I was reading this blog this morning when I saw this. Looks easy enough I said. I'm going to try it.
Am I doing it yet?
Am I doing it yet?
Hmm I'm going to try downward dog or what ever the fuck they call this shit
Yup! I look like a moron
Lets try that other one again
Shit I'm going to fall catch me Brandon...Brandon, where are you?
Ooooo your trying to do yoga too?
Hey Bob Harper, you may be cute but this is what Brandon and I think of your yoga!
I call this the fuck you pose!
Q: What do you call a Filipino contortionist?
A: A Manila envelope!
there once was a mother who woke up to no crying babies because her husband had gotten up with them, fed them and got them ready for a day out so that mommy could sleep in, get a pedicure, massage and go shopping. then she would enjoy a nice gourmet meal, some good wine and fabulous chocolate dessert. then she'd take a nice bubble bath and go to bed....
get it?
that was the joke.
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
There was a lady who owned a parrot and the parrot spend her days on the balcony. However this parrot would curse out all the neighbors as they walked by the house. The lady was mortified and embarrassed by the parrot. SO she warned...
Lady: Listen Lola, I'm going to punish you for cursing at the neighbors.
The parrot kept going and cursing at everyone on a daily basis. Finally the lady got fed up and chewed up some gum and stuck it on the parrot's tushy. Since the parrot could not relieve herself the parrot's belly got bigger and bigger.
Lola: I promise not to say bad words anymore. Please take the gum out.
Lady: No! I warned you. You are going to have to behave.
Lola: Please! Please! I PROISE! I PROMISE!
Finally after 3 days the lady gave up and removed the gum. The parrot was thrilled and she was let back out on the balcony just as a pregnant lady walked by and she said:
Lola: Hey Lady tell you husband to remove the gum from your ass already!
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
No I can't get hard right now I just got laid!
A horse, a priest, a penguin walk into a bar... The bartender looks up and says,"What is this? Some kind of a joke?"
What do parsley and public hair have in common?
You push them both to the side and keep on eating!
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
My balls are frozen.
jennifer: your cute!
There are these two muffins baking in the oven.
One muffin says to the other muffin: "Gob damn it's hot in here."
The other muffin looks at the first muffin in shock and exclaims "holy shit! It's a talking muffin!"
why did the avon lady walk funny?
cuz her lips-stick
A woman orders a chicken sandwhich and starts to choke.
People are running frantically, trying to figure out
what to do. Two homosexuals sitting in the corner wisper
to each other and run in front of the choking lady. One
strips out of his overalls, bends over butt naked in front
of his friend. His friend proceeds to lick the other's ass.
Upon seeing this, the lady vomits forcing the lodged food
from her throat. After making sure the lady is OK, the two
homosexuals return to their food.
One turns to the other and says,
"Wow, that hind-lick manuever really works!"