PHATSO PHOTOS WEEK 21ISH now with more cottage cheese and pasteyness

Now this is some serious jelly. Sorry for the booty shorts...they actually made my thighs look less fat, if thats possible.

See these pants make me look like a giant asshole..

My sorry excuse for a bathing suit.

Welcome to my home

So earlier in the week you got to see Brandons room. I figure hey why not show you my whole house!

ENTRY TO MY HOUSE

LIVING ROOM DINING ROOM

KITCHEN....I HEART MY KITCHENAID AND WUSTHOFS

OTHER SIDE OF LIVING ROOM (ELMO BALLOON IS A PERMANENT FIXTURE NOW)

LEFT SIDE OF LIVING ROOM ALL MY PRETTY FRAMES

OUTSIDE OF MY ENTRY WAY..THAT WAS WHAT WE USED AT OUR WEDDING INSTEAD OF A GUEST BOOK. THEN YOU HAVE BRANDONS SCAPBOOKS, AND HIS HAND AND FOOT PRINT

BRANDONS BATHROOM

MORE OF HIS BATHROOM

OUR BEDROOM (COMPLETE WITH TABLECLOTHS FOR CURTAINS) (HEY SHUT UP THEY MATCHED MY COLOR SCHEME AND YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT MATCHING)

OUR BEDROOM IS OPEN TO OUR BATHROOM (SORTA THERE IS AN OPEN ARCH THINGY) NOTICE THE BATHROOM COLORS ACCENT THE COLORS OF MY BED AND CURTAINS)

THIS IS A LITTLE NOOK THINGY THAT WE WEREN'T SURE WHAT TO DO WITH, SO WE PUT OUR WEDDING ALBUM, MY SHRIVELED BOUQUET, GARTER, AND THE FAVORS FROM OUR WEDDING.

ENTRANCE INTO MY KITCHEN. I USED CHALK BOARD PAINT. THOSE ARE THE HOUSE RULED THERE, THE JUST OF IT IS, OPEN YOUR OWN BEER AND YOU DRINK!

A BLANK WALL IN MY HOUSE SO I PAINTED THOSE LETTERS AND STUCK THAT UP

In all my glory. A.K.A. Phatso Photos week 22ish (now with more white belly)

I don't know what in the hell provoked me to post this shit hole of a picture. But here I am in all my glory. This is how your 21ish week belly looks after being on bed rest and gaining uncalled for amounts of weight! I'm about sick of the weight gaining people but I'm not allowed to do shit about it because you know, the whole NO ACTIVITY SHIT!
You know you love my paistey whiteness and no bra sagging titties! Oh yeah I'm one hell of a sexy mammajamma!

I am not a smart woman

What exactly was I thinking when I taught Brandon how to tickle????? I'm a dumb shit!

To help you understand

Okay I didn't clean it all up or hide all the ugly non matching stuff but this gives you an idea.
That B is painted to match the bottom color of the wall. It also matches the cream on the bedding, the trash that was painted to match, the dream wording, and so on.

Seee. I actually painted the damn trash can. The shelving was done to match the crib and changing table. (Brandon is actually getting new dressers that are blue, and his bed will be painted to match BECAUSE SHIT HAS TO MATCH PEOPLE) the hamper, curtains and bedding match. Even the blanket he came home in matches. You may not be able to tell, but every frame matches also.

Close up of his blanket and his stupid letters I stupid painted to match the damn wall.

Close up of his little bedding set. It is called Vintage Fire Truck by Wendy Bellissimo. If you pay close attention all the baskets in his room match this set specifically, even the ones hiding in his closet. Notice, his colors, are blue, cream, green and red. I've more or less ignored the brown. When Codi comes, the rocker will be moving to Codi's room and Brandon will be getting a new play table to match his room with chairs.

Close up so you can see his fire truck and green bumper.

This is to show his basket, curtains, and lamp all match. Again the frames match. In fact his piggy bank is also blue and red writing on white.

His little book shelf. The calender drives me nuts not matching but we can't find one as awesome as last years.

