedroom. Thats right, today I moved from my post on the couch to a new post in my bed. The only problem is I felt all clean this morning and I made the bed and straightened up the house and what not. WELLLLL now that I've made the damn bed I don't want to mess up my 8 pillows (shut up...thats not including the two decorative ones my son stole from me) so I'm not sitting here in the most uncomfortable position ever as not to mess up my damn bed, that I never should have made in the first damn place. So now, to avoid screwing up my pillows I've rolled over onto my belly, which is SOOOOO easy when your pregnant right. On the plus side the baby is totally moving when I lay like this, but I'm wondering if I'm just squeezing the shit out of him and hes like hey mom you asshole roll the fuck over so I have room to hiccup in here.

I think my biggest complaint thus far about bed rest is the fact that my husband can't find the cords to make my NES work meaning I haven't gotten to waste a single day playing Mario 1, 2 and 3. Woe is me. Now I'm wishing I had the stuff to make lasagna but if I even thought of sending Rob to the store for those ingredients lord help me. He would come home with macaroni noodles, ketchup and cottage cheese or something. No really. He HATES the store. I am pretty sure he screws up purposely in hopes that I will stop asking him to go! FAT CHANCE SUCKER! One time I sent him to the store for some chocolate chips in an emergency and he brought me home a bag of Betty Crocker chocolate chip cookie mix. I looked at him stumped and he said look it says chocolate chips. I said, umm yeah and beneath that it says COOOOOOKIE MIX. I asked him how on earth he didn't know what the yellow package of Nestle Toll House chips was. His defense was dammit they should have packaged that better and probably put that bag somewhere different. So now, I either take myself to the store, or send him and the go myself anyway because he forgets the important part like oh I dunno lasagna noodles.

Not the intended blog

This is not the blog I intended to write. That is because I forgot what I wanted to write about. It was good too. This time I need to ask for advice. Katie just emailed me and her email reminded me that I've been meaning to ask about this for a while now.

How do I approach the topic of telling people we don't want to receive something for Brandons birthday? Here is the delima. When Rob and I got married, his dad gave him a bunch of savings bonds that his grandpa had bought for him when he was born. 25 years later and the damn things hadn't matured yet. We needed money for our honeymoon, and that is what the bonds were intended for, so we cashed them out and lost almost half in fees and then got screwed later that year when tax time came.

So then, when Brandon was born, naturally everyone and their mom bought him savings bonds. Rob and I didn't really know what to do with them. We stuck them in the safe and then discussed how we would go about telling people that Brandon actually has a savings account. Here is the thing. When I was little my granamda opened a savings account at our credit union for all of her grand children. Every holiday or birthday she deposited money in the account. When we were about 12 we got control of the account. The accounts are called Rocky Raccoon accounts. They are set up as savings accounts and the kids get a little check book type register to learn to keep track of their deposits and so on. Each time you put a dollar in you get a Rocky buck. Then anytime you want you can go to the bank and spend your Bucks on silly things like flashlights, or radios or backpacks. You know all that junk that was soooo cool when you were 12. Anyway. When you turn 16 you are allowed to turn the account into a checking account with no fees or anything. They keep an eye on you though, you can only make 2 withdrawals from savings a month and so on. Then when you turn 18 you get a grown up account.

When I turned 12 I got control of my account (it didn't have much in it for other reasons that I won't discuss), by the time I turned 18 I had amassed a savings worth $5,000.00. I Had become extremely responsible with my checking account and never let it dip under $400.00. I received a credit card and I paid the balance every month. I felt very responsible and I was so happy that I had that account to learn to save and respect money and balance my account.

Now I have Brandon. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I started to receive money for him. I saved every dollar and every check and as soon as he had a social security number I opened his account. Even at birthdays or random holidays when he would receive a dollar in a card, I would take it to his account. Every single week I automatically have it set up to transfer $40.00 to his account. He has a stack of Rocky bucks to spend when he is old enough. When his account reached $3,000.00 I was able to place that in a special short term high interest CD offered through our credit union, that was still attached to his name and in his account. Now, he is not even two years old and he already has an account with close to $5,500.00. Personally for someone so young Rob and I think we have done well saving up a nice chunk of change for him.

We fully plan on paying for anything he needs with our own money, such as braces or athletics. However we have discussed allowing him to use a portion of his money (which will be considerable by the time he is 16, 18 and so on) as a down payment on a car, or use a portion of money to help him get started in college. Then of course, letting him have money as a down payment on a house or hmmmm if he ever needs to be bailed out of jail for streaking or something wild like that (he he).

So my question is, how do we tell people that we prefer not to receive savings bonds. To me it almost seems as though they don't find us responsible enough to handle cash or checks. Like maybe we would spend it on us and not the kids. However even when we have received checks with memo lines saying, use for diapers, I still put it in Brandons account. The best part about having his account is the money is accessible right away if there were an emergency or if the kids wanted it and they don't have to pay a single fee on it. For instance if Brandon came to me and said I want a car now, or I would like to take a summer vacation before college or something, I can easily get the money, with no penalty, and no tax hassles.

So, is it rude of me to ask people not to give bonds, or do we just suck it up and store them away for 500 years, do we cash em out now and put the money received into their savings? Do I hand out my sons account number to family at holiday time and tell them our request? What do we do. Obviously, I own two houses, I pay my bills, I have savings, my son has savings and I have nothing in collections, so to me it seems obvious that Rob and I are very responsible with money. What do you all think? Also no part of me is asking people to give him money. I prefer they donate to a more needy kid. But since some people are hell bent on giving him something I would much more prefer if it went into his personal account. Here is the bigger problem. My husbands family tends to subscribe to the screw you we are going to do the complete opposite of whatever you ask us to, just to let you know we are still in charge method. Oh and they are the ones who are the most hell bent on buying the bonds.

Hey Emery, my MacBook drinks....

Vomit. Thats right, Brandon turned right around and puked on my laptop today. Good thing he hit the back and not the keys but still...Whats the deal with our Macs getting wet lately?

Some randomness

Eating cookies and milk with a small child next to you is next to impossible. Reasons: Once cookie came near my mouth Brandon would drop his cookie and snatch mine in case it was better. He would then dunk his whole hand into the milk to fish out a chocolate chip on the bottom, look at it and throw it back in. Then dunk a cookie and make me bite it and throw the rest in the milk. After that he would take a sip of milk, then make me sip the milk and then dunk his whole hand back in the milk!

