Stuck in a moment

Last night was my husbands first softball game. I went there and I was so excited. I wasn't dressed nice, in fact I was wearing jeans that are now so big, that when I walked, I had to hold them up by the belt loop because I was too stubborn to wear a belt. Anyway, the point is, I sure wasn't expecting to run into anyone. I turned around and the team behind my husbands, on the other field, was a friend/ex ummm lover and his team. We are still friends so I walked over to say hi. Then I found myself face to face with 3 ex relationships. Two of who are now good friends, and one, well, one who was you know, the one that given the chance I would have done every thing different with.

I was shocked. I think I actually froze as he walked toward me. I didn't even need my glasses because I would recognize that smile full of the most perfect teeth from a million miles away. Not to mention the walk. The cocky saunter he always had. I was just frozen in time. Its not as though we haven't seen each other since we broke up, it was just the first time we had seen each other sober, and in a normal environment. Luckily one of the other friends started talking and I busied myself talking to him, the whole time wondering if I was staring at the other. I maybe said two words to him and he even asked me to come back and chat with him during the game. I simply walked away and stayed on my side of the field, said a simple goodbye and left.

This guy is so much different from all of the other guys in my life. I started pining after him in 7th grade. For some reason, he just didn't want to give me a chance. He wanted to string me along and fuck with my mind. To be honest I blame him for so much of who I was in high school. Every time he picked a different girl over me, I would simply run off and make out with 10 guys just to show him what he was missing. I would sleep with this guy or that guy because somehow in my mind I wanted him to be jealous or something.

Finally the end of sophmore year he gave in. We were a couple. It was amazing and awful at the same time. Here was this wonderful prince of a guy who at the same time, had a way of making me feel so shitty about myself I often found myself conflicted over our relationship. He would tell me how not to wear my hair or what not to wear, and he had this voice, that he would use when he would talk to me like a was 4 year old child who didn't get it. I could have avoided this, I could have stepped up and laid down the law, instead, I chose to sleep with his best friend (who was one of the three guys at the game last night)! I cried the entire time it was happening, because in my mind I knew I was destroying the relationship I had wanted for so long.

We tried to work it out, and the remainder of that relationship turned into who could fuck with the others mind more. The relationship ended bad, beyond messy. The kind of thing that only happens in movies. It was terrible. It fucked with my mind for so long. I still find myself thinking, had we dated when we were younger or waited till we were older, we would have had such a different relationship. There is no part of me who would give up what I have now, but if I could have hand picked on person to be my only serious relationship it would have been him.

More then anything, I really wish it could have ended differently. I wish we could have been adults about it, and that it didn't take 5 years for us to be civil. I also with that we didn't have such great chemistry, I guess the chemistry between us is so great it is explosive at the same time. Last night, for the 2 minutes I talked to him, the chemistry was still there. We both know it, it has always been there, since 7th grade. I'm just sad we never got the chance to really explore how good we could have been together. Like I said, I'm totally happy where I am, this is where I want to be, it would have just been nice, to have a serious normal relationship under my belt, rather then some extreme crazy that ended in pure chaos.

I LOVE YOU

Last night, we called Brandon to say goodnight while he stayed at grandmas. He came running to the phone yelling MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY and I thought my heart couldn't melt anymore. Then I said I love you, and he said I ooov eww! I almost died. He said it back TWICE! Then he said mommy some more, then dada, talked to dada then when I was quite because I was so overwhelmed he said O (Hello). Uggg, it was the best conversation I had ever had with my son to date!

I am just going to go ahead and blame it all on the baby and none on me.

This morning I woke up and felt normal. Then Rob and I went to watch a movie. While we were at the movies I decided to eat: A hot dog, a small popcorn (my own we each had one), a frapaccino and, a box of mini butterfingers. Then we went for ice cream. I felt so full. So full in fact that my pants started getting tight and I was convinced I looked about 5 months pregnant. My belly was all pushed out and I couldn't believe I ate that much. Then I came home and checked my yahoo baby calender and todays entry said:
Your waistline begins to thicken!

I was overjoyed. Of course that was the problem. Of course it is allllll because of the baby and the fact that my belly is going to start getting big. Nothing to do with the fact that I stuffed my face beyond belief.

After my evening puke we went to dinner and now, I'm super stuffed again, only I know its simply because of the baby and not because I at all the beans and rice they served me today!

Check it out, over there on the right

Scroll down, I have started a list of words my son says. Notice how his first words all have asterisks in em!

Okay, my secret is out, we really are related to Jed Clampet

We finally have definitive proof. Our family really is related to the Beverly Hillbillies. My sons pants would not stay up for anything so my dad fashioned a belt out of some rope. The pants still wouldn't stay up so he grabbed more rope and fashioned some stylish suspenders to match.

What do you think, can we market these or what?

Advanced placement

My husband and I have finally figured it out. Brandon is pretty advanced we think. We think this because he started crawling at 4 months, walking at 9 months, talking early and so on. He started feeding himself at a very early age, he's super smart. He does things that surprise me every day. It is because of this, because my son is sooooo advanced that Rob has come up with the following hypothesis.....

My son is going through the terrible twos at one and a half because he is just that advanced!

