An essay titled "Why I want to live in a bubble with my children and husband"

LOCATED TWO FEET FROM MY CHILDRENS TOY BOX!

But I love him

A while ago Swistle started this hilarious recount of her old diary's. We have all left comments about how we wish we had our old diary's too. Well, I DO! I have all 10 of them. In fact I have diary's from about 4th grade all the way up until I married my husband. And then I basically started blogging. I thought it might be fun to post some of my old stuff like her. I liked this idea for a couple reasons, One of them is that then no one could assume anything I was writing was bashing them, about them, revolving around them, directed toward them or hinting at them because it was written like 13 years ago and man, if you think my diary posts from 7th grade are some how subliminaly directed toward you, well you've got problems. I also thought it would be funny because a lot of my friends read my blog so they will know the guys I talk about in these entries and since that also means they know what the guy looked like, well then for them it is extra funny.

I haven't written much lately simply because I was sick of hearing that everyone thought I was secretly talking about them. It got old over thinking every word wondering if someone could read into it. It is funny, I even posted something on the Tummy Tuck blog the other day where I said I would not jump on the bandwagon and do the 30 Day Shred because personally I don't like it. I was sitting on the couch last night chatting with my cousin when it occurred to both of us that at least one person out there was going to assume I was talking about/bashing/making fun of them. I know about ten people doing the Shred right now so clearly I must have been talking about all ten of them right? In fact I was simply mentioning that I personally did not want to do it. So I did something unlike me, I went back and wrote a new post making sure that everyone knew that I have nothing against the Shred and that if any of my dieting friends out there wanted to do it they should. Inevitably I'm sure someone out there is still so vein they will assume I'm bashing them now, in these very words, which is why I've decided to start posting up diary entries for a while. So maybe everyone can just go ahead and move on and stop wasting so much fucking time reading between lines that aren't there.

With out further ado I present my first diary entry which is MORTIFYING because it seems that I LOVE EVERYONE! This was all during the time where I didn't believe in dating my pages or starting new pages for each entry. So some entries blend into each other, and some I can only tell apart if I switched pens or writing styles. I also used to write five or six times in one day because I had my own phone line so my dating status was changing as often as my phone could ring.

"Jeff asked me out so I'm happy. Scott is mad at me but Tom isn't so I'm real happy isn't that cool. I want to kiss him so bad so tomorrow I'm going to hug him."

I should mention that at this point I was not kissing boys. In fact there is an entire 300 pages before this dedicated to the fact that one boy would not date me because I didn't kiss him the last time we hung out and if I had just kissed him we would totally be together. Up until now I had only kissed one boy, one time and I totally fucked it up*. You also need to know that Scott and Tom are mega reoccuring themes in my journal because I totally LOVED them for about 400 years!

"Wuz up? Not much here. Today wuz so awesome I can't help but brag ________ is so pissed off at me and Jeff and so its like awesome and were really in love."

"Hello wuz up? nnothing much here. So I'm going out with Jeff but I really like Seth and Scott and Tom. They are just friends now and Billy is finally gone forever. I hate this it is just not fair. I totally need Billy to live but he is gone. I will always remember him as my first kiss*. Billy I really love you and want you to love me so please come back because I need you very badly."

In case your confused, yes I'm still dating Jeff and no I still haven't kissed more then one boy. Billy wasn't gone gone like moved, we were fighting, and don't you love how I embarrasingly croon away to Billy as if he is going to magically pick up my diary and read it and come running back to me? Also, I don't rememer who Seth is in the above entry.

"Hello tomorrow I'm goign to give Jeff a kiss when I see him. Cool we are going to computers next and i want to sit with him and you know become real close with him and last a long time."

"Tomorrow I am for sure going to kiss him"

"Jeff really likes me I'm so happy. I love Jeff so much he says we will last for a year that would be so perfect."

"I'm in love with Jay and Tom they are so awesome. Oh I dumped Jeff cool I'm free. I need a real boyfriend that is awesome and nice and cool and not prude so I guess that eliminates all the rest."

