DON'T MESS WITH HIS CHEETO'S

My son never falls asleep on his own. He always has to lay in my lap or sit next to me and just hang out until he falls asleep. However since he spent all day with my dad he got extra worn out. Whenever my grandma comes she always brings Brandon his own bag of Cheeto's. Later in the day he realized the bag was sitting there and he got it down. He asked me if momma want Cheyo's. I said yes so he gave me two and then 1/4 of one that was in his mouth. I asked him for some more he said no and ran away. After I while I realized it was way to quiet in my house. I walked into his room and I found my son passed out and overdosed on Cheeto's.

If you make the picture bigger you can notice the Cheet's stains around his mouth and on his face. He looks like a fat person who overdosed on powdered sugar donuts.
So apparantly all I have to do to get him to sleep on his own is wear him out and then let him sit in his room and eat himself stupid with Cheeto's.

Night night all, I eat my Cheeto's and I'm out!

Pizzzzzzzzzza

Omg omg omg all week all I've wanted was some pizza from New York. But since that clearly isn't happening I decided I would settle for some dominos pizza. My husband is going to get it soon and I think I'm going to sprout wings and fly from the excitement. That is how this whole pregnancy has been. Not long term cravings, just instant cravings that I must satisfy now and once I do its done and gone and over with. I can't wait for PIZZZZZZZZZZZA!


Edited to add: It is almost an hour later and my shit head husband just now fucking left to get the pizza, he's been sitting in my driveway bullshitting with his friend. He didn't think I would notice him sneak out an hour later but he has goddamn Flowmaster exhaust on his truck, he couldn't sneak out if he tried. FUCKER!

Brandon Randomness

• Something new Brandon finally learned is to say your welcome. So now when you say thank you Brandon he replies, your weltome!
• He likes to go in HIS room now and shut the door and watch his little TV and ignore mommy and daddy. I find this very cute.
• He knows how to plug my bathroom sink and fill it.
• When he goes in and plugs the bathroom sink he now dunks his head in the water and then stands there styling his hair in the mirror, I tried to capture this happening, below is the best I can get.
  

• When you say I love you he says, "low you too mommy." Sometimes he says "Low you much."
• He likes to bix it. Whenever anything is broke he says I BIX IT!
  
• He has a mild crush on Minnie Mouse
• He can now get his own stuff out of the fridge, however, he forgets to close the door.
• I think he now things baby brover is a fat belly, I'm not so sure what he will really do when baby brover comes out and is a real person.
• He kind of eats chicken now. Like two whole bites. Whenever Rob is eating chicken Brandon runs over, points and announces CHIGGEN!
• If you are in the shower, he thinks that means he needs to be in the shower. With out saying a word he will strip down, take off his diaper, go on the potty, put down the lid, flush and then come over and open the shower door and climb in with you. This makes morning showers very hard when you are in a hurry.
• He likes medicine as much as candy
• He can go hours and hours saying, where pooh bear go, where wabbit, where daddy and so on.
• Now when Rob is doing something he says, "oh daddy working." Anything you do he says, mama working, papa at work. If you are using a drill, measuring tape or hammer you are bixing it.
  
• He loves balloons. In fact now that he is anti potty training the quickest way to get him to potty is to offer him a balloon. If he sees a balloon he will ask you to flow it up. When it pops he announces that you poppa the balloon.
  
• Now when he poops and you ask him if he pooped, you can tell for sure he didn't any time he tells you NO I no poop. That means yeah I have a huge smelly poop right now but I don't want you to interrupt my play time.
• He still counts. When something big is going to happen, like a big jump or a cool move he counts to six. If it is little he only counts to three.
• Everything is labeled by color. Red balloon, dreen poptickle, orange car. Somethings are simply just a color. I likea the blue. I no like purple. Both of these actually refer to an object but sometimes he will only call it by color not object.
• He likeas a lot of things.
  
• Not as many as he no like it.
• If his nose is running or he sneezes, he runs to me and wipes his nose on me. If you say lets get a tissue he runs and wipes it on my pant leg. If you don't go fast enough he will just lick the boogers off his nose.
• When he knows he is leaving to go to papas now for the night he says bye to everything in a real snotty half assed wave kind of way. Bye Dora balloon, bye room, by house, see you morrow and just walks to the door.
  

BABY SHOWER

K SO I WAS TO LAZY TO RED EYE REDUCE SORRY!

OPENING CARDS

KATIE AND GINGER, THEY THREW THE SHOWER FOR ME WHICH TURNED OUT GREAT!

OOO LOOK TINY BABY STUFF

CODIS NEW DUDS

DOING REALLY REALLY BAD AT BABY SCATAGORIES

MY GRANDMA AND MY COUSIN LISA

MORE OF KATIE

TEE HEE TEENY LITTLE BABY BATHROBE

HOLY CLOTHES BATMAN!

PHATSO PHOTOS WEEK 33

THIS WAS MY BABY SHOWER OUTFIT! NOW SINCE YOU ALL SAY YOU LOVE MY MATERNITY CLOTHES I SHOULD TELL YOU THIS SHIRT IS NOT MATERNITY. IT WAS PURCHASED AT DILLARDS AND IS LUCKY BRAND. I THINK IT MIGHT ACTUALLY BE A DRESS BUT I'M NOT QUITE SURE. IT WAS $64.00 AND IS CURRENTLY IN THE STORE!

