Not even sure I should admit this

So I'm at work. I called someone and was expecting a call back. I figured I had enough time to pee. I ran to the bathroom and before my ass cheeks hit the seat the phone rang. I just knew it was the person calling me back. Sure enough I hear, "Shannon it is so and so on the phone." So I rush to finish peeing, hurry up and wipe, struggle to force my maternity pants and undies up and run to the phone. The call was quick I hang up and walk back to my own office only to realize there is a drip of pee dripping all the way down my fucking leg! I realize this right as I sit down, so now said pee drip is on my pants. So that means I will spend the rest of the day with pee leg and pants.

I can't even believe I typed this. But now I will not rush so much while wiping. Uggg the things I post for NaBloPoMo!

Tragedy and loss

I'm not even sure how I'm breathing right now. Yesterday my mom brought me home a chocolate cake. The kind from Claim Jumpers. You know the five layer thing that is so chocolaty and good and delicious. I just took two bites of it and I threw it away. Away in the trash I threw it away, it's gone and I can't come to terms with it. I want to dig it out of the trash. What was I thinking? Cake, chocolate cake, gone, in the trash. Think I'm going to pass out. I'm pregnant so I can't even blame it on being drunk and I'm pregnant so dammit I should have eaten the whole fucking one pound slice of cake. It is in a styraphome to go box. Is it wrong if I get it out? No I can't. I can't because I'm part of the tummy tuck club and eating that cake goes against everything. BUT I THREW AWAY CAKE. It is as though I threw away all that I stand for and believe in. I need to sit down, I'm getting light headed. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. For the love of gosh someone please rush to Claim Jumper and get me another piece of fucking cake before I hyperventilate!

It makes me giggle

My husband is a quite man. He doesn't get bothered easily. There are only two times you can annoy him. When he is sick and when he is playing video games. That is why I found Saturday morning so damn funny. Rob is sick. Like real sick. Sad face and blankie and Nyquil and all. We are sitting on the couch talking and suddenly CHIRP! It's then that I see it, the fire in his eyes. Thats right the fire alarm batteries are dying. CHIRP! He's going to lose his mind. He jumps up immediately grabs a chair and a battery and changes it. He sits back down, gets under his blankie puts his lap top back in his lap and turns on the TV CHIRP! I stifle a laugh because clearly this is not funny to him. He says maybe it just takes a second for it to recogize the new battery. I agree. CHIRP! CHIRP! CHIRP! CHIRP! He asks me to go look at it. I tell him I think it is the one in this hall, no maybe its CHIRP! the one in that hall. He gets mad gets two new batteries and changes em both. CHIRP! Oh no wait it was the one in that hall. CHIRP! No babe it's definitely this one. CHIRP! Now I can't even help it I'm laughing my ass off at this point. My husband is turning red and his blood is boiling so bad I can see his skin start to melt off. CHIRP! So he walks over and stares at the fire alarm. I laugh imagining that he is thinking, if I stare at it long enough it will shut the fuck up. CHIRP! I am now at a full on giggle fest and he looks at me and asks me if I think CHIRP! this is funny. I'm laughing so hard Codi is shaking in my belly. CHIRP! He goes stomping around the house and into the bedroom and shuts the door. CHIRP! Only now it sounds as if it is the fire alarm in the laundry room and the hall and the other hall, and in fact my whole house is an alarm. He got so mad he got in his car CHIRP! and drove to two different stores to find new batteries. I won't lie and say while he was gone I didn't want to take a baseball bat to those fucking alarms but as soon as he got home CHIRP! they were back to being hilarious. In the end it was our old batteries and he fixed it, but man that was some funny shit while it was happening!

Bacon

I'm wondering how many nights I can make my husband a dinner involving bacon before his friends report me to the police and say I'm trying to kill him!

All set and ready to go, cept for one small thing

Didja know I'm having a baby soon? Well I am. I've been nesting like crazy and since I ran out of baby things to play with today I took to cleaning out my pantry and laundry room. I almost took pictures of it but then I thought...hmmm is that weird? So I'm all packed and ready for the hospital well, accept for one thing which we will get to soon. So far I've got about 43 outfits for Codi. 2- gowns, 2 sleepers, 2- outfits, and a going home outfit. I also think I might seriously have packed 3 separate blankets but in my defense one is totally a going home blanket just for looks and pictures and what not. I've got about 5 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of mittens and probably 2 hats. I know it seems obscene but keep in mind I am having a C-section and could be there for 4 days max. That means the possibility of 4 days of poop, and belly button goo, and just all around baby goo that will get on all of his clothes. Last time they kept him in the same thing for two days and late that second night I noticed how dirty his little outfit was and nearly melted down, but I didn't have anything small enough to fit him. This time I've got extra plenty small clothes. Aside from that I have the boppy, and my Mylanta pills, because seriously you don't want to fart after having a c-section. I've got shampoo and conditioner, breast pads and a nursing bra, and for the love of everything good I've got lotion. I've got scrubby pads and a toothbrush and toothpaste and what not. I don't have underwear because they give you the most awesome mesh super stretch undies ever in the hospital. The only thing I don't have yet is a goddamn outfit to wear while I'm there. Last time I bought a spaghetti strap cotton night gown thing, which was perfect. Perfect for August that is. However this kid will be coming in November and lets face it my hospital is always freezing. Soooo what do I pack. Part of me wants to go to Walmart and get some cheap pajama pants and spaghetti strap tops (for nursing) but part of me is thinking, wait I'm going to be bleeding A LOT and if I have pants on won't I bleed all over those. (Maybe that would have been a good spot for a TMI warning....oops I'm always late with those). However, if I wear the same nighty thinger then I risk having my legs be FREEZING and we all know how stingy hospitals are with blankets and don't even get me started on the fact that I can't keep socks and slippers on my feet if I tried. What this is leading me to believe is that I will inevitably end up at Walmart purchasing at least 5 different ensembles so I have just the right thing. Which then leaves me with the problem of what if I get there and one outfit is perfect and I'm in the hospital for 4 days. Well that will get kind of yucky. So then should I possibly buy 2 of each outfit and pack 10 outfits to the hospital? Oh for the love of gosh can you see why I don't have a damn outfit packed! Oh crap now its almost 7pm and I'm just dying to go to Walmart.

