I THOUGHT THIS SHIT ENDED AT A CERTAIN AGE

Last week in a moment of sleepless deprivation I called my pediatrician to find out if I could take Melatonin an herbal supplement for sleeping, while nursing. The nurse said no, because herbal supplements are not regulated and there is insufficient evidence on their effects on babies. I said okay and before I hung up she told me I could take Tylenol PM. I was so confused because that has Benadryl in it which this very same nurse has told me over and over I can't take while nursing since it will dry up breast milk. She said reason one is that it is a much lower dosage then a benadryl pill and two, I would only be taking one, every few nights and not taking them every four hours for allergies.

I bought some and stared at it all weekend. Finally last night I took the recommended dose and before I knew it I was out flat on my ass. At 2am Codi woke up puking. By 5am when I had changed my sheets, and put 3 different towels on my bed due to puking I gave up, swaddled him and took him downstairs to sleep on me. I really worried that my single dose of Tylenol PM had somehow upset his stomach. We had tried some baby food and yogurt yesterday but it was so early in the day I didn't think it was that, especially because the vomit was white.

HOWEVER!

He just made a noise out of his butt that sounded like he was squirting the last drops of ketchup out of his ass. Or exactly how it sounds when you try and get that last bit of conditioner out. Then he immediately started giggling. And then I passed flat out from the stench. It smelled like dog shit, sewage, and lamb all together. (I hate lamb, nothing smells worse then lamb to me). I went in to the bathroom to change him and as I took down the diaper the poop went rolling out of the diaper into his footie jammies AND out onto the changing table. I called for my mom to come pull his arms out of his jammies so I could get them away from him because the more he wiggled the more he got covered in liquid yellow death poop.

At that moment the guy in our office loudly wondered if he had stepped in dog shit. Nope, just my kid. I cleaned him up. Grabbed the diaper, outfit and changing pad cover and ran them all outside. It has been almost 20 minutes and we can all still smell it. He still smells (I think he needs a bath in the office sink), the shop smells, everything smells and I'm now convinced he obviously didn't like the new food he tried yesterday. He is however totally thrilled with himself and still laughing 20 minutes later. I thought the massive diaper explosions stopped somewhere in the 3rd month.

I have to go now, I need to locate a gas mask.