Pregnancy neurosis week 51

I am sooo exhausted already. It was only 19 months ago that I was pregnant, wait thats when I had Brandon so lets see 19 + 9=...let me get the calculator, Okay so 28 months ago that I was pregnant. You would think I would remember this stuff. I sure don't. I don't remember being this tired so quick.

hunger
lose nose
memory loss
drool
exhaustion
moody

See that there, above. That is called a reminder list because as I was typing this I already forgot what I wanted to write and had to make myself a freaking reminder list. I left it there for all to see. So. About the hunger thing. I have already started waking up at 3AM starving. This used to be fine. I would smear some peanut butter on some bread have some milk and call it a night. NOW. Oh, now. Brandon is allergic to peanut butter which means I'm terrified to eat it. I'm allergic to bread which means I don't eat it. This means, I now have nothing to eat when I wake up starving. So this morning I woke up and got stuck with a glass of milk which did nothing for me. I suppose I could try to eat some string cheese possibly. The thing is it has to be something, quick, easy, filling, none crunchy, containing no, wheat, peanuts, gluten or soy. Lovely huh?

Hang on have to refer to my list because I've forgotten again....go ahead talk to yourself or something while I do that.

Right. The loss of my nose. So I'm in bed las night and I'm like I think my nose is stuffy. So I grabbed a tissue and went to wipe. Only problem is I couldn't remember what side of my face it was on. So I did the most logical thing. I wiped the right side, then I wiped the left side then I wanted to cry because I couldn't find it. So I laid there sniffling for a second, then thought wait the sniffles are coming from my nose, and thank gosh....I FOUND MY NOSE. For the rest of the night I kept reaching up and touching it to make sure it was still there.

On to memory loss (yes I already had to scroll up because I forgot again). Besides the little things I have been forgetting, like bringing breakfast to work, or things on my grocery list I made a very major Faux Paux this week. For the first time ever EVER! and in EVER!!!!!!! I double booked. Sunday driving home, I scheduled to hang out with Stephanie at 11:00. I scheduled to go to Target and get my nieces birthday present. Then, on about Wednesday I wrote Ging and asked if she wanted to get lunch, go grocery shopping and go to buy my nieces birthday present. I scheduled to meet Ging at 11:00 on Saturday. Today while emailing Steph she asked what we were doing Saturday. I said I was meeting Ginger at 11:00 but we could hang after that. Her response....

Well I thought we were meeting up at 11.

O shit!!! I felt like a big jerk ass. Not to mention since I'm so emotional, I visualized Stephanie heart broken like a sad little puppy when she wrote that back to me. I had to admit my dumb ass pregnant brains / toddler brains had actually forgotten. I HAD BECOME THAT FRIEND. I'm the friend who forgets their friends. SOB SOB CRY SNORT SNIFF SOB!!!!!

As mentioned in previous blogs THE DROOL IS BACK PEOPLE. So bad that I wake up on a soaking pillow and a face so wet you may as well dumped a cup of water on me. This leaves me scrounging around for a tissue or something to wipe it. Then I have to flip my pillow because it is so wet. Then it happens again and I don't know what to do because if I flip it, there is already older cold drool on the other side. Soooo, I just sit and pout till, well, not till I usually just pout until I pass out or get out of bed. YOU WOULD THINK, I mean really, you would think I would be smart enough to place some towels near my bed or something... No, not this girl. I would rather just pout and whine and cry and sob about it.

Exhaustion. Uggg. At approximately 3PM I become useless. I become so tired that all I do is get a headache and pout. Thus comes the moodyness. Last night I was supposed to bathe Brandon while Rob did dishes. I started to get tired. I was so tired, no FAMISHED. So I get Brandon undressed and let him run around the house. My thinking is Rob will see naked child, wife on couch and think, maybe he should bathe Brandon. Nope. Instead he says "Why isn't he in the bath yet?" I am now furious. I explain about how tired I am and ponder why he can't do it. I now begin the biggest case of pouting you ever saw. So he agrees to bathe the child and do the dishes. NOW I'm FURIOUS! I'm upset because he has made me feel bad and like a lazy good for nothing who is only barely pregnant and already being all "poor me i'm so whiney and whahhwahhhwahh blubber blubber blubber!" So, I pick my ass up off the couch and shuffle to the bathroom and say I'll do the dishes. He says no. So I start doing them and he says NO! I sit on the couch now, pouting because I got told no. He then brings Brandon out in his bathrobe. Now I'm pissed he didn't lotion him and dress him. So I huff and puff and go do that. Then I get all huffy at trying to put Brandon to bed. So Rob stops doing the dishes, puts him to bed and tucks me in. Now I'm in bed, and I'm pouting because I am alone in bed. I won't even bore you with the 43 mood swings I had in the middle of the night while the rest of the house was sleeping. Lets just say there were many crisis's involving, tissue, ears, milk, child with knees in back, child with knees in head, leaking sippy cup, milk, tissue, milk, lack of towel, dreams, milk, leaking sippy cup, small child forcing me to not sleep on left side and soooo on. Did I mention the LEAKING FUCKING SIPPY CUP IN MY FUCKING BED!!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. Well. Thats all I've got for you today. I must pee now. That makes 43 times today. 8983 times this week and 4 times this hour!

