Dear God, why does ramen taste so good?

I'm eating some ramen right now. I'm thinking the same thing I always thing when I eat ramen. "I may be full but I could totally eat 5 packs of this shit right now!" I'm telling you man, this shit is good and I want to eat bag after bag of its processed goodness. At this moment I'm staring at the broth left in my bowl wondering if I would be burned at the stake if I ran and buttered some bread to drown in it and sop up the Msg goodness.

I've been doing so well on my diet this week. However tonight I feel like the cookie monster. I want to devour everything in site. Only, I don't just want cookies, I want EVERYTHING. Yeah, I'm more like the everything monster.

Oh, sorry, I'm back. I was busy swirling my fork in the bottom of my bowl looking for any remaining lone noodles I could slurp up.

I don't feel bad though, ramen is reasonable calorie wise. I'm watching this Oprah 21 day cleanse thing on TV and I am telling myself I could so do that. The point is for 21 days you basically live as a vegan. Okay fine. I can give up my eggs for a month. I can try and give up cheese. But dude, I need my coffee creamer. Then I'm thinking, isn't that powder creamer stuff, non dairy? Thats vegan right? Only then this crazy woman on Oprah says, no alcohol, gluten or sugar. Now I'm thinking what the fuck am I supposed to eat you nut balls? You really want me to give up my Almond M&Ms, and my slow churned frozen yogurt and my bread?

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

And also. No. But, I want to do it. Not to lose weight or anything, just to see if I can. Oprah is having trouble and some twisted part of my head wants to totally kick Oprahs ass at the 21 day cleanse. Hmmm I wonder if my Odwalla bars are vegan? I know my Kind bars are.

Stop the press. I just heard I'm supposed to give up caffeine. Well now I know this bitch has lost her marbles. She's one soy patty away from a burger, with no bun, and no cheese, and no giant steaming cup of coffee on the side.

Back to my Kind bar. They are delicious. However do you know why I bought them? I bought them because I was at Whole Foods late one night and shopping for bars when I saw the Kind bar. I started giggling because, HEE, Kind, you know like Kind Bud. And then suddenly I was 15 and taking a bong hit laughing about how I had the kind bud and before I knew it I was filling my basket with about 15 fruit and nut bars I had never tasted before acting like a stoner with the munchies, only you know, a super health conscious stoner and stuff. See, now at least if I still smoked weed I could have an excuse for why I got fat. It was all the munchies fault. Nope. I have no excuse. It's my fault. That sucks. It's always easier when you can blame the weed right?

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around no caffeine. I just can't seem to groove on that. Not that I can groove at all. I have zero rhythm you know.

I'm rambling huh? Oh well. I'm nursing right now, meaning all intelligence is being sucked out of me. How is it I can spell intelligence right but I fuck up the word nursing? I misspell so many words. Not because I'm stupid, but because I'm dyslexic. With the exception of my blog, I've stopped fixing my errors. If I text you chances are it will look like this.

yeah i'm thrying to type righ tnow mbut i'm haivng some troubles iwth that.

See my problem. Me and spell check, we are like this (crosses two fingers and holds them up to say we are tight man!). Oh and also. I totally don't know the difference between effect and affect. I use them wrong all the time.

I think I've babbled enough. But I'll leave you with this. My son is walking around the house trying to be quiet. So he is tip toeing. Only the being quiet of the tip toeing is totally negated by him saying "tip toe" as he tip toes. So now, my little guy is walking around "whispering" Tit toe Tit toe. Meaning, that I can't be quiet because he is saying Tit toe, and I'm a first grader who thinks hearing the word Tit come out of a two year olds mouth is hilarious!