I'm married. Duh you know that right, of course you do. One thing I didn't know about marriage was the constant little battles over hilarious things I would have every day. This weekend was the battle of the fart. First let me tell you something my husband said to me one day, "The grossest thing a girl could do in front of me is fart." So to this day I have never farted in front of my husband. Thats not true, I did it once on a walk and said excuse me and he said that I should have pretended like it was my shoe squeaking and not admit it. Anyway this being said Mr. Don't Fart in Front of Me farts in front of me about 20 times a day. After a while it gets a little obnoxious. Now I understand he has to do this but I've tried to implement rules. Such as:
No farting in:
The kitchen, dining room, bed or when I'm trapped in the car.
Rob however thinks I am being extremely mean by limiting the places he can suffocate me with gas. I always tell him that one of these days I'm just going to fart right back but I think we both know I'm not brave enough to do this at all. I need to come up with something equally annoying I can do to him. I mean really am I being that big of a brat asking him to not fart at the dining room table. Or like yesterday. We are driving and he farts not once not twice but four times while I'm trapped in the car. To make things worse its too cold outside so I can't roll down the window. So what does he do? He pulls out a can of aerosol spray and fumigates the entire inside of the car so now I'm choking on vanilla and fart smell.
So to all of my married friends, aside from know I soooo shouldn't have posted a blog about my husbands flatulence what is a girl to do? Do I just suck it up and let out a big one in front of him? And if I do what if it smells and the rest of our lives every time he looks at me he remembers that time I farted? I really can't come up with anything else to do besides implement some sort of punishment for farting in off limit areas. What kind of punishment can I even implement? No chicken for a week if you fart in my kitchen? Hmmm that might just work.
12.11.2006
Fart fart fart fart.
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3 comments:
Seeing how much he likes chicken, you could use that. Or make sure you don't make the vegetables that he likes. I could see you ripping one right back. I would laugh my ass off too!!!
I have this same argument with Dave...I am thinking that you need to let him have it. I can imagine you doing this and then laughing telling him that's what he gets...oh it would be too funny for you to do that back!
See I was like you for awhile. Hiding the disgusting natural habits we all have. However, now that I have been married to him for what seems an eternity, I no longer hide things from him. Have you watched that new TV show, Til Death? Hilarios show and so based on true marital bliss. Back in the day, when we were just dating. i used to leave a room to fart while he farts outloud evrywhere and laughs about it. So now when i feel it coming I make sure that we are within close proximities to each other and let her rip. His comment every time, " Ewwe Gross!", makes me giggle each time. The sweet eerg smelly revenge for him. Now I wonder, who have I turned into? I am acting just like him, a man who gets a kick out of farting. Think about that for a second. Did I ever want to be a man?
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