DUMBASS MOMENT OF THE DAY

SO I'M TYPING UP A MAINTENANCE AGREEMENT FOR THESE PEOPLE AND I HAVE TO PUT THE BELT SIZE. THE BELT SIZE IS A-55 I TYPED A-FF! GOOD JOB DUMBSHIT.


ALSO, I'VE GONE PEE 7 TIMES TODAY AND I'M HEADED TO PEE AGAIN...WAIT, THAT IS 7 TIMES JUST SINCE I GOT TO WORK!

My first craving and I didn't even know

When I was pregnant with Brandon in the very very beginning, before I actually even had a thought I was pregnant I had a craving. GREEN OLIVES. It was so odd, mostly because up until the point where I went to the store and bought a little jar of green olives, I had NEVER even tasted one. Really. How do you crave something you have never tasted? All I knew was that one day I woke up and realized if I didn't have a green olive I was probably going to go crazy and have to be committed with the only possible form of sedative being the green olive I didn't even know I liked yet. Since I had so much trouble trying to conceive I never for a moment thought I might be pregnant. I just thought maybe my body was changing and wanted this new food. When I finally found out I was pregnant it all made sense. The craving didn't last long as the morning, scratch that, all day sickness set in soon and unless you were a bagel, specifically from a bagel shop and ONLY with bagel shop cream cheese, I wanted nothing to do with you.

Well about 3 weeks ago I was riding around with my cousin and we were laughing about that. She thought it was hilarious I would crave something I had never tasted. I told her I had been recently having this very major craving. I was craving pickles. I hate pickles. I ate a whole jar of pickle halves in a matter of a week. We were laughing at how funny it would be if I turned out pregnant again. Although, in the back on my mind I didn't think it was possible to be pregnant after only a month of trying. It just hit me today, when my mom brought a fresh jar of pickle spears to work, and my eyes lit up so big and bright, hey, this was my first craving. But gosh I hate pickles....mmm pickles...I think I will go have one now!

Finding out I'm going to be a mom Again

Rob and I secretly made the decision pretty recently that we were going to try to start having a second baby. It has only been about two months and I kept thinking maybe I was. I really had nothing to base it on besides the fact that Rob and I had been having tons of sex. I was also being a teensy bit emotional. Wednesday last week I started getting really big sleepy bugs in my eyes. By friday I woke up with my eyes crusted shut. I've never had an eye infection or anything so I went to the doctor right away because I had no idea what to expect. The doctor gave me some drops and a prescription. When she gave me the prescription she said it would be a good idea to use condoms for a month. I asked her if I should worry since my last period was 4 weeks ago. She said if I wanted I could take a pregnancy test to be sure and then ask my OBGYN if the medicine was okay. I let Rob know and we dropped off the prescriptions at Rite Aid. We went and spent HOURS looking for a dress to wear to the wedding we were attending the next day. We finally made it to Rite aid and I just bought the cheapest test I could find which was an EPT. I guess Rob had forgotten I had to take a test so he went and got on the phone to a friend. I had to pee majorly bad so I ran in and went. I peed and then looked at the stick and thought I should just throw it away since it was a waste of time. Then all the sudden the horizontal line showed up and I knew it was negative. But then, this odd little vertical line kind of seemed to appear. I didn't really believe it so I stared at it some more and then thought, maybe I should get a second opinion. I walked out to Rob in nothing but underwear holding a test in my hand and he looks up from his phone calls and mouths "are you pregnant?" I was like SHRUG I can't tell, you look. He got off the phone right away and looked and said, well your sure not, not pregnant. So he ran and got another test and same results. So they both looked the same. Like I was only sort of pregnant. We did the math and realized I would only be about 3-4 weeks pregnant at the most so it was probably just a very faint positive. I went to the doctor on monday and they confirmed it. I'm so happy because this time I haven't had any morning sickness YET!

Sorry back had to knock on some wood. When I was pregnant with Brandon I got car sick immediately just driving 30 feet down the road. This time I made it all the way to California and back. There are some other huge differences. With Brandon, I craved salt so much I would pour it on chips and then lick it off. This time all I can do is think of sugar. I'm also much more emotional this time, but at the same time I'm more positive about it.

I get to go back to the doctor April 17th for my first official ultrasound and what not. Woooo I'm pretty excited about it all!

uggg

I'm slowly remembering things from my previous pregnancy....

Like my uncontrollable drooling while I'm sleeping. So bad that I have to put a few tissues or a towel on my pillow to avoid waking up from the wet spot on my bed.

Sigh!!!!!!

PREGNANCY ADDENDUM

My butt head cousin seems to think that I should make some sort of Pregnancy addendum post on here letting you know that my previous post wishing death to all those who asked me to go get ice cream and candy is now Null and Void.

Exceptions: I will still only eat frozen yogurt or low calorie ice cream.

Fine print: I don't actually want chocolate every day, and now that I am pregnant this means that if you bring chocolate you will be responsible for helping me exercise it off in some way, immediately there after.

Rewards: You get no rewards besides the privilege of hanging out with me and my incredible moody pregnant ass.