I can't stop eating that Fritos cheese sauce in the can. Its in the can like the bean dip. Its hot as hell but I just keep eating it.

I should join AA that is artichokes anonymous. I've had three in the last 10 days. The only upside is they have lots of folic acid!

I really love when Chef Ramsey screams on Hells Kitchen.

I got new sheets this week. They are pretty. They were so pretty I almost made my bed this morning, and I almost made it again at lunch when I went in there, but ehhhh I didn't.

Pregnancy heart burn is killing me. Tums aren't helping, Maalox does, but that also makes me want to puke.

I wonder how old I will be before I learn to spell vacuum.

So far all my son will eat this week is spaghettios. Oh wait, he will lick the butter off his bread and he ate one muffin and 6 Cheeto's.

When my son was asked to show daddy where the baby was, instead of pointing to my belly he pointed to my husbands newly filled up belly and said baby baby.

When asked what that was, pointing to a picture of an ape, Brandon proudly responded PAPA!

However, he can still totally tell you were his pee pee is!

I made the mistake of showing him how you put your thumb over a hose to spray it better...I had to change outfits twice tonight after playing outside while trying to keep him busy so he wouldn't sleep at 5PM. He chased me down and soaked me beyond belief.

How is my son still in one piece

a ball from wilddreemer on Vimeo

Reasons being on bed rest 97% of the week isn't so bad

1. I can eat burritos for breakfast and no one knows. Wait, shit now you all know I just had a burrito for breakfast, shhhh don't tell mmmkay.
2. My laundry has never been so low, I mean really one can wear the same jammies for like 3 days before they are deemed to crusty to keep wearing.
3. I have complete control of the remote...which won't stop leading me towards baby shows and food shows (which make me sad and hungry)
4. Did I mention the burritos? I did? Yeah, so, shut up! I'm on bed rest you know, I'm allowed to be a certain amount of senile huh?
5. NAPS
6. Naps with out a toddler sitting on my head WHOAH imagine that!
7. I get to read blogs all day long
8. I can pee with the door open and no toddler watching me!!!!!!!!!
9. I get to control the temperature in the house according to my pregnancy hot flashes
10. Two burritos for breakfast..wait, I didn't say two before, I mean, umm I am not a pig of course I only had one burrito for breakfast don't be silly. Okay, but they were really small.
    
11. I also may or may not have eaten a Recees for desert this morning at 8AM

Also some clarification. Although the doctor said I was free to work if I choose, I have not been removed from bed rest. My family feels that I still need to sit at home which means I'm allowed to work 2 days a week for two hours at a time each day. Also, the smallest things still seem to make me bleed. I made Rob dinner the other night and just bending down into the oven a couple times set me off bleeding. Other things cause bleeding too. Like going to the store, or going to Babies R Us to register. So needless to say I'm still sitting here on the dang couch.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

I AM PRETTY SURE I'VE NEVER BEEN SO ANNOYED BY SOMETHING I'VE READ....EVER!!!!!!!! I'm to mad to even write a rational post about this. I'm just plain pissed off!

PHATSO PHOTOS WEEK UMMMMM 18ISH (I'm losing count here)

Okay so I kind of look a little pregnant in this one

Whats that you say? Oooh turn to the side, okay hang on....



Holy shit look at that I really am showing!

I blame it all on the dress because I spent most of the night feeling more like a stuffed sausage then a pregnant lady! Oh well, here are your damn belly pics, apparently I have on now.

Smile

On our way to Jens wedding I decided I would take some pictures of all of us. So I get out the camera, which Brandon has started posing for and I say SMILE BRANDON

No no, smile not show me your tongue
Umm okay I guess thats a smile
This picture is adorable but thats really not a smile
There you go, now thats a smile
There are two people in life that complete me, these may or may not be them (but more may then may not) (okay more like these are the two people in life who complete me) (oh yeah notice the little box of baby wipes Brandon was sitting on? He called that his chair and was posing on it for every after I took pictures, he would pose then run over and say more picture mom more picture...my son is such a ham) (I just made brackets here for fun)
We match so well huh?
Yeah yeah I cut off his head, but I look good in this one so it stays, no really could we match any better?
Mommy and Brandon
Proving I really don't know how to work my camera..but again, I look pretty so it stays!
This would be Jen getting married if those assholes would move their head, (okay they may be the photographers but they were still all up in our way) Jen looks so beautiful.
If you look closely you'll notice two things...Thats Jen's second dress, and she has a little bump there! I meant to get one that showed both our bumps but I didn't want to bug her too much. Also see the yellow and blue flowers in the background? I TOLD YOU WE MATCHED THE WEDDING PERFECT!

Trading in for a new model

There are times in everyones marriage where they want to trade in for a new model. I don't mean they cheated or you hate them or something, I mean if you think hard enough, there are times where you just wanted to kill them and trade in for a new model.

Example given!
The day we were going to deliver Brandon I hadn't eaten in 24 hours. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't delivering Brandon at 4 in the fucking afternoon. Oh yeah top that off with nothing to drink I was a real fucking sweet heart to be around! Back to the point. We get in the car to drive to the hospital and Rob mentions he was hungry. He tells me he is going to grab something to eat at the hospital while they are prepping me. I growl at him. Do you know what the little shit stops and gets??????

MCDONALDS!!!! With a goshdang LARGE ULTRA JUMBO SUPER MEGA FRENCH FRY!

At this moment, I didn't just want to trade in, I wanted to throw his ass out of the moving car on the freeway. The whole 15 minute ride to the hospital all I could smell was the scent of golden delicious french fries. We get to the hospital and he really tried to eat that in my room. I all but went exorcist on his ass and told him he better go out into the fucking waiting room or I would divorce him before that baby was born. He slinked out into waiting room with his jumbo soda right when they brought me a shot of some acid reflux stuff that tasted like whiskey mixed with nyquil and at that point I started throwing a huge fit because that man couldn't get his McDonalds out of my room fast enough.

So do any of you have times when you have wanted to trade in for a new model?

