Why oh why does this shit only happen to me

My son is potty training as you all know. Now. Since my son is BIG BOY he won't have anything to do with those dinky plastic fake toilets you buy for kids. NOOOO he wants to go "potty toilet" So we let him do that for a while and finally got him this tiny Elmo seat that fit over the big seat so he would quit dunking his asshole in the toilet water.

But since my son is all about monkey see monkey do, i.e. if I wear deodorant he wears deoderant, if I brush my teeth and use my hand to put water in my mouth so does he, if daddy wets his hair in the sink, guess whose head goes in the sink and if mom wears perfume you can bet your ass my son will come to work that day smelling like flowers and fruit! Soooo that also means that when he spends a whole weekend with his older cousins who don't use an Elmo seat that my son will now REFUSE to use the Elmo seat.

So now, not only are we dunking our ass back in the toilet bowl cuz he is so skinny, we are also shooting pee out from under the toilet seat right onto mommies cute pink seude flip flops!!!!!!!!