Cancellation: Failure to provide adequate exercise will cause all niceness benefits to cease immediately and I will go "Pregnant Road Rage Shannon" On your ass.

Exclusions: I am also being money greedy which there for means said ice cream dates can not cost more then 3.00 per trip not more then once a week.

Finance charges: Friends who do show up with out chocolate will be charged a finance charge of one and a half chocolate bars or a home made chocolate treat, which ever value is greater!

Random thought of the second

WHY IN THE FUCK DO I NOT OWN A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN? WITH CHOCOLATE IN IT? FLOWING RIGHT INTO MY MOUTH? HUH? WHY HAS NO ONE GOTTEN ME ONE OF THESE YET, YOU BIG BUNCH OF WHORES? AND WHY O WHY HAS NO ONE BROUGHT ME CHOCOLATE SINCE FINDING OUT I WAS PREGNANT? DO MY FRIENDS HATE ME?

Random thought of the day

Don't you hate it, when you go pee, and you stand up and realize, you still have to pee?


Disclaimer: This random thought may be pregnancy induced.

Two babies

I mentioned briefly on here that I am pregnant. This means another baby. What I didn't mention is that I'm secretly freaking out because my first baby is, well, STILL A BABY. He still has these skinny legs and knobby knees and tiny arms. I am finding it so hard to understand that soon he won't be the baby anymore, instead he will be moved up to big brother. At least he will hold the title of first born.

I am so shocked to even be pregnant. I think I am so shocked I haven't really accepted it all yet and had a chance to get fully excited about it. Rob and I were trying, this was something we wanted, I guess I just never expected my body to make it happen after only two months. I think I was more prepared for for another long drawn out "trying" phase. I guess I expected a bunch more trips to the fertility doctor, and watching everyone else around me get pregnant. I also thought since i had so much time I didn't even need to address the fact that my little boy is still a teeny baby himself.

There are other things on my mind.
Like how am I seriously supposed to get my son out of my bed in time for the new baby? He has a bed, and when he isn't sick (which is every day) he sleeps in there for a few hours.

Also, will one crying baby wake up a sleeping baby?

Will Brandon really beat on his new sibling?

How do I make it a girl?

Will my boobs get big again? They are now little tiny pancakes. More like deflated balloons that are squishy like they are full of pudding and a mixture of cottage cheese and stretch marks.

Is it possible to maintain a healthy lifestyle? I've only known I was pregnant for 4 days and I'm already sad I left the highly processed bright yellow spicy cheese dip at home. Instead opting for the healthy hummus and celery.

How long will I be able to balance on my bicycle?

If pregnancy gives you baby brains and parenting gives you mommy brains then what the fuck is going to be left of my brains?

Comic Relief

A conversation with Steph

Me: Hey whatch doing
Steph: Going to the mall
Me: Have you checked your email lately?
Steoh: No
Me: go check it
Steph: I will when I get home
Me: Okay whatever, I’m in Cali today….Oh fuck it, I’m just going to tell you I’m pregnant
Steph: WHAT
Me: Yeah
Steph: OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS??????????????????????
Me: Yeah
Steph: (now shouting) OH MY GOD WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY (notice I said WE, yes she actually said WE are going to have a baby, I was already giggling so hard I could barely form sentences to her)
Me: Your silly
Steph: THIS IS SO EXCITING OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I AM FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW, ARE YOU SERIOUS, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
(at this point Stephs voice is rising and she is saying oh my God so frantically I picture her outside of her car running around in circles not sure which direction to go, in fact, I start to get worried that she might wreck her car as she is driving)
Me: Yeah I just found out
Steph: Oh my God I get to rub your belly, this is going to be so much fun Oh my God wait till we find out the sex can you just imagine how excited I’m going to be that day Oh my god I’m freaking out right now this is so exciting. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD (At this point I think she might actually be hyperventilating or having and asthma attack she is so excited, really she was behaving as though someone just told her she won a bajillion dollars tax free every year for the rest of her life)
Me: You are cracking me up
Steph: Well this is just so exciting. I mean I knew you said you were trying but I thought gosh their only trying this could take a year, this sucks, and now your pregnant and I’m just so excited. (She now sounds like those people in the Dairy Queen flame thrower commercial who are afraid to exhale for fear fire will come out of their mouth….only with Steph I think if she exhaled confetti would come bursting out of her.)
Me: Okay we are at Robs moms work we are going to tell her.

Later I get a message from Steph about how excited she is. I picture her at home probably doing cartwheels and jumping around like that girl in the tampon commercial showing us how flexible she can be in her super tampon. In fact, if I didn’t know better I would think that Stephanie sprouted wings and began to fly at that moment. This has by far been the best response I’ve gotten combined for both pregnancies.

Settling

Settling

A long time ago a friend and I were talking about settling. We were discussing how we had some friends who we felt settled in their relationship. A lot of it we felt was because, for whatever reason, they thought they wouldn’t be able to find anyone else to love if they left who they were with. I pondered on this thought for the longest time. Pleased with myself knowing that I hadn’t settled. I don’t want to come off as a conceited fuck head, but I’ve always known I could easily find another guy, even when I was a Phatso…it’s some kind of charisma about me that kind of makes guys swoon all over me. Back to the point. I thought about this all more and realized that there actually were points in my life that I had settled. I also realized there are so many different ways one can cling to something for fear of what else might be out there.