A few things I forgot

From the 80's

• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TURTLES IN A HALF SHELL TURTLE POWER
• Ice Ice baby
• LA Gear (thanks Lisa) with two color laces)
• Duck Tales
• Hypercolor
• Tranformers
• Heman
• Gem
• Walk-Man
• Saved by the Bell
• MC Hammer 2 Legit Hey hey
• New Kids on the Block Step One one one
• Full House
• Shrinky Dinks
• Nerds
• Pegging your pants
• Scolastic Book Orders
• Sally Jessy Raphael
• When I wasn't allowed to watch Dirty Dancing but did at a friends
  

From the 90's

• Pogs
• Joey Lawrance Whoah
• Johnathon Taylor Thomas was sooooo hot
• Back when Bob Saget hosted Americas Funniest Videos
• I'm to sexy for my shirt to sexy for my shirt
• Let's Talk About sex baby
• Quality movies like Clueless
• Super soakers
• The Rikki Lake Show
• Pretending I was in the movie Pretty Woman
  

About a boy

When I was younger, well not younger but basically my whole life until the day I found out I was pregnant with Brandon, I always thought I wanted a girl. I think for no other reason besides the fact that I was VERY GIRLY and always thought I would pass my pink-Barbie-cheerleading-makeup-froofroo passions on to her. Then I got pregnant. Suddenly I knew it was a boy. I wanted a boy. I had no idea what raising a boy would be like but I'll be dammed if I didn't want a boy. Then Brandon came, and I knew right away, in a second that I was meant to have a son. There was no other way for it to be. My first born was to be my boy, my little man, the love of my life.

Being the mom of a boy and having so many people in my life with boys I know a lot of people relate to how I feel. Boys are crazy. They jump and climb and pee standing up. They put stink bugs in their mouthes and squish ants with their pointer fingers. They don't worry about washing their hands and they blow their nose on their shirt. They karate chop and will clothesline a three year old at a park who stole their rock. They get hurt and laugh and try to figure out how to do it again. They hang out with their hand in their diaper and love to be naked showing off their manliness.

Way back when Rob and I DIDN'T EVER WANT MORE KIDS and Brandon was about 5 months old we were sitting at Port of Subs eating lunch one day. There were two boys there about 4 and 5. They were bouncing back and forth between building a fort out of chairs, killing each other and scheming to get in some other kind of trouble. Most people would have been appalled by their behavior, I on the other hand said to Rob, if we ever get to a place where we want another kid, I want another boy. Brandon needs a brother, and accomplice, a partner in crime.

As the months went on I grew to love having a son more and more. I realized the bond between a mom and her son is unbreakable. It's as strong as some peoples bonds with God. I told Rob one day that no matter what happened in life, no matter what happened with he and I, I was so happy because I realized that for the rest of my life I had someone to love me unconditionally. I realize boys get mad at their moms, but no matter what, they always come back to their mommies.

When I found out I was pregnant this time, my first thought was I hope I get another boy so Brandon has a brother. Then I started looking on the baby websites and I was so excited by the girly stuff that for a while I thought Okay maybe I want a girl. How fun to dress her up and stuff right? But then what? When we found out yesterday it was a boy, at first I didn't know what to think. Then I realized I was so happy my son was getting his brother. Brandon was going to get his brother. He was going to teach him to jump and play and vroom vroom and pee naked outside. Then I thought oh shit, Brandon is going to try and teach my 4 month old to jump off the coffee table and just shove him off instead thinking its the same. I started laughing so hard. I was getting what I wanted. I realized, after I dressed up that little girl I wouldn't know what to do with her. I couldn't play big time wrestling with her, and Rob couldn't teach her baseball and then it hit me. I could never be the mom to a girl. I can't wait to watch my boys. They are going to team up against me, and booby trap the house, and pee all over the bathroom floor, and probably beat the shit out of each other and its going to ROCK. I couldn't be happier.

I always thought boys would be so scary. How do you potty train them and what do you do when they get hurt and ummm is my 3 month old really getting a hard on? But now, I giggle so hard when Brandon runs outside, takes his diaper off and waters the lawn. I giggle harder when he tries to bend down and watch himself pee and nearly pees on his head. I giggle when he grabs his pee pee like Michael Jackson, juts his crotch out and says PEE PEE and then pulls on it as though it were Laffy Taffy. I LOVE HAVING A BOY!

I would say the only reason I felt sad is that I knew Rob wanted a girl, so he could understand a little how it felt for me having a boy. You know, mommas boy and daddies girl. Well now I'm going to have two mommas boys and a part of me wonders how I will be able to stay grounded feeling as much love as I'm about to feel. I'm sure the second that little boy comes out Brandon is going to start trying to teach him. I have visions of Brandon shoving the baby across the floor saying, crawl baby crawl.

It's weird. I can't believe someone as girly as me could suddenly go from wanting a princess cheerleader type to wanting a Superman baseball type. I thought of life with girls. Birthday parties full of princess princess fairies and princess. Then I look at Brandon and I see Trucks and fish and Superman, and Elmo, and Batman, and Karate and hell a whole party revolving around bugs and dirt. I get years and years of different costumes, rather then cycling through Disney princesses. I get years of Karate and baseball and football and stitches. I know my son will need stitches some day, but for a girl, that thought would be paralyzing.

I always thought that any mom could be a mom to anyone. But I really feel like I was given the child I was meant to have. I a meant to be a mother to little boys.

So I guess in the end, knowing I'm having another boy, is one of the greatest joys in my life. Whenever I hear someone is pregnant with a baby boy I am so happy for them, I tell them that the best thing in the world is about to happen to them. And now, I get to have the best thing in the world happen to me twice....Lucky? I THINK SO!

Sorry but I got a craving for a burrito

WELL!

SOME OF YOU WERE RIGHT!

AND SOME OF YOU WERE WRONG!

I DO NEED TO UPDATE THE REGISTRY

BECAUSE




































ITS A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He had his junk hanging out all over the place. We saw it twice. No way around it. Its a boy. I am off bed rest, however I still can't lift anything and I still need to closely monitor the color of the blood coming out of me. I go back in 6 weeks to make sure it all still looks good!

Oh shit

Let me just say some of you are doing an excellent job of keeping me amused. This is the latest post by Weekday Wisdom that had me laughing my ass off. I encourage you all to visit her site.

Maury's job isn't on the line... at all!

