More things

Brandon just came to me whining. He grabbed my hand and kept pointing it toward his little zip up footie jammies. I was very confused. Finally he grabbed his foot and I noticed there was something in there. Things I found in Brandons jammies tonight:

1- Cookie monster action figure
1- Elmo rollerblading action figure
1- Whinnie the pooh block
1- Little people person

My kid is sooooo strange!

Reasons I know I'm a good mom

I've never done this

Or this

This either

or even this

Man, I'm kicking ass at this parenting thing!

The best damn intentions

I had every intention this morning of waking up and having a bowl of cocoa crispies. I told myself that since it is puffed rice and does not contain wheat or oat flower that it would be safe. Then, I started having dreams and visions about me taking a bite of cereal and having bug legs and wings dangling out of my mouth.

THANKS GINGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS!

Brandon's new trick

If he decides his diaper is too wet, he will run into his room and get a diaper. Then he brings it to me, pulls it all apart, puts it on the ground and sits on it. It is really really cute. I love watching him do this, because he is so darn smart. If we change his diaper in the the room, he runs to the diaper geenie and trys to put his diaper in there and then tries to turn it.

Other fun things he does. He tries to put his clothes on. He isn't real good but he tries. He knows how to make a copy on the copy machine. He knows that the remote turns on the TV. If you tell him to wipe his nose, he reaches down, grabs his shirt and wipes his nose on that, Sigh!

He can put DVDs in his TV and even knows which button means play.

Wait, remember earlier I told you I found an empty wipes container? Well I took it out of the sink and put it on the barstool. I guess Brandon had to poop so he ran into the room and he got another diaper. Only this time he knew he needed wipes so he ran in his room, unzipped his travel bag and got out his pack of wipes. He then pulled out every single wipe, put one wipe in the empty wipe box from the sink, packed a diaper in the second wipe box and ran it out to me in the living room. Now, I didn't see all of this, so when I noticed he pooped, I said lets go get a diaper. That is when I noticed that he had packed his little changing station. He pulled out his little diaper from his small box, unfolded it, gave it to me and then he opened his other box, pulled out a wipe and handed it to me and then laid down for his change. I had to laugh.

Thingsq

Things I found in my sink this morning:
1- Yellow left flip flop
1- Wooden mallet toy
1- Empty box of baby wipes
1- Large ball

Hmmmmm

Can you smell that smell?

There is a smell in my house. I can't find it. It is near my kitchen, that is all I can tell. It is not the trash, the disposal, the fridge the floor. It is nothing obvious. I'm trying to avoid lighting a candle and pretending its not there, but it is. I want it gone, it is embarrassing. I'm afraid someone will show up, take on sniff and think I am some sort of messy pig. I'm not. I'm clean. Well, as clean as anyone with a 20 month toddler can be. I won't lie, my couch and carpet may have a few hidden Yo-Gos and Cheetos, but nothing smelly...I don't think. My son does have a habit of hiding his cheese and his milk inside pans in my cabinets, but I don't think that is it either. Has this happened to anyone else, or am I the only grosso with a smell in her house? Shit now I'm embarrassed I wrote about this...I've got to go, I need to search my cabinets for milk and cheese.

Then and now, a post for Jen

I know I have posted about this before but I'm going to talk more about it for Jen, and I encourage you mommies out there to comment and let me know your Then and Nows of parenting. Then is before I had a kid and now is well, now that I'm a mommy.

Then: I criticized any parent who let their child sleep with them. I bashed them for not having the common sense to get their kid out of their bed so they could have normal lives.

Now: I pretend I want my son out of my bed, but when he spent the night away the other night I missed him sooo badly I almost stuck a pillow in his spot.

Then: I would make fun of my friends who wouldn't let their kids spend the night, or who didn't take trips with out their kids and told them they needed ME time and they were being ridiculous and to get over it. I often talked of how when I had a kid I would make sure I kept up with my ME time.

Now: I am fine letting my son go to grandmas for the day but when he spends the night I won't lie and say that both my husband and I don't get sad around 8PM and have to talk each other out of going to get him. It was sooo hard to let him go to anyones house with out me the first time, but I realized I had to do it. I still enjoy my ME time but I think of my son every second.

Then: My child will only eat organic food.

