Lets talk preschool

Sigh. My son is in school. When he started he was in the 2-3 year old class. I loved his teacher. LOVE! I still love her and when it was time to transition him up to the next class I found myself wishing that teachers would transition with their class too. His new teacher is, um, cold, and always angry and always on the defensive. Since day one I have been afraid of her. I feel like when I say hi, even her reply of, "hi" is attacking and scary and MEAN. You know, those people who just look mean. Anyway. The point is, in Brandons last class he was good. So good in fact that the teachers were all stunned he had never been in school before. I went to time out maybe once a week but barely even then.

Fast forward to now when I found out the other day that my son is in time out at least TWO TIMES A DAY EVERY DAY. The most disturbing part is that I only found out because my mom picked him up and when she arrived he was in time out. My mom inquired about how often he goes to time out, to which the teacher casually mentioned he is always in time out. Obviously being his mother, she didn't feel like I needed to know this. Makes perfect fucking sense to me. The next day I inquired and in a very attacking way as if I was questioning her authority she let me know that Brandon likes to hold other kids or grab toys from them. Fine, yes that is bad, but shouldn't I have been told so I could talk to him?

After she said that, my mom, husband, dad and I all talked to Brandon and guess what THE PROBLEM STOPPED. However yesterday after he promised me he wouldn't go to time out, he went to time out twice. My husband picked him up and when we got home he told me to ask Brandon why.

Me: Brandon why did you go to time out
Brandon: Um I go to time out cuz I go potty
Me: Huh
Brandon: I just go potty so I go to time out.

I looked at my husband who replied, "that is true, they were outside playing and Brandon went inside to go potty with out asking someone."

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

This woman put my child in time out for fucking going pee? I can understand that kids aren't supposed to go inside alone, but I also know that in the amount of time it would have taken him to go talk to her he probably would have peed his pants. I know my kid I know that sometimes he plays until the last second and before I know it Brandon is hauling ass to the bathroom and there are times he lets a little pee out before he even sits down. I was bothered by this and went to bed thinking about it. It didn't help that my husband said he went in time out again for not listening. Not listening about what?

This morning I went in and talked to his teacher. Before I even opened my mouth she was on the defensive. I asked about the potty time out. She said all the kids know they can't come inside alone. I asked her if he had been in trouble for this before. She said no. I was kind of shocked. I was stunned she would put him in time out for a first offense. Then I said, well, you know, the way he relayed it he was put in time out for going potty. She tried to tell me that she explained to him that he was in time out for not asking to go in. Which is fine if she says that but I know that the exact words my kids said are "I go in time cuz I go potty." I told her I was slightly worried this would make him just pee his pants outside instead of asking to come in since he now related that with time out.

Next I asked about the not listening. She said him and a bunch of other kids were going down the slides backwards so they all went to time out. I was stunned. Because he played follow the leader he got punished. So I finally say, "you know I'm just confused because my kid had no problems in the other class. Is something different here, because to me this seems like excessive time outs." At this point the teacher got very agitated and went on about how her class was more structured, she start using hand gestures to punctuate her point which I find insulting and angry. Basically is sounded like no matter what these kids were all going to go to time out every day. In fact the last four times I've gone in she was putting someone in time out INCLUDING TODAY. Today a little girl screamed and she went to time out. The teacher wasn't nice either she just YELLED "_______ in time out now."

I walked out of there feeling like nothing was accomplished and feeling like by asking about my son I was probably getting him in more trouble. I read somewhere that if a preschool teacher doesn't like the parent they will take it out on the kid. While I"m always overly friendly now because of this, I get the feeling that this teacher hates my questions and in turn is overly mean to Brandon. I stopped and talked to the other teacher who is in that class part time. She assured me the main teacher likes Brandon. However she agreed that time outing him for going potty was a little odd. She also totally understood that it was bad for Brandon to think he went to time out for going potty. This teacher responded to me kindly, in a nice voice with an understanding smile.

I don't know what to do now. In his last class when I had questions or concerns I could easily talk to his teacher and she would reply nicely. She would explain things, be understanding, and never make me feel like an asshole for caring about my kid.

Before I left I stood there and watched this lady with the kids and she comes off mean to them too. She looked angry at them even. I can't decide if this lady is just angry or going through something or what? No matter what, I don't feel like she has the personality to care for kids, nor the personality to deal with children's parents.

What do I do now? I don't feel comfortable knowing my son is in time out that often. I don't feel comfortable after hearing the other teacher, the part time one say that TWO TIME OUTS WAS NOTHING the other kids go at least 5 times a day.

FIVE TIMES???

Am I the only one who sees this as excessive? Am I the only mom wondering if they shouldn't maybe be talking to these kids and educating them instead of just shoving them in time out? Am I the only parent who even knows this is happening? Because had my mom not walked in while he was in time out, that teacher never would have told us.

I don't know where to go from here. When I enrolled him I read the parent teacher handbook from front to back. One of the things in there talked about teachers communicating with parents when there was a problem, and parents working on it at home. How in the fuck am I supposed to work on my sons school problems if no one is communicating and when they do communicate I feel attacked and like I need to go sit in time out.

What do I do?