I've decided it is time to send out a billing statement for my friends.
Lets see. First up is Ginger:
She has come to see me approximately 6 times with out bringing chocolate. Since I'm to lazy to look up the original rules and regulations I will just make new ones. I am charging a rate of one chocolate bar for each time you didn't bring one, on top of the original one owed. This means Ginger owes me 12 chocolate bars! However Ginger is in more trouble then this because she forgot the peach cobbler. So now instead of owing me a slice she owes me a whole cobbler.
So lets see, one plus one times three equals
Ginger:
12 chocolate bars
1 peach cobbler
Stephanie.
She showed up with chocolate once. However she never showed up again. So since we don't know how much chocolate she actually owes me I will go ahead and say she owes me 15 chocolate bars plus a penalty of one pint of Ben and Jerrys for standing me up that one time. Phish food will be fine thanks.
So that means
Stephanie:
15 chocolate bars
1 pint Ben and Jerry's Phish Food
Katie
Katie brought me Starbucks once when she came so she is sort of redeemed. However the last two times she came I saw no chocolate. That means Katie owes me 4 chocolate bars.
that brings us to
Katie: 4 chocolate bars.
Since I'm a lady I expect all of my chocolate in bulk so I can pig out and eat it all in one day and then pretend as though it never happened.
All finance charges are final.
Arguing will add a penalty of one Pint of Ben and Jerry's.
Refusal to pay means you agree to buy me desert the next 73 times we go out to eat!
Not paying in full will result in additional finance charges of my choice!
Not payng on time will result in owing me one Venti Caramel Macchiato.
Comments on spelling will result in one of the above coffees plus three petite vanilla scones
Enjoy your day!
8.16.2007
STATEMENT OF CHARGES.
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13 comments:
yesss...I don't have a bill!!!!
This is so funny. My favorite part is the penalty of a pint of Ben & Jerry's for arguing. Another favorite part: penalty for commenting about spelling.
You are such a dork!!
Ummm, hello I totally brought you some sort of frapachino thingy while you were on bed rest! Along with a large lemon scone because they were out of petite vanilla ones. And brownies one day!
Does this mean I owe you an extra pint of B&J's now because I am arguing with you? I was actually considering making another peach cobbler tonight...maybe you will get a surprise tonight.
And wait if I've visted you 6 times without bringing you anything and the fine is one chocolate bar for each time, how do I now owe you 12 bars?
yes ginger i remembered those things...however i was just talking about the last 6 times you came. and yes you are arguing so you now have an extra penalty. and i swear to God woman if i dont get that fuckign cobbler you go down
the penalty is one plus the one you owe me
Ginger it is clearly spelled out here
I am charging a rate of one chocolate bar for each time you didn't bring one, on top of the original one owed.
Gotcha, apparently I need to read more clearly! I guess I should stop visiting you or enact some sore of "Shannon's friend" tax to charge you when I come over...or maybe a "Painter's tax" or something like that to make up for the case of chocolate bars I am going to owe you for arguing with you.
haaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha
I sooo brought you brownies one time too!
Katie
Yummy! I love chocolate but I never feel as quilty if I eat carob.
I love this! You are TOOOOOO funny! I like your style girl!
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