Laughing so hard I may need to borrow one of my sons diapers so I don't piss myself.

I'm in here talking to my mom. One of our coworkers just called and said shes packing her cabinets to move and she is totally grossed out by the stuff she is finding in there. Normal right? NO WAIT THIS GETS GOOD PEOPLE. So my mom responds, "Well, you would never see that in my cabinets, because you know I clean mine out every few months!" I'm already starting to giggle because I know what is coming next. Sure enough here it comes.

" You know, my grandma raised me and my mom the right way. Women are supposed to do spring and winter cleaning. You know every few months you should take down all of your curtains and wash them. You should scrub down all of your walls from head to toe. You need to clean out all of your cabinets and your refrigerators every few months. I mean really, you need to dust ever single shelf and wash every picture frame and so on. You know that china needs to be polished yearly and your silver right before Thanksgiving so when people come over you don't serve them on unpolished silver."

No really. She said this. I'm about to piss myself imagining me, and my friends who work full time, running home to wash and iron my curtains. HAAAAAAAA! I'll just shoot em with some Febreeze that will do the trick.

Wash my curtains, now that is a good one. But, this is coming from the lady who thinks dressers, and washing machines and beds and couches should be moved monthly and vacuumed under. COME ON. I'll vacuum that as soon as I know a very tiny person is coming over and they can actually see under my bed.....Don't even get me started on the fact that this woman used to fold my underwear before they were allowed in my drawer. I'm not even going to tell you about how this woman cleans a bathroom. I mean really, cleaning the bathroom involves taking things off the wall, scrubbing towel racks, soaking shower heads...did I mention this is weekly.

This is the same lady who comes in your office every 10 mintues to straighten all the pens and papers on your desk. Just to fuck with her I turn it all a half inch when she leaves. It makes her insane. All of her paperclips face one way, along with everything on her desk. So I would always tell her to leave the mess on my desk alone and I even had a sign, DON'T MESS WITH MY MESS. And every night she would come in and tidy it and say she didn't do it. So one day I cleaned off almost my entire desk. Then I took ONE pen and put it off to the side and I did it sorta crooked, then i put a blank sticky off to the other side, sorta crooked, and I left out two lone paper clips. She actually called me and said "I KNOW YOU ARE FUCKING WITH ME BUT I CAN'T LEAVE IT LIKE THIS"

No wait there is more. Every 3 months she would throw away the ENTIRE contents of her fridge and freezer because they were old and messy. Then, buy all new stuff.

Oh yeah, my mom gets hives when she comes to my house.