A little about my mom

I hesitate to write this sort of stuff but here goes. Although my mom is totally nutty bananas and we totally fight often she was a really good mom. I may have had shit for a dad, but the man my mom remarried totally made up for it. However, in the mom department, mine totally wins.

I have this memory of being about 7 or 8 and my friend was over playing. My mom called me over to her and she gave me this big hug and kiss. I was soooooo embarrassed. We sat there for a minute while she basically just rubbed my head and hugged me. Then she looked at my friend and said, "do you think her mom hugs her every day like me or are not all moms like me? I remember being so jealous of Laura at that minute that her mom wasn't like mine. In fact a vast majority of my friends moms have and never will be like mine. The odd thing is I never seemed to really notice it and understand it till now and really how many times did your mom say, "just wait till you have kids then you'll understand?" Dammit I hate when she is right.

My mom was the kind of mom who almost put her whole life on hold until I turned 18. She was there for me at the drop of a hat for 18 years, and still at 25 my mom is always no less then 5 minutes away (with the exception that she now takes a week to go to burning man, but seriously I'm the first place she stops when she comes home). My mom kisses me every day. She hugs me every day no matter how much I protest hugs (ick). I have always had the best clothes even if she was broke and putting them on lay away, I always had pretty much anything I wanted. This wasn't because my mom was spoiling me, it was because she never had this, and in her mind she was just giving me the life she always wanted. Now, I'm that kind of parent not because I didn't get it, but because thats how I was raised and I don't know how to be any different.

My mom never stopped parenting. She was never sick she was never hurt she was never anything because she had to be a parent. She would come in at night and rub my feet, or braid my hair, or just do something to be touching me and spending a few minutes with me. She loved to give me little manicures and she was at every single game I ever cheered for and at every single dance recital. Granted there were weekends she took me to grandmas (but I looooved seeing my grams and playing with my cousins) and she would have a life for a weekend, but she called me every night and was always there about 5 hours early to pick me up because she missed me so much.

A lot of people think its weird that I rarely make a decision with out consulting my mom. I ask her opinion on everything and that is what 99% of our fights are over, when she disagrees with my opinion on something! However these people don't realize that I don't know any better. Growing up with my mom we were a team. Everything I did was with her or because of her. Now, being a mom, I realize that I would love for my son to come to me for help with decisions, or questions or thoughts or just re-assurement.

Now having a son, my mom and his nanny (who was really my moms house cleaner before that end then fell so in love with Brandon she became useless at cleaning houses but a gosh darn hero in my sons eyes) and my dad are the ONLY people who watch my son. Oddly enough, my son is a good judge of character and those are the people he gravitated towards. I know that had my grandma Keefer still been alive, she would have been the only other person that my son would have clung to, and that was because she was the same mom, she was never less then 100% and she was the same grandma. It makes me so sad knowing that Brandon will never know her. The same way I have trouble explaining just how much my mom loved me, I'll never be able to explain how much my grandma loved me, and vise versa.

This is why people keep yelling at me for picking up Brandon (which I have still not been cleared to do). But people don't understand, I was raised by a woman who was always 100% and I don't know how to be different. My mom was always telling me, I was the best thing she ever did. Again, EMBARRASSED much. I just never understood, but now, NOW I get it. My son is the best thing I've ever done, and I only hope that I can be half the mom that my mom was. She never let me leave the house dirty. My hair was always combed my clothes were clean. In fact I remember a girl in my class putting on my sweater one day and marveling at the smell. I guess not all moms use Downy on their kids clothes. My mom would come to my school and clean out my desk and help me get organized. She cleaned my room and organized my closet but color, season and style. This woman did everything for me. Now, I have no intention of being the same way. However, while doing everything she also taught me how to be self sufficiant. When I moved out I cooked, I cleaned, I did laundry. I had a very organized closet, my stove was always spotless. Now, being married, I'm the same way. I rub Rob's back all the time, my stove is spotless, I drop everything for my husband and he has anything he wants. As far as parenting I've become the same way. My son, in 23 years is going to say, I had the kind of mo who loved me the most in the world. No man ever came between me and my mom even my step dad. It's been widely known, I'm number one and he's number two. For Rob and I it is the same way, our kids will always be first and then each other. For us that works. For Rob and I, being 99% of a parent, well, thats just not going to cut it. I blame my mom totally for now making me the crazy mom I am. I'm now the mom who is going to embarrass her son with hugs and kisses. I'm that mom whose going to cry when he gets hurt at soft ball games, I'm going to punch other moms who heckle him at T-ball. Yeah I'm screwed, I'm going to be that mom, the one who loved her sons the most in the world, its a hard job, but someones gotta do it huh?