AND THE WINNER IS...

CHRISTY!!! FROM CAKERWAKERS. WITH THIS POST:

The other night I was making spaghetti. Keep in mind that I never cook. When the pasta was ready (but still boiling in water), I asked John how I should scoop out the noodles. He looked at me like I had three heads and told me to go get the strainer. So that is what that bowl with holes in it is for. WOW, I am losing my freaking mind! Christy doesn't win anything, just the knowledge that she is a dumb ass like me!


I Picked this post because it really made me giggle. The only thing that would have made it better is if she reached her hand in and grabbed it out of the water. Christy was followed in second place by Jen. Jen forgot to submit her post but since it involved me I submitted it for her. Last week I told Jen she really really needed to read Gingers most recent post. She replied to me, "OMG I'm reading this now" I said which one, she says "the one about the alarms!" Huh, what now? Alarms. So I search her web page, nope, nothing about alarms. I ask Jen again, she reads me the title of the post...JEN WAS READING MY BLOG. She hadn't even navigated away from what she was already reading and somehow thought she was on Gingers blog. NERD!

Its so bad I had to wait till the next day to write about it

We are interviewing people to fill an office helper position in my office. That should be enough said right there, but there is soooo much more. Since we have had a problem in the past finding good help who can file simple alphabetical files we decided this time, so we would have them fill out and application and then we would have them file 7 files. The seven files I chose to have them file were:
5 purple customer files
Bill Pearce Honda 2007
Laurie Galvin
Home Depot store 3304 2007
Quail Business park 2007
Loretta Schumacher


2- Orange job files
Dan Koozer Job #07007
Ida Maye Job #07037

Okay now some background on our filing system. It is very easy. All along the wall are big file cabinets with drawers labeled alphabetically. Since we have lots of customers we are no longer able to just fit all of A in one drawer. So the first drawer is A-Ar and the second would be As-Az. Makes sense right? Also they are clearly labeled. Then, there is a small drawer on the other wall with orange job files. These are simply filed by job # which I explained to each person. All of our jobs with more then one year are filed with the newest year in front so it is the fastest to grab. If you look at the files you can clearly see it will go Bill Pearce 2005 with Bill Pearce 2006 in front and so on. Here is what I got.

First girl: She seems to breeze through the first 3 files. Then she gets to Quail Business park. She looks at the files labeled S and says no no Q wouldn't be here. She then proceeds to open the T drawer. Digs around in it, stares at it some, closes it, looks at it from the outside and repeats Q Q Q to herself. She opens the T drawer again, steps back very confused and says OOOO Q wouldn't be here. She then, goes back to the 4- S drawers and stares at them. Finally I think she stops and says the alphabet to herself and realizes Q COMES BEFORE S. So she begins reading all of the cabinets searching for Q. Q is a small section IT HAS ITS OWN DRAWER WITH A GIANT Q ON THE FRONT! She finally gets it. In the end she has filed Bill Pearce very close to where it should go but she filed it two files in front so the files went Bill Pearce Honda 2007, Larry Biel, Mary Bieller, Bill Pearce Honda 2006. Okay so -1 for first girl.

Girl two: She rushes through filing. I when I think she is done I go in and she is staring at the Bill Pearce file. She says, "Ummm I don't understand, there are two Bill Pearce 2005 files and two 2006 and two 2007 I don't get where this one goes." So, with more patience then I knew I had I said, well that is because the other ones say Bill Pearce Oldsmobile and these ones say Bill Pearce HONDA. (keep in mind at this point she can see how alllll of the Bill pearce files are filed.) She files the file and leaves. I found that she filed Bill Pearce 2007 behind 2005 making the order of the files to go 2007, 2005, 2006. Gee even I can see that isn't right. She then proceeds to file Home Depot 2007 all the way behind 2004. Oh boy. She files Schumacher after Schumaker so the files go, Dr. Schumacher, Kirk Schumacher, Mike Shumaker, Loretta Shumacher. Yes, those look in order right? The most interesting part of all is she filed the Quail 2007 file in the right spot making the files go 2005, 2006, 2007. Why would she do 2 files one way and a third the other? -3

The third lady files them all right but puts Bill Pearce in the back again. This flabbergasts me since she manages to file the other two right. How can you not manage to file consistently for 3 little files? -1