So now do you understand why it was sooo important for me to have stuff that matches. That can grow and so on? See what I mean, Brandon's stuff was so nice and was able to grow with him. I'm really excited to see it all when he gets his new big boy dresser and his bed gets painted to match! Its going to be awesome!

Ahhhh... I can relax eventually if I whine enough I get what I want

I FOUND IT. THE PERFECT BEDDING. I BOUGHT IT. I'M RELAXED NOW. THIS IS MY STYLE. ITS CODI'S STYLE AND DAMMIT THIS SHIT WAS HARD TO FIND.

WHY THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT SO HARD

THIS POST IS GOING TO BE IN CAPS BECAUSE I'M SO FUCKING ANNOYED. I'M HAVING A MINOR PREGNANCY HISSY FIT BREAK DOWN RIGHT NOW. FUCK! ALL I WANT IS SOME NEW CRIB BEDDING. I HATE IT ALL. I'VE FOUND STUFF THAT I LIKE. I EVEN BOUGHT A SET. ITS OKAY BUT, ITS NOT SPECTACULAR. BRANDON'S SET IS GORGEOUS. ITS A SET THAT NOW AS A TODDLER BED, IS STILL REALLY CUTE. IT WAS A SET THAT AS HE GOT OLDER IT WOULD GROW WITH HIM. THEY DON'T MAKE STUFF LIKE THAT ANYMORE. NOW ITS ALL OH LOOK I'M A BABY AND I'M GOING TO BE 3 AND STILL HAVE BABY BEDDING. AND SINCE THEY MAKE SHIT FOR TODDLER BEDDING I CAN'T EVEN GET BRANDON NEW TODDLER BEDDING AND GIVE CODI BRANDONS OLD CRIB BEDDING. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THAT PERSON THAT SEES WHAT THEY LIKE AND JUST "KNOWS" THIS IS THE ONE FOR ME. WITH BRANDON'S BEDDING THE SECOND I LAID EYES ON IT I KNEW THIS WAS IT. THIS WAS THE BEDDING MEANT FOR MY SON. THE COLORS CAME TOGETHER, THE ACCESSORIES, THE ROOM ALL OF IT. IT WAS PERFECT. THIS TIME AROUND ITS ALL A BUNCH OF SHIT. ITS CHEAP, LOW QUALITY, BABY, GENDER NEUTRAL BULLSHIT. THE PROBLEM IS, I'M ALREADY FEELING LIKE CODI IS AN AFTER THOUGHT TO SOME PEOPLE, SO I DON'T WANT TO GIVE HIM A ROOM THAT WILL JUST "DO" I WANT TO GIVE HIM A ROOM THAT IS SPECTACULAR LIKE BRANDONS. I ALREADY DON'T GET TO PAINT HIS ROOM, SHIT I'M HAVING TO PUT UP THE FIGHT OF ALL FIGHTS TO BE ALLOWED TO GIVE HIM HIS OWN ROOM INSTEAD OF MAKING HIM SHARE A ROOM WITH BRANDON. I FINALLY FOUND A SET I LOVE AND THE MOTHERFUCKER IS DISCONTINUED. FUCK OFF POTTERY BARN!

OH YEAH. IN MY QUEST TO BECOME A FAT COW WHILE I'M PREGNANT, AND SEE HOW MUCH GARBAGE I CAN FEED THIS KID, I TRIED OUT THE BURGER KING APPLE PIE TODAY. DELIGHTFUL. WONDERFUL. I WANT ANOTHER ONE. AND FOR A BUCK ARE YOU KIDDING I COULD EAT PIE ALLL DAY!

BIG BROTHER SMACK TALK

First, can I just say I HEART NICK. I wouldn't mind snuggling with him in the Big Brother House.

Next! JEN! Is this girl for reals? I'm going to cry about my pictures, remove family pictures because I'm a conceited little bitch and basically I'm just going to suck all around. I really can't believe she is so super ultra jealous over Nick and Danielle. REALLY! You have known him for a week and your all OH HE'S MINE BACK OFF BITCH. Her jealousy is sooo obvious. Her stupid Jen shirts should all just be changed to say I'M A JEALOUS CRY BABY BITCH. And is she seriously SERIOUSLY walking around threatening people? I hate this bitch. I can't believe she is so stupid to try and threaten people. Does she not realize next week her ass is going home the first chance this house gets.

