I've decided to post my best advice for baby registries. Recently I viewed a friends registry and I nearly pissed myself laughing at the uneccessary, ridiculous load of shit she registered for. Then I remembered that a lot of my friends were quite the little shits about telling me the good stuff to buy. It wasn't until I bought ONE OF EVERY SIPPY CUP that they said, "well duh thats what all the babies love!" HATE, BURNING PUTRID HATE, FOR THAT, THANKS ASSHOLES. So, here are things I like to register for and why. Of course there is common sense stuff, a crib, stroller, car seat, changing table..blah blah. Also I strongly urge you to go to consumer reports and look at the current safety ratings for carseats. DO NOT BUY ON LOOKS OR MONEY. Buy on safety people.
- One or two preemie size outfits. Some kids are born big and some like my son who was born 7lbs 4 oz would only fit in preemie outfits for about 2 weeks. Imagine my frustration when I was stuck in a hospital with nothing that fit my child and the nurses were trying to use shirts as pants...ugggg.
- Diapers. People will always buy you what THEY prefer which may not be what you prefer. Personally I love pampers swaddlers. I was stuck with 8 bags of Luvs and a bag of Huggies. Thank goodness the hospital handed out Pampers or I would have been screwed. I donated all the brands I didn't like to Katrina victims.
- Wipes. They are expensive, you will use them, why not get some for free.
- Do not register for clothes other then onsies and sleepers, they are changed every month in the store and more then likely you will not get anything you wanted.
- Onsies. Lots of them. Long sleeve and short sleeve. Your baby will basically live in these and jammies their first months. They will also poop on them hourly and spit up every ten minutes, you will need lots of these.
- Cloth diapers. These are actually the worlds best burp rags, ever on the planet, plus you can get them in bulk and they work much better then most flimsy burp rags.
- 3-4 changing pad covers, your kid will poop with the diaper off, you will change the cover and they will poop again, trust me you need more then one!
- Changing pad cover protectors. These are little pee pads. They are very cute and they will save you from having to always change your cover when it is just a bit of pee or spit up.
- Sleepers and jammies. Again your kid will live in these, get a few.
- Nail clippers. The kind with the white bulb at the end work best because you get a good grip.
- Mittens, because you will be far to afraid to clip those long as nails the first week and if you don't cover their hands they will scratch the shit out of themselves.
- A nasal aspirator. No actually two or three, one in the diaper bag, one in the babies room and one in your room, oh maybe a forth, that one is to lose, because you will lose everything. I prefer the one with a little opening thing at the end so I can rinse it out reallllllly well, babies get some big ass boogers lodged in those things.
- Towels. Maybe about 4. You will need more then one, because if your kid is like mine, they will wait until they are spotless and wrapped in a clean towel to shit all over that clean towel.
- Washclothes. You will need a few because for the first few sponge baths you will use 2-3.
- Baby shampoo/body wash. I love the Johnson's Naturals, it smells insanely delicious.
- A wipe warmer. Go ahead tell me you don't need it, then when you come to my house and use mine, don't be mad when my wipes feel like a warm summers day and yours feels like you left them in the snow.
- Bibs. No, you won't be feeding them, but when you put them in their carseat in a super cute outfit and then get to your destination and find your child and their carseat covered in spit up, you will be pissed, and wish you had LOTS OF BIBS!
- Sheets. Get about 3. They will pee, poop and spit on these.
- Mattress protectors. See above.
- Blankets. Try and find ones that are slightly stretchy as they will work best for swaddling. Those little swaddle things they sell all preshaped are a waste of your damn money.
- Some rash cream, however if you breast feed more then likely you won't see this for a while. I love the Aveeno rash cream.
- If you have a boy, Aquafor works AWESOME for circumcision.
- A rectal thermometer.
- Alcohol pads (to clean thermometer and belly button)
- Small gauze pads for circumcision and other random things)
- Baby laundry soap (again its expensive why not register and get it free) plus, its good to wash all of their things before they wear them.
- A laundry hamper
- A lingerie type bag for socks, you want this bag, you will hate socks after a few weeks.
- A swing. You want a swing, no matter how awesome a mom you think you will be, just get the damn swing. Make sure to get one that lays all the way back AND that you can remove the bar between the legs. You can't put a swaddled baby in a swing with a bar in the middle. I like this one, it had great ratings and my son loved it to pieces.
- A baby backpack thing. I loved the Eddie Bauer one. It was awesome, didn't look dorky and saved my back tons. It is much cheaper then the Bjorn and kicks the Bjorns ass. You can try these on in the store. Do that, make sure you like how it unhooks and hooks and fastens and dangles and so on.
- If you like binkies, the Nuk is the best one. I've heard great things about it, and after buying 17 different types it was the only one my son would use. Most people I know have said the same.
- You do not need a steralizer, hot water will do the trick.
- You do not need a drying rack...it will clutter your counter and piss you off.
- You do not need a hand breast pump, they will break and piss you off.
- Check your insurance before registering for a breast pump. A lot of them actually rent you a breast pump for up to three months at no charge and then at a very discounted monthly price after that.
- Even if you will be breast feeding grab maybe two bottles. Brandon loved the Playtex nurser with drop ins, and the brown natru latch nipple. Most of the other ones are complicated and annoying.