I think about the numerics of my family a lot, like how many brothers-in-law I have named 'Kyle' (2) and how many sisters-in-law named 'Chelsea' (2). Last week I tried to figure out how many nieces and nephews I have. A year ago I had 24. I think I have 29-ish now. It's hard to keep track of all of those Kaedyns, Kadens, Cades, Aidens and Calebs, and when some family members breed like hamsters, I can't sort them all out in my mind.

About two years ago, my sister in California, Lilly, had her first baby. When she came in to town with Jacob, my step-mom insisted on getting all of the grand babies together for a picture. When I saw the picture, there was a strange chubby baby in it that I'd never seen before. I figured someone was probably babysitting another child, and they'd thrown him in the picture so he wouldn't feel left out. A few days later, I went to see my step-mom for Mothers Day. As I was sitting in the living room chatting with my family, my brother walked in with a girl I went to high school with. In her arms was the chubby baby from the picture. It all made sense. Jim was dating a girl with a baby. That is, until Anna explained to me that the baby was Cade, Jim's son.

What?!?

Yep, my brother had a six-month-old son I'd never heard about. Apparently there was a drunken date, a paternity test, and I was a proud new/old aunt and no one in my family thought I was important enough to know.

Fast forward to March 2007. Since Anna became pregnant, she's been staying at home. She only lives five minutes away from me, so she stops in every now and then. One day she mentioned something about Jim going to court because Cade bit Aiden, and Aiden's mom was pressing charges.

"Who's Aiden?"I asked.

"Jim's other son," Anna informed me.

What!?! Another one?

It gets worse!

Anna explained to me that Aiden is three years old! THREE YEARS OLD! Cade is also THREE YEARS OLD. Something is very wrong with the whole scenario. Could it be that Cade and Aiden are only three months apart in age? Or could it be that Cade's mom and Aiden's mom were BEST FRIENDS when these children were conceived???

Then Anna told me that there's a little girl out in the world somewhere who might be Jim's daughter.

My brother is sick! See why I say 29-ish?

Embarrassment

I AM SO EMBARRASSED THAT I FORGOT TO ADD NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK TO MY 80'S LIST. THANK YOU MEGAN FOR REMINDING ME. THEY WERE A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE...I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT THEM....AND MC HAMMER!

2 LEGIT TO QUIT HEY HEY

Moving on to the 90's

I can't remember much of the 90's since I started drinking and getting high in the 90's but I'll give you what I remember and let you guys fill in the rest

• Snapper Wrappers
• Plaid
• Taz
• Girls wearing boxers
• Mens work boots turning into high heal girl shoes
• Pointy black lace up boots
• Pacifier necklaces
• Friendship necklaces
• Hemp bracelets
  
• Nirvana
• Black lipstick
• Tye Die (again)
• Mushroom necklaces
• Dyed hair (for example mine was bright orange)
• Color coordinated bands on your braces (for instance I cheered for the mustangs and our colors were red and white so my top braces where red banded and my bottoms where white...its okay you can say it I was awesome)
• Mario One
• Sonic the Hedge Hog
• Mopeds
• Skateboards
• Girls in their dads striped knee socks
• Painting with Bob Ross (this might even go back to the 80's)
• Spaghettios!
• Sneak a tokes

Okay this is draining my brain. Feel free to add stuff I missed out on.

Giggle awards

This months giggle award I found myself. Karlas post yesterday by far is the funniest shit (pun totally intended) that I've read all week. OMG Karla thank you so much for this post!

I bring you Karlas Rolling with the punches

Rolling with the punches

Samson rolled in shit yesterday. IN SHIT! Like, um, HIS SHIT!

He was literally covered in his nastiness. Oh and do I even need to mention how bad he smelled?

Any neighbour that caught the circus act of me trying to wash the mucking futt outside must think I am a stark mad raving lunatic because the dog just would not cooperate and thought being all covered in his squalor was funny. He liked being chased with the hose and a bottle of sunlight dish detergent and somewhere in between shoving cookies in his mouth and watching him run in figure eights around the yard and yelling at him to stay he shook shitty bubbles all over me.

Giving up on the idea of using the backyard as a giant natury bathtub, I decided to take him upstairs to the human tub for a proper scrub down. I’m not exactly sure why I thought I would be able to lift an 80lb dog because oh my fuck, I totally I sprained my uterus.

Is there something you can take for a sprained uterus when you’re breastfeeding?

I love the 80's

Totally theme stealing here, but this post made me laugh so hard I had to do one of my own. I was reading Life is Just So Daily and she posted her favorite things of the 80's and I got soooo excited I had to do my own. SO here you go. Things I love/miss from the 80's.

• First of all Tiffany..sing with me "Runnin just as fast as we can now, trying to get away into the dark then you put your arms around me .......I think we're alone now doesn't seem to be anyone aroun hound"
• Rainbow Bright...nuff said
• Fraggle Rock...again nuff said
• Strawberry Short Cake
• Cabbage Patch (I even have the cabbage patch dog, a doll and a premie baby!)
• Scrunch socks layered in reverse order, (ie on my left leg a purple sock with a teal over it, on the right leg a teal sock with a purple over it, and then both scrunched down to the top of my KEDS)
• Spandex
• Neon orange and green
• Those little shirt clippy things member that you put one side of your shirt in and tightened it to make a shirt tale on your side
• TIE DYE
• My feathered bangs
• As mentioned by Lainey Garbage Pail Kids
• Hungry hungry Hippos
• Burger time on Atari
• Lisa Frank stickers, binders and school supplies
  
• Magnetic pencil cases
• Pencils with those little feather puffy guys with the eyes and beaks on the end of them
• Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?
• Scrunchies!
• MTV's dance party
• When MTV played music
• Americas most wanted eeeeeeek I'm still afraid of the dark because of that shit.
• Bonnie Bell
• Caboodles!
• Oregon Trail
• Debbie Gibson

Edited to add

• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TURTLES IN A HALF SHELL TURTLE POWER
• Ice Ice baby
• LA Gear (thanks Lisa) with two color laces)
• Duck Tales
• Hypercolor
• Tranformers
• Heman
• Gem
• Walk-Man
• Joey Lawrance Whoah
• Saved by the Bell
  

Okay this is all I can come up with for now. Its your turn to tell me some of your favorite 80's things that I forgot!

