So. Back in school I wasn't always the brainiest of the bunch. This meant that there were more then a few times in school I might have gotten some failure notices in the mail. And since I'm 26 now, and have kids, and out of the house I think it's safe to tell this story with out my mom grounding me.
Back around 8th grade I knew I was going to get an academic warning notice. I knew it was going to have a lot of the grade that is the same as the first letter in my favorite 4 letter cuss word (for those of you who are dense thats an F for FUCK). I went to Gingers the weekend I knew it was coming. We some how got to my house and got it out of the mail. We then went to her house to throw it away. Only I was still worried. What if her mom dropped something in the trash, went to retrieve it and saw the failure notice. So we got a better idea. We were going to burn the fucker.
We put it in a coffee tin, lit it on fire and said good bye. Only, I freaked out again. What if her mom saw the ashes in the trash and wondered why we were burning shit. Soooo I came up with the final brilliant plan. We were going to send that bitch down the river behind her house. Down the river it went never to be seen again. But can I tell you how long I worried that somehow my mom would go near that river and see the can and open it up and find the burned paper and magically know it was mine because of some kind of wizard powers? A LONG FUCKING TIME!
So, now it's your turn, tell me your best get out of trouble lie. Or even just one of the best lies you ever told your parents that they still don't know about.
4.25.2008
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8 comments:
When I was in middle school I was QUEEN of changing the grades on my report card. I could change and F into a B NO PROBLEMO.
I had to do this more than once due to that jackass Mr. Blondfield.
I was a right wee shite when i was little!
My parents don't know half of what me and my friends got up too! At 5 years old-
We would chap doors and run away, once a lady actually caught us and started shouting at us cause we woke her baby up, (we thought that was hilarious) We were clever though, we wouldn't chap doors and run away in our own street!
I did get a letter to take home from school once for vandalising the school tolilets . I copied my Mums signature cause i knew i would be dead meat if she found out! To this day she still doesn't know about that one! (i hope)
I had a negligent mother. She let me do whatever I wanted to. SERIOUSLY. I never lied to her, because I knew she wouldn't care.
But this is the kicker - I was a good kid anyways. I used to stay out until all hours of the night, but I never really got into much trouble. And I always brought home A's on my report cards.
When I was 17, I was out drinking with my friends at one of the guys cabins on the lake. We had lots of things like Root 100, Hot Damn, Jack, Captain, and some Jager. Right before I went home I decided it would be a good idea to drink a couple of beers. The cabin was only about 1/2 mile from my house and so when it was time to go before curfew, I drove (like an idiot) really drunk.
When I walked in the house, mom was waiting because I was late. She immediately said "your drunk!! I can smell the beer on your breath." I then say to mom, "hey, I only had 2 beers!" This was a completely true statement, but she did not beleive me, or course. I was grounded for a month and she almost didn't let me play hockey that year.
To this day she does not know that I was wasted off all that hard booze and really did only have 2 beers!!
when i was about 22, i had a nose candy habit in a social kind of way. one very drunken night, a pal and i were parked down a dark street with lines out on a compact ready to snort, when we heard the chirp of a siren and saw the red lights. within seconds, the cop walked over to the window and asked us what we were doing. i conjured up tears and pretended that I was crying. my pal told the cop that I had just broken up with my boyfriend, and i needed to talk to someone. because her husband was mean, we went for a drive. the cop said that he was sorry i was so sad, and to have a good night.
i can't believe how stupid i once was.
Oh really, Miss jeninacide??????????
I told my parents I was late at school studying (something) til like 5pm, meanwhile I was out back of my high school seriously making out with my boyfirend at the time. Honestly, being that I am very conservative and not easy, they probably wouldn't have believed me anyway.
Oh gosh... so many to choose from. Ha, when I only had a learner's permit, the "parent I lived with" was away at their new partners house, and I pretty much stole the car with one of my friends and drove an hour to the nearest town with stores. We did this on more than one occasion, and my brother tried to get us busted but it never worked. I'm hoping they still don't know about that....
There also was the instance of my parents (when they were still married) being away at an AA convention, and we got so shit-faced drunk that I managed to get a black eye from fighting with the bathroom wall (I was 14). We also got our cousin drunk for the first time that night, and gave him our moms brand new frying pan to vomit in. HAHAHAHA.
Gotta love good ol' mid-western upbringing!
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