I had a dream last night. I'm going to tell as much of it as I can remember first then I'll tell you my totally fucked up way of interpreting it.
In this dream I was holding a little baby. I had the oven preheated and for reasons I can not remember for the life of me I had to put my child in the oven. Something in the dream kept telling me it was best and it was the right thing to do. So I pulled out the oven rack and put my little baby on the rack and he started screaming from pain and wiggling and I had to shove him in and close it real fast. I walked away and went into the bedroom with Rob to sit and wait. I was relieved the baby wasn't crying but then right when I started feeling relief we heard screams. Rob went to get the baby and I kept pleading with him that it was what we had to do, we had to leave him there, even though the whole time I wanted him out. It right at this time that I woke up thinking what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck.
My first thought was that it was Brandon. But then I realized this may have been my very first dream about Codi. I'm mad now that I couldn't make my mind look more at the baby so I could see if it was Codi. What really upsets me about this dream aside from the sheer horror of it that won't go away, is how I interpreted it. Since I went to the hospital I kept feeling like I am going to lose Codi. Either before he's born or right after, like shortly after. Now I'm wondering if this wasn't my bodies way of agreeing with me and if the oven didn't symbolize me having to cremate my little son. I have always had major issues with cremation because my dad was cremated. Because of that I kept having these horrible visuals of burning the body of someone you love. I always freaked out until I had a kid. Then I knew I could never bury my son if he died because he needed to still be at home with me as that was all he had known. I knew also that if I were to lose Codi now, I would do the same. So now, all I can think is it was a premonition of sorts telling me I'm going to have to cremate this child and I'M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND PEOPLE. I feel as if him screaming and us wanting him out is because we didn't want to let him go and believe he was gone but I knew in the end we had to do it because it was the better place. The problem is that now I'm stuck with images of my screaming child in the fucking oven and I can't get them out of my mind. I don't even have to close my eyes they are just floating there in front of me.
I just want this to go away. I hate this dream. Why would I have such a horrific dream if it wasn't meant to symbolize anything? I have so many other things that are happening that keep telling me I won't have this kid, like he hasn't hiccuped yet. Brandon hiccuped at least 5-6 times a day. All I keep thinking is the lack of hiccups mean my baby isn't even trying to learn to breath.
Seriously people, I never entirely let you in on my crazy but dude....this is a shit storm of crazy and I just want it gone. The worst part is my husband was out of town and I couldn't even wake up and tell him!
8.23.2007
MIND FUCKED
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23 comments:
Holy crap, I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling or thinking right now. I am so sorry. I am here for you and please try to think positive...even though I know that is hard...
xoxox
Oh goodness. I am sure everything will be ok. I am sorry you had such a horrible dream. Just remember it was a just a dream, it does not reflect the beautiful long life that Codi is going to have.
Love, Katie
Shannon I'm so sorry you had this dream. But can I tell you when I read the dream part (pre-your interpretation). My instinct told me that the oven represented the "womb" and your baby is nice, comfy and warm in there. He wants to stay there (and you want to keep him there) until he is ready to be born. That is what I felt. Honest to God when I read your dream.
I had to google "oven" in a dream and see what that meant. Here is want it said --- a red hot oven in your dream, symbolizes you will be loved by friends and family for your devotion and unselfish nature. Alternatively, it symbolizes the womb. You may be in anticipation or fear of having children. Consider the phrase - a bun in the oven.
Please don't freak out. I know how you feel I had a horrible dream the other night as well and it is crazy how much our dreams affect us. I'm sure every mom as a little anticipation for their new baby.
Hugs - Patty
Check your email Chiquita.
{{{Hugs}}}
okay patty you just brought me down like a half notch on the ledge of needing to be medicated...thank you..maybe your right maybe since i already almost lost him i'm just dreaming of my urge to want to keep him in there till he is ready to come out THANK YOU
Anytime my friend :) Keep yourself calm and Codi will stay nice and warm until you are both ready to meet. XOXO
Ok yeah, before I even read I was thinking "Bun in the Oven" because Erick has been going around telling anyone and everyone that will listen that we have a "BUN IN THE OVEN" So I think your dream is probably just symbolizing (rather horrifically) your anxiety over baking your bun right and whatnot. Codi is going to be totally fine... your stress over his well being is just manifesting in a very graphic way.
{{Hugs}} Thinking about you.
WHY ARE YOU ALL SO MUCH SMARTER AND MORE LOGICAL THEN ME HMMMMM!!!!!!!
Man, I can't imagine what you must feel.
Maybe though, your dream symbolizes a fear of codi being born early....and you're putting him in the oven until he's done?
Maybe not as fucked up as you think.
He's going to be beautiful and fine, I know it.
Mommies....