In other news Codi's room and all of his stuff is all ready and waiting for him. The only thing in my way are these three bags of Brandons clothes. You see I went through all his stuff and got all his old clothes washed and put away and then somehow my mom found 3 more fucking bags and dammit I just don't know where to put them all. His drawers are full to the max and all organized. I don't believe in hanging stuff besides robes and snow suits and jackets so everything is in drawers. Why don't I hang stuff. It's quite simple. If its hanging up then I won't see it and thus it will never get worn. I learned that with Brandon. Soo we have one drawer for onsies. They are sorted first by sleeve length and then by color. There are whites, and blues, and colors. There are browns, and oranges and so on. Solids, prints and patterns. Please don't try and tell me there isn't a difference between navy blue and light blue because I will win that argument. Then there are little pants also sorted by color. There are outfits all folded together. That means pants with matching onsie and jacket or bib or hat are folded in a pile in the drawer because for the love of gosh my child must wear the bib that goes with the pants or the earth might just freeze over. Then there is the drawer with all the sleepers and gowns. This is my favorite drawer because who are we kidding footie pajamas are just about the worlds cutest things ever. There is the sock basket, the washcloth basket with wash cloths all rolled and sorted by color (so I have a problem, so what your fat and your shoes are ugly so shut up) and towels all folded in the towel basket. I have blankets (sorted by thickness and weight and size) here and sheets there and ointments and potions there. Teeny diapers are all stacked and wipes are full and ready. Extra diaper genie refills are ready to go. I've got the bibs all laid out in another drawer sorted by size. Only thing missing is the dang baby!

There really wasn't much purpose to this post, except to maybe remind me to go put jammies on my grocery list. Also for me to feel proud that I finally cleaned my gosh darn pantry out (I do this every three months but this time we cleaned the tippy top of it and now its like there is so much room I feel like I have to shop just to fill it up.

If this doesn't kick Kats ovaries into high gear I don't know what will

Yesterday my son came up to me, for no reason at all, gave me a hug and whispered,

"I so happy mommy"!

He has said it about five more times since then. Almost all while just sitting with me and he always whispers it, in the sweetest voice I've ever heard. I have trouble breathing each time!

So you see Kat, it isn't all bad!

Couple more candids

Ging and I on arrival I almost don't look pregnant BWAHAHAHAAH

No wait I'm definitely pregnant.

Throwing back my first chocolate milk of the night.

Grams and I on our way to go get junk food.

She used to be a cheerleader...now look at her

37 week belly shot. Getting ready to go to the chocolate festival

My first go around, actually, this was all from ONE booth!!! mmmmmmmmmm

This was from a later adventure. That little drink was chocolate with orange mousse and then some yummy stuff at the bottom with blue berries. Under that little chocolate mountain thing was some coffee mousse. the little cookie with the white stripes was amazing. It was chocolate with some kind of goop in it. Mmmmmmm I ate this fast!

The really colorful one in the back was some sort of passion fruit. The red one next to it was like a strawberry shortcake petite four. The square tan thing in front was a peach cream cake thing inside of a peach white chocolate cup. Whoah it was good.

Yes even the ice cream shop was there. They had cheese cake ice cream, with cowboy shaped boots and chocolate sauce. My grams was sooooe excited about this she had two of them!

A small idea at how big this place was...every wall was lined with chocoalte!

Ginger getting drunk. Her drink of choice was some sort of chocolate martini that was made with vodka and starbucks liquor and maybe some chocolate liquor. Either way it knocked my moms socks off. There were two booths offering these fancy martinis..I forgot to get pictures because you know, I had to eat chocolate.

Between every booth of chocolate was a boot offering wine and champagne. There was also about 5 booths offering beer and 2 offering specialty martinis. ALL THE LIQUOR WAS FREE, IT WAS ALL YOU CAN DRINK!

See more alcohol.