The scar

You know, I often look at all of my scars, I poke em, and squish em, and just generally check to see if they are still there. However I never pay much attention to my C-section scar, because my doctor is so amazing it was barely visible weeks after the surgery. I looked at it today. It is gone. Not gone gone, I mean, since I knew it was there I can see a very faint half inch of it left. However, if I were to pull down my pants and try and prove to you I had a C-section, you would laugh in my face, as there really is no scar there to the visible eye. I am sadder then I thought I would be. My mom, and my friends all still have their scars. I have nothing. I mean if I push really hard, I can tell something is different there, but I can't just look down and enjoy that memory. Now I'm about to have another baby, probably another scar and I can't help but think, this scar is just going to cover up Brandon's. That makes me feel all symbolic, as if this new baby is going to somehow overshadow my son. I hope I am strong enough not to do that. I hope this new scar vanishes also and I can say I just have great skin or something. That would be much easier then feeling like I lost a piece of my son for a new replacement baby. Moms of two kids, how do you do it? How do you love them both the same. How do you keep the older one from getting jealous? Do you make sure to spend alone time with them both, so the older one knows you haven't forgotten? And how on earth, is it possible to have two kids and still remember your husband?

DUMBASS MOMENT OF THE DAY

SO I'M TYPING UP A MAINTENANCE AGREEMENT FOR THESE PEOPLE AND I HAVE TO PUT THE BELT SIZE. THE BELT SIZE IS A-55 I TYPED A-FF! GOOD JOB DUMBSHIT.


ALSO, I'VE GONE PEE 7 TIMES TODAY AND I'M HEADED TO PEE AGAIN...WAIT, THAT IS 7 TIMES JUST SINCE I GOT TO WORK!

My first craving and I didn't even know

When I was pregnant with Brandon in the very very beginning, before I actually even had a thought I was pregnant I had a craving. GREEN OLIVES. It was so odd, mostly because up until the point where I went to the store and bought a little jar of green olives, I had NEVER even tasted one. Really. How do you crave something you have never tasted? All I knew was that one day I woke up and realized if I didn't have a green olive I was probably going to go crazy and have to be committed with the only possible form of sedative being the green olive I didn't even know I liked yet. Since I had so much trouble trying to conceive I never for a moment thought I might be pregnant. I just thought maybe my body was changing and wanted this new food. When I finally found out I was pregnant it all made sense. The craving didn't last long as the morning, scratch that, all day sickness set in soon and unless you were a bagel, specifically from a bagel shop and ONLY with bagel shop cream cheese, I wanted nothing to do with you.

Well about 3 weeks ago I was riding around with my cousin and we were laughing about that. She thought it was hilarious I would crave something I had never tasted. I told her I had been recently having this very major craving. I was craving pickles. I hate pickles. I ate a whole jar of pickle halves in a matter of a week. We were laughing at how funny it would be if I turned out pregnant again. Although, in the back on my mind I didn't think it was possible to be pregnant after only a month of trying. It just hit me today, when my mom brought a fresh jar of pickle spears to work, and my eyes lit up so big and bright, hey, this was my first craving. But gosh I hate pickles....mmm pickles...I think I will go have one now!

Finding out I'm going to be a mom Again

Rob and I secretly made the decision pretty recently that we were going to try to start having a second baby. It has only been about two months and I kept thinking maybe I was. I really had nothing to base it on besides the fact that Rob and I had been having tons of sex. I was also being a teensy bit emotional. Wednesday last week I started getting really big sleepy bugs in my eyes. By friday I woke up with my eyes crusted shut. I've never had an eye infection or anything so I went to the doctor right away because I had no idea what to expect. The doctor gave me some drops and a prescription. When she gave me the prescription she said it would be a good idea to use condoms for a month. I asked her if I should worry since my last period was 4 weeks ago. She said if I wanted I could take a pregnancy test to be sure and then ask my OBGYN if the medicine was okay. I let Rob know and we dropped off the prescriptions at Rite Aid. We went and spent HOURS looking for a dress to wear to the wedding we were attending the next day. We finally made it to Rite aid and I just bought the cheapest test I could find which was an EPT. I guess Rob had forgotten I had to take a test so he went and got on the phone to a friend. I had to pee majorly bad so I ran in and went. I peed and then looked at the stick and thought I should just throw it away since it was a waste of time. Then all the sudden the horizontal line showed up and I knew it was negative. But then, this odd little vertical line kind of seemed to appear. I didn't really believe it so I stared at it some more and then thought, maybe I should get a second opinion. I walked out to Rob in nothing but underwear holding a test in my hand and he looks up from his phone calls and mouths "are you pregnant?" I was like SHRUG I can't tell, you look. He got off the phone right away and looked and said, well your sure not, not pregnant. So he ran and got another test and same results. So they both looked the same. Like I was only sort of pregnant. We did the math and realized I would only be about 3-4 weeks pregnant at the most so it was probably just a very faint positive. I went to the doctor on monday and they confirmed it. I'm so happy because this time I haven't had any morning sickness YET!

