Hmmm wonder what was going through his mind

I'm driving down the street today, in a totally normal part of town. On my right is this guy riding his bike. He was about 23. He was just cruising along in black pants and a black sweatshirt with a yellow t-shirt over it, looking all manly and such. He is peddling along side me and I come to a stop sign so he is able to pass me....none of this is weird, what is weird is the pink princess backpack he was wearing as he peddled by me? Hmmm!

WE HAVE A DATE

JULY 2ND AT 4:30 I FIND OUT IF I'M HAVING A BOY OR A GIRL!!!!

ITS ABOUT TIME PEOPLE

Want to know how I got a date. Since the Ultrasounds are preformed at a different location then the doctors office with higher tech machines that is why they wait until 20 weeks usually so that they can do all the major measurments at the same time. So I called my doctors office and said that since my inlaws missed everything with Brandon they are hell bent on being here this time and his dad needs to put in for time off by Friday for next month. The girl felt so bad for me she let me go ahead and schedule the appointment early without even going to my next visit!

I ROCK!

A conversation with my husband

Me: Was it weird watching them pull Brandon out during the C-section?

Husband: Nope

Me: Not even a little? Not even kind of gross?

Husband: NO.

Me: Because I mean I think I would have to stop eating cottage cheese after seeing him come out with all those weird cheese curdles on him, I mean, if I ate cottage cheese.

Husband: It wasn't like that. The placenta was gross but not Brandon.

Me: Hmmm because I would think that would be pretty nasty.

Husband: Honey, thats our son, that can't be nasty, nothing about him can be nasty.

Me: Really! Because what came out of his ass this morning was pretty nasty!

Husband: Sigh! You are so weird Shannon!

Diaper bag tales

I'm in the market for a new diaper bag. I've had a few. I've had the Diaper Dude (non functional, cramped, no room, awful), and some other jumbo thing that was just plain to big. This time around I'm looking at this by 2 Red Hens




I like this for a few reasons. Its large, it does not zip close, so there is no zipper to get in your way or hinder reaching in and digging around, and it has a big wide gaping opening that you can clearly see into. This brand also sells smaller bags that you can put medicines and misc items in while still being cute...they are called Thighs and Legs. When looking for diaper bags I suggest you look for the following

• Big openings like this one. Click on it and click on the view looking down LOOK AT ALL THE SHIT YOU CAN CRAM IN THERE AND SEE...LIKE REALLY SEE! I also love this bag because it comes with the extra bags for medicines and other things so they are easy to grab. Notice also the top doesn't zip closed so you can see all the way in, unlike this one notice you can't see what is on the ends of the bag because the damn zipper is in the way.
  
• Sturdy washable fabric, straps and pockets. So many bags break after a few weeks.
• Space. I have one diaper bag that after I put everything in it, it wouldn't close and it was all piling out, not to mention I couldn't see what was where.
• Don't be fooled by TONS OF POCKETS. So many pockets end up useless. Pockets labeled for wipes usually only fit the teeny mini pack of wipes...and when your a new mom and you kid does 4 turbo shits in one trip your going to need the jumbo pack of wipes not that silly little travel plastic pack. The pockets for diapers...yeah those hold about 4 diapers. I went through about 5 on a trip around town during the day and I didn't remember to bring the bag in every night and restock it, I was shit out of luck at the end of the night. Is there one outside pocket that you can throw your keys, wallet and phone into? Don't be fooled by cute inner pockets, I don't know anyone who really wants to dig and search through the inside of the bag just to locate the damn pocket.

Some packing advice. Things you need for a newborn!

• About 3 onsies, if you don't believe me, believe my son who had to ride home in nothing but a coat one day because he spit all over his clothes and shit on his spare onsie and had nothing left to put on.
• 2 pairs of cheap cotton pants...shit leaks out of diapers and onsies, your kid will crap on their pants and spit on them, BE PREPARED!
  
• A good size bag of wipes
• At least 6 diapers
• 2-3 burp clothes
• A blanket (spare one)
• 2-3 cloth diapers, (these are the best for wiping, cleaning, rolling up for a neck roll and so on...they are cheap and come in bulk, they also fit well on changing tables if there is no pad handy, shut up and pack them)
• A few plastic bags or those bags they sell that are powder scented so you don't leave a stank ass shitty diaper in someones trash and stink up their house
• Socks. LOTS OF SOCKS that match. If you can make it through a trip to the store and keep both socks on your kid you deserve a medal.
  
