Yippee a random post...aka why you want kids

Brandon: Mama where mermaid go?
Me: Mermaid is in your TV honey
Brandon: But where memaid go?
Me: Come on I'll show you it's in your TV (walks into room, opens DVD player in Superman TV to discover no Mermaid SHIT where did he hide it now
Brandon: Bye bye mermaid

It is at this point I realized he has bent down and pulled the cover off his heater vent and is waving down the vent where I assume he has "hidden" the mermaid movie. NICE. So then I turn around to see if I can get something long enough to try and fish out the movie I can no longer see when I hear THUMP THUMP THUMP and turn around in time to see Brandon dumping plastic Easter egg after plastic Easter egg down the vent. Sigh

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If you ask me the color of my carpet I will tell you it's the color of iced vanilla latte and toddler vomit. There are about 43 spots of toddler vomit on my carpet and it was just cleaned less then a month ago. The latest spot happened about two hours ago when the boy was trying to jam a deflated balloon down his throat and choked and puked. Then after I got it washed up he stood with his feet in the wet spot squishing em back and forth back and forth. GROSS!

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I was just folding my laundry on my bed when I saw the melted chocolate stains from last weekend when Brandon broke into my fridge, stole my Lindt chocolate pieces and brought all of them, melted in his grimey hands to Rob and I in bed. I totally spaced that until just now and made a mental note to wash the sheets asap in the morning. That was until I noticed the streaks of poop coming down Brandons legs and out both sides of his diaper that I realized well crap that isn't the chocolate stain after all its poop. Which is why at 7pm at night I'm having to wash my sheets!

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My house has one of those rooms in the master bathroom that only holds a toilet. The room is about THISBIG. So imagine how much space there is when I am in there, along with my pregnant belly and a two year old who insists on turning off the lights and making me pee in the dark. There is about thismuchspace when he comes in there. He only follows me to the bathroom now when I go in that bathroom. It makes it even better when he unrolls the toilet paper and shoves it down my pant legs. Its almost as good as when I forget the toilet paper and go walking around with toilet paper shoved in my pants.