The ones on the left were some kind of pine nut pie thingy that Ginger said tasted like pecan pie. I've never had pecan pie so I didn't know if she was right but it was good. Behind it was a chocolate spoon with cream topped with a roasted hazelnut. That thing was super good mmmm! Then over to the right was some sort of chocolate donut cream puff doohicky!

All of the decorations were chocolate, like that little chocolate horse and carriage.

This thing was some kind of mousse I forget, inside of a truffle with sage on top.

This was the culinary schools contribution. It was a chocolate cup filled with a mousse that I still can't place, with a little cookie horse shoe and chocolate and a fresh berry.

More chocolate decorations...its Reno, what do you expect besides gambling?

Claim Jumper stopped by and every single person got one of their 7 layer sinful cake thingies. Oh good lord people that was a lot of cake.

In homage to Amalah...damn my feet were swelling out of my shoes. My shoes that were already a half size to big and not coming off my foot.

Oh wait, look they had drinks for the knocked up and underage variety. I had a chocolate milk and a regular milk. They also served soft serve ice cream in cones.

More chocolate. The thing on the back right was pumpkin pie fudge. There was a green thing on there that was pistachio fudge. Notice the teeny butt cheeks there in the very front. They were from the local naughty chocolate shop. Whats that you say, your town doesn't have a naughty chocolate shop? Well, then you live in the wrong town.

It really is possibly to look and feel 17 months pregnant.

Hi Codi. Yeah he was on a serious sugar high.

Mom grandma and I. It was at this time that my grandma looked at the 15 year old boy next to us, pointed at me and said Shannon went to Galena High. She used to be a cheerleader...Now look at her.

Ginger and I at the end of the night showing off our highly sophisticated drinks. I think Ginger either had champagne or chocolate martini in her glass. I had milk. These pictures don't do justice to the copious amounts of chocolate that was there. I didn't take pictures at every booth, because you know I had to eat. There were some booths that had chocolate caramel popcorn. One booth had a giant pot of rum caramel sauce that I wasn't even sure what you do it, did you drizzle it on all your other chocolate treats or just pour it in a bowl and drink it? Really I had no clue. There was a lot of candy I didn't get because I don't like liquor in my candy..no wait, I don't like rum or tequila in my candy so I passed on all 30 of the tequila or rum chocolate things. There was also about 20 more hazelnut things I didn't show. There was sushi and steak I didn't eat because I don't eat either of those things. There was this one thing that I call Chinese candy which was chocolate and butterscotch with Chinese crispy noodles inside. Oh dear lord i could have eaten those ALL NIGHT LONG. When we first walked in we were greeted with a chocolate martini bar that was also serving interesting bon bons and drinks. They had chili spiced chocolates and stuff like that. My favorite at that booth was a little shot glass with some kind of strawberry puree topped with a white cream and black pepper sauce. Whoah it blew my mind! There were 2 breweries and then I think three other beer companies there. I know for sure I saw Fat Tire. My husband is currently not on speaking terms with me since he found out I went to a place that had all the beer and champagne you could drink for free. The sushi and steak was offered by The Mens Club which is our local high end strip club. There were these brownie sandwiches that had brownie on each side, fillllled with caramel and macadamia nuts and then dunked in chocolate, they were shaped like little pieces of pie. I had one thing that was coconut with almond on top of a cookie thing dunked in chocolate and covered in almond. It was kind of like an Almond Joy. That booth also offered a home made butterfinger thingy. Next year I will do better at taking pictures of every single item there just to taunt ya'll!

Okay time for me to go, I have more chocolate to eat.

Side note. I spelled chocolate wrong every single time I typed it in this post, including in this sentence. Good thing for spell check. Codi didn't wind down until about an hour after I did. I think he is now in a chocolate coma!

Oh and Amalahs hang over ain't got shit on my sugar hang over. Owwwww.

More things they don't tell you when you have kids

BABIES SPIT UP...IT'S GROSS!!!!

They don't ever tell you, you can give birth to big foot

When your baby comes out it is usually given to you all wrapped in a blanket. This means you really can't see much of them until you unwrap them. Soooo. A looong time passes and I decide I'm going to unwrap Brandon. Imagine my surprise when I find hair. HAIR HAIR EVERYWHERE. I was sooooo stunned because his neck back and arms were nearly black from hair. It cracked me up. If you blow up the picture below and look at his little neck and arms you can see the hair that was left after about 2 weeks. It falls off on its own but it sure is some funny shit when you are a new mom admiring your child for the first time and you are met with HAIR HAIR EVERYWHERE!

Know what else they don't tell you. When you have a boy, their ummm stuff (testicles) are swollen and huge. Which is no big deal or anything, but it is really weird when all of your family keeps shouting out

DUDE YOUR SONS BALLS ARE HUGE!!!!!

Yeah, I heard that for a good two weeks after he was born, since it isn't common knowledge that all little boys come out a little swollen and big. Instead people in my family just thought I created some sort of super human baby with giant balls. Seriously, you can hear people shouting it on all the different video tape of his first day on earth.

YOUR SONS BALLS ARE HUGE!!!!!!

So now those of you having a boy have been warned, you may here this over and over and over that first week!