Reminding me of that Boston song More then a Feeling

You know that feeling when someone lovingly sits there stroking your bladder? NO? What, you mean you've never had an 7 month old fetus inside of you stroking your bladder to the point where your either going to wet yourself or cry out in pain? Gee I envy you!

COMMON SENSE

How is it, that last week my two year old son could manage to lock himself in the bathroom at work for a full 15 minutes screaming and crying and losing his mind until we could finally find something small enough to fit into the little hole in the door knob and unlock the door. Nothing we tried could get this kid to unlock the damn door.

However today when I'm at work with a full office and I go to the bathroom, he can somehow figure out how to unlock and open the door at least 43 times in the amount of time it takes me to pee? Please someone help me understand how he waited till I was the one naked on the toilet to figure out how to unlock the door and fling it wide open for the person in the office directly across from the toilet to see????????

Gee thanks son, I love for the world to try and watch my fumble around to wipe with my big ass belly and then struggle to pull up my maternity jeans.
Fuck I'm sexy.

A little S&M perhaps

Considering he is my kid, you would have to assume he would have a little bit of freak in him right?

You think so huh

My son walks into my office this morning holding in one hand an unopened pack of his favorite forks and spoons. In his other hand was a cup of chocolate pudding. It was 8:45 AM !
The first thing I try and figure out is how on earth he got into that secret compartment of the refrigerator door and found the pudding to begin with.

So I look at him and I say, "Chocolate pudding for breakfast huh?"

His response, "yes, I sink so!"

Well then!

BRANDON CANDIDS

THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE WITH YOU ALL, MY SON, THE HAM WHO THINKS HE'S AWESOME

ALSO, MY CHILD LOVES TO GIVE ME BIG ROMANTIC KISSES

WELL AS ROMANTIC AS YOU CAN BE MAKING THIS FACE...HE DOES THIS NOW WHEN HE WANTS TO KISS ME

HIS ATTEMPT AT FISH LIPS

MAN THIS KID IS A FLIRT

YEAH HIS MOM IS HILARIOUS

THIS FACE IS GONNA GET A LOT OF GIRLS SOME DAY

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS

MUCH LOVE TO THE LADIES

PHATSO PHOTOS 30 WEEKS AND 6 DAYS

FEATURING THIS WEEKS, MAYBE IF I WEAR BLACK I WON'T LOOK LIKE A COW LOOK.

ALSO FEATURING SHANNON WITH FRAGLE ROCK HAIR!

Random tidbits from my life

THIS IS WHAT THE WALL IN MY BEDROOM USED TO LOOK LIKE. I WAS SUCH A RETARD.

TOTALLY IGNORING THE GUY IN THE PICTURE WEARING ONLY A SPEEDO, THESE SHOES ACTUALLY GOT ME KICKED OFF THE BUS IN HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE THE BUS DRIVER SAID THEY WERE UGLY. SO I WENT TOTALLY OFF ON HER. LATER THAT WEEK WHILE DRIVING WITH MY COUSIN, WE CUT OFF THE BUS AND BREAK CHECKED HER, JUST TO BE AN ASSHOLE I HUNG MY SHOE OUT THE WINDOW SO SHE KNEW WHO IT WAS. WE THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY FUNNY TILL SHE CALLED THE COPS ON US AND LISA'S MOM WHO IS A POLICE DISPATCHER ANSWERED THE PHONE. OBVIOUSLY SHE RECOGNIZED HER DAUGHTERS LICENSE PLATE RIGHT AWAY..YEAH WE GOT IN TROUBLE

TATTOOS ARE KIND OF BLOODY

SEE THE GUY ON THE RIGHT THERE, WITH NO SHIRT ON. I DON'T REMEMBER HIS NAME EITHER (HMM KIND OF A THEME, BUT I COULD LOOK IT UP IN MY BOOK OF GUYS I'VE KISSED AND FIND OUT) ANYWAY, GINGER AND I MET HIM DRIVING TO CALI, ON THE FREEWAY, WE PULLED HIM OVER GOT HIS NUMBER AND WOULD DRIVE TO CALI HERE AND THERE TO MEET HIM. THIS WAS WHEN HE CAME TO RENO, AND WE GOT ALL DRUNK AND WENT SWIMMING IN THEIR POOL IN OUR UNDIES. OOOH WAIT, MAYBE HIS NAME WAS BROCK OR SOMETHING. ANYWAY THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS THAT I PICK UP GUYS DRIVING ON THE FREEWAY!

HMMMM!

I RECEIVED THIS, ATTACHED TO A TEDDY BEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL, TO THIS DAY I DONT KNOW WHO SENT IT, IT DRIVES ME NUTS

THIS GUY USED TO WRITE LOVE LETTERS ON MY TRUCK MIRROR

AWWWW HOW SWEET

I TURNED GROWN MEN INTO BABIES

STRANGE THINGS HAPPENED AT CHEER LEADING CAMP

AND YES, I WAS ONE OF THOSE STUCK UP CHEER LEADERS!

Things that happen on a cruise

You meet some guy, who is a virgin, on the cruise to bury his dad, take his virginity, forget his name and have nothing left but a picture to remind you of how awful he was in bed

You smoke a wayyyy lot of weed out of the sneak a toke you hid in your shoe when you go to Mexico

You meet people who look like this...Hmmm

Taking you alllll down with me

In one photo I can take down, myself, Becky, Ginger, Emily, and Emery!!!!!!!

Done lost my damn mind

I just went in to go to the bathroom. I looked down and was appalled to find something blue leaking out of me onto my underwear.

I started totally freaking out and nearly had a fucking panic attack. I closed my eyes for a minute and thought about it, looked back down, came to my fucking senses and realized I was wearing underwear with goddamn fucking blue flowers on the outside.

Really Shannon, REALLY? Are you that fucking nuts!