Worried about waking up on time? Worried you might miss something during the night? Have I got the solution for you! Presenting the brand new CONTAINED BABY ALARM CLOCK! Alarm comes fully loaded with all the features. Alarm comes to you at no extra charge. For the low low price of one broken condom fumbling night in the dark amazing passion filled night with your husband you can have your own contained baby alarm clock. This clock does not come with snooze features and can not be turned off. Imagine your very own worlds most consistent alarm clock. All of your friends will want one! Alarm will sound every hour on the hour. And will guarantee to wake you up at about 4am! Clock can not be programmed it will run on a specifically designed setting for your needs. Alarm will get angry if you lay on your right side or your back or if you get too comfortable. Alarm can not be silenced no matter what you try. Alarm can be delayed sometimes by getting up and shoveling food into your mouth. Keep in mind no matter how much you may have to pee, emptying your bladder will only give contained baby alarm more room to wiggle and wake you up. Alarm version 1.0 will be great training for free upgrade to come later.
In about 7 months your alarm clock will begin waking you with real live kicking features. Contained baby alarm prefers to wake up no later then 3:30am. Alarm will begin sounding as soon as you fall into a deep comfortable sleep. Attempting to silence alarm will only make it wiggle more.
In 9 short months your alarm will automatically upgrade to REAL LIFE BABY ALARM VERSION 2.0. New upgraded alarm will come complete with crying hourly wake up symbols. This version will come with a new and improved snooze button. To activate snooze button simply attach baby to nearest breast and wala snooze away.
Baby alarm is none refundable and non returnable. Some people may be lucky enough to receive two alarms for the price of one. Offer good as long as your ovaries work and you can bump uglies in the dark. Alarm comes shipped in reusable packaging. Shipping fees include lost youthfulness of once taught belly, and stretch marks. No refunds or returns on stretch marks. Please allow approximately nine months for arrival of upgraded version 2.0 alarm. Some vomiting and nauseousness may occur with alarm clock. All sales are final. This alarm is available only for women.
10.22.2007
Brand new get yours now....Real time alarm clock
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Woah...now that was funny. Obviously not for you. Are you getting any sleep at all now? Codi, leave mommy alone..do you hear me? Everytime you post one of your stories it makes me want to think about having my tubes tied. What I do love and appreciate though is that you don't sugarcoat things. Though I bet you love your "little (and then big) shits" more than life itself, you never make it sound like "oh but when you hold them they're so precious. It makes up for it *lol* I am sure it does but they don't know the moster I turn to when I don't get enough sleep. So you and all moms in this world have my utmost RESPECT!
HILARIOUS!! Not the you not sleeping part...just the Codi alarm clock special!
Hilariously and perfectly described.
OMG I am SOOO TIRED RIGHT NOW!!
I guess I am lucky - Izzy never wakes me up at night. He is a pretty mellow little guy.
Post a Comment