• A hat
• A small light jacket
• Alcohol wipes for the belly button
• Gauze and vasaline if you have a little boy with a circumcision
• A medicine kit, with clippers, nose sucker, medicine dropper and thermometer
• Some kind of baby wash and lotion, for emergency poop situations (I like to whored all of the free baby samples they gave me of lotion, rash cream and wash for the diaper bag they are the perfect size)
• Rash cream
• Spare binky (if you use them)
• Small toy
• Bottles
• Bottle lines
• Bottle water (for mixing formula)
• Small plastic container with three servings of formula so you don't have to lug that big ass formula container around.
  

This should get you pretty far. When your child starts eating the bag changes a little.

• Single servings of rice cereal or oatmeal
• 4 Take and Toss spoons
• 2 small Take and Toss bowls (at restaurants you can ask for small bowls, just check to make sure they are clean)
• Bottled water to mix oatmeal or rice cereal
• 2-3 jars of food
• Bibs (you can also buy a pretty large box of paper disposable bibs so you don't have to carry home dirty bibs)
  
• More socks
• Sippy cups
• Small containers or bags with snacks, like Gerber finger foods or Cheerios

I personally carry the bowls and spoons around just in case I go somewhere that fries in peanut oils, that way I know for sure none of his food is contaminated since he is very allergic.

Here is my final best advice for diaper bags. If you are registering for one at the store take it around the store and shove it full of stuff, places like Babies R Us don't mind. Go grab a pack of rolled up onsies, a pack of wipes, a pack of socks and so on and cram it all in, see how it really works. Open it and see if you can easily see everything you have packed in it. Close it, see if it really closes. If there are side zipper pockets like this fill up those pockets and then see if you can still fit stuff inside and vice versa, I bet you can't. Put objects in there like medicines and stuff and see if you can easily reach in and grab them. I can't reach to the bottom of my Diaper Dude to save my life. Those insulated compartments are stupid. If you are bringing breast milk I suggest getting a small separate insulated bag that you can put freezer packs in and store your breast milk in these. Is it washable, and sturdy. Is it a design you will like over and over? THEN walk over the the stroller you are getting and open it, stick the bag in the bottom basket or hook it on, DOES THE BAG GO IN EASY WITH OUT SMOOSHING EVERYTHING YOU HAVE IN THERE? Finally, put the bag on all ways. Is it really comfortable? Can you lug it around a store with you forever or a market or on a walk or anywhere. Can you put it on while carrying a baby, try it out while carrying a stuffed animal or something.

The Old Navy secret

There is a secret way to get things at Old Navy for cheap. If you wait for stuff to go on sale and then look very carefully you will notice that they put the less normal colors on sale for cheaper. For instance today I'm wearing this ultra cute strapless dress that I got for 4.99. The other dresses were about 9.99 but because this one I got was an odd purple, green and pink plaid they marked it down. Same goes for a few shirts I've got. Black white and pink always are cost more then say green, orange or yellow.

For instance yesterday I wore something like this only mine is strapless. Anyway the black one was on sale for 17.99 but they had a dark teal color that was only 11.99. So now you know how to work the sales at Old Navy!

PHATSO PHOTOS WEEK 14.5

OKAY SO THAT ALL OF YOU WILL SHOOSH HERE ARE YOUR DANG PHATSO BELLY PHOTOS. SEEEEEEE I DON'T LOOK PREGNANT I LOOK LIKE I DID BEFORE I STARTED MY DIET. ANYWHO OBVIOUSLY MY BOOBS AREN'T TRIPLING IN SIZE QUITE AS FAST AS THEY DID LAST TIME. I HOPE THIS DOESN'T MEAN I ALREADY USED UP ALL OF MY MILK SINCE BRANDON WAS THE WORLDS MOST SUPER NURSER. (YES I'M ULTRA SUPER PARANOID THAT THIS CHILD MIGHT NOT NURSE AS WELL OR AS LONG!)

THE MUCH ANTICIPATED BELLY SHOTS!

ALSO, THERE ARE TWO NEARLY IDENTICAL PICTURES HERE BECAUSE I COULDN'T PICK ONE AND MY HUSBAND COULDN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE SO HE COULDN'T PICK ONE EITHER.....ALSO BRANDON JUST HAD TO MAKE AN APPEARANCE. OH YEAH, APPARENTLY I GAIN PREGNANCY WEIGHT ALL OVER NOT JUST IN A NEAT LITTLE BALL LIKE JEN AND JULIA!

Emery interviewed me

1. What did you want to be when you were a little girl? (should I
already know this??)
What didn't I want to be when I was little. I wanted to be a physical therapist, a lawyer, a secretary (yes when I was little my cousin and I used to pretend to be secretaries), a superstar, a poet, a mom and so on.

