A metaphor for my relationship...or some shit like that

When it came time to buy a new computer I came home with a bright white MacBook. My husband came home with a black MacBook.

When it came time to buy and Ipod I came home with a shiny white one, the hubs of course a back one.

My husband drives a black Tahoe. His plates refer to it being all black. His lights are black, his rims are black everything on the car is black.

Today, I purchased a very very white Yukon.

A friend looked at us today and said, these things seem to define the two of you. There is no gray there is only black and white. We looked at each other and laughed. The two of us could not be more different. More set in our ways. He's black, I'm white and together we form a ying yang rather then combining to make gray.

The colors seem to symbolize so much more. While we both like things clean we have a different version of clean. He likes things tidy, I like them CLEAN. Meaning, I wash my stove while I cook. I clean my tile daily. I like things clean. My husband doesn't mind as long as long as they appear clean. Which seems to be why I would pick a white computer. Something I know I will have to clean. While he picked black. His computer will always appear clean while not really being clean.

He likes things easy. You don't have to do much to a black computer the dirtier it gets the blacker it is right? I like things difficult. I buy a white car, and white Ipod and white computer knowing it will be more work to wipe it down twice weekly. I make things difficult. Although carpet was easier to clean and you just had to run a vacuum across it, I chose hardwood. My thoughts are that I want to see the dirt. I don't want to know its hiding in the folds of the carpet. So while hardwood is more work, and I have to sweep and mop every few days, I like to know what I'm dealing with. That is how I am in life. I need to know all the facts. I need to see it right in front of my face. I need every single detail down to what flavor gum you were chewing when you were walking down the street. I need to be able to see the full mess in front of me. There is no way to hide things on white.

Rob on the other way is vague. He rarely gets details. He barely remembers to ask the names of friends kids. Rob doesn't mind not knowing. He lives his life like his black electronics. You can hide more with black. You can ignore it better. If you can't see it, it's not there.

Our relationship is that way. Black and white. I need to talk everything to death. Rob is content to not fix what isn't broken. If I don't cry or yell he would never know there was a problem. I hate that he doesn't talk things to death. I want my husband to be bright white like my toys. I need to see all the problems, the flaws the issues. My husband wants me to be black. He wants me to live well enough alone.

I can't believe something as simple as buying a new car in a certain color could really make me examine how truly different Rob and I are. The one thing about the two of us though, if anything we are constant. And while we probably both wish their was a little gray in each other, I'm not sure our relationship would ever flourish with gray. Gray is boring.

Because we be old school here

Yeah that is totally an old school NES system and yeah we are playing Mario 3. Brandon wasn't actually playing he just had an extra controller and was pushing buttons. He thought it was super awesome.

Get em mommy get em

After this he reset my game about 3 times which means in an hour I never made it past world one. I was sooooo not impressed. He on the other hand found this hilarious.

Really trying to teach him

This is what a baby brother looks like. Please don't mush him to bad mmmkay!

Running on auto pilot

Do you ever have days where it seems you've lost control of your body? Where it feels as though you are just running on auto and have no clue how or what is happening? I'm having one of those days now.

I just left work to get lunch. I guess my body was telling me I needed to eat. I decided I would go to Starbucks for a mango tea and a veggie platter. The veggie platter comes with sugar snap peas, cucumbers, tomatoes, carrots and celery. It comes with a very small portion of pesto dipping sauce and is tasty lunch. I got to Starbucks and no such luck. They were out. Next thing I knew I was in my car driving to another Starbucks. Again no luck, the next thing I knew my auto pilot kicked in. I found myself next door at Port of Subs ordering a MEDIUM (I haven't been able to eat a medium since high school) extra mayo double cheese sandwich with all the regulars (dear sweet oil and vinegar where have you been all my life). Somehow I even grabbed a bag of chips. But auto pilot wasn't done. Nooooo it carried me next door to Ben n Jerrys where a giant Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz milk shake appeared in my hands. The strangest part was how that pint of Peach Cobbler ice cream made it into my car. I swear some days it feels like I really have no control over my life. Thank God I got that bottle of water for good measure!

Can some one please tell me how my auto pilot got changed from rational to chunk n dunk?

A conversation with my husband yesterday on messenger

Shannon: Babe guess what I found 8 bucks in my pockets this morning when I pulled my jeans out of the dryer

Rob: Oh was it a five and three ones

Shannon: Yeah

Rob: Yeah its mine

Shannon: Yours huh

Rob: Yeah I forgot I left it in there

Shannon: You left them in my maternity jeans

Rob: uh huh when I wore them the other day

Shannon: Righhhht yeah I forgot because I made such a big dinner you needed to borrow my maternity jeans right

Rob: Yup so you can just leave my 8 bucks on the night stand

Shannon: Oh okay sure thing honey

Talk dirty to me

My husband uses cheap shampoo. He's like whatever is on sale babe. So of course I spend minutes in the shampoo isle smelling them all because he may want me to go by price but I figure hey why not find something that will make him smell scrumptious also. So this time I settled on some fancy new Herbal Essence Orange something or other. Anyway like I said I use fancier shampoo. Currently I use the Philosophy something something and I love it. (I'm on a roll with names today huh?) Well once in a while I'll use a little of Robs for a day just to switch it up and shock my hair or whatever. (Shut up it totally makes sense to me!) Today I grabbed his Herbal Essence and since I have to read every damn thing while I'm in the shower (seriously I could probably still recite the label to my old Aveeno body wash) I read it.

He he it says

I'm so good I'll make your head think clean thoughts.

Now what I'm really wondering...How on earth did my shampoo know I was thinking dirty thoughts to begin with?

OLD MACDONALD

BRANDON WHAT DOES THE KITTY SAY? NOW

BRANDON WHAT DOES THE DOG SAY? WOO WOO

BRANDON WHAT DOES THE DUCK SAY? CACK

BRANDON WHAT DOES THE COW SAY? MOOOOOOO

BRANDON WHAT DOES THE SHEEP SAY? PAAAAAAA

BRANDON WHAT DOES THE MONSTER SAY? RAAAAAARRRRRRRWWWWWW

MAMA YOU FUNNY

MAMA YOU SILLY GIRL

MAMA YOU HELP ME BANDON

I MART (SMART)

MONTER YUTTY (MONSTER YUCKY)

BYE BYE MONTER

BYE BYE PUNTIN (PUMPKIN)

BYE BYE OUTSIDE

BYE BYE LIGHT

BYE BYE TWEE (TREE)

BYE BYE ROAD

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A TODDLER IN THE CAR

Just to be a jerk

For some reason people think that since I'm so far along in this pregnancy they need to ask me;

"How are you feeling?"

This question totally annoys me. So my answer!

"FAT!"

Thanks for asking! They never quite no what to say to that!

Something that will freak you the fuck out for a second when you are a mom

Changing your sons diaper after he's eaten a poppy seed muffin...Yeah bout lost my shit until I remembered he ate the muffin! Thought he was pooping out tiny bugs or something!

WHY SOME DAYS I WANT TO SHIP MY SON OFF TO LIVE AT THE FUCKING ZOO

NOW PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I HAVE A SMALL MELTDOWN!