So I'm chatting with Jen just now about baby things. All the sudden it hits me. The funniest memory. I go to pick up Brandon one night from my parents. I ring the door bell and there is a lot of shuffling going on. Finally they answer and they look guilty and suspicious. I ask whats up and they say NOTHING! To tired to argue, I pack up my kid and his pack and play bassinet and we leave. A few days later my cousin is yahooing me and is like ha ha I can't believe your mom put her vibrator in Brandons bassinet.
STOP
WHAT NOW??
HOWS THAT?
This is what happened next...
MOOOOOOOOOOM GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW (we are at work). Mom comes in.
Mom, did you put your vibrator in Brandon's bassinet? (Mom turns red)
Mommmmmmmm are you kidding me?
Mom replies, "well I put it in a pillow case so I didn't think there was a problem"!
Umm OMG. I don't know what bothered me more, the fact that my mom put a vibrator in his bassinet or the fact that my mom had a vibrator...Shudder.
That is what I get for not making sure my travel bassinet had a vibrating function like the one I had at work!
5.01.2007
Ha ha ha I can't believe I forgot this happened
the joke
So I'm sitting at work at 9:54 AM enjoying some extremely healthy Laffy Taffy. I have seen this joke on them about 10 times and still don't' get it, so I'm reaching out for help, please someone explain how this is supposed to make sense.
Q: What garden has the most vegetables?
A: A flash garden??????
WHAT THE FUCK!
Dumbass awards
Okay people, here are the few responses I got....I want more, because so far nothing entirely jumps out besides Christys "how do I get the noodles mishap".....
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Theme song
Hmmm, okay you already know about one of my most recent dumbass moments when I burned my finger/hand.
pregnancy dementia?????
I was just cooking dinner and my husband was in the kitchen with me and we were talking. So far so good. I just pulled the pasta off the hot ass plate and kept on talking and then tried folding some aluminum foil that I put on the stove forgetting that that right front plate was still scolding ass HOT and I TOUCHED IT. It burned my middle finger really bad and it hurts like shit. Sorry for the cussing but I am mad at myself and in pain. This sucks. How could I forget that I just used that side of the stove??????
OUCH :(
I wrote a whole post about my dumb ass.
I gots me some smarts
When Porgie settled down to take her first nap this morning, I started working on a wonderful post for you. It was witty and smart, with lots of adorable baby pictures. But you will never see that post. After working on it for about 45 minutes, I accidentally deleted it. I am a jackass.
I seem to be doing a lot of stupid things lately. So, I'll share some of my stupidity with you.
1. After writing a new blog post, I proofread my writing three times before I click the publish button. However, I always see a mistake as soon as I view my blog. Then I have to go back and edit the post again. If you see a typo, just know that I proofread 268 times, but I just didn't see that stupid ass mistake. Sorry.
2. The other night I was making spaghetti. Keep in mind that I never cook. When the pasta was ready (but still boiling in water), I asked John how I should scoop out the noodles. He looked at me like I had three heads and told me to go get the strainer. So that is what that bowl with holes in it is for. WOW, I am losing my freaking mind! LOOKING LIKE THE WINNER SO FAR, BECAUSE IT IS JUST PLAIN HILARIOUS!
3. This one happened awhile ago, but it is so ridiculous that I have to share it with you. John and I were at our insurance agent's office. Somehow, we started talking about college. I was telling our agent about an intersession class I had taken. Suddenly, John busted out laughing. Apparently, instead of calling it an intersession class, I called it an intercourse class. What the hell is wrong with me?
4. The other night, I was getting ready to go to bed. I turned out all of the lights and headed toward the bedroom. I thought I was walking into my room, but instead I slammed right into the door. That one really hurt.
5. This one really shows my stupidity. Last night Porgie slept through the night again. I woke up at 5:50 and started worrying about her. I could not go back to sleep until I checked on her. So, I tiptoed into her room and peered into the crib. She was sleeping peacefully. I turned around to leave and ran into her book stand. I woke her up.
I really need to think about this one but I promise it will be a doozey (and I'm NOT pregnant) I'm just a dumbass by nature... ask Jen.
When i was preg w/ Z someone in a small group introduced themselves and said "hi, im Jessica." I just staired at her and smiled, I realized I wasnt the one who just said that she was! sounds wierd right! Well it was the exact same thing I was going to say so in my head I had said it because I herd it! LOL. that was pretty stupid!
Ok, so yesterday my roommate sent me an e-mail that said "I'm sorry I haven't mopped the kitchen in a while! Sorry! I will do it tonight." I was like: Yeah, ok whatever and ignored her e-mail and ended up going to bed before she got home from work last night.
So today I am talking to Erick and I'm like "Keturah sent me an email yesterday saying she was going to mop the floor, and I ignored it, rightfully so I guess." - Thinking that she had not mopped.
Erick was like "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? DID YOU NOT SEEEE THE KITCHEN THIS MORNING? You practically TRIPPED over the mop and bucket on your way in!"
I was like "Oh. Nope! Didn't notice! WHOOPS!"
Glad I didn't say anything to Keturah about it!
I actually got all the way to work one day and I still had my slippers on. I was all dressed nice, with slacks and a nice sweater, my hair done, etc. and I go to get out of the car at work and realized I had my cool slipper boots with pink flames on the side on!
Almost as good as the time in high school (I think) that Katie got in the shower with her pj's on.