Relief

I was at Brandon's birthday party this weekend (which was amazing pics to come) and my husbands ex bosses wife (there is a mouth full) showed up. She is soooooo freaking amazing! Anyway her name is Tami. Tami has ummm 4 kids. 3 are boys and one girl. I think her oldest is probably just turned about 27ish. The thing I love about talking with Tami is she will openly admit that she is closer to her sons then her daughter. She also told me that out of three of her sons, two are a little more masculine and crazy, ie big versions of Brandon and that she feels closer to them. She was the first person to ever totally get it when I said that I was meant to be a mother to boys. In fact, her daughter just had a baby and it's a girl, and she has even been telling her daughter she needs to hurry up and try for a boy.

Some of the relieving things she told me are that twenty something years later she is still her boys hero. She said that if she ever cries (she has a lot of health issues with parents and families right now) that is the only thing that breaks her kids down and makes the boys sad. Then she told me that when they turned about 15 she told them, for the next few years I'm your mom not your friend, BUT when your 22 if I'm still your friend after everything I know I've done a good job. Tami said that all three of her boys always tell her, you know what mom, you're not my friend your my best friend. I needed to hear all of this. I've been so afraid that around 6 Brandon would be done with his mom, and then he would be a teen and mom would really be icky. I was terrified I was losing my son forever after a certain point. Tami let me know, that if you parent right, and you are the best and right kind of mom that will never happen. I see so many of the same traits in me that I see when I look at her. Sure she is way nicer and waaaaaay sweeter but shit she taught kindergarten that already earns her a life time achievement award. However, I can see that we both love our sons with the same insane intense emotion. I can see that she like me, STILL looks at her son and is so overcome with emotion she wants to cry.

I was worried about all of this because so many people say to me, AFTER ABOUT 5 YOUR KIDS ARE NO LONGER CUTE THEIR JUST LITTLE ASSHOLES! I have been cherishing every second of every minute for fear that one day I was going to wake up and not want to bawl my eyes out when I look at Brandon.

I realize that 25 years later my mom still can't go a day with out kissing me and hugging me and telling me I'm her world, but I guess I always assumed my mom was just totally crazy and overly in love with me. I never realized that one day, aside from fearing that Brandon would stop loving me, I also sort of fear that one day, my son is going to think his mom is totally bat shit crazy because she won't stop kissing him and hugging him and telling him he is the best thing she ever did. However, I'd rather him think I loved him too much then not enough right?