Trading in for a new model

There are times in everyones marriage where they want to trade in for a new model. I don't mean they cheated or you hate them or something, I mean if you think hard enough, there are times where you just wanted to kill them and trade in for a new model.

Example given!
The day we were going to deliver Brandon I hadn't eaten in 24 hours. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't delivering Brandon at 4 in the fucking afternoon. Oh yeah top that off with nothing to drink I was a real fucking sweet heart to be around! Back to the point. We get in the car to drive to the hospital and Rob mentions he was hungry. He tells me he is going to grab something to eat at the hospital while they are prepping me. I growl at him. Do you know what the little shit stops and gets??????

MCDONALDS!!!! With a goshdang LARGE ULTRA JUMBO SUPER MEGA FRENCH FRY!

At this moment, I didn't just want to trade in, I wanted to throw his ass out of the moving car on the freeway. The whole 15 minute ride to the hospital all I could smell was the scent of golden delicious french fries. We get to the hospital and he really tried to eat that in my room. I all but went exorcist on his ass and told him he better go out into the fucking waiting room or I would divorce him before that baby was born. He slinked out into waiting room with his jumbo soda right when they brought me a shot of some acid reflux stuff that tasted like whiskey mixed with nyquil and at that point I started throwing a huge fit because that man couldn't get his McDonalds out of my room fast enough.

So do any of you have times when you have wanted to trade in for a new model?

A few things I forgot

From the 80's

• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TURTLES IN A HALF SHELL TURTLE POWER
• Ice Ice baby
• LA Gear (thanks Lisa) with two color laces)
• Duck Tales
• Hypercolor
• Tranformers
• Heman
• Gem
• Walk-Man
• Saved by the Bell
• MC Hammer 2 Legit Hey hey
• New Kids on the Block Step One one one
• Full House
• Shrinky Dinks
• Nerds
• Pegging your pants
• Scolastic Book Orders
• Sally Jessy Raphael
• When I wasn't allowed to watch Dirty Dancing but did at a friends
  

From the 90's

• Pogs
• Joey Lawrance Whoah
• Johnathon Taylor Thomas was sooooo hot
• Back when Bob Saget hosted Americas Funniest Videos
• I'm to sexy for my shirt to sexy for my shirt
• Let's Talk About sex baby
• Quality movies like Clueless
• Super soakers
• The Rikki Lake Show
• Pretending I was in the movie Pretty Woman
  

About a boy

When I was younger, well not younger but basically my whole life until the day I found out I was pregnant with Brandon, I always thought I wanted a girl. I think for no other reason besides the fact that I was VERY GIRLY and always thought I would pass my pink-Barbie-cheerleading-makeup-froofroo passions on to her. Then I got pregnant. Suddenly I knew it was a boy. I wanted a boy. I had no idea what raising a boy would be like but I'll be dammed if I didn't want a boy. Then Brandon came, and I knew right away, in a second that I was meant to have a son. There was no other way for it to be. My first born was to be my boy, my little man, the love of my life.

Being the mom of a boy and having so many people in my life with boys I know a lot of people relate to how I feel. Boys are crazy. They jump and climb and pee standing up. They put stink bugs in their mouthes and squish ants with their pointer fingers. They don't worry about washing their hands and they blow their nose on their shirt. They karate chop and will clothesline a three year old at a park who stole their rock. They get hurt and laugh and try to figure out how to do it again. They hang out with their hand in their diaper and love to be naked showing off their manliness.

Way back when Rob and I DIDN'T EVER WANT MORE KIDS and Brandon was about 5 months old we were sitting at Port of Subs eating lunch one day. There were two boys there about 4 and 5. They were bouncing back and forth between building a fort out of chairs, killing each other and scheming to get in some other kind of trouble. Most people would have been appalled by their behavior, I on the other hand said to Rob, if we ever get to a place where we want another kid, I want another boy. Brandon needs a brother, and accomplice, a partner in crime.

As the months went on I grew to love having a son more and more. I realized the bond between a mom and her son is unbreakable. It's as strong as some peoples bonds with God. I told Rob one day that no matter what happened in life, no matter what happened with he and I, I was so happy because I realized that for the rest of my life I had someone to love me unconditionally. I realize boys get mad at their moms, but no matter what, they always come back to their mommies.

When I found out I was pregnant this time, my first thought was I hope I get another boy so Brandon has a brother. Then I started looking on the baby websites and I was so excited by the girly stuff that for a while I thought Okay maybe I want a girl. How fun to dress her up and stuff right? But then what? When we found out yesterday it was a boy, at first I didn't know what to think. Then I realized I was so happy my son was getting his brother. Brandon was going to get his brother. He was going to teach him to jump and play and vroom vroom and pee naked outside. Then I thought oh shit, Brandon is going to try and teach my 4 month old to jump off the coffee table and just shove him off instead thinking its the same. I started laughing so hard. I was getting what I wanted. I realized, after I dressed up that little girl I wouldn't know what to do with her. I couldn't play big time wrestling with her, and Rob couldn't teach her baseball and then it hit me. I could never be the mom to a girl. I can't wait to watch my boys. They are going to team up against me, and booby trap the house, and pee all over the bathroom floor, and probably beat the shit out of each other and its going to ROCK. I couldn't be happier.