For me personally for a very long time I had settled into bad friendships. The biggest one was Shanna. I settled mostly because I feared what would happen if I finally told her I didn’t like who she was. I feared the shit stirring among our friends, the gossip, the enemies I would make and so on. I never realized that I would actually make so many amazing friends by ridding myself of her. I know I have settled in the past in smaller relationships but I can’t really think of many other times I have actually conceded and just given in.

I think most of you would argue that I have settled with my job, but, alas, that is untrue. I have a very good thing going on with my job. Lets really look at it. I am salary, I can do anything I want, and take time off at a moments notice. I bring my son to work every day and my office is even half converted into a toddler room. I can be late, or off early and for the most part no one says anything. If I need money I just ask and it is there. I have a full kitchen so I can enjoy great meals. I am often taken to lunch and even breakfast. There is a futon so if I feel like a mid day nap I can do that. Hmmmm so, sounds like I have a pretty good set up there huh?

However. There are some people in my life who I feel have greatly settled. The hardest part of that is biting your tongue and not saying anything to them. There is one person I am brave enough to tell, and this is only because I know she understands I’m only writing about this because I really love her. This is Steph. I have to be honest, I feel like a lot of her current friendships could be re-evaluated. I realize the two people I am mainly discussing are actually her best friends, but I must say from the 35 minutes I spent with them recently I would strongly reconsider their place in my life. Being the sober person in the situation and, a self described VERY OBSERVANT person I was appalled at what I saw. These friends were not warm and inviting to the new people in Stephs life. They grouped together and told secrets. They spoke of Stephanie as if she were their child and not their friend. When they brought up her nose ring, it reminded me of being in high school when friends used to get mad if you copied them. I was astonished the first words these girls spoke to me were negative against Stephs character. These girls continued to be negative the whole night. In fact almost the entire group was terribly negative. It was like sitting at a table with 5 Shanna’s and 3 Shanna guys. I have never felt so unwelcome in my life. I started to think of my friends, and Robs friends and how inviting they are. How they are always hoping for someone else to join the party. How their response would have been “Rob, we love this guy,” and not, “ I can’t believe Steph pierced her nose because you did!” I realized had I been hanging out with Steph and someone else had joined the party, both Steph and I would have been so welcoming and kind. I suddenly realized that Stephanie is like this one amazing person stuck in a group of pretty sorry friends. There have been so many more stories she has told me and each time I think to myself, wow, this girl is stuck in a friendship like I was with Shanna, only this time there is two of them. I don’t write about this to be mean to Steph, I write about it because even though I have only known her a short time I have already grown to love her. My own friends trusted my judgment and accepted her into our group. When we went out the other night, it ended with hugs and laughs, and not snotty looks. I guess when it comes down to it, I keep watching my friend who has this amazing capacity to want to please people, continually get shit on. My only hope is that her friends can straighten up and start to love and support the way a good friend does. Its odd that I already feel so protective over a person I’ve only been friends with a short time. Maybe that’s why we work so well, I’m a nurturer by nature and Steph is defiantly in need of some nurturing. Not to mention she has already been an amazing friend and I can’t wait to see how excited she gets with me during this pregnancy.


I went off track again. Back to the subject of people being stuck. I don’t think in my own close circle of friends I have anyone who has settled for fear of doing better, but I defiantly know a few of these people. I do feel like there are a couple people in my life who stay where they are for the wrong reasons. I hate not being able to scream out I THINK YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE! I thought friends were allowed to do that, but I think I am still so afraid of how people react that for the most part I bite my tongue.

What is the proper etiquette for this? Is the right thing really to just stand around and watch your friends make huge mistakes and be unhappy? I know if my friends really thought I was fucking up I would want them to tell me. Maybe I wouldn’t head their advice but I know by eyes would be a lot more open to my own fate. Maybe we all just need to be open and willing to hear what the people closest to us are saying. Because I know as many times as ginger warned me about Shanna I just laughed it off. Now, if someone were to come to me and talk to me I would like to think I would hear it all so much different, because I’m in a place now where all I really want for me is what is best for me and my family. In the end my friends are now my family and I want to finally be in a place where we can all be happy and be together. I hope that I have done a better job picking friends now so that if I ever feel like I need a girls night or something I can invite all of my friends and know, they will all come, because we are all family.

I hope some of you out there who are reading this and wondering if you have settled, in your friendships or relationships, or job are starting to see that it is possible to break away and start over. I broke out of a locked down friendship and I feel like I’ve done nothing but flourish since then. I encourage all of you to break free of your chains and burdens and finally spread your wings as far as they will stretch. Get rid of the people who rather then fly along with you, have merely trapped you under their own wings. Its okay to let go and stop being their support. Be your own support now. Sail your own ship, fly your own plain and be the writer of your own life now. Now one can help you choose your own adventure, BUT YOU!