The top 5 things I am not looking forward to about my C- Section

1. That bitch nurse bicking my girl parts with a dry fucking disposable razor (skank slut whore). She will do this even if I bick it myself.
2. The skank whore who will try 5 times to insert an IV into my arms and then tape it down in a manner that scrunches the needle so far in my arm making the IV become the most painful part of the day.
3. The catheter. I don't like catheters! Last time I convinced the lady not to catheter me until after my epidural and my doctor about killed that lady.
4. That shot of acid reflux medicine they give you. It taste like whiskey and nyquil mixed together.
5. When the lady has to come in and change my towel before I'm allowed to get up and potty myself. (I think this happens even when you don't have a section).

Don't get me wrong. I looove having sections. It's just the above five things that I could do with out!

Things currently on my nerves

• Why oh why oh why can't my husband clean out the damn lint trap in the dryer? For some reason I can not handle lint in my dryer trap!
• I am supposed to be eating healthy but people keep buying me lunch at work. And really when you are going to free lunch at somewhere good you can't order a fucking salad. NO you order fries and fried stuff and RANCH!
• People who hit the fucking snooze button. Three goddamn times my husbands alarm went off this morning. Mother fucker!
• When you fall asleep at 4:40am. But you fall into the best most relaxing sleep ever and then at 4:50 your son wakes up and starts jumping in your bed yelling TEE YEE (TV)
• When your son picks all the damn blueberries out of his cake (muffin) and flicks them into your couch
• When your sons milk cup only leaks when it is on the couch or the carpet...never on the hardwood floors! You know the floors that wipe!
  
• That I dumped out half a can of Old Bay on my floors and am just to pissed to vacuum the shit up!

Things that aren't on my nerves right now

• I made on hell of a rocking kiss ass mutherfucker dinner for my husband last night. Seriously if food is love then I love the shit out of that man, not many women would make their husbands so much food fried in bacon fat.
  
• I get free lunch today at a good restaurant that I choose because I called my supplier at work and say, hey baby you need to come take me to lunch once more before I go on maternity leave. And he lovingly obliged.
• I'm still pregnant so I still have an excuse to dunk everything I eat in ranch
• This kid is still healthy because the little fucker is still kicking the shit out of me. I would really like one bruise on the outside of my belly so I could have some sort of battle wound to prove how bad this kid is kicking my ass!
• I did laundry so my two pairs of maternity jeans are actually clean! Oh yeah I'm gonna be sexay when I go to lunch today.
• I now have less then a month till Codi is born.
  

Tasty

If you have a heart condition do not view this blog!

I swear I really do feed my child

My favorite pages

EVERYONCE IN A WHILE I LIKE TO TOOT MY OWN HORN!

Shhh I seeping

Then and now again

during my weightloss phatso photos

And now at 34 1/2 weeks

thinking he is fantastic..he is!

The modified Swistle

One day I was whining about shaving my legs. Swistle told me that when she was pregnant she shaved one leg a day. Therefor I am now instituting the modified Swistle rule in my shower.

I will shave no legs every day!

Works right. It is winter so no one sees my legs. I'm not getting any so no one to rub up against. Sounds to me like the new modified Swistle is the very best idea ever!

Food meme

I just noticed Patty tagged me for a meme... so here goes

1. How do you like your eggs? Hardboiled...in egg salad or deviled eggs extra mayo please

2. How do you take your coffee/tea? umm at starbucks sugar free vanilla latte, at home, hawaiian flavored coffess with vanilla or amaretto creamer..tea with splenda

3. Favorite breakfast food: bagel and cream cheese, lots and lots of cream cheese but only from a bagel shop

4. Peanut butter - smooth or crunchy? smooooooooooooth

5. What kind of dressing on your salad? ranch..but i only like restaurant ranch

6. Coke or Pepsi? Diet pepsi

7. You’re feeling lazy, what do you make? sandwich or caprese pizza

8. You’re feeling really lazy. What kind of pizza do you order? thin crust extra cheese

9. You feel like cooking. What do you make? so much...everything

10. Do any foods bring back good memories? tomato soup and grilled cheese remind me of being sick when i was little

11. Do any foods bring back bad memories? no not really...well the time i saw tripe in the store and almost threw up

12. Do any foods remind you of someone? ummm i associate a lot of my life with food so everyone has a food

13. Is there a food you refuse to eat? all fish, tripe, brain, goat, bleu cheese

14. What was your favorite food as a child? my grandmas french toast!

15. Is there a food that you hated as a child but now like? hmmmm i used to hate stuff on my burger but now love it...ie veggies or ketchup my burger and sammies were mayo and cheese only

16. Is there a food that you liked as a child but now hate? cottage cheese ewwww barforama

17. Favorite fruit and vegetable: artichokes mmmm watermelon

18. Favorite junk food: candy, fries

19. Favorite between meal snack: ummm nachos...yes id like some now please

20. Do you have any weird food habits? hmm lets see cream cheese and salsa mixed for tortilla chips. ranch on spaghetti,

21. You’re on a diet. What food(s) do you fill up on? almonds, yogurt, sugar free pudding

22. You’re off your diet. Now what would you like? bagel...candy

23. How spicy do you order Indian/Thai? i order no spicy im a super wuss

24. Can I get you a drink? ice tea...i quit drinking a year and a half ago

25. Red or White Wine? arbor mist when i drank

26. Favorite dessert? chocolate dipped in chocolate covered in chocolate

27. The perfect nightcap? hmmmmm ice cream or cookies n milk or .....

Conspiracy

Okay email. Lets get something straight. I am trying to save money! And when I do spend my money lately I like to spend it on kid stuff. So all of these emails you are sending me NEED TO STOP! Do you hear me...STOP SENDING ME YOUR SHIT!

Things that I really don't need in my inbox anymore!

1. Coach NEW FALL/SUMMER/SPRING/WINTER Collections. Stop stop stop stop you know I am weak and can't turn away.
2. Williams Sonoma! Dammit. You know your store is like crack to me. Emailing me is like sending me a picture of a giant line of crank. Not to mention all your gooey treats don't help my waist line. And for fucks sake my kitchen cabinets can not hold another shiny new Les Creuset pot!
3. Pottery Barn. I know my house is decorated cute. I realize that because of this all the items in your catalog are just dying to be part of my home. But really I have no more space for your fancy awesome trinkets. I know you claim they will organize my life but when I look at them I just see more things for a two year old to disorganize.

And yes I realize that I could take myself of your mailing list. But that would be like removing myself from the chocolate of the month club!