Finally Amber! Only thing I can say to her is STOP CRYING PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP CRYING!

Also. This Americas player thing. Pretty dorky if you ask me.

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA SUCK THAT JEN! DANIELLE IS GOING TO GET YOU...YOU STUPID SUCKY WHORE BAG!

You would think

You would think, that a store designed for babies, meant for babies and moms, would open the same time babies do. I mean obviously we are all up at like 4am so why on earth can't the baby store open at oh say 5am at least. I mean really, I find it pretty inconsiderate that they make us sit around until all hours of the day for them to open. I mean I guess I could go to Walmart if I really needed something BUT I'M NOT FUCKING REGISTERED AT WALMART YOU ASSHOLES. Dammit. I just want to go fuck around at the baby store and they aren't even considerate enough to be open.

Tookie Monster

Brandon now points out, Elmo, Bert & Ernie, and Tookie Monster. However, he also says Tookie Monster when he sees a cookie or sees someone eating it. Which means that this morning at 6:30 am he was calling ME Tooking Monster. What does that say about me?

I got my new bedding finally for Codi from the Gap. This means that now I have to go back to the baby store and register for all new stuff to match it since the Gap doesn't sell accessories. I don't mind though because I love the baby store. My only problem is I WANT TO GO NOW and they are sooo not open yet. Sigh! It also means I have to tote around the blanket for the bedding with me so that I can match stuff.

Now Jens got me looking at strollers and car seats again because after looking at hers I remember Brandon's travel system is a disaster. You see, the last time I used his travel system, I was eating ice cream. I put the ice cream cup in the mom cup holder and finished my shopping. Finally I got to my car, put Brandon in and snapped my stroller shut to put away. It wasn't until I got in the car and reached for my ice cream that I realized it was still in the cup holder. Since it was an extra super hot day out, the ice cream had melted, meaning when I closed the stroller ice cream flew all over the whole thing, then proceeded to drip down into every crevice, along with dripping allllll over my damn trunk. It really didn't help the ice cream had caramel sauce in it. I got mad and just stuck the whole damn thing in my garage and since Brandon was in a bigger car seat I haven't messed with it since. I got him a new cooler stroller and now I realize that the new babies car seat won't fit in any of the strollers I have.

For some reason with Brandon I got all his stuff in this light green color, I kind of think part of me thought it was neutral enough in case I ever had a girl. This time though, now that I know I'm having two boys and only ever BOYS I am all about registering for the most MANLY MALE shit I can find. Which means that I'm going to have to look at everything alllll over again in the damn store and make sure my stuff is MANLY GRRRR.

Oddly enough the bedding I got is pretty neutral and pale yellow and pink. But dammit it is high quality and I sooo don't care.

Saw the dr yesterday. Nothing new. Keep my ass at home on bed rest. Don't go swimming, don't go to the gym, no walking on the treadmill, and suck it up and deal with the weight gain, there isn't shit I can do about it. Nice!

While I was at work yesterday my mom took me to lunch. I ordered the veggie burger. It looked so good and I took a big ole bite out of it only to discover it was BEEF! Not veggie patty but BEEF. Then, THEN the waitress had the nerve to argue with me, and my super palate and tell me it was just really high quality veggie burger. I showed her the blood on my burger bun and she tried to say it wasn't really blood just stuff from the burger. NOOOOOO WRONG DUMMY. Another waitress comes out and tells me that they use Boca burgers which are just really high quality. HA. I've bought Boca Burgers before, not to mention I had, had the same fucking burger at the same restaurant a week before. This was clearly BEEF. My mom tasted it, declared it beef and sent it away. 30 minutes later they brought me a whole new meal, which I had to scarf down because now it was time for lunch to be over. One thing I learned in waitressing is the customer is always right. So when three different dumb shit waitresses argued with me I was pretty pissed off. Not to mention I've been eating soy burgers for oh like 16 years now obviously I know the difference between a rotten nasty gross barferific beef burger.