The forth girl. Oooo the poor forth girl. Still, this morning I can not understand her rational. Okay here it goes. I come in to check her. I look for the Bill Pearce file, it is NO WHERE TO BE FOUND. Okkkkay. I go to pull Galvin, NOPE. I ask her, ummm where did you file these? She opens the L drawer and pulls out Galvin. I pause look at the label and realize she has filed it under Laurie the first name. Now, heres where it gets good. She simply opened the L drawer and then dug around in it until she found another name that started with L then shoved the file in front of that one. Which means, had I given her a file named Zeke Jenkins she would have dug around in the Z's for hours trying to find a file with the first name Z and she would have been there forever because we don't have a name that starts with a Z and is also a Z last name. IT GETS BETTER. She then shoved Loretta Schumacher behind Laurie Galvin. She got Home Depot in the right file but in the wrong order. She got Quail in the right file in the right order. Still we can not find Bill Pearce. I go to the orange files, filed by job# and see that she has filed then by first name. So the first one is Dan Koozer. She files that between an A and P first named file. Then she files Ida May between two separate files. At this point we begin opening every drawer searching for Bill Pearce. We found it in the L's. While she was in the L drawer she saw a file labeled Bill Loefler. She stuck Bill Pearce after Bill Loefler. I almost died. That means 3 out of 5 purple files she filed in the SAME DRAWER. Even if she was trying to file by first name how could she possibly think B & L would go in the same file? -7

Today, before they are even allowed to fill out an application I am going to make them file! It can't get worse right? RIGHT???????

The one where Brandon dressed himself

Sorry, I don't know how to rotate it.

A reason I will probably be divorced very very soon

Again, more proof that I am a terrible awful mother.

To clear this up

I am a vegetarian. I don't like meat. However, for some reason since becoming a vegetarian the one thing I always cheat with is hot dogs. Heres the thing. Steak, taste like blood. It is sort of good and the idea of it is good, but the idea of eating a big hunk of dead cow oozing blood, really is enough to make me puke. Chicken, first that just taste bad, second it has veins and tendons and things that I cant even think of putting in my mouth. In fact eating chicken to me is probably about appealing as you guys eating a nice pile of dog shit covered in maggots and beetles. However for some reason hot dogs don't really bother me. I know, I'm weird.

And no, I didn't eat it, we went all the way to sparks for Cinco De Mayo and ate so many tacos I was too full to eat it and then the craving went away. For dinner I instead opted for a soy bacon, lettuce, tomato, avocado sandwich on whole wheat....way to healthy.

This might make Jen vomit

I just got a huge giant craving. Only, its for something that you have to have had before to truley appreciate. Boy, this is going to probably cause the biggest judgment of all judgments on this blog. There is a place here in Reno called Scoopers. On their menu is the biggest meanest baddest hot dog you ever saw. Are you ready for this.

THE DEEP FRIED BACON WRAPPED HOT DOG STUFFED WITH CHEESE, ON A BUN COVERED IN MORE CHEESE, ONIONS AND TRIPLE MAYO.

I need a bucket to contain all this drool. I will have this by the end of the weekend.

How do you see you?

I blog about everything on here. I mean everything, from my marriage to my friendships to boogers and poop. I don't censor anything at all. I have never been that person. I have never been the person who is afraid to step on someones toes, and I'm definitely not someone who gets embarrassed by much at all. In my real life for the most part I'm an open book. Lately, I'm more open if you ask the right questions, because with age I've realized blurting out certain things to friends will hurt them. Often I choose to just write about it here and be done with it. I also write about anyone. There is no one who is safe from being written about on here. I will not write about things that I have been asked to keep secret and if I do I don't use names.

The part I'm finding amusing is something I was guilty of one time before I realized I needed to stop. Ginger wrote a blog one time about her friends. I immediately emailed her and freaked out saying how sorry I was because I thought the blog was about me. That is why recently when she wrote another blog about nameless friends I said, hey this isn't about me and was done with it. I wrote a blog not to long ago where I discussed my three friends. I used their names. However, if I hadn't all three of them could have read about each person and found something to make them think each person was them. The same goes for most other blogs I write. I usually leave a lot of them very general and very nameless. I do that, so when you read it, you can see some of your own life in my writing and ask yourselves questions. If I fill it with a bunch of names it is harder for you to relate it to your own life.