I agree with Patty, as that is the very first feeling I had as I was reading.
I want to also let you know that I have no childeren, so I'm can't exactly relate to what you are feeling, what I can say for sure is: Codi's okay, he just need to bake a little longer :0) Best wishes for you and Rob...I know you two are really excited about Codi. So don't worry babe, he's gonna be just like Brandon. :0)heehee
Your mind just has a strange way of telling you that your beautiful baby boy is perfectly happy, healthy, and safe.
Luv,
~Mandy~
I am fairly new here and have never commented, but I felt I needed to here...
I have been pregnant 3 times, I have 2 living children.
With the two pregnancies that ended in a child, I had these horribly vivid dreams where something terrible happened to my baby. With my first, I had about 6 of these dreams. With the second, maybe 3.
With the baby that I lost, I did not have even ONE of these dreams.
I have talked to other woman, and many of them had nightmares involving their babies too...and they all ended up alright.
I had the miscarriage between my first and second living children. When the nightmares came during my third pregnancy, I actually considered them a blessing...like my body was telling me this time it was alright...
Hang in there...
That is a HORRIBLE dream! I prescribe tons of comfort food. Start eating now, and don't stop until you go to sleep tonight.
I think that as with many dreams, scary symbolism doesn't necessarily go with a scary meaning. With the difficulties you had wondering if you might lose the pregnancy, my guess is that your mind got some wires crossed and it's more about "keeping the bun in the oven"--that is, that your mind is telling you it's best for Codi to stay in for longer and not come out yet, no matter how much you want him to because you're eager to see and hold him. But because our sleeping minds are CRAZY and WEIRD, yours linked up the "bun in the oven" idea with a REAL OVEN, turning it into a nightmare that may be your mind's way of expressing its worry that your baby isn't safe in there, or that something could go wrong.
It's okay. Seriously I thought of womb symbolism, even though your dream turned it scary. And now I'm reading other comments and I see that's what some other people thought, too.
YOU GUYS HAVE ALL BEEN SO GREAT, BUT SERIOUSLY I THINK I WILL HOLD OFF BAKING FOR A FEW DAYS...THIS MEANS THAT ALL COOKIES AND BROWNIES I HAVE WILL HAVE TO BE MICROWAVED OR MAGICALLY COOKED!!!
Oh! And I meant to say about hiccups, don't worry. My first baby hiccuped so much I was incredulous. It was actually annoying. My second baby, hardly any hiccuping at all. The twins, a medium amount of hiccuping. This most recent baby, only a teeny bit of hiccuping. And all of them with great lungs and nice loud angry cries in the delivery room.
WOULD YOU GUYS BELIEVE THE LITTLE SHIT JUST STARTED HICCUPPING!!!!! RIGHT NOW!
YAY! For hiccups! See he's telling you , "Ma relax I'm good...he's the hiccup you wanted!"
That way one scary ass dream. But, that is all it was - a scary ass dream.
That is an insane dream!! I can easily see why you can't get it out of your head. I always have dreams that I just wonder why the hell was I dreaming about that or that person...random!
I have to agree with Patty and I'm super glad she calmed you down some. I thought of the whole bun in the oven thing too when I was reading it, and I think that it was such a horrific dream that you interpreted it with horrific circumstances. Codi is just fine in there and now he is hiccupping away!! :) love ya!
don't worry! you are a wonderful mom and you have nothing to worry about. pregnant dreams can seem so real, and frightening and crazy. i've had plenty. you have a good head on your shoulders and you guys are going to have an awesome family. hand in there!
make some lumpia.
Hi, I came over from Mom's Daily Dose.
Really, sweetie, we ALL have those dreams when we are pregnant. I don't think dreams can predict the future, I think they just reflect our feelings, fears and thoughts.
I think your awful, awful dream was a combination of:
1) Your desire to have your child out and be done with your pregnancy.
2) Your knowledge that being in your belly is the best place for him until he is done! And you KNOW that is where he needs to be.
3) The fact that you are still carrying around these feelings about cremation and your father.
I had these same kind of dreams... I would pick up my baby and his arm would fall off, followed quickly by his leg, then his head would roll off, and I knew it was because I didn't know what I was doing.
But I am a good mom. And so are you. Codi will be fine.
I came from Mom's Daily Dose. I had terrible pregnancy dreams, too. My two most common were forgetting the baby somewhere or breaking the baby. Sometimes I combined the two and all her limbs fell off and I kept losing them. Those crazy pregnancy hormones do a number on your subconscious, and you end up with weird, horrible dreams. It's perfectly normal and not terribly significant. You'll be fine.
when my wife was pregnant i had dreams of things going wrong. I felt like it was me just being scared of something im not sure of. And the feeling of nothing ever goes wrong.
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