Poor Jeff. We only went out one week. He was way to dorky for me though. I would post a picture of him, but he is so dorky I think it would be kind of mean for him. Did you like how one moment we were totally lasting a year and then I'm like oh yeah I dumped Jeff. I was such a sweet heart huh. Also after all that I still never kissed him.

And finally you get this.

"I love Jay but I like that oy Mike in eighth grade and Andy but mom would kill me for being with him cause he hangs with Tom H. so that sucks. I'll probably end up with Mike so I'll love that. "

"Okay he likes me but is going out with Katie T. so if they break up I'll be there for him if he needs it cause I really truly love him unlike Katie. She jsut want a guy unlike me, I want love and him.

It's for sure, he's fallen into my trap and he loves me for sure. Hes written me notes even from his house witch means he thinks about me. I'm so stoked.

Well me and Mike are going out with each other and we went to a movie and he hugged me through the whole thing. Details tonight.

Were going out and its so bad (bad in a good way) we went to the movies and he put his arm around me and held me and squeezed me. Bye the end of the movie he had both arms around me and was hugging me and holding both of my hands."

Stay tuned to next time for the coolest scanned diary entry image every known. We will also discover how long Mike and I date and find out what cool new presents I got that week. And also, what exactly was my boyfriend doing with his little sisters baby sitter?

Food

I call this what in the fuck do I make for dinner tonight. It turned out terrific.

A quick what the fuck

I'm looking for some stuff to set up my new office. I need some file folders and a couple boxes for the top of my desk. Of course I'm going to go somewhere cheap like TJ Maxx and see what I can find. However first I checked out my lover Target. I go into office supplies and discover this:

Elephant Poo Poo Paper Stationery Set - Burgundy$14.99

Let's read a little farther shall we:
• This eco-friendly product features paper made from recycled elephant waste fibers
• Includes an informational pamphlet on elephants and the making of this product
• Rectangular Stationery Set
• Features Blank Cards
• Includes 6 Pieces of Paper , 6 Envelopes
• Includes Portfolio

Uh huh. You read right PAPER MADE FROM SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK TARGET!

FINALLY PICTURES

I HAVEN'T HAD INTERNET IN DAYS. WELL I DID PIRATE MY NEIGHBORS A LITTLE BUT IT ONLY WORKED IF I SAT RIGHT THERE----> AND DIDN'T BLINK AT ALL.

SO HERE ARE YOUR FUCKING PICTURES AND HOUSE UPDATE!

Made for each other

Driving home from a baby shower this weekend the following conversation took place:

Me: Babe, you know what I hate about the wood floors
Husband: What's that?
Me: That now, when I pick a booger I can't just flick it on the floor because then I can see the booger or maybe step on it.
Husband: You know, I was just thinking that same thing, the other day I had a booger and I had no idea what to do with it anymore.
Me: See babe, we really were made for each other.

Moving on uppppp to the top

I wanted to take pictures of the house to update the Clusterfuck blog but then we started moving in and it got a little messy so I didn't. Tomorrow I am going to do a quick clean so I can take photos and give you and idea of how fucking amazing this place is. Seriously. You can't even understand where I'm living. The colors came together just right and the rooms and the accessories and the hardwood floors, well I'm just saying WHERE HAVE THESE FLOORS BEEN ALL MY LIFE? Hard wood is different then Pergo too. Especially these because they are old so there is dips and bends and history and it's not just uniform. Some little updates and antics.