That has to be it right. Thats why he is so off the wall. He's just advnaced. Which means, when the new baby is born, Brandon will be way passed the terrible twos and will have moved onto the threes even though he's only going to be two and a half.

Right? Makes sense right? RIGHT!!!!!!??????

This one is for Jen

Jen just emailed me about how she can't stop crying now that she is pregnant. I wrote her back and told her she will only get crazier. I decided I would share with all of you an example of how crazy I got during my pregnancy.

One night Rob and I were having one of our pregnancy fights** I think this particular fight was over the cat. So we are arguing. It's a good fight. You know the kind where I go into ugly cry, combined with choking sobbing, mixed with a bit of sniffles, and just for good measure a little of that heaving sob sob sob where you can't catch your breath kind of crying. Oh yeah I was throwing it all out at him. I was trying to explain to him that I couldn't control my words because I was pregnant. Oh yeah, I was totally wearing nothing but a tank top, underwear*** and a huge ass pregnant belly. So we are fighting and he decides he is going to leave. I get pissed and grab his keys, run in the bedroom and hide them. HA! So he decides he will play some Playstation while I am hiding his keys. This is where it gets bad. This is where I'm surprised I'm still married. I walk out into the living room to find him playing SoCom and...

I UNPLUG ALL OF THE CORDS TO HIS PLAY STATION AND THROW THEM AND STORM OUT OF THE ROOM!

Do you hear that noise....That one right there, its the collective Oh no she didn't, from every man on the planet.

At this point I'm lucky he hasn't shot me and left me on the lawn for all the neighbors to see. So I do the only logical thing I can think of. I sit on the bed, wait till I hear the game turn on and run back in the living room, shoot him the meanest look I can and I rip out all of the cords again and throw them at him AGAIN. I storm back out of the room, get in bed and go to sleep satisfied that I have won the battle!

The next morning, Rob was terrified to come with in two feet of me. I however was over the night before and all I wanted to do was cuddle and hug and kiss......He didn't know what in the hell to do with me.



**Pregnancy fights: Fights started by emotional pregnant wife with no purpose of meaning. These are usually about something huge like turning the toilet paper the wrong way or having a smelly fart.
***90% of my fights for some reason take place with me in my underwear!

Mommy

My son started calling me Mommy the other day. I couldn't believe it. I love being called mommy. In fact I couldn't wait to be called that.

I've always been that kind of person who when faced with a problem, knowing it would turn out good, could never take comfort knowing that things were eventually going to be good. Instead I simply stress out beyond reason, and then when things are finally good, I'm so worn down from being stressed I can't enjoy the good.

I'm trying not to feel like that about this pregnancy. I'm really trying to assure myself that even though it is going to be extremely hard having two, that five years from now when they are all grown up, it will be so much easier and sooo worth it. Right now it seems all I can think of are the bad things. I'm terrified that I will have two kids in my bed, when I can barely handle the one. I'm terrified that my little pride and joy Brandon will feel left out or he will act out because he feels like he has been forgotten. I'm afraid that I will have a melt down and lock both of my kids in a closet while I gorge on ice cream (NO I WON'T REALLY DO THIS, i hope). I'm afraid my husband will feel more left out. I'm afraid since things went so great with Brandon that I won't be so lucky this time. What if this baby doesn't latch on right away (Brandon started sucking air when he was a foot away from my boob, because he was so excited to nurse). What if this baby has some health problem. What if I don't like the new baby because I love Brandon so much. What if I don't split my time well? What if this baby is extra calm and Brandon doesn't like it because he is so crazy. What if Brandon hits the baby like he hits the cat, the wall, the door, the dog, people, that thing over there? WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF????? Seriously people I'm so afraid of so much.

I'm extra scared I will become so overwhelmed I won't have anymore time to blog. And then where would you all be!!!!

So, I'm trying something new. I'm trying to take comfort in the fact that even though these next 5 years will probably be the hardest years of my life, that someday it will all be worth it, and the decision to have two will be the best decision I ever made.

And also! What if I learned how to use punctuation and put some question marks after my question marks up there. What then?

They think they are pretty clever

I guess since most of my posts lately have related to pregnancy and most of my pregnancy has related to puking, blogger thought it would be funny for my ads this month to be all about anorexia and bulimia! HA HA HA. It took me a good ten minutes while looking at the ads on my page to figure out why on earth they would feel like advertising that on my site. Then it hit me....

MAYBE I SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT PUKING!

The nose hairs of late

I have always been someone with pretty great nose hairs. They were just short enough not to stick out of my nose like an 80 year old man. They were good nose hairs. The kind that you could really get a booger stuck in, you know! They would gently tickle my finger as I shoved it up my nose, to dig for a booger. Basically, my nose hairs have treated me pretty great through life.

Enter pregnancy. As you all know, I'm a vomiter when I'm pregnant. However what you may not have known is that I tend to also have vomit come out my nose. Since all I felt like doing lately is eat spicy food, you can imagine how much it sucks to throw up when your vomit burns your throat. What you can not imagine is how it feels to have said vomit singe your precious nose hairs.

Last week I had a nose full of luscious nose hairs. This week I have an angry, red, singed nose, with no such nose hairs to speak of. Woe is me!