Sorry back had to knock on some wood. When I was pregnant with Brandon I got car sick immediately just driving 30 feet down the road. This time I made it all the way to California and back. There are some other huge differences. With Brandon, I craved salt so much I would pour it on chips and then lick it off. This time all I can do is think of sugar. I'm also much more emotional this time, but at the same time I'm more positive about it.

I get to go back to the doctor April 17th for my first official ultrasound and what not. Woooo I'm pretty excited about it all!

uggg

I'm slowly remembering things from my previous pregnancy....

Like my uncontrollable drooling while I'm sleeping. So bad that I have to put a few tissues or a towel on my pillow to avoid waking up from the wet spot on my bed.

Sigh!!!!!!

PREGNANCY ADDENDUM

My butt head cousin seems to think that I should make some sort of Pregnancy addendum post on here letting you know that my previous post wishing death to all those who asked me to go get ice cream and candy is now Null and Void.

Exceptions: I will still only eat frozen yogurt or low calorie ice cream.

Fine print: I don't actually want chocolate every day, and now that I am pregnant this means that if you bring chocolate you will be responsible for helping me exercise it off in some way, immediately there after.

Rewards: You get no rewards besides the privilege of hanging out with me and my incredible moody pregnant ass.

Cancellation: Failure to provide adequate exercise will cause all niceness benefits to cease immediately and I will go "Pregnant Road Rage Shannon" On your ass.

Exclusions: I am also being money greedy which there for means said ice cream dates can not cost more then 3.00 per trip not more then once a week.

Finance charges: Friends who do show up with out chocolate will be charged a finance charge of one and a half chocolate bars or a home made chocolate treat, which ever value is greater!

Random thought of the second

WHY IN THE FUCK DO I NOT OWN A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN? WITH CHOCOLATE IN IT? FLOWING RIGHT INTO MY MOUTH? HUH? WHY HAS NO ONE GOTTEN ME ONE OF THESE YET, YOU BIG BUNCH OF WHORES? AND WHY O WHY HAS NO ONE BROUGHT ME CHOCOLATE SINCE FINDING OUT I WAS PREGNANT? DO MY FRIENDS HATE ME?

Random thought of the day

Don't you hate it, when you go pee, and you stand up and realize, you still have to pee?


Disclaimer: This random thought may be pregnancy induced.

Two babies

I mentioned briefly on here that I am pregnant. This means another baby. What I didn't mention is that I'm secretly freaking out because my first baby is, well, STILL A BABY. He still has these skinny legs and knobby knees and tiny arms. I am finding it so hard to understand that soon he won't be the baby anymore, instead he will be moved up to big brother. At least he will hold the title of first born.

I am so shocked to even be pregnant. I think I am so shocked I haven't really accepted it all yet and had a chance to get fully excited about it. Rob and I were trying, this was something we wanted, I guess I just never expected my body to make it happen after only two months. I think I was more prepared for for another long drawn out "trying" phase. I guess I expected a bunch more trips to the fertility doctor, and watching everyone else around me get pregnant. I also thought since i had so much time I didn't even need to address the fact that my little boy is still a teeny baby himself.

There are other things on my mind.
Like how am I seriously supposed to get my son out of my bed in time for the new baby? He has a bed, and when he isn't sick (which is every day) he sleeps in there for a few hours.

Also, will one crying baby wake up a sleeping baby?

Will Brandon really beat on his new sibling?

How do I make it a girl?

Will my boobs get big again? They are now little tiny pancakes. More like deflated balloons that are squishy like they are full of pudding and a mixture of cottage cheese and stretch marks.

Is it possible to maintain a healthy lifestyle? I've only known I was pregnant for 4 days and I'm already sad I left the highly processed bright yellow spicy cheese dip at home. Instead opting for the healthy hummus and celery.

How long will I be able to balance on my bicycle?

If pregnancy gives you baby brains and parenting gives you mommy brains then what the fuck is going to be left of my brains?