Last night my mom and I were on a rampage for curtains. As a last ditch effort we went to bed bath and beyond. That happens to be located next to World Market. While we wandered around World Market we noticed this beautiful dining room table. We also noticed it was solid wood with two leaves, can seat ten and WAS ONLY $399.00 FOR THE TABLE AND FOUR CHAIRS. Now! You're probably wondering why we needed a table. Well! When I was young my parents bought me a house. Since I was a child and obviously in a drinking party phase we bought a lot of cheap furniture for me. One of those things was a table. Since I was young I didn't understand why you needed trivets when you put hot stuff on the table. Over the last seven years my table has acquired the nicest little family of hot spots a table ever did see. When we moved my dad offered to sand my table and re varnish it. Only problem is half way through we discovered my table was really veneer under the wood and now we couldn't put the honey Polyurethane on it because you could now see veneers. So he then attempted to paint it. But, since it was cheap all the flaws in the wood veneer came out. Needless to say the whole thing turned to shit and I reallllly needed a table. I hemmed and hawed about it, and left the table at the store. This morning I looked at my little 4 person fucked up table and sent my husband to the store to get a new table with 6 chairs. They over charged him though. Turns out the sale sign expired on September 21st and they forgot to remove the sign. Luckily they were nice and they honored it and gave us back the money. Turns out the table alone was originally $900.00 and I got a table and 6 chairs for $520.00. Score huh?

My mom watched Codi today for a long time. We unpacked and hit up a baby shower. After that my friend came over with her kid. Her baby started screaming and the next thing I know my boobs turned to rocks and I had to go dig out breast pads before I leaked all over the house. I find this funny because I had just put the brand new box of breast pads in the garage sale box because, "I don't even leak anymore." Oops

This house has crazy water pressure. Ask me how many times I've turned on the sink put my hands in the water and shot my whole shirt with water.

My husband is going to kill me right now because I've started all that "no just a little more to the left, just an inch to the right."

All of our food is still at the old house in the old refrigerator. So we have our pantry stocked and moved but as far as the rest of the food, well we have butter, creamer, ranch, and umm oh milk. We are eating like kings here. Jack in the Box, Taco Bell and Papa Murpheys. Yeah we are doing good. Last week we made some pasta and I made too much. I had some left in the fridge, just the bare noodles. The other night I was so hard up for dinner I put pasta, olive oil and garlic powder together and called it dinner.

I have a list taller then me of shit I need too. Not want NEED! Stuff like anti slip things for the tables and beds. Or felt things to put on the bottom of the chairs so they don't scratch the floors. I need lamps. I have no bedroom lamps or living room lamps. I need a damn end table. It is driving me bat shit crazy the stupid little things I need.

Anyway, I'm going to clean the house up and move some boxes around tomorrow so at least I can take some semi presentable pictures for y'all. You will be stunned at the change. I plan to also take video of the house so you can see how it all flows better then pictures. Along with that I will do room by room before during and after photos.

Coming soon we will talk about spiders. The massive amount of spiders we have here. Short furry quick ones, small ones with legs like needles, black widows, scary ones, odd ones, and spiders that disappear just when you try and smoosh them. We'll talk about how I found a spider in Brandon's little car he drives, right above where he would put his leg. He never would have known or seen it.

Insurance is reimbursing me for most of my loss too. They are depreciating it all, then after I buy the stuff again they will pay me the difference when I provide receipts. It's taking forever though. I haven't paid my bills in like two weeks because I don't have a desk, or computer or BRAIN!

There have been about 40 funny things that happened this week that I really should have blogged. I just haven't had much time to sit down and blog it all.

Anyway thank you for putting up with my lack of blogging lately. I appreciate it. You are all the best!

Tiddly bits!

If you want to read more about my cousin running away, GO HERE!

Next! I've mentioned a few times that my husband has a hot sauce habit. I've always wanted to capture this on film but never had the chance. Now that I have my handy iPhone that takes such great pictures I was finally able to snap a picture.

Presenting to you, my husbands Mexican Pizza from Taco Bell and his 9580847808 sauces (and his middle finger).

Would you even believe there was a pizza under there? 7 years I've been with this guy and it still makes me giggle every damn time.

I bought new couches today. Well okay used ones from Craigslist. They are from Macys, down cushions with beautiful slip covers. Only one problem, the guy who owned them smoked. Not a little smoke A LOT OF SMOKE. We are having the couch base steam cleaned by the carpet guy and the coveres dry cleaned and we are going to see if they can dry clean the cushions. However I'm sure there will still be some lingering smell. SO! Bloggy world who has the best suggestion for covering that smell until they air out enough.

