My son started calling me Mommy the other day. I couldn't believe it. I love being called mommy. In fact I couldn't wait to be called that.
I've always been that kind of person who when faced with a problem, knowing it would turn out good, could never take comfort knowing that things were eventually going to be good. Instead I simply stress out beyond reason, and then when things are finally good, I'm so worn down from being stressed I can't enjoy the good.
I'm trying not to feel like that about this pregnancy. I'm really trying to assure myself that even though it is going to be extremely hard having two, that five years from now when they are all grown up, it will be so much easier and sooo worth it. Right now it seems all I can think of are the bad things. I'm terrified that I will have two kids in my bed, when I can barely handle the one. I'm terrified that my little pride and joy Brandon will feel left out or he will act out because he feels like he has been forgotten. I'm afraid that I will have a melt down and lock both of my kids in a closet while I gorge on ice cream (NO I WON'T REALLY DO THIS, i hope). I'm afraid my husband will feel more left out. I'm afraid since things went so great with Brandon that I won't be so lucky this time. What if this baby doesn't latch on right away (Brandon started sucking air when he was a foot away from my boob, because he was so excited to nurse). What if this baby has some health problem. What if I don't like the new baby because I love Brandon so much. What if I don't split my time well? What if this baby is extra calm and Brandon doesn't like it because he is so crazy. What if Brandon hits the baby like he hits the cat, the wall, the door, the dog, people, that thing over there? WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF????? Seriously people I'm so afraid of so much.
I'm extra scared I will become so overwhelmed I won't have anymore time to blog. And then where would you all be!!!!
So, I'm trying something new. I'm trying to take comfort in the fact that even though these next 5 years will probably be the hardest years of my life, that someday it will all be worth it, and the decision to have two will be the best decision I ever made.
And also! What if I learned how to use punctuation and put some question marks after my question marks up there. What then?
4.11.2007
Mommy
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6 comments:
Awww, don't worry. You are a great mommy to Brandon now and you will be an even greater mommy to him and the new baby. I have no doubt about that.
I understand though where you're coming from with all the worrying... I do it too... Those damn "what if's"...
But I know you'll do just wonderful :)
That is SOOO CUTE that he calls you MOMMY!! Awwww!! {{sniff sniff}}
Hey, MILLIONS of moms all over the universe handle multiple children every day, and a lot of them are not even NEARLY as attentive of a mother as you are. It may not be easy, but once you are in the swing of things you will not only be a pro mother, but you will be a pro JUGGLER!
Gosh thinking of all the "what ifs" sure could get overwhelming. I am really happy you are going to try to not focus on them but more on the future and how awesome your life will become. Doesn't being called mommy just melt your heart? I have been throw a couple "moms" here lately, not so impressed! Mommy is so much more loving!
Lisa
How cute!!!!
I know you stress over what if's, but you have done such a great job with Brandon and you will do a great job with the little one and him together. And it probably will be hard, but you will figure it all out, give them all the attention they need including Rob and still have time to blog!
Ok you must still find time to blog...otherwise I might stress haha! Take a step back and see what you have done with Brandon...hence the blog about where he is advanced! Then think...if I did that good with Brandon and I didn't really know what to do, this time around I will do even better because I do know what to do. You will do great trust me!
I think most of us have these same fears. Porgie and I really struggled with breastfeeding, and I ended up pumping breastmilk exclusively for 6 months. Last night I had a dream that I had triplets (more like a nightmare!). I was trying to breastfeed them, but they wouldn't latch on. In my dream, I was crying hysterically. I couldn't believe it was happening again.
See? We're all nerotic about motherhood. We just want the best for our babies. You'll do fine.
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