I'M PALE BECAUSE I'M ANEMIC AND REFUSE TO TAKE MY IRON PILLS!

Silly Jen

As you know both Jen and I are pregnant. The last couple weeks we exchanged baby presents. I sent mine via Babies R Us. Jen did too but she also sent me something that she (her husband) packaged and shipped herself (himself). Again, I want to mention we are pregnant. Anyway, since I'm lazy the box is still sitting on my counter. This morning I was pouring myself a glass of milk when I looked over at the box and was set into a fit of giggles. Jen mailed me my BABY gift in a box labeled SHOT GLASSES! Can I just tell you how funny I find this! HAHAHAHAHA I love it. It is so fitting for Jen and I. I'm just glad you don't have to tell the mail people why your sending stuff. I can see it now, yes sir these here shot glasses are a gift for my very pregnant friend, she will need them once she has two boys, one hitting her with a stick and one peeing in her eye.

Jen thanks for the laugh at 6am this morn!

Ummmmm

If you search this, you get my blog...



my cousin fucked me when i was little


Well then!

Ode to my big ass REVISED

My boobs are leaking some sort of goo
the veins in them are suddenly big and blue

I think my scale must be broken
I haven't gained that much you've got to be joken

When I walk I waddle like a duck
Ask me if I care I don't give a fuck

All I do is fart fart fart
Greasy foods are the way to my heart

Brownies fill me up with joy
This is one hungry little boy

One bite of food makes me stuffed
My ass looks like its been puffed and fluffed

I've got cottage cheese all over the place
And enough grease to make fries on my face

Every time I leak I think I'm bleeding
At least my two year old is done teething

I'm cleaning poopy diapers up to my ears
The smell makes my eyes fill with tears

My pants don't quite fit
My new boobs are a real hit

He's squeezing my colon and my bladder
While typing this I just got fatter

I haven't seen my feet in a while
My dirty clothes just sit there in a pile

I have a stretch mark, there, there and there,
And down below I could probably braid the hair

My bra can't contain my breasts
I laugh in the face of bed rest

Nesting is in full swing
I am lucky I still fit my wedding ring

I pee all night and all day
Its been so long since I've had a lay

Somehow chocolate will always win
Eating healthy is now a mortal sin

My shoes no longer have laces
With my two chins you would expect two faces

Every time I sneeze I pee
I'm big and grumpy don't mess with me

My back aches and my knees are shot
I like to strut my stuff and pretend I'm hot

My ass has it's own zip code
Seems my sons diaper always has a load

Not sure how I'm going to handle two
This will all be so new

Heartburn gets me to no end
Tums and Mylanta are my new best friend

My hair looks like an oil pit
It takes me five minutes just to sit

I can't lay on my right side
My ass and belly are quite wide

I've turned into quite a bitch
My belly stretching is making it itch

I'm leaking out from down there
My husbands still skinny its not really fair

It seems I fart all day long
My ass right now would eat a thong

I can't wait until the end
And my scars are all on the mend

And I have a beautiful little boy
That my other son will think is a toy

Having two will finally put me in my place
And if I'm thirsty I'll open my mouth while this one pees in my face!

IN WHICH I LOSE THE RESPECT OF THE ENTIRE BLOGGING COMMUNITY

I'm sitting here at work right now listening to my trusty Itunes on my trusty Mac. What am I listening to? My girlfriend of course. Miss Britney Spears. Her new song I LOVE IT!!!! I LOVE IT IN CAPS, AND BOLD WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS AND A LITTLE AIR KISS!!!!! Yeah I know. Your sitting there right now saying, Really Shannon, Britney. YES BRITNEY! I love her. I don't care if shes totally being a shit head right now, who in the fuck knows what I would do if I was suddenly handed bajillions of dollars to just piss away! Pretty sure I would walk around naked and tell you all to SUCK IT!

So not only am I listening but I'm dancing. I'm doing what I call the Shannon Bop. If I was brave I would video tape this shit, because it is, well, classic. I'm sitting in my chair, and first starts the head bop. It sort of looks like a bobble head but with less control. Then before you know it I kind of start bopping my other half, my shoulders start going up and down and the next thing I know my head is moving forward and back kind of like a goose. My feet start tapping and suddenly I start trying to wiggle my ass while it is still in my work chair. This results in my chair kind of slipping back and forth while I'm bobble goose heading with my shoulders moving up and down sort of the way Tiffany and Debbie Gibson used to do. Then I try and find some rhythm and it kind of looks the way a cooked asparagus looks in between your two fingers while you jiggle it around.

Lucky we aren't in the car or there would be some massive air drumming going on and ultra sexy drummer faces happening.

Ha ha now how is this for a post to delurk on huh. I mean what can you really say to this besides, Shannon you fucking moron!

SOMETIMES I LIKE TO MAKE MYSELF CRY

TO ME HE STILL LOOKS LIKE THE FIRST PICTURE!