I wrote a blog yesterday or the day before (all the days are the same to me now) about my friends and how they drive me nuts when they change in relationships. As I wrote it I knew that each of my friends would secretly wonder if that blog was about them. When in actuality a huge majority of the blog was about someone I'm not even "close" friends with. But I don't have to be best friends to know when someone has changed who they are 100%. There were small parts of my own friends in that blog. Very very small parts. The funny part is, about an hour ago I was met with an e-mail from a raging friend who somehow thought the blog was about her. The funniest part is, apparently she thought this because her husband is out of town and she happened to ask me to do something during that time. I had no clue. I knew we had plans tomorrow, but at no time did I remember her husband was gone. I'm actually laughing over here because I really really had no clue and she really really thought I was calling her out when I said the part about a friend only hanging with me when her husband was gone. The part that is even more funny is I think in the time I've known them, he's only gone out of town like twice, and the person I was talking about their significant other is gone allllllllot.

After she wrote me it made me wonder. How do people see themselves. How is it she read that blog AFTER reading a blog about how much I value my friendship with her and somehow saw so much negative in herself she assumed I was writing about her? There was a very small bit that was about her, very small but nothing near as much as she thought. I have to wonder, what it is that makes people stop and see the bad. If I would have read that very same blog, which I basically did with Ginger, I would have never thought it was about me. For the main reason that I know I'm a good friend and I do the best I can. I'm shocked the person who read this couldn't see in herself that she is a great friend. I really sat there for a few minutes before responding and wondered, can she really be so critical of herself to think I feel this annoyed toward her? I'm amused to say the least. I guess, I am getting what I wanted from this blog. I am making people stop and look at who they are and question themselves. So in a way I guess I am successful at doing what I aimed to do. I just recommend that next time, before you get angry and assume it is about you, that you stop and ask me first. I'll tell you in private that 90% of that blog was really written about __________!

Things my son knows

Brandon is getting so smart. Our new thing is asking him to point to his body parts. He can point to his, head, nose, eyes, ears, belly, feet, hands, mouth, and pee pee. This morning though, he looked right at me, pointed and said BOOB! I said "what now" Boob mom BOOOOOB (says this as he is poking me right in the boob.) He knows where to get his diapers. At the end of the day he puts his shoes back on the shelf in his closet and says Shoe! Then claps. He tries to throw stuff away, but isn't very successful with the child locks. He now says more and some when he wants something, followed by please. Its very cute when I am carrying pie out to my car and I hear SOME? PLEASE, SOME AHHHHHHHHH (that is the sound a toddler makes when he opens his mouth and says ahhh asking for you to please put pie in it). He knows where the bones are to feed the dog. He can open every door now. He knows where his milk goes and helps get it out. If he is hungry he will stand on a chair to see if he can find anything on the counter before he drags me to the fridge. He knows the key goes in the ignition. That the remote turns on the TV and they keyboard on the computer makes letters appear on the screen. In the morning if we are laying in bed he will roll over and grab the remote so I will turn on Noggin. When I go to the bathroom he races ahead of me and puts the toilet lid up, then he grabs toilet paper, wads it up and stuffs it between my legs (I discuss this in my most recent letter to Brandon), then he will put the lid down and flush the toilet. He can feed himself, and in fact I haven't been able to feed him anymore for probably 9 months or so. At dinner time he runs and get in his high chair and waits for the goodies. If something is out of his reach he grabs his back scratcher or something else with a pole and will use that to shimmy what ever he wants off of whatever it is on.

He is getting so smart.

memories

Gingers blog cracks me up. She is so funny living her single life in her own place. It has made me think back to when I first moved out. If only I had a blog then. You guys would be laughing your asses off all the time. Here are a few of my favorite memories.