Now: HA! I followed this strictly during the jarred baby food stage. Now though, no way man. Bring on the campbells and Kraft Mac and cheese and the Cheetos and regular string cheese and gasp non organic chicken tenders...yeah, I lost patients for all that, I realized I could only buy what my son would eat!


Then: Kids who scream should be dealt with. They must have bad parents if they are behaving that way at dinner.

Now: I'm to tired to give a shit, if you want to jump on the table, fine whatever just don't wake me I'm sleeping!

Then: My kid will never go out in public with stains or stuff on his face.

Now: Dude, how in the fuck did you find that piece of chocolate while you were in your carseat? I swear you were clean when I put you in there. And also, you don't want to wash your face, fine its you they are staring at not me, go on with your bad self, be messy, thats what kids do, they are messy, in fact, come here, let me smear something on your face, you look extra cute covered in chocolate!

Then: I will change my kids diaper every time he pees.

Now: Shit, where did your diaper go, ooooo you took it off because it was soo full you were afraid you were going to sink if you walked by quick sand. Dammit, I'll try harder tomorrow!

So you can all see what an idiot I was about parenting before I had a kid. I may still be an idiot, but at least now I can speak from my own experience. How bout you other moms out there. Help me out, what things do you do now that you swore you would never do if you became a mom?

it must be Gods food

After my lovely little bank fuck up, I was driving around thinking about how much I wanted a yummy chocolate banana milk shake. I realized I was close to the mall and I could just run into the food court and grab on from Diary Queen. As I walked in I smelled the enticing aroma of Sabbaro greasy mall pizza. Suddenly I found myself in line ordering a slice. Then I wandered over to Dairy Queen and ordered my chocolate banana milkshake. The lady looked at me like I was a retard. She brought it, and before she had even processed my credit card I had jammed a straw in and took a big long slurp! EWWW Yuck, wait, excuse me miss, there is no banana in this. Ooooooo you said banana, I thought you asked for a chocolate vanilla milkshake. Uggggg, yeah whatever retard lady just fix my shit so I can drink it all before I get to my car. Finally she fixed it and I swear I had a TFO (Tiny food orgasm). I came to work and enjoyed my milkshake and pizza. Now, I'm so full it hurts to be alive. I don't know what I've done to myself but I can't move. My gosh I ate wayyyyy to much, and for the life of me I can't stop myself from slurping up the last few drops of milkshake, and sniffing the chocolaty banana fumes!

Turns out, I really could be more of a dumb ass

Rob and I own two homes (toot toot yeah yeah). We rent one of them out. Being the smart financially savvy person I am, I opened a fancy little rental account so that when my very reliable (add a shit load of sarcasm to that word) renters bring their check sometime between the 1st and the 15th I can put it in the rental account so as not to commingle money. Then I go on my fancy little bill pay service, check off the payment and I'm done. Right?

Ha! Not in my world. First, I would have to remember to take the fucking check to the bank. Then I would need to remember when I'm on my fancy bill pay website to check off the little button telling it to come from my rental account and not my personal account. Now, had I done these things, the rent payment wouldn't have come out of my checking account, causing my husbands car payment to bounce. Fuck me!

How is it, I get pregnant and suddenly I can't handle simple tasks like point and click?

I really am that dumb!!! REALLY!

Yesterday I posted my baby picture and the post relating to my first doctors appointment. Here are two of the comments I received:
~~JarretNJulia~~ said...
What a great ultrasound picture. I am glad that everything is looking so great!!!
And it's so cool cause I have my next ultrasound at 8+3 too so I know now what to look forward to :)
Congrats on the Turkey baby ;)

angie said...

Yay for the turkey baby! And I love baby Lou! Too cute! Ultrasounds make no sense to me either but it looks like it's a cute little growing baby.

Ooh and if you are craving chocolate remember what the Dr. said...Eat A LOT!!!!

I read these and I am baffled. I couldn't figure out why everyone was calling my baby a turkey. So I pulled up the photo and I was like well, I guess it kind of looks like a turkey, but what a random thing to notice. And, since I'm hormonal I got all sad that you guys thought my baby looked like a turkey. Then I stopped being stupid and I realized DUH SHANNON!!!!!! Duh you idiot your due on Thanksgiving hence the turkey baby comment. Wow, can I be anymore oblivious and dumb? I'm just glad I didn't share that with my husband and friend who was over, because they would have instantly looked at me and said ARE YOU STUPID, DUH AND DUMB ASS!!!!!!!!