I always thought boys would be so scary. How do you potty train them and what do you do when they get hurt and ummm is my 3 month old really getting a hard on? But now, I giggle so hard when Brandon runs outside, takes his diaper off and waters the lawn. I giggle harder when he tries to bend down and watch himself pee and nearly pees on his head. I giggle when he grabs his pee pee like Michael Jackson, juts his crotch out and says PEE PEE and then pulls on it as though it were Laffy Taffy. I LOVE HAVING A BOY!

I would say the only reason I felt sad is that I knew Rob wanted a girl, so he could understand a little how it felt for me having a boy. You know, mommas boy and daddies girl. Well now I'm going to have two mommas boys and a part of me wonders how I will be able to stay grounded feeling as much love as I'm about to feel. I'm sure the second that little boy comes out Brandon is going to start trying to teach him. I have visions of Brandon shoving the baby across the floor saying, crawl baby crawl.

It's weird. I can't believe someone as girly as me could suddenly go from wanting a princess cheerleader type to wanting a Superman baseball type. I thought of life with girls. Birthday parties full of princess princess fairies and princess. Then I look at Brandon and I see Trucks and fish and Superman, and Elmo, and Batman, and Karate and hell a whole party revolving around bugs and dirt. I get years and years of different costumes, rather then cycling through Disney princesses. I get years of Karate and baseball and football and stitches. I know my son will need stitches some day, but for a girl, that thought would be paralyzing.

I always thought that any mom could be a mom to anyone. But I really feel like I was given the child I was meant to have. I a meant to be a mother to little boys.

So I guess in the end, knowing I'm having another boy, is one of the greatest joys in my life. Whenever I hear someone is pregnant with a baby boy I am so happy for them, I tell them that the best thing in the world is about to happen to them. And now, I get to have the best thing in the world happen to me twice....Lucky? I THINK SO!

Sorry but I got a craving for a burrito

WELL!

SOME OF YOU WERE RIGHT!

AND SOME OF YOU WERE WRONG!

I DO NEED TO UPDATE THE REGISTRY

BECAUSE




































ITS A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He had his junk hanging out all over the place. We saw it twice. No way around it. Its a boy. I am off bed rest, however I still can't lift anything and I still need to closely monitor the color of the blood coming out of me. I go back in 6 weeks to make sure it all still looks good!

Oh shit

Let me just say some of you are doing an excellent job of keeping me amused. This is the latest post by Weekday Wisdom that had me laughing my ass off. I encourage you all to visit her site.

Maury's job isn't on the line... at all!

I think about the numerics of my family a lot, like how many brothers-in-law I have named 'Kyle' (2) and how many sisters-in-law named 'Chelsea' (2). Last week I tried to figure out how many nieces and nephews I have. A year ago I had 24. I think I have 29-ish now. It's hard to keep track of all of those Kaedyns, Kadens, Cades, Aidens and Calebs, and when some family members breed like hamsters, I can't sort them all out in my mind.

About two years ago, my sister in California, Lilly, had her first baby. When she came in to town with Jacob, my step-mom insisted on getting all of the grand babies together for a picture. When I saw the picture, there was a strange chubby baby in it that I'd never seen before. I figured someone was probably babysitting another child, and they'd thrown him in the picture so he wouldn't feel left out. A few days later, I went to see my step-mom for Mothers Day. As I was sitting in the living room chatting with my family, my brother walked in with a girl I went to high school with. In her arms was the chubby baby from the picture. It all made sense. Jim was dating a girl with a baby. That is, until Anna explained to me that the baby was Cade, Jim's son.

What?!?

Yep, my brother had a six-month-old son I'd never heard about. Apparently there was a drunken date, a paternity test, and I was a proud new/old aunt and no one in my family thought I was important enough to know.

Fast forward to March 2007. Since Anna became pregnant, she's been staying at home. She only lives five minutes away from me, so she stops in every now and then. One day she mentioned something about Jim going to court because Cade bit Aiden, and Aiden's mom was pressing charges.

"Who's Aiden?"I asked.

"Jim's other son," Anna informed me.

What!?! Another one?

It gets worse!

Anna explained to me that Aiden is three years old! THREE YEARS OLD! Cade is also THREE YEARS OLD. Something is very wrong with the whole scenario. Could it be that Cade and Aiden are only three months apart in age? Or could it be that Cade's mom and Aiden's mom were BEST FRIENDS when these children were conceived???

Then Anna told me that there's a little girl out in the world somewhere who might be Jim's daughter.

My brother is sick! See why I say 29-ish?

Embarrassment

I AM SO EMBARRASSED THAT I FORGOT TO ADD NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK TO MY 80'S LIST. THANK YOU MEGAN FOR REMINDING ME. THEY WERE A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE...I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT THEM....AND MC HAMMER!