• The first one was a day or two after I moved in. When I moved in here is what I came with. A vacuum. A bed. A George Forman grill. A 13 inch TV. A phone and a computer. So the second morning I woke up after a party and I was hungry. I called my cousin who lived very close and told her to bring me some breakfast stuff. She brought me two eggs in a zip lock bag and two pieces of bread. I wasn't sure what to do at first and then I decided to just crack my eggs on my George Forman grill. They ran all over the place but evenutally cooked, looking like something that would come out of a crimping iron. I proceeded to put my bread in, causing it to also be crimped but also as flat as cardboard. I slapped my eggs on my bread and ate. It was delicious and I didn't have a single dish!
• There was the time I backed out of my garage with the garage door closed.
• The time my cousin, her husband and I discovered the formal name of my carpet was mudslide (this came after I dumped an entire glass of that frozen mudslide stuff on my carpet hours before the party really started.)
• The time I decided to throw a part two nights after moving in, with NO FURNITURE AT ALL. So my guy friends took off to all the local stores and came back with about 50 crates. They built me a crate TV stand, a crate couch, a crate coffee table, a crate kitchen table, some crate chairs out back for smoking, and some crate lounge chairs in my living room. That was awesome.
• At that same party I lost my kitten. I had locked him in the guest room so he wouldn't get out and later I could not find him anywhere. The guys at the party were running around looking in mailboxes and generally scaring the shit out of me. Later after breaking into my guest room I found my kitten stuffed in the bottom drawer. He must have climbed in to nap and I must have closed the drawer on him. I'm awesome
• There was the time Shanna and I thought we were ravers so we put on our bathing suits, some Alice DJ and then took neon colored scrapbook paper and taped it all over my walls and then plugged in about 10 black lights. We then proceeded to dance and jump around like we were the most BOMB ravers ever. Oh yeah, she had this idea that ravers needed things in their hands to twirl, so she filled my socks with makeup and ran around my house twirling my socks.
• There was the time that Katie called and I didn't feel like answering and then I looked up and saw her staring at me through my porch window shaking her head.
• There was the time I drug Ginger and April to bed bath and beyond in the middle of the night to buy an expresso machine and then the next morning when I tried to use it I shot milk out the foamer all the way to my ceilinig and walls and across the street.
• Then there was the night April came over and we made dinner for these guys. Then we got drunk and decorated my Christmas tree. This somehow turned into a popcorn fight. It was that popcorn in the big tub you know, that three different flavor Christmas kind. The next day we were pretty sad when we discovered caramel popcorn melts into carpet. In fact when I moved there was still caramel popcorn stuck by my door.
• There was the time my ex moved out and his phone bill came to my house so Shanna and I got really drunk and she called every number on there and said she was engaged to him and he was cheating on them...that was a blast.
• The time we did the shot a minute thing for Katies birthday. I was smart and did shots of Jack Daniels coolers. In the end when my cousin came to get us to take us somewhere, she found us dancing on my kitchen table probably again in bathing suits.
  
• There was the time friend Mikey and his friend came over. I couldn't keep up with their drinking so I went to bed. Next thing I know Mikey is in my room with a JUMBO bottle of that Fridays premixed margarita stuff that was red. He wakes me up proudly proclaiming LOOK SHANNON I DRANK THE WHOLE THING. He climbs in bed with me and minutes later I wake up to him puking on my back and allllll over my feather comforter. I throw his ass in the shower where he proceeds to pass out with his head on the shower floor and his ass two feet up in the air. I go in the living room and find his friend passed out sitting up in front of the couch waking up every few seconds trying to order porn on pay perview. I had passworded it so he would wake up every couple seconds and push in 4 new numbers trying to see his porn.
• There was the time I sat out front watching the people across the street bbq and mentioned how good it smelled. Next thing I know their son shows up on my doorstep with a giant chicken breast and I felt like such an ass telling them I was a vegetarian and sending them back to their house with their sorry piece of chicken on the pretty plate...I felt guilty for years thinking I should have just taken it and fed it to my cat and dog.
  
• There was the time the neighbor boy who was in 8th grade developed a huge crush on me and sat on my porch telling me how next year he was totally going to be in high school and then we could so hook up.
  
• There was the time I had my cousins bachelorette party and I taped up paper penises allll over my walls to play pin the macho on the man. Sadly I had paper penis's taped to my wall for a few months. Also, I had left over play dough penis's from the who can make the best penis competition. I also had penis ice trays, penis toothpicks, penis straws and penis wrapping paper, oh yeah and a giant blow up man with duct tape over his crotch from the place where my cat bit a whole in him. People thought I was a pervert every time they grabbed a toothpick with a tiny penis on it.
• There was the time Shanna and I got drunk and spray painted our hair in my garage and then danced around like assholes in there.
  
• There was the time, I started experimenting with doing coke, and a friend of ours came over and he wanted to do a nummer (this is where you rub coke on your gums and it numbs it like orajel, he did not know this) the next thing you know he starts grabbing his arms and says I CAN FEEL IT WORKING, MY WHOLE BODY IS GOING NUMB. We nearly pissed ourselves as we explained what a nummer really was and that he was a complete ass.