Also the couches are white. We want to have them dyed. Do you have any idea who dyes slip covers? Do you call upholstery people or dry cleaners or who??????

In other news because of the piece of shit robbers breaking the glass in my room and the cops and people walking all over my clothes it was decided they all needed to be washed. Plus I needed to wash my sheets, Codi's, Brandon's and the spare beds sheets and blankets also. Plus all the towels were due and some other random things. Finally I gave up and said we are going to the laundry mat. My mom came with me and so did Ginger. Ya'll my mom is a laundry mat maven. She was commandeering those washers like nobody's business. She had shit in the dryer before Ginger and I could even say fabric softener. This meant we had a lot of clothes to fold too which meant Ginger had a lot of time to watch the kids.


Shockingly she did not even lose any (see above link)!!!!

We have been staying at my mom and dads through all this and there are some things that drive me nuts. My mom has no spoons. Seriously she has like one. Well one normal spoon and then 15 loooooong ice cream type teaspoons (you know the milkshake ones). It makes me insane I love spoons. They are my favorite utensil. Spoons for coffee, and cereal, and soup and ICE CREAM! The other thing making me crazy is I HAVE NO CLOTHES. As I mentioned all my shit had to be washed. The stuff that wasn't trashed in the breakin was tiny skirts, or pants that were too big or too small and all of my long sleeve shirts. I grabbed some stuff the first night and then everything else was packed. Soo since last Monday I've lived with one pair of sweats, a pair of jammie pants, a pair of yoga pants, a pair of jeans, one pair of socks, 3 undies, 1 bra and finally two shirts. One dressy white one that I keep getting dirty and one normal tank top. Ya'll I need more clothes.

I'm mega embarressed to admit my love for America's Next Top Model. This means I have to admit how devistated I am that I wasn't able to watch last weeks big make over show. Uggg! Someone tell me just how good it was.

I'm thrilled Dan won Big Brother also. Thrilled. I love that he played so well and won.

The song playing on my blog is from a cd my mom gave me when I moved out. I love it, and it reminds me of all the chaos in my life now. You will notice I don't play a lot of new stuff on my blog. I do like new music but honestly I prefer the older stuff. I love my moms music and I love a lot of the music from middle school and back in the day. Seriously I love to rock out to some Offspring! I haven't posted it yet simpy because I worry it might be a little loud for those of you opening my bog at work.

I haven't been blogging much because things are pretty crazy here but I didn't want to stay MIA for too long. SO. There you have it, a few things in my life from the week. Later skaters!

Chaos!

Things are fucking crazy lately. With the break in, the attempted move, and fucking 15 year old kids running away! I will take some pics of the house tonight so you can see the progress we have made. The way it's looking we can possibly move in by this weekend, but I won't hold my breath since we are now dealing with the above mentioned 15 year olds bullshit!

My neighbor lady is really nice and very crafty and has agreed to do both the boys rooms for me. Brandons room will have a full wall shelf with old fishing paraphernalia on it. Thing old rods and reals, nets, tackle boxes and so on. Also a shadow box with different fishing lures. Codi's room will follow his same antique truck and star routine. She is creating some giant light up star night light thingy to go above his crib with nothing but plywood and Christmas lights.

We just purchased some awesome used slip cover couches for the main living room off Craigslist. Our game room is going for a FULL OF BOXES, NO GAMES BECAUSE THEY ALL GOT STOLEN kind of look. It's all the rage.

Heard from insurance today. He was putting in our claim and would get back to me midweek on what, if anything would be reimburresed and refunded and so on. I love waiting. Haven't balanced my checkbook in over a week because it's all so chaotic right now.

Sigh.

I'll post pics tonight if my brain remembers!

HE REALLY REALLY HATES THE HALLOWEEN STORE!