2 LEGIT TO QUIT HEY HEY

Moving on to the 90's

I can't remember much of the 90's since I started drinking and getting high in the 90's but I'll give you what I remember and let you guys fill in the rest

• Snapper Wrappers
• Plaid
• Taz
• Girls wearing boxers
• Mens work boots turning into high heal girl shoes
• Pointy black lace up boots
• Pacifier necklaces
• Friendship necklaces
• Hemp bracelets
  
• Nirvana
• Black lipstick
• Tye Die (again)
• Mushroom necklaces
• Dyed hair (for example mine was bright orange)
• Color coordinated bands on your braces (for instance I cheered for the mustangs and our colors were red and white so my top braces where red banded and my bottoms where white...its okay you can say it I was awesome)
• Mario One
• Sonic the Hedge Hog
• Mopeds
• Skateboards
• Girls in their dads striped knee socks
• Painting with Bob Ross (this might even go back to the 80's)
• Spaghettios!
• Sneak a tokes

Okay this is draining my brain. Feel free to add stuff I missed out on.

Giggle awards

This months giggle award I found myself. Karlas post yesterday by far is the funniest shit (pun totally intended) that I've read all week. OMG Karla thank you so much for this post!

I bring you Karlas Rolling with the punches

Rolling with the punches

Samson rolled in shit yesterday. IN SHIT! Like, um, HIS SHIT!

He was literally covered in his nastiness. Oh and do I even need to mention how bad he smelled?

Any neighbour that caught the circus act of me trying to wash the mucking futt outside must think I am a stark mad raving lunatic because the dog just would not cooperate and thought being all covered in his squalor was funny. He liked being chased with the hose and a bottle of sunlight dish detergent and somewhere in between shoving cookies in his mouth and watching him run in figure eights around the yard and yelling at him to stay he shook shitty bubbles all over me.

Giving up on the idea of using the backyard as a giant natury bathtub, I decided to take him upstairs to the human tub for a proper scrub down. I’m not exactly sure why I thought I would be able to lift an 80lb dog because oh my fuck, I totally I sprained my uterus.

Is there something you can take for a sprained uterus when you’re breastfeeding?

I love the 80's

Totally theme stealing here, but this post made me laugh so hard I had to do one of my own. I was reading Life is Just So Daily and she posted her favorite things of the 80's and I got soooo excited I had to do my own. SO here you go. Things I love/miss from the 80's.

• First of all Tiffany..sing with me "Runnin just as fast as we can now, trying to get away into the dark then you put your arms around me .......I think we're alone now doesn't seem to be anyone aroun hound"
• Rainbow Bright...nuff said
• Fraggle Rock...again nuff said
• Strawberry Short Cake
• Cabbage Patch (I even have the cabbage patch dog, a doll and a premie baby!)
• Scrunch socks layered in reverse order, (ie on my left leg a purple sock with a teal over it, on the right leg a teal sock with a purple over it, and then both scrunched down to the top of my KEDS)
• Spandex
• Neon orange and green
• Those little shirt clippy things member that you put one side of your shirt in and tightened it to make a shirt tale on your side
• TIE DYE
• My feathered bangs
• As mentioned by Lainey Garbage Pail Kids
• Hungry hungry Hippos
• Burger time on Atari
• Lisa Frank stickers, binders and school supplies
  
• Magnetic pencil cases
• Pencils with those little feather puffy guys with the eyes and beaks on the end of them
• Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?
• Scrunchies!
• MTV's dance party
• When MTV played music
• Americas most wanted eeeeeeek I'm still afraid of the dark because of that shit.
• Bonnie Bell
• Caboodles!
• Oregon Trail
• Debbie Gibson

Edited to add

• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TURTLES IN A HALF SHELL TURTLE POWER
• Ice Ice baby
• LA Gear (thanks Lisa) with two color laces)
• Duck Tales
• Hypercolor
• Tranformers
• Heman
• Gem
• Walk-Man
• Joey Lawrance Whoah
• Saved by the Bell
  

Okay this is all I can come up with for now. Its your turn to tell me some of your favorite 80's things that I forgot!

Hey Karla...no break yet

After my shit ass night you would think it would get better right???? RIGHT? No I woke up to two giant piles of cat vomit! Yeah my preggo hormones, along with smell and gag reflex made me want to puke allllllll over the place. It took a good 25 minutes before I finally swallowed all of the vomit back down my throat.

I sit down to eat some celery and soy peanut butter and get ready to write this blog. That is when I turned my celery upside down on top of my shiny white Mac laptop! Have you ever tried scraping peanut butter out of computer keys?

ACK!

On to the good news. I get to go to work today for an hour. My boss (parents) are so freaked out about me coming in and working that they ran right out last night and got me a new chair so I would be comfy for my one hour of work. After my hour I get to come home, eat some lunch and then count the minutes until we find out the sex of the baby! That part actually makes up for the crazy ass bitch that was pounding on my windows and doors last night!