2. What is your favorite scent in the whole wide world?
Ugggg. I love smells. Food smells, perfume smells, the smell of my husband (he never stinks..drives me nuts), the smell of my sons breath, the smell of his lotion, the smell of bacon, the smell before rain and after rain, the smell of Easter morning.

3. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
Hmmmm. Well if I could drag my family along, (and by family I mean husband, kid, baby, mom, dad, grandma, grandpa and cousin, and her daughter) then I would move us all to Hawaii. I loved it there. The smell of the air, the sound of the ocean, the laid back way the city moved. However, I love living right where I am, I'm a Reno native, I could never be that person who just picked up her life and moved it, I need roots, and sunshine to grow.

4. Favorite movie?
I don't have favorites. I love so many movies and I never remember them until they are on HBO or something. How about what I don't love, I don't love scary movies (except the Hannibal series), I don't like documentaries, I don't like movies with people dying, and I hate guy movies, i.e. fast cars, motorcycles, THE MATRIX (HATRED), or any other man movie....ie anything with Tom Cruise

5. If you could ask God one question today, what would it be?
Uhhhhhh is my grandma really watching over me? and is that my dad who keeps turning my thermostat on and changing the settings on my washer and what about who keeps turning off the ice maker? also, did my dad really kill himself and why!

6. What is your biggest aspiration in this life?
To be the best mom I can be....To eat a lot of really good food!

So now its your turn, if you want me to interview you let me know send me a comment with your email and I will email your personal and individual questions. You can also email me at wilddreemer@yahoo.com

Why I could never be famous.

Reasons I could never be famous

1. I have never had a DUI

2. I don't do drugs

3. I've never had a DUI

4. I keep my clothes on

5. I've never had a DUI

6. I don't have an eating disorder

7. I have never been to rehab

8. I had kids and I didn't pawn them of on nannies or mannies

9. I'm still married

10. I have not dated my best friends husband or ex husband

11. I have never let my boyfriend wreck my Mercedes

12. I don't have 15 leased Mercedes in my driveway that are all blacked out and pimped

13. I don't have a tan

14. I've never had my kids visit me in rehab

and last but not least

15. I've never been to rehab and then gotten a DUI while sporting my 90 day sober AA chip and claiming I don't do coke yet having a usable amount in my car

I guess I can never be famous

return of the granny panties

Jen and I were talking the other day about buying underwear when we were pregnant. I advised her to never buy maternity undies. They are the most poorly designed things ever. I told her just to get some nice cotton undies, thong or regular as long as they were soft and sort of stretchy. I told her I loved a lot of the stuff at Gap Body. Later the next day I was picking out my days undies and I found my favorite plain old low cut cotton stretchy briefs with little flowers on them and a cute pink rim. I couldn't put them on fast enough. Then I remembered that I got these at the Gap Body sale. Now, when this store has a sale the best part is that everything is ridiculous cheap. Meaning I got undies ranging from .37 to .97 and bras for 1.97 at the most. Then I remembered that since it was a sale the selection was small, meaning I was only able to find one pair of the worlds softest panties. Now, this morning I go to my underwear drawer and I see no soft cotton panties and I'm sad. Really sad. I had to settle for something that is already giving me a wedgie and its only 9. Would it be wrong of me to just wash the same pair of undies every night for comfort sake or should I go on an underwear mission, only to find the perfect panties and discover they are going to cost me the equivalent of my first born and second born and my left toes?

A how to guide to parenting, part 2

HOW TO CREATE A SLIP AND SLIDE IN A PINCH

Tools needed:
1- Tile entryway (linoleum might also work)
1- Toddler

Step one: Leave toddler unattended for about 43 seconds (or long enough for mom to go pee with the door closed allll by herself)

Step two: Come back to find toddler splashing in water on your tile floor

Step three: Watch as toddler backs away about 15 feet and runs full speed toward water puddle

Step four: Realize, now that it is too late that,
A: Toddler is not wearing a diaper
B: Puddle of water is actually quite yellow and looks like pee

Step five: As you try and stop it and realize what is about to happen, watch as toddler gleefully throws himself onto his belly and slides across the tile floor in his pee

Step six: Stand there sort of dumbfounded as he splashes and slides and wiggles in pee

Step seven: Realize holy shit my child is playing in pee and stick him in sink to rinse

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Step eight: Realize that now for the rest of his life you are going to keep an eye on him, because why would he come to you and say "potty" when he can easily go create a slip and slide on the floor (which he did again 20 minutes later)?