- A breast milk warmer was nice for fresh breast milk until I discovered running it under hot water for a few seconds accomplished the same damn thing.
- Breast milk storage bags. They hold more and take up less space then those weird cups.
- The lansinoh breast pads kick ass. They are thin, never leaked once (and I gush breastmilk like like guys drink beer).
- You do not need toys, they won't know what to do with them for a long time.
- Baskets. Cute little baskets are a life saver. I put them in the closet to hold socks, wash clothes and so on. I also put one on the changing table to hold the wipe warmer, and all the baby gear like creams and potions and lotions.
- Baby lotion. I again liked the Johnsons Naturals.
- A diaper Geenie. So far I feel like that keeps the smell in better then most. I hate walking into a room where the child has some other kind and all you smell is week old poop and rotting pee.
- A bundle me. This thing was freaking awesome. First, it comes off so when it warms up you can take it off easily. Second you can't put a swaddled baby into a car seat since the buckles go between their legs. Plus, this thing is so much easier to get off and clean then the whole damn car seat cover. This thing is just some velcro and your there.
- You will want to pick up one travel wipes container that is refillable. Make sure it seals well, I liked the huggies one and I would just use those shitty wipes as clean up ones and put in my Pampers newborn ones that were oh so soft. This is for your diaper bag
- Remember your diaper bag should also have a thermometer, some alcohol pads and some rash cream and possibly the stuff for circumcision, so you are prepared where ever you go.
This is all I can come up with in a limited amount of time. Feel free to add stuff that you couldn't live with out and as I think of stuff I will for sure update this for all my preggo friends.
Hmmm, okay you already know about one of my most recent dumbass moments when I burned my finger/hand.
pregnancy dementia?????
I was just cooking dinner and my husband was in the kitchen with me and we were talking. So far so good. I just pulled the pasta off the hot ass plate and kept on talking and then tried folding some aluminum foil that I put on the stove forgetting that that right front plate was still scolding ass HOT and I TOUCHED IT. It burned my middle finger really bad and it hurts like shit. Sorry for the cussing but I am mad at myself and in pain. This sucks. How could I forget that I just used that side of the stove??????
OUCH :(
I wrote a whole post about my dumb ass.
I gots me some smarts
When Porgie settled down to take her first nap this morning, I started working on a wonderful post for you. It was witty and smart, with lots of adorable baby pictures. But you will never see that post. After working on it for about 45 minutes, I accidentally deleted it. I am a jackass.
I seem to be doing a lot of stupid things lately. So, I'll share some of my stupidity with you.
1. After writing a new blog post, I proofread my writing three times before I click the publish button. However, I always see a mistake as soon as I view my blog. Then I have to go back and edit the post again. If you see a typo, just know that I proofread 268 times, but I just didn't see that stupid ass mistake. Sorry.
2. The other night I was making spaghetti. Keep in mind that I never cook. When the pasta was ready (but still boiling in water), I asked John how I should scoop out the noodles. He looked at me like I had three heads and told me to go get the strainer. So that is what that bowl with holes in it is for. WOW, I am losing my freaking mind! LOOKING LIKE THE WINNER SO FAR, BECAUSE IT IS JUST PLAIN HILARIOUS!
3. This one happened awhile ago, but it is so ridiculous that I have to share it with you. John and I were at our insurance agent's office. Somehow, we started talking about college. I was telling our agent about an intersession class I had taken. Suddenly, John busted out laughing. Apparently, instead of calling it an intersession class, I called it an intercourse class. What the hell is wrong with me?
4. The other night, I was getting ready to go to bed. I turned out all of the lights and headed toward the bedroom. I thought I was walking into my room, but instead I slammed right into the door. That one really hurt.
5. This one really shows my stupidity. Last night Porgie slept through the night again. I woke up at 5:50 and started worrying about her. I could not go back to sleep until I checked on her. So, I tiptoed into her room and peered into the crib. She was sleeping peacefully. I turned around to leave and ran into her book stand. I woke her up.
I really need to think about this one but I promise it will be a doozey (and I'm NOT pregnant) I'm just a dumbass by nature... ask Jen.
When i was preg w/ Z someone in a small group introduced themselves and said "hi, im Jessica." I just staired at her and smiled, I realized I wasnt the one who just said that she was! sounds wierd right! Well it was the exact same thing I was going to say so in my head I had said it because I herd it! LOL. that was pretty stupid!
Ok, so yesterday my roommate sent me an e-mail that said "I'm sorry I haven't mopped the kitchen in a while! Sorry! I will do it tonight." I was like: Yeah, ok whatever and ignored her e-mail and ended up going to bed before she got home from work last night.
So today I am talking to Erick and I'm like "Keturah sent me an email yesterday saying she was going to mop the floor, and I ignored it, rightfully so I guess." - Thinking that she had not mopped.
Erick was like "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? DID YOU NOT SEEEE THE KITCHEN THIS MORNING? You practically TRIPPED over the mop and bucket on your way in!"
I was like "Oh. Nope! Didn't notice! WHOOPS!"
Glad I didn't say anything to Keturah about it!
I actually got all the way to work one day and I still had my slippers on. I was all dressed nice, with slacks and a nice sweater, my hair done, etc. and I go to get out of the car at work and realized I had my cool slipper boots with pink flames on the side on!
Almost as good as the time in high school (I think) that Katie got in the shower with her pj's on.