Hey Karla...no break yet

After my shit ass night you would think it would get better right???? RIGHT? No I woke up to two giant piles of cat vomit! Yeah my preggo hormones, along with smell and gag reflex made me want to puke allllllll over the place. It took a good 25 minutes before I finally swallowed all of the vomit back down my throat.

I sit down to eat some celery and soy peanut butter and get ready to write this blog. That is when I turned my celery upside down on top of my shiny white Mac laptop! Have you ever tried scraping peanut butter out of computer keys?

ACK!

On to the good news. I get to go to work today for an hour. My boss (parents) are so freaked out about me coming in and working that they ran right out last night and got me a new chair so I would be comfy for my one hour of work. After my hour I get to come home, eat some lunch and then count the minutes until we find out the sex of the baby! That part actually makes up for the crazy ass bitch that was pounding on my windows and doors last night!

My night

I'm not sure if I've told you all yet that when Rob and I found out we were having another baby we decided we had to make a change with Brandons sleep habits. Our first step was to put a toddler bed at the end of our bed and move him there. After a few months of that this weekend we moved him into his own room. This was extra scary for me because A: I sleep with ear plugs and can't hear him and B: His room along with the new babies room are in the front of the house. In fact the only window in the front of my house leads to the new babies room. Because he has just started sleeping in there we leave the dimmer on in his room and a single overhead light on in the kitchen in case he tries to find his way to our room.

Back to tonight. I finally get settled in bed and doze off. An hour passes when suddenly I hear the familiar CLICK CLICK of my husband cocking his gun. This is one sound that can shake me out of a sleep so fast you would think I just got an adrenaline shot. I pull out my ear plugs only to hear some lady on my porch screaming;
"HELP ME PLEASE HE'S GOING TO KILL ME, CALL THE COPS, GO AWAY ASS HOLE, LET ME IN HELPEAKJA;FOIJAWEO;IFJEO;IWJ"

My husband, being wary doesn't let her in, instead calls the police and takes his gun out waiting for her. He tells me to go watch Brandon. At this point I haven't woken all the way up I don't have my glasses and I just hear screaming and my husband telling me to watch my son. I'm shitting my pants people. I'm thinking Christ his room is so close to the front, it's a childs room so it doesn't have a lock, what if someone forces them self in and so on. The lady starts being very rude to my husband and the neighbors and tells my husband we shouldn't have left those lights on if we didn't want people to think we are awake and knock on our door.

Finally the cops show up, they drive to her house come back and get her and say they are going to take her home or something. We don't know because she didn't speak a word to us, not even a thanks for calling the police and standing out here with me, when this could have been some kind of set up for someone to enter your house while we were all outside. She left, we came in and on the way in we saw the biggest spider ever just walk in our house. He was about the size of a half dollar. Rob mushed him before I really lost it.

Now we are both wide awake, my stomach is in knots and I'm terrified of letting my son and the new baby sleep in the front of the house!

Babies R Us coupons

I just received the Babies R Us catalog. If you don't get it there were some great coupons in it that you can use online since you won't have the coupon in store.

15.00 any bedding over $100.00 coupon code 917894
25.00 off on any wood furniture, glider or ottoman coupon code 917891
3.99 off every bathtub, bath seat or diaper pail 12.99 or more coupon code 917884
10.00 off every carseat over 40.00 coupon code 917876
20.00 off any stroller or travel system over 100.00 coupon code 917881
5.00 every bouncer or travel swing coupon code 917879
15% off every dr browns, avent, or playtex feeding or soothing item coupon code 917887
25.00 off every crib matrress combo coupon code 917892

these are valid 6/18/07-7/15/07

Taking guesses

Okay everyone since we find out tomorrow I'm asking everyone to tell me what they think I'm having. Then we will find out who is right!

Went to the DR

I went to the doctor. Babies heart is still beating 152 bpm. Cervix is closed. The spotting is from healing and me not being the worlds best bed rester. I've been cleared for an hour of work a day at my discretion. I find out the sex tomorrow and have my big appointment with the perinatologist (couldn't spell that if I tried). I am on biweekly appointments with my doctor and I think biweekly with the perinatologist (still can't spell it). The doctor said tomorrow I will find out if I can be cleared from bed rest for good or if I have to stick to my hour a day shit. Also he said he hopes I won't have to see the perinatologitisutiaoi (I give up trying) for very much longer. I find out boy or girl at 3PM so log on around 430 tomorrow to find out the big news. For now its back to my couch!

Rodeo time

Its been a while since I've posted pics of my kid, so here you go.
Since I'm cripple now you know my parents took Brandon to the rodeo. Notice the outfit. Apparently taking Brandon to the rodeo meant they had to go buy him Wranglers, cowboy boots, and the most cowboytastic Wrangler snap up shirt you ever did saw!

Papa and Brandon at the fair

Brandon on the roller coaster. He refused to get off and was so mad he had to wait in line. Then once he learned he would get really excited to get off and get back in line and go again and again and again.

Brandon and Papa on the carousel

Look I'm still on the roller coaster Weeeeeeeee

This fucking balloon now lives in my house. It is taller then Brandon and wider then most of my doors. He drags it alllll over the place. Notice his boots and shirt in this picture. I guess he made my dad carry him all around the fair on his shoulders, while holding the damn smiley balloon guy. The next morning he got up rushed to the balloon and brought it to me screaming bawoon bawoon bawoon like I had never seen a balloon before. Did I mention they were at the rodeo until midnight? I guess they showed Brandon that giant four story slide and he wouldn't stop going down it. So finally at 11:45 PM when I called to see if my child was still alive they were carrying him out kicking and screaming. He then road home with that balloons legs wrapped around him in the carseat because he refused to put it down! What a wonderful night for Brandon.

O for fucks sake

Did some one tell my husband about my shopping while on bed rest? Because for some reason the damn fucking Company Store website won't fucking load this morning and its ass though my husband called them and said BAN MY WIFE FROM YOUR WEBSITE..and my first order hasn't even arrived yet. Goddammit I want to order more shit people!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm giving it five minutes before I make someone else log in as me to help me spend my money. Dammit I need more shit people!