I'm sure there are a ton more memories, I have the scrapbooks to prove it, these are just some of my favorites.

Because for some reason Gingers blogs always inspire me.

I was reading this blog by Ginger. I thought about it for a minute and realized I USED TO BE THAT GIRL....you know way back in high school when I was in a high school relationship. To recap Gingers blog is about how friends who are in relationships tend to treat their friends like fancy jewelry who only get used on special occasions, when they aren't busy with their significant other.

Her blog really got me thinking. Although a huge part of this is the girls fault, a big part of it falls on the guy you choose to spend your time with. A lot of guys are content letting you be their beck and call girl, or watching you follow them around like a puppy. A lot of guys are content dragging you around behind them and only calling on you when they really need you. It is because of this that a lot of girls who are eager to be part of their mans life will start to adopt the guys friends as their friends, and the guys hobbies as their hobbies. It isn't until their guy says YOUR NOT INVITED that they call on their forgotten friends to spend time with.

My husband is not that guy. He's never been the type to want a girl following him around or totally involved in every single thing he does. I'm the same way though. I like to scrapbook with out him. I love to go have a good meal with out him. I like to go dick around at the mall with out him and so on. These are the times I call my friends. When I have a craving for food I call Ginger and we ditch Rob and go eat. This is totally okay because Rob is also one of those guys who knows how to use a pot and pan and even a knife. My husband can cook food, and acutally enjoys cooking so he doesn't complain at all. When I want to go play at a store I call any one of my friends, usually Lisa and I leave Rob at home. Rob jumps for joy because he hates being dragged around stores (unless its a sports store, which I soooo won't go to). When this happens Robs all "thank you (insert friends name here) for getting me out of going to the store/mall with her!"

On the flip side Rob goes a ton of places I don't go. Not because I'm not invited, because I am always welcome, but because I don't feel like following him every damn place he goes. Example. On Cinco De Mayo we will all go down town for some tacos (me corn on the cob) and party. After he asked me to go with him to a friends house to watch something. I said, nope. You can totally go but it doesn't sound fun at all. So many girls would go because they feel they have to be attached at the hip, and so many girls would go because their guy would make them feel like shit if they didn't continue following them around like a puppy. Rob often goes to Bulleys for beer and sports games. I AM ALWAYS INVITED. I go maybe one out of every 4 times. Usually the only time I come is when I'm having a serious craving for Bulleys ranch. But I realize, like I have always said, COUPLE NEED TIME APART. You have to take time apart to spend with the other people in your life. It is a necessity. If you don't, then years down the road, when you need a friend and they are all long gone you will sit back resenting your guy for letting you make your entire life revolve around them. Like my grandma always says HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU NEVER LEAVE!!!!

The funniest part about those friends (you know the ones who only come hang out with you when their guy states that they are uninvited to where ever they are going or when their guy is out of town) is that they really don't think we notice when they do this. Its like we can't tell they are throwing us a bone and saying okay here is my once a month effort to hang out with you so you know we are still friends. They don't think we can tell it feels totally forced and that if their guy called they would drop us in a second. Also, it doesn't count as hanging out when you spend 2 out of the 3 hours we are together texting or calling your guy. When you do that we still feel like we are alone dumbass.

Like I was saying, a lot of this comes down to the guy. A few years ago I was going through some kind of pitty part where I was totally fine only being with Rob. He wasn't okay with this. he would still go do his thing and he would say, babe call a friend. He didn't just let me become one of those high school girls, he pushed me to keep my friends in my life. He also makes an effort to give my friends and I our space. If my friends come over he jumps at the chance to go play video games and he leaves us to gossip and talk with out my friend feeling like I'm not really hanging out with her. Also, Rob and I arean't one of those annoying couples in public who are all kiss kiss, mush mush if you hang out with us you will feel left out. In fact we are the opposite. Most of the time we are out with friends is spent with Rob and my friend ganging up on me and telling me how dorky I am. All of my friends feel included and actually enjoy spending time with me and Rob. I have often had to hang out with friends and their guy where they spend the whole time sitting in each others lap kissing and being stupid. They make you feel worse then if you didn't even come.

So Ging, even though I'm not single I can still totally relate to what you are saying. Thats why you and I have to stick together. That is probably why you are the one who gets bothered to go eat with me the most, because I know you won't have to check with anyone before you go with me.