Updated to add: Finally got on to the website and the slut whore website didn't remember my credit card which means I had to get up and go find it. Why are they making it so hard for me to give them my money!

and round and round we go

This morning I woke up to cramping and more bleeding. I had a little on Saturday that was just small stripes when I wiped (sorry graphic) but today there is enough that its actually making a mark on my panty liner. It seems like its dark so part of me doesn't want to worry. Since I am already going to the doctor tomorrow I would really like to avoid having to go today to. I'm not going to call unless it turns bright red and there is a super way lot. I kind of adjusted Brandon in bed this morning and I helped him onto the toilet so maybe that was just too much for me. Anyway it is starting to seem like getting off bed rest this week is a snowballs chance in hell DAMMIT!

A game brought to you buy NYC Girl

So NYC Girl told me to Google "Shannon needs" and then post the best ones and comment on it. So here goes.

Shannon needs to learn how to soothe her moods with something other than food WHO TOLD YOU THAT? HOW DID YOU KNOW
Shannon needs her own show! HELL YA MOODY PREGNANT CHICK ON BEDREST..I'D WATCH IT
Shannon needs a surgeon SO YOU NOTICED MY THIGHS AND SAGGY TITS...THANKS GOOGLE
Shannon needs a little help with the English language FUCK YOU VERY MUCH
Shannon needs information on responsible sexual behavior HUH I DIDN'T GET PREGNANT FROM KISSING
Shannon needs to be more vigorously investigated by the Irish SHIT HOW DID THEY KNOW I STOLE THE LEPRICAN AND LEFT THE POT OF GOLD
Shannon needs to end that mindset immediately WHICH ONE...I HAVE MANY MINDSETS TODAY
Shannon needs the most work vocally NOW THATS JUST NOT NICE...I SING FINE LALALALA
Shannon needs to take things more seriously A HORSE WALKS INTO A BAR
Shannon needs to rest MORE REST, FUCK YOU GOOGLE
Shannon needs to take a look at her spending WHO TOLD GOOGLE ABOUT THE 400.00 BEDDING SHOPPING SPREE
Shannon Needs To Be Used GOOGLE YOUR A NAUGHTY NAUGHTY LITTLE BOY
Shannon needs a fresh coat of paint and some plants ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY I NEED A TAN AND A BREAST LIFT

About the scrapbooking

Ya'll keep telling me that I should try scrap booking. First let me say that I already scrapbook. I actually have enough supplies to rival any creative memories person I know, and yet I always need to by new stuff at the store. Here is the thing. In order to scrapbook I have to sit up and lean forward. This is the equivalent to going to work, and is also not considered LAYING DOWN! So that idea is vetoed.

On to knitting and crocheting. I have tried ummm the one with the little hook needle thing about 5 times. I CAN NOT DO THIS! I make a chain and then I turn stupid. I haven't yet tried to one you do with the chopstick thingies simply because I'm not allowed to go to the store and buy the chopstick thingies.

Othere things I have been banned from doing by my husband and parents:
Going to any kind of meal
Leaving the house
Cooking dinner
Playing with Brandon
Anything fun

However they have no problem torturing me with hours of Noggin and Dora and those damn talking hands uma and ubi or whatever. I HATE THE TALKING HANDS!

What I did on my bed rest vacation

Cristina wrote me today and asked what I have done while I've been on bed rest. The following is a list of stuff I've done on bed rest.

• Learned that bed rest is two words...tried hard to stop typing bedrest...already wrote it three times this post
• Watched copious amounts of Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby...both of these make me cry
• Watched a ton of What Not to Wear and 10 Years Younger
• Read blogs..the few of you who posted...side note GOOD JOB Emery for keeping me busy every day last week
• Ate loooots of food
• Peed a way lot
• Read magazines
• Cooked dinner ONE damn time and made myself bleed again
• Watched husband play video games....whine that husband can't find cord to hook up old school Nintendo for me to play.. Pout pout
• Watched non stop Food Network
• Laid on every cushion of my couch
• Myspaced
• Sidewalk chalked with Brandon for about five minutes before being told to come in
• Checked mail...on days I remembered to
• Spent an obscene amount of money online ordering sheets and bedding...husband is going to kill me!
• Stared at Babies R Us website for hours at a time
• Looked to no end for perfect diaper bag
• Emailed Jen about 398059845 times, in an hour
• Yahoo Messengered
  
• Complained I was hot
• Whined I was cold
• Clipped my finger nails
• Promised my mom for the gagillionth time that I was laying down
• Learned gagillionth is not a word!
  
• Wrote this blog

I'm sooooo boring huh?

SERIOUSLY!!!!

HOW ON EARTH IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO BE ON BED REST WHEN THE PEE EVERY FUCKING HALF HOUR???????????
HMMMMMMMMMMM?

Tales from a hungry pregnant woman

5:30AM wake up. I'm hungry. Have 2 mini cherry donuts

5:40 Have another mini donut

5:50 have forth and final donut (become to lazy to capitalize the front of the sentence)

7ish stephanie mentionsegg salad sandwhch MUST HAVE EGG SALAD SANDWHICH

730ish sit on couch wishing eggs would cook themselves

8ish realize ooooh hardboiled eggs make me think of deviled eggs

820 realize that i am now to lazy to put colon in time, go to kitchen to see if we have eggs see avocado. realize cant live without guacamole and chips for breakfast

821 realize no tortilla chips in house, heart dies a little

830 realize we probably don't have full container of eggs, try using laser vision to see if we do...laser vision must be on fritz

840 husband tells me he thinks there is a full carton of eggs in there

845 think i'm too lazy to look behind half empty carton of eggs for newer fuller eggs

850 go to kitchen and make soy sausage patties forget to look for eggs while in there

851 make son french toast sticks, wish i was eating french toast sticks, but ewww why would i eat those?

930 realize soy sausage was not guacamole or hard boiled eggs....wonder why the eggs haven't cooked themselves

932 remember that i throw up eggs when i'm pregnant, wonder if its worth it....only worth it if eggs cook themselves

933 wish i had some of that yummy spicy cheese in a can to dunk lays in..but i don't because i ate the whole can last week

934 wonder if internet thinks i just eat a bunch of garbage (i dont really the other night there was roasted asparagus and healthy food i promise)

934 and a half remember other artichoke sitting in there....could boil artichoke while i boil eggs

934 and three nope now 935 i better open the fridge and see if anything new is there be back

935 boiling water for eggs and artichoke, wonder if i should salt water for artichoke, decide that i will. take eggs out of carton making sure to leave them distributed evenly as to not make egg container lopsided

937 wonder if i salted water or not...oh well salting it again fuckers

938 put eggs in pan and cover it...try to remember to listen for water to boil

939 search for special knife to cut off top of artichoke cut off and search for lid to small pot

940 realize live with small toddler lid has to be somewhere finally find it under ultra large pan, wonder if i should be lifting all those pans?

942 put on vanilla scented deodorant

943 smelling deodorant makes me want yummy vanilla cookies

943.5 realize hate vanilla cookies and pout now

945 realize neither of the things i'm cooking are going to satisfy urgent hunger NOW fuck still need to find something to eat

946 son just came up to me making kissy face covered in self applied suntan lotion...lips now taste like suntan lotion, that did nothing to help appetite

946.5 realize this list is so fucking long shit shut up and just eat something already you skanky pregnant whore

947 i'm done with list now..really i swear

947.75 done with list and my stupid pregnant ass still hasn't eaten!

All better

Brandon has learned that when he gets hurt he can come up to me for a kiss to be all better. So this morning he bumps his head and then runs over to me and shoves his head in front of my mouth and then head butts me till I kiss it a bunch. This is followed by him saying All bewwer. I didn't know he said all better but I guess he does. I much more prefer his head in my face though. Last night he kept hurting his feet and shoving teeny toes and feet in my mouth and all I could think was, "just kiss his feet and try not to think of how he was just walking out side in the sand where the cat pees!"

You know your a parent when...

You wake up singing

Bridge, tunnel, cho co late tree

Bridge, tunnel cho, co, late tree

If you aren't a parent then you wouldn't know that is the fucking theme song for one of the directions for Dora the Explorer, Dora dora dora.....

AAAAAhhchhhhchjhkjh what a horrible way to wake up!

Goodnight Momom (aka grandma)

Brandon was on the phone with grandma talking and suddenly he got really tired and she started to sing. He passed out but wouldn't give me the phone for anything. He just held on for dear life in his sleep. When I finally took he cried momooooooo and passed out in the middle of his word.

no comments on the fact that my legs are as white as my pants either or else!

Practice makes perfect..or at least for a really awesome kisser

I remember when I was little, very little I became interested in kissing. Since I had no clue what I was doing I figured I should practice. I practiced kissing on all kinds of things. An orange, a doorknob, my hand, a stuffed animal, and so on. You know, as they say though practice makes perfect. After the fake practicing I moved on to the real practicing. I kissed sooooo many guys. In fact I've kissed so many guys I had to start a list to keep track of them. It was always amusing to me that kissing led people to believe I was skanky or slutty or whatever, but I knew the truth, they wished they could be as awesome as me and have as much fun as me. All that practice paid off though. One of my favorite memories of all time was the time someone asked if he could kiss me because he had heard kissing me was amazing. You have to also realize this was extra funny because I was stoned out of my mind at the time. This is how the night went.

I was out with these two guys, one lived down the street and one lived about a mile away and basically we were just driving around smoking a bowl and laughing and talking like friends do. One of the guys with me, had dated two of my friends, no wait, dated one and kissed the other. The other friend had kissed both those girls and later went on to date a friend of mine for a long time. In fact they both dated friends of mine for a long time.

Back to the story. The one who lived down street from me, Ben and I had sort of dated. It was kind of on the down low, sort of like we were trying it out before we told everyone. We decided after a few days that didn't work and we stopped but stayed friends. So Ben and I are driving around and we pick up James. We drive up to this hill down the street from my parents house and park to smoke weed with out being a danger to the road. The two guys get out to pee and they get back in and James says, "Ben tells me you kiss better then Girl A and Girl B, I want to try it for myself and see." I nearly fall over laughing because this is hilarious, plus I'm super high. So I ask him, "ummm so what do you want me to do, just lean over and kiss you for shits and giggles?" He says, "YUP!"

I smoke some more weed and think about this. I don't like either of these guys this way but hey why not let him kiss me, it was a boost to my already high ego! So we kiss like 3 times really quick, with Ben watching in the back. Then they get out of the car to discuss it, not realizing all the windows are down. Ben says, "So?" James says, "dude, you were so right!" At this time I bust out laughing because two guys are really sitting outside discussing whether I kiss better then other girls. I was also secretly happy that I had won. Then Ben gets back in the car and decides he wants to try it again just to see if he remembered it right. So we kiss and he remembered it right. We continued getting high and forgot about it all.

This story always amuses me, mostly because I think all those girls who talked shit about me must not have been very good kissers because they didn't practice or learn enough.

I remembered this story because a friend posted a picture of her son with a Giant Taz and I replied that looked like something I would have practiced kissing on.

Do you have stories about how you learned to kiss? Did you practice or just jump into it one day with the neighbor boy? Let me know how you learned to kiss!

Why LIndsay should be suspended from blogging

Last week Lindsay wrote this shit of a post. Go ahead I'll wait here while you navigate to it. Don't worry you don't have to read the whole fucking thing, the giant Starbucks logo splashed right there when you open it is all that you need to see.

Thats not all though. Do you know what the little shit did next? SHE WENT ON VACATION! Meaning my sorry ass has had to stare at a giant ass Starbucks logo about 10 times a day all week (so what if I'm to stubborn to stop checking blogs of people I know are out of town, maybe they will post from out of town).

The problem here you ask? I'm stuck here at home. Eating whatever is at home or whatever people bring me which is usually totally not what I want. BECAUSE all I want is a grande mocha frappacino with 3 petite vanilla scones or even a lemon scone, or some of every damn pastry they offer there, especially those delicious sugar cookies with the pretty frosting.

Since none of my friends like Starbucks and it cost about as much as an arm and a leg I have as of yet asked anyone to bring me some. My homeade coffee isn't cutting it.

DAMN YOU LINDSAY DAMN YOU! Next time put up a picture of a steak or something I wouldn't eat before you go out of town!

Since when did a bed become an entire room?

In my house we have a rule. Okay no, wait thats not right. I have a rule. Whether my husband choses to follow it.....well. The rule is you don't fart in the bedroom if I'm there or the living room. Farting in the bed is VERY BAD. Basically farting near me is no good, especially when I'm pregnant and my smeller is working at about 1000% increase. Thats why I find last nights conversation so amusing.

Rob: Coming into bed, puts one leg on bed and BRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAPPPPPPTTTTTTPTPT

Me: Extremely disgusted look on my face

Rob: What? I didn't do it in the same room as you

Me: (Mental HUH) Umm dear your in the bedroom with me

Rob: No no I'm not all the way in the bed though so it doesn't count, the bed is like its own room

Me: HUH?



However, this is far better then his new habit...apparantly my husband farts so often he pretty much doesn't notice anymore. Its like breathing, just a habit. So now we will be sitting in the small guest room together, he will let one out that makes me start to gag and look me dead in the eye and say "WHAT?" He really, no joking has no idea what he's just done and has to literally sniff the air about 5 times to believe he did it. He also says, if he doesn't know he did it, it also doesn't count!


This has been another episode of SHANNON TAKES HER HUSBAND DOWN WITH HER!

Things I did today

• Woke up
• laid on couch
• laid on other couch
• changed positions and laid the other way
• emailed jen
  
• created a video of Brandon
• started to burn video
• set computer down
• lost video of brandon
• emailed jen
  
• cursed and banged computer
• started over
• emailed jen
  
• thought about brushing teeth
• put on fresh clothes
  
• put on deodorant
• got mad cuz jen wasn't replying quick enough
• realized my computer is slow
  
• brushed hair
• brushed teeth
• wondered if i should think about taking a shower some time this week
• decided against it
• sprayed perfume instead
• ate some chips
• ate chips from the other couch
• watched homemade dvd
• emailed jen
  
• yahooed a lot
• thought about cookies and milk
• resisted cookies and milk till after cousin came with tacos
• emailed jen
  
• thought about maybe just one cookie
• pouted on couch for not eating cookie
• noticed legs had scales on them
• put on lotion
• noticed legs still scaly may need more lotion
• emailed katie spelled i'm ime...thats not right
• watched baby shows on TLC
• cried at baby shows
• pouted because baby is still so far away
• thought about cookies
• reallllly thought about cookies
• posted this blog while thinking about cookies
• realized ginger is bringing brownies later
• brownies will not interfere with cookies!
  

Its a long one

Okay so being on bed rest gives me a loooooot of time to dick around on the computer. So here is an 11 minute video of my son...Sorry its so long but like I said I'm BORED here people





Giddy Up Kitty from wilddreemer on Vimeo

Dream a little dream for me

I know Jen has said a little about pregnancy dreams but so far I haven't. I seem to have a nightly pattern. It starts off with one to two bad dreams. Followed by about 7274988 sex dreams. The kind of sex dreams that you couldn't even create in your mind if you were awake. To date I'm pretty sure I've also had a dream about kissing every one of my major ex boyfriends, however there was always some major fault. For instance I kept dreaming I was kissing Kenny, only his teeth were rotting out but I had it in my head that if I kissed him his teeth would magically get better, oh yeah this all took place at a gas station, that my family stopped at while driving our Big Rig with an RV attached. NICE!

Last night however I first dreamt that I was about to die and a man in a gas mask showed up and right at that moment I opened my eyes and since I didn't have on glasses it was all blurry. This caused me to freak out thinking someone was poisoning all of us and I totally flipped out. Then I woke all the way up and thought NOW WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. After that dream though instead of a sex dream I started to dream about the baby....and right when I thought I was dreaming it was a girl Rob started wiggling and I woke up SO NOW I'LL NEVER KNOW!

DAMMIT ROB!!!

SOONER RATHER THEN LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish they had some kind of super ultra happy smiley thingy on here. If they did I would use it to tell you that I GET TO FIND OUT THE SEX NEXT THURSDAY!!!! That is almost three weeks early. I get to find out early because they want to do a follow up from Thursdays debacle and the doctor who wants to do the follow up will be able to see the sex better then the radiology tech anyway. I AM SO DAMN EXCITED! However Jen gets to find out the day before me SLUT! J/K Jen I still heart you!

Isn't this cute?

So I'm not a big fan at all of pink and purple girly shit for little girls in their room. In fact I hate it. Brandons room is also NOT BLUE its lime green. I love the colors in this bedding. Then I'm thinking of doing the top half of the room bright whit with a red bottom and then the wood piece that separates the two colors being black. Then having a black chalk board section on the red wall, and repainting Brandons crib black!

Where did he learn that

The new thing my son does is sit on top of my cat and say IDDIUP IDDIUP (GIDDIUP GIDDIUP) while bouncing up and down???? I'm just wondering who taught him to say and do that?

How I know we hired the right girl to work in our office

I know we hired the right girl because I commented once that chocolate was the way to my heart very briefly. She wanted to do something special as a get well present for me. This is what I got!

And thats how I know we hired the right girl!

HI SWEET PEA

You just invited me to read your blog...its private..i cant read it if its private?

If I'm going down I'm taking you down with me

Since I'm on bedrest and bored out of my head and I have nothing fun and interesting going on in my life I might as well take my husband down with me.

A conversation with my husband and I at the store.

Rob: Babe, where do they keep the baby powder?

Me: Umm I dunno over sort of by the pads or the Q-tips

Rob: Shhhh I don't want people to know that its for me

Me: Did you find it

Rob: Umm yeah but what kind

Me: Well I usually get you the kind with cornstarch

Rob: (very loudly) WHAT DO YOU MEAN GET ME THAT KIND, THIS ISN'T FOR ME, THIS IS FOR OUR KID DUH

Me: Right so your worried that people at Walmart are going to know you powder your ass for work

Rob: OMG shhhh people can hear

Me: Ummmm yeah lets go get Tylenol

Rob: Cody does it too

Me: So why are you so shy and ummm how do you know Cody does that?

Rob: Cuz he told us at work

Me: So you guys are close enough you just drive around talking about powdering your asses?

Rob: Well, no, umm I mean everyone at work knows Cody has SWAMP BUTT

Me: Did you just say swamp butt? You guys actually call it swamp butt?

Rob: Not me, my butt just sweats, Cody says he has swamp butt but not me.

Me: Whatever maybe you should get some extra